The Signs of Dumbness
Astrology is one of the dumbest and most worthless things in the world.
Astrology is so dumb, I don’t think a man could even come up with something dumber. That’s because ten thousand years ago, or whenever it was that astrology was crapped out, a man sat down and said, “What’s the dumbest thing that could possibly be. Eureka! Astrology!”
Men invented it as a joke, and men are better than women at it.
But it’s not because men avoid the whole mess completely and file all the bullshit and pathetic minutia in a huge plastic bin that says Someone Else’s Problem — just like how men are better than women at menopause.
It’s true that men don’t give two shits about astrology. Sure, I can tell you which signs are the water signs and that the month you were born in means you like bologna sandwiches more than tuna fish or a kick to the face, but I can also tell you that Bennie and the Jets wore electric suits and mohair suits. What the fuck does it mean? Nothing. And I, just like every other man, don’t give a shit about either one.
It’s all a bunch of meaningless crap that bored men made up with their infinitely powered man-ginations thousands of years ago. That’s good enough for a “better than”. That’s one more point for men. But then why would I also be able to tell you things like a Leo can eat half of its weight in chocolate and Scorpios are laziest on Tuesdays?
I’ll tell you why.
For every lame astrological fiction I have in my head, women have a hundred. For every insipid and vague soup of paragraph life-characterizations that I’ve read, women have read a thousand. They live and breathe it. Women have the whole astrological shit-verse memorized; every page, part, and parcel of purility. And it’s exactly because they’re so desperate to define themselves with something that’s not their long list of fuckups and failures they cling to astrology like the anchor of a sinking ship.
Women don’t look for answers ever. They only look for instructions, which astrology is perfect for. This is your character. This is what you’re afraid of. Women don’t actually want answers because they already have the answer for everything. It’s March, or April — or whatever month they were born. That’s womankind’s final solution. If she doesn’t already know the answer, it probably does exist. And if that ever makes her feel bad, she just has to open up the daily paper to see if she should be feeling bad today at all.
Try it out for yourself. Learn a little astrology as a lark and see if it makes talking to women bearable. It’s like learning magic tricks to treat small children. Try that too.
Related Articles:
January 2nd, 2006 at 3:36 pm - IP Man-Hash: 3f6f1bc89c9c0
Great article. Women love astrology because they get to mold their fortune to whatever they like. If it says “nobody better get in your way today” it gives them an excuse to be a complete bitch, but if it says something like “you’ll achive greatness today” they will interpret that to mean they will only eat 1 doughnut on that morning instead of 3.
January 2nd, 2006 at 4:27 pm - IP Man-Hash: dd1b911ab43ac
“That’s because ten thousand years ago, or whenever it was that astrology was crapped out, a man sat down and said, “What’s the dumbest thing that could possibly be. Eureka! Astrology!?
Men invented it” Of course they did. Here’s something way cool, Venus is currently in Capricorn (almost in Aquarius) and if you look at the night sky, you can easily spot Venus (the brightest star), you can then make out the constellation of Capricorn (the sea-goat). I saw this NYE, floating on my back in a pool, looking at the perfectly cloudless night sky.
Btw, my birthday is in March, thanks for asking!!! My superior female powers of logical analysis tell me that your wife is a Leo (as a fellow fire sign, I’d like to give her a nice big shoutout) and that you are a Scorp. Figures. I shall be off to put your 2006 forecasts in the astrology forum post-haste. xxxx
January 5th, 2006 at 5:02 am - IP Man-Hash: 76cebfba7c181
Well, men could come up with something dumber, but I agree with the unstated subtext of your position, that it would be unlikely for men to come up with something dumber that was so attractive to women.
Oh my.
-wolfe
January 5th, 2006 at 9:20 am - IP Man-Hash: a0aa81221f167
I personally think this website is very gender-offensive- I want to smack whoever created it!!!!!!! HARD- wham-o! I’m hot but youll never hook up with me!!! I HATE THIS SITE- IT’S SO TOTALLY MESSED UP!!!! w/ out women, you wouldn’t be here!!!!!11
January 5th, 2006 at 10:36 am - IP Man-Hash: f3ae1ac46a2e3
You’re hot and I’ll never hook up with you. Nice.
I wish I could say for certain that you must be around 14 years old. However, women never mature beyond withholding sex. You could be 35. Either way, get the fuck off my site.
-Dick
January 5th, 2006 at 1:05 pm - IP Man-Hash: c1f4113f32e29
“w/ out women, you wouldn’t be here”? As far as this site is concerned, quite true.
January 5th, 2006 at 6:12 pm - IP Man-Hash: 76cebfba7c181
Hmm. The excessive exclamation marks are either the sign of an older, drunken (or drugged) woman, or a young girl. Usually the latter, but sometimes the former trying to emulate the latter.
“I’m hot”, that’s generally a phrase for the under 25 set. Typically under 23.
“HARD- wham-o!” That’s a sort of trashy wrestling remark which typically came in vogue with 5 year olds starting in the early 90’s, assuming the writer is white and American (if she isn’t it would make her younger yet). That would put her at or under 18.
“hooking up” Definitely under 25, probably 20, Tom Wolfe not withstanding.
“I HATE THIS SITE- IT’S SO TOTALLY MESSED UP!!!!” Incompetent usage of all caps? Women of all ages.
General intellectual age of the post? About thirteen, fourteen max. (This seems to be the analysis you used Dick; correct me if I’m wrong. You wisely noted that most women don’t mature intellectually or emotionally beyond about age 14 or 15, so it’s difficult to tell.
However, given all the above, I can state with reasonable confidence that writer is most likely a teenager. There is indeed a possibility that she is an older drunk/druggie trying to emulate a teen, but I believe rational analysis shows the balance of probabilities to place her in her teens.
It is quite possible that this young person is an immature child desperately trying to abuse her sexuality. I hope her parents catch her at it if that is the case, for her own protection.
-wolfe (no relation to Tom)
January 5th, 2006 at 9:08 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5475964f1d333
Care to humour me with your reasoning for your interest in this website? If it’s to dissect women’s minds when you have them on the backfoot, that is a very curious interest to have.
January 5th, 2006 at 11:15 pm - IP Man-Hash: 3f6f1bc89c9c0
Hahaha. Nice, wolfe.
January 6th, 2006 at 12:51 am - IP Man-Hash: 50c74fb097ca4
“You wisely noted that most women don’t mature intellectually or emotionally beyond about age 14 or 15, so it’s difficult to tell”.
Too many philosophers agree on that, how can we argue about an obvious truth.
Further, one only has to look at any gathering of the hyve to realise that their options are truly limited.
Find one female without any surgical/color or assumed enhancements. (This would include the fictitious and assumed theoretical benefits of skin enhancers) and I’ll shown someone that has aged considerably.
To go through life with one boast, that is to incubate someone else’s child must be a worthwhile experience to some.
Ah!. life is so simple.
January 6th, 2006 at 1:07 am - IP Man-Hash: 0189cf4eb185a
Why can’t women ask a simple question without jamming their foot down their throat two seconds later?
-Dick
January 6th, 2006 at 4:50 am - IP Man-Hash: 76cebfba7c181
Thank you, Dan.
FM2, I wasn’t going to respond (for the very reason Dick cited, above), but why not.
The short answer? Res ipsa loquitur.
The still fairly short answer? I view this site as a fascinating sociological experiment, as well as a place to read some interesting opinions. I very much like the site’s positive and progressive stance on women’s issues. Finally, it amuses me.
-wolfe
January 7th, 2006 at 12:15 am - IP Man-Hash: d24c4b32bea79
I don’t think Pluto is too happy at the moment. Mars and Venus were fornicating on the rings of Saturn.
Mercury lodged an formal complaint to Jupiter concerning their behaviour, he was embarassed that they were exposing themselves to his moons.
Mother Earth butted in and said that she has always exposed herself to the moon !
I cannot see the problem, said Mother Earth !
January 13th, 2006 at 5:28 am - IP Man-Hash: e966c4b68e36c
I saw some clip on Dicovery Channel about the mystical aspect of the brain being developed from a female in our genetic background. It was said to have allowed for our imagination to grow. At about this time I said, “RIGHT”, and turned the remote to watch a few more programs all at the same time.
Mysticism is connect to the effeminate fear of almost everything. Men have less fears and therefore it’s useless BS to men.
January 19th, 2006 at 4:33 am - IP Man-Hash: 682b6c01ada1d
Men did not invent it as a joke idiot, astrology was used to plan battles and worship Gods in ancient greek culture.
As usual, you have no idea what your talking about.
January 19th, 2006 at 9:40 am - IP Man-Hash: 3e513170dd78c
Nicole said:
Men did not invent it as a joke idiot, astrology was used to plan battles and worship Gods in ancient greek culture.
-People also used to cut chickens open and read their entrails, look at tea leaves, and sacrifice rams at an altar, in order to tell te future or appease their gods. Does that make them right?
January 19th, 2006 at 10:16 am - IP Man-Hash: f3ae1ac46a2e3
Nicole were you alive 5,000 years ago?
It doesn’t matter because as a woman you wouldn’t have known what the fuck was going on anyway.
-Dick
January 19th, 2006 at 12:36 pm - IP Man-Hash: 645e530646808
No I’ve just taken history.
And yes astrology is stupid and doesn’t work, but men invented it, and it was not a joke.
January 19th, 2006 at 12:37 pm - IP Man-Hash: f3ae1ac46a2e3
It was a hilarious joke and we are still laughing about it. Laughing all the way to the bank.
-Dick
January 19th, 2006 at 12:44 pm - IP Man-Hash: 645e530646808
They used it to tell the future and plan battles. How can you pretend you know what the hell you’re talking about?
January 19th, 2006 at 12:49 pm - IP Man-Hash: f3ae1ac46a2e3
Plan battles? I think it’s time I instituted some kind of “dumbest quotes” voting system. That one would show at least.
It’s probably best you just went back to your precious grades, Nicole.
-Dick
January 19th, 2006 at 12:57 pm - IP Man-Hash: 645e530646808
Well it’s true, it’s men who used it all those thousands of years ago, and so they are the dumb ones by today’s standards.
So now you think grades aren’t important, why blah on about how men are so much more intelligent when you can’t respect the value of a good education.
January 20th, 2006 at 4:57 am - IP Man-Hash: 76cebfba7c181
Yes. I like it.
-wolfe
January 21st, 2006 at 8:22 am - IP Man-Hash: f75c92aeb197e
A compilation of feminazi’s dumbest quotes would be an excellent idea, as well as the top 10 dumbest female quotes.
January 22nd, 2006 at 3:35 am - IP Man-Hash: dec2907738527
Mmmmm, talking about astrology are we? How interesting. Remember, if anyone wants their charts done I am happy to oblige. As far as using astrology to “plan battles” goes, I wouldn’t say it was used to work out the plan of attack, Ronald Reagan even consulted an astrology, and yeah, go ahead, bag out a dead man. Astrology was definately used to determine the best date to launch an attack or whether to go to war at all, in ancient societies. I think the Chinese actually have the world’s oldest astrological system which pre-dates what we know as the western/arabic version, though Nicole might be able to correct me on this.
Note for believers: Astrology is mentioned in the new testament, ie, the 3 magi (astrologers) who followed the star to Bethlemen.
http://www.aloha.net/~johnboy/pageone.htg/pageone.htm (scroll down and check out the research assistant, bwahahaa)
http://www.eclipse.net/~molnar/
January 22nd, 2006 at 2:30 pm - IP Man-Hash: 645e530646808
I can see how in Dick’s twisted world, the truth is dumb.
lunatic.
January 24th, 2006 at 4:26 am - IP Man-Hash: eadd56da2c7c9
Fuckwit defers to uberfuckwit?
A beast with seven heads and ten horns is mentioned in the New Testament. Therefore this must also be the basis of a valid belief system for fuckwits.
Follow the beast!
-Big Al
January 24th, 2006 at 9:25 pm - IP Man-Hash: 430f4bfbf8b4b
“Fuckwit defers to uberfuckwit?”,
That made my day, HaHahahahahhah!!!!!
February 20th, 2007 at 1:34 pm - IP Man-Hash: 73f9de907ea55
shut up bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
February 20th, 2007 at 4:10 pm - IP Man-Hash: 1e9a4fd46c3a7
Yes you are.
May 7th, 2007 at 10:21 pm - IP Man-Hash: 926a1904cecf2
Isn’t that astronamy? Using certain stars to guide your way around the Earth, not to tell the fucking future.
Recent releases of Reagans personal journals show he wasn’t even serious about the astrology shit, too.
May 8th, 2007 at 1:11 am - IP Man-Hash: 3e4fe6a7e6d7d
Astrology predates astronomy but that’s just semantics really. Even though they were obviously using the star or comet for navigation, they wouldn’t have gone to the trouble of following it unless they knew it represented something significant, and the only way they could have know that is if they had calculated an astrological timechart of the heavens and realised when looking at it that the specific location of planets to constellations meant something out of the ordinary was going to occur. The planets and the constellations each stand for specific representations of actions, therefore if you look at the particular pattern they make according to their directional distances from each other, you can derive what they stand for, ie, a meaning. Following?
May 8th, 2007 at 2:03 am - IP Man-Hash: 51f86d6005c2d
Astronomy is science and astrology is bullshit, I’d say there is more difference than semantics.
May 8th, 2007 at 3:35 am - IP Man-Hash: 760a91233a652
Well, female, there’s another loss for you. Any more arguments you would like to fail at, or have you finally recognized your inferiority for what it is? If you haven’t yet, look at yourself naked in the bathroom. It will help that feeling of helplessness gradually sink in - and let it. All the better to get it over with early then to vent your frustration like a screeching harpy. No, not the little debate on the difference between medieval quackery and modern science. I mean your entire history of rants you have made on a site you don’t even belong on. The second you go past the title page you’re already in the red. And from there there’s no ascent.
May 8th, 2007 at 4:20 am - IP Man-Hash: 3e4fe6a7e6d7d
Depends on whether you actually plan to put one forth. All I’ve seen from you so far is hyperbole, opinion and uwitting humour.
Oh no, what ever happened? Just a few short days ago you were telling me I was cute and that you wanted to “stick it to me”. I’m heartbroken.
May 8th, 2007 at 5:27 am - IP Man-Hash: 4555637db20cf
I wanted to say that.
May 8th, 2007 at 10:26 am - IP Man-Hash: 4136c1534ed3c
I find it funny that female would come to “The Signs of Dumbness” to post repeatedly and display her sign here.
Hey here’s your sign!
The Signs of Dumbness
May 8th, 2007 at 11:20 am - IP Man-Hash: c46011aeb3b2a
Recent releases of Reagans personal journals show he wasn’t even serious about the astrology shit, too.
Ronald Reagan didn’t give running fuck about astrology. His anorexic, empty-headed bitch of a wife was the towering intellect behind consulting an astrologist.
It kind of makes Dick’s point, doesn’t it? And as usual the woman doesn’t do her research before she shoots her mouth off. Shoo, pesky female. No women allowed!
May 8th, 2007 at 11:34 am - IP Man-Hash: 71f17269a6ca2
As I’ve said before, not all feminists are fat.
Some are too fucking stupid to get a man. Like anyone who takes astrology seriously.
May 8th, 2007 at 11:45 am - IP Man-Hash: c46011aeb3b2a
God forbid a woman should actually do some research such as reading a book before talking about shit she doesn’t understand.
In the same way that alchemy preceded modern chemistry, astrology preceded astronomy. They are all models for understanding our environment, but our current models replaced the ancient ones as replaced myth with science.
The study of astrology is incredibly ancient, going back tens of thousands of years (many of you will challenge me on this, but I don’t want to get off topic, so for now just go with it) and was a method of understanding and framing different kinds of knowledge from different disciplines, including mathematics, geometry, navigation, architecture, and engineering. They were pretty much inseparable to the ancient mind.
The biggest problem with astrology is that no experimentation can produce definitive and repeatable results, which is why it’s been pretty much discredited as a science. Even Aleister Crowley, the greatest and by far most deranged ritual magician, who had a scientific education and approached magic as a science, had little regard for astrology except as a symbolic structure — certainly not as a tool for divination or revelation.
The most statistically important astrological research was by Michel Gauquelin, and even that is inconclusive at best. (’m not going to summarize his results. If you’re interested, you can look it up.)
Men created astrology, and men discarded it for a better, more accurate model. That’s our right. We leave astrology for you chicks to use, since you can’t handle that math stuff.
These days, the best use for astrology is to ask empty-headed chicks “What’s your sign?” and let them babble while you stare at her tits and figure out how to get them home.
May 8th, 2007 at 12:37 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4555637db20cf
Well said, indeed.
May 8th, 2007 at 3:43 pm - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
I’m afraid you’ve lost me, Female.
How does one go about using comets for navigational bearings, Female?
The same way you go about deducing the your longitudinal coordinate from the North Star’s elevation seen in the southern hemisphere?
Oh, and do sunspots mean I should stick to government bonds?
May 8th, 2007 at 4:17 pm - IP Man-Hash: c46011aeb3b2a
Damn, good catch, sonyad. I missed that when I read it.
It’s possible Female knows better and simply misstated herself, but she shouldn’t be posting here anyway. Knock it off, woman.
May 8th, 2007 at 8:18 pm - IP Man-Hash: 152f8f38f66d9
I can tell you’re new here.
May 8th, 2007 at 9:59 pm - IP Man-Hash: 390c277205136
Yes, sots, I’m new here but solidly behind the whole concept of the site. If I’m missing something, please verse me in the mabtw protocols if I’m missing something.
Dick isn’t much of a presence here, but I wholeheartedly endorse his premise. BTW, Dick, give me permission to post in the forums, damn it!
May 8th, 2007 at 11:38 pm - IP Man-Hash: e36376410e1aa
Female has been polluting these man waters for nearly two years now. That’s the only thing you’re missing. It’s nothing of importance.
Done.
-Dick
May 9th, 2007 at 8:08 am - IP Man-Hash: c46011aeb3b2a
Thank you kindly.
July 5th, 2007 at 9:24 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4ec3fb75cef07
You guys got to be kidding me hahaha, your writing about astrology and how dumb it is when you Do not even know when and why is was created and used for?? Common man your making us men look bad right now with how ignorant your claim is..if you read and read more on end and made a proper article stating y you do not agree with it, than thats ok even if right or wrong. but you dont even know anything about it at all besides the daily horroscope you read a couple of times to sum up all your astrological knoledge. astrolgy is not used to tell what food people like hahah or what they like ect..it just showes most peoples thinking patterns and emotions in brief. half the astrology you read on the net is made up so if thats your source of info, i sugest you get to a book store and buy a book published by huge authors on astrology and take your info from there and then make your claims..untill then your just ignorant. i would guess you are a tuarus or capricorn or leo….if you say know on this page i still think you lieing lol…take care..grab some real info and than rewrite this..even if your alswer is still the same. at least you have profesional knolagde to give people proper info as to y you believe its wrong..lol untill then take care
August 22nd, 2007 at 7:20 am - IP Man-Hash: b24fa70c8e643
You write like a wo-man. Stop it. And use some paragraphs goddammit
August 22nd, 2007 at 8:00 am - IP Man-Hash: ccf3bc782b7e2
Astrology? Only a women uses that to judge people. Fool.
August 22nd, 2007 at 11:45 am - IP Man-Hash: a0cddb63efb4c
You write like a wo-man. Stop it. And use some paragraphs goddammit
Still up to your old tricks mansman. The words ‘broken’ and ‘record’ spring to mind.
September 17th, 2007 at 5:01 am - IP Man-Hash: 77ee3ac97ce7d
You can’t read signs. From what I have read… not sure you can read at all.
September 17th, 2007 at 5:14 am - IP Man-Hash: b24fa70c8e643
Ah Jody Focks again…with a bee in “her” bonnet. Too bad.
“Mansman tells you what you need to know”.
January 6th, 2008 at 7:30 pm - IP Man-Hash: 557cf002c6a29
so desperate to prove they’re better.. they must be worried about something. Guess that’s why i beat men at everything.