The 300 And Dead As a Man Nail
I was watching The 300 again last night and I realized something.
Boy was I right when I said The 300 is the most important movie any man will ever see in his life. In fact, I didn’t even know how right I was.
That happens to me all the time.
Among other things, The 300 shows us that men are not invincible. That’s a hard lesson for any man to learn, so it’s good to see it forty-feet high and two hours long. I myself haven’t even learned that lesson. My beliefs are as invincible as I am.
And why not? Men are used to behaving and affecting the world around us as though we are gods. It’s only natural to assume the very same. We grow crops and bake bread. We invented air conditioning and television. Men built the entire world that doesn’t mansist of living under a corrugated aluminum sheet in a hole in the ground in the middle of the fucking desert. If that doesn’t make us gods, then what does? A beard?
Women know men are gods and women can barely add. Who do you think they’re calling out to in the bedroom? Some god who’s cool with premarital sex and birth control? I don’t think so. It’s you, baby. She’s talking to you.
In The 300, one of the man gods who is obviously going to die from the beginning, dies in a spectacular way. His head is chopped off in super slow motion and just like all of you men when I saw it, I sent a prayer to myself that I would go in exactly the same way: my head bouncing around all over the place and getting shit everywhere.
Manly. Someone clean up all this shit because I’m dead and I don’t give a fuck.
I don’t want to give the movie away for anyone who hasn’t seen it — unless they’re a woman in which case: fuck you. Put your cell phone on vibrate and when you’re going to go “save seats” instead of “help carry all this shit”, learn how to watch the door and lift your arm or something so I don’t wander around like a jackass for ten minutes with a cubic yard of overpriced snacks. An Irish Setter makes a better movie date than a woman. Maybe all women should have dogs for the blind for that reason.
Let me just say that the father of that guy I was talking about earlier who got his head chopped off spectacularly, watches all of this shit from like ten feet away. Then he flips the fuck out; also in super slow motion.
Men are better than women at dealing with loss.
When a man is wronged in any way, he flips the fuck out. That’s another way men are like gods. When you fuck with us, you get fucked. There’s no blunt end on the Stick of Man. We’re 360 degrees of business. That is the correct way of handling things. The first clue is that’s how men do it. A good way to tell how not to do something is see how women do it. Watch a woman read a map. Wrong. Watch a woman go on a diet. Imaginary. Watch a woman tell her boyfriend she’s pregnant.
So fucking insensitive that it makes me sick.
Fuck this second trimester, third trimester shit. A fetus isn’t alive until a man says it is.
Here’s a man riddle for you then. How can a girlfriend be pregnant without her boyfriend knowing? Stay tuned for the answer.
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Dick, you are completely right (as you know, because you’re a man). Thanks for the daily manspiration!
nicely said justin.
some manpoints for that.
so, i think that not only is this site so funny, its totally right on! yes, i am a woman, so take this opinion with the appropriate grain of salt, but the review of 300 is so right on, i can’t help but think that maybe my penis is tucked somewhere up in my secret parts that i don’t let anyone touch. either way, 300 is the best movie for douche bags ever. good job. you are right on with your thoughts and all of your opinions. sorry for being a lady/girl/woman… etc.
The funniest thing of all is that this cunt addresses me when I’m not even talking to her, and then has the audacity to claim that I am “stalking” her. She thinks it’s not a big deal for grown women to have sex with 15 year-old boys, but complains about 15 year-old girls doing fashion shows that show lingerie. Double-stadards anyone? If I met this bitch in person, I would deck her. No shit. I swear by my personal dignity, which to me is more valuable than my own life, that I would make her spit out some teeth, legal consequaces be damed.(I’m not joking about this. I swear by my family’s good name that I would do it. The same applies to “Wolfe”, “Son Of The Cunts” and other effeminate pussy-whipped motherfuckers.)
P Coderch
Or the village bycicle. Everyone’s had a ride on her!
Female likes being a peasant among kings.
HGe was being sarcastic I believe. And damn funny.
Diamatik, I have a vivid imagination and you have just made me sick. We don’t need to know what’s in your porno collection or the last time you received a blowjob. Seriously.
Appreciated, Greg.
-Dick
That isn’t a chick flick. The only chick flicks that men enjoy are films such as Steamy Carpet Munchers, Fun with Chick and Jane, Crack Snackers and Lickity Slit
Well duh.
Mantastic observations there!
Female, why don’t you shut the fuck up? I love the way you barge in here thinking that anyone here gives a shit about your opinions. You start dissing a perfectly cool movie then make a big song and fucking dance about “not wanting to argue”. If you don’t want to argue, don’t come on here babbling your inane opinions on what you think makes up good cinema. Nobody here gives a shit.
Btw, great site Dick. I have been watching this site for a few months now, and haven’t said anything…but this female character is so typically female I thought I’d inject some man-logic here!
Am I the only one who wants to rip ‘The 300′ then? I hope it’s as gory as everyone makes it out to be.
- Paul_Oakenfold - A Lively Mind (Album Club Sampler) - Promo - CD - 2006 - Amsterdam [Club MiX]
Am I the only one that wants to watch 300 then? It looks great.
Want to see a chick flick for blokes?
There you go http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0486946/
or “chic” flick, if you prefer.
Dramatic liberties taken aside this is one great man movie and ranks up there along side Braveheart and the other classics, thank God we get a break from the usual chic flicks!
Still pretending huh? You cream your panties just talking shit as if you know what you were talking about to a bunch of guys who could care less what you say..
insanity
*. extreme folly; senselessness; foolhardiness.
* : such unsoundness of mind or lack of understanding as prevents one from having the mental capacity required by law to enter into a particular relationship, status, or transaction or as removes one from criminal or civil responsibility; the reason why women get away with murder.
Jackson Browne - The Pretender
And then of course, there’s the general ‘movie extremist’, or whatever you want to call it. A stereotype that you haven’t taken into your consideration.
The point is, people don’t post just because they feel either one way or the other. There’s more to it. “I love to hear my own voice”, has to be the most pronounced of them all. A sentence that you, yourself, should feel very acommodated with.
Goodbye. Sad you could’nt stay and debate your offtopic remarks any longer.
I was not using the term in a comparative religious sense. Whether or not it is correct to use the term outside a religious context, it does have more than one meaning. For your edification.
Definitions of Fundamentalist on the Web:
A person who thinks that a corporation’s security prices are determined by its future earnings and dividend abilities. Besides studying a corporation’s financial data, they will also examine its industry and how the economy will affect the company’s core business.
http://www.rbeck.com/ryan_beck2/invest_glosry_FoFz.htm
anti-modern and/or biblically literalist Protestant Christians (Harding).
mkmccarthy.homestead.com/files/terms.htm
a supporter of fundamentalism
of or relating to or tending toward fundamentalism
wordnet.princeton.edu/perl/webwn
In comparative religion, fundamentalism refers to anti-modernist movements in various religions.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fundamentalist
This is totally off topic and I no longer wish to debate. Have fun watching Zoo.