The 300 Is Twice As Sensitive As I Am
After seeing The 300 again, I’ve decided on what I find to be manliest feature of this film.
Anything a man needs to decide can be done in a maximum of five days. Men are better at deciding than women and I’ve just demonstrated this — with gusto. Women will spend six, ten, sometimes they spend their entire fucking lives deciding on the easiest of shit. And worse yet, after they’ve decided and done it, they’ll spend their entire lives re-deciding!
Then they’ll protest in front of abortion clinics. How silly.
The manliest part of The 300 is that the movie gives women a chance to shine.
Giving women the chance they don’t deserve is part of being a man. It’s our Nature of Nurture as I like to call it — with a term I have just at this very moment coined. Giving women the gentle slap on the ass they need comes with the penis, fellows and gentlemen. And you better take it because you can’t leave it. There’s no Returns Counter at the Penis R Us. There’s also no technical support line, no manual, and no amount of injected estrogen in the world could malfunct your manliest tool of all.
Your man brain.
Just like the other manliest film of all time, Doctor Strangelove, The 300 has only one female character. Men are tempests of emotion and character, as you all know. We are deeper than 20,000 leagues and the limit of our excellent is unbound. We could be kicking your ass at one moment and then helping you clean yourself up the very next, thoroughly disgusted at the state of you, but giving you a second chance also for some reason.
We’re fucking sensitive. Men are more sensitive than a skinned cat in a lemon juice factory.
Women, however, have only one dimension. That’s why The 300 is so manly. It doesn’t waste a bunch of my fucking time on ten lady characters who are all the goddamn same and are going nowhere. In The 300, women are given the most fair and unbiased treatment they have ever been given on film. The key word there is given; a man gave it to them.
I’m talking about The Queen of Sparta here, who by even my account is nearly fuck up free.
Nearly.
The 300 shows what happens to the world physically when there’s no men around. Everything gets fucked up by an invading army of bad ass dudes. More importantly, The 300 shows what happens to women emotionally when there’s no men around.
They have no fucking idea what to do.
I can only think of four words when I imagine a woman on her own trying to make a decision:
Panic, at, the, disco.
I heard that band name on the radio earlier and it stuck in my head. It’s literally all that comes to mind. But in all seriousness, women are just as much a disaster under the weight of a dilemma as they are under the weight of a Jeep full of fat guys. The Queen of Sparta was nearly fuck up free because she did everything a man told her to do. Except when she fucked that dude. He didn’t actually tell her to do that. He just insinuated.
That’s her fuck up.
Women take their entire lives to make decisions because someone went and convinced them they can think for themselves. Right. I don’t ask my clock what time it is. I tell it what time it is. The damn thing just keeps track for next time.
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March 27th, 2007 at 5:41 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4555637db20cf
Kindly take your own advice.
April 3rd, 2007 at 8:03 am - IP Man-Hash: ec0cd75aec071
It’s best not to argue with fools. and being a man we are mentally incapable of being foolish so we know who this points to. don’t argue with women or you’ll lose because we have a need to make sense, its in our declaration of mandependance.
April 3rd, 2007 at 9:52 am - IP Man-Hash: 6ec6c2ab6784a
Anyone here ever tried caffeine soap?
April 3rd, 2007 at 10:50 am - IP Man-Hash: 35a3bf5e9bc19
No but I have seen a doll for little girls which actually piss.
April 6th, 2007 at 7:18 am - IP Man-Hash: 109bcf0dfd9d2
Movie Review
I have seen the 300. Can anybody spell disappointment? Did they need the human crustacean or the goatman? I don’t think so. Why include them? Just to show the production house’s gee whizz FX skillz? Probably. They didn’t need the rhinocerous or the elephants either. Had the story been more historical and less flash it would rate more than 1.5/5, however, ’tis not to be.
King Leonardis - Call me sometime.
David Wenham - Better as a Spartan than as Faramir.
Xerces - Is that Karl from Love Actually? What happened?
Basically this move only rates 1.5 because of the biceps and triceps. It should be renamed 300 sixpacks.
Blood Diamond
8/10
See it.
April 6th, 2007 at 7:21 am - IP Man-Hash: 35a3bf5e9bc19
Ive seen more reviews that say its filled with manliness and at least 8 out of 10. Female, make a film before you criticize it.
As a man once said: It is easier to tear down then to build
April 6th, 2007 at 7:27 am - IP Man-Hash: 109bcf0dfd9d2
What sort of film shall I make? A porno? Remember, I’m a woman and not much good for anything else.
April 6th, 2007 at 7:47 am - IP Man-Hash: 76715173d88fe
Since you’re a materalist whore who would never dream of freeing African slaves from their submission to you’re shiny coal stone industry..
I’m guessing that you like Blood Diamond for closet-homosexual environmental fear monger Decaprio.
April 6th, 2007 at 8:00 am - IP Man-Hash: 109bcf0dfd9d2
I get my pink diamonds from the Argyle mine sots, one can still be a materialist yet socially conscious.
April 6th, 2007 at 8:12 am - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
Female, your source, fellow cockatoo, misnamed Xerxes.
You go, grrrl!
April 6th, 2007 at 9:16 am - IP Man-Hash: 95df03c7e27c8
Finally, you’ve said something that makes sense.
April 6th, 2007 at 10:47 am - IP Man-Hash: 35a3bf5e9bc19
,My point still stands.
April 6th, 2007 at 11:39 am - IP Man-Hash: 7cbc2a449cdd3
What’s it like to be such an ignorant nagging bitch that you have to buy yourself your own useless pomp?
April 7th, 2007 at 3:02 am - IP Man-Hash: 109bcf0dfd9d2
I don’t understand what the most positive person on Earth, who loves all movies and TV shows (including obviously Oprah) because he has clearly never criticised any in his entire life (otherwise his advice is pretty hypocritical) is doing here.
sots, you tell me.
April 7th, 2007 at 3:06 am - IP Man-Hash: 109bcf0dfd9d2
Again with the incomprehensible. SonyAD and beers + typing = wtf
April 7th, 2007 at 3:19 am - IP Man-Hash: 95df03c7e27c8
I found her text here very hilarious because just before that:
I find that hypocritical.
April 7th, 2007 at 4:03 am - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
Again with the incomprehensible. SonyAD and beers + typing = wtf
___
Again, what review you chose to quote reflects your own ignorance.
My supposed alcoholic impairment is of no consequence.
Rather I could claim that about you, if I didn’t know better.
- Above & Beyond - Air for life
April 7th, 2007 at 6:29 am - IP Man-Hash: 133a528274b9c
Criticism as in helpful comments not just bashing it.
April 7th, 2007 at 11:13 am - IP Man-Hash: 2c4f2086cb5c6
Female, usually when you make snide remarks their humor is contingent on having some truth in them.
However, since only half-men ex-prison inmates who you frolic with wear or buy jewelry for themselves, it’s not relevant and further demonstrates your severe case of estrogen retardation.
April 12th, 2007 at 2:16 pm - IP Man-Hash: 3a34c54ba569e
This is for the woman who was hither-to speaking….”Shut the fuck up, Bitch….I will stab you to death and then play around with your blood.”
:)