Why Do Women Have Goofy Names for Their Vagina?
This Ask Dick question was sent to me by DaveB.
Dick, why do women have stupid names for their vagina? Nowadays you’ll hear a woman call it her “vag” or her “va jay-jay” or some other dumbass name that sounds like a 4 year old threw the scrabble bag at the board. What’s the deal?
Dave, I tested your theory by randomly pulling some Scrabble tiles out of a bag. What I found was that the letters didn’t spell out a child-like euphemism and therefore extremely inappropriate nickname for a vagina. They actually spelled the sound I make when anyone brings up vaginas for any reason:
“glthk”
If you’d like to play along at home, you can easily make that sound by swallowing some yarn.
Vaginas are so gross that even women are embarrassed to have them and women aren’t embarrassed by anything.
Women are like pigs in a lot of ways. They’re slovenly and fat, but more importantly, they are completely unaware of it. A woman could be twenty pounds overweight and actually think there’s nothing wrong with that! And “muffin tops” — where some broad’s stomach spills over her sweatpants like dough rolling over the paper cup of a greasy muffin — are a daily hazard for men of all walks of life. There could be no other explanation for these but a gross lack of self-awareness.
A pig is a pig even at a classy buffet, and even in a top hat.
And yet women are still embarrassed to have vaginas. Somehow the stigma of a vagina is so great that it penetrates the dense, lead-like shield that is a woman’s oblivious lack of self-awareness.
1. Vaginas are Illegal
Imagine a world where it was illegal for you to work for money. Stone masonry would be done in the dark. Career counselors would sit in the back of darkened taverns offering advice in unmarked envelopes and disappearing with a gust of wind and a door left ajar. James Brown would have been the FBI’s most wanted fugitive.
Believe it or not, that’s what the world is to women. Where men would be unable to sell our gift — our brains — for money in a farcical dystopia, women are currently unable to sell their vaginas. That’s a fucked dystopia.
In any country that you can’t get laid for free just because you’re not from it, prostitution is illegal.
I have done my share of illegal things. I can say for certain that without the mindset and the skewed ethics required to continue in such a lifestyle, the guilt of committing illegal acts is all-consuming. I’ve seen it happen.
That’s every day of a woman’s life.
Every day, a woman wakes up and breaks the law by selling her vagina for something. Maybe today it’s just a free Super Size or a scone, but tomorrow it could be a promotion or financing on a new car. Just because a prostitute doesn’t fuck, doesn’t mean she wasn’t paid for sex. Women are whores. Some just have bad customer service.
2. The Vagina Monologues
Women have goofy names for their vaginas because they’re embarrassed to have them. They’re are embarrassed to have them, they’re embarrassed to use them, and in this case, they’re embarrassed to talk about them. The Vagina Monologues is proof of that.
Men don’t need lame promotional circuits and back-patting over shitty poetry to talk about our cocks. We don’t need to wrap cock-talk in a protective layer of “art” just to do it. At most, we need five seconds of silence and a glance over our shoulder to make sure no women are around.
And so what? Take a look around. Everything on Earth that serves a purpose is shaped like a penis. Screwdrivers, jackhammers, the remote control to your television, pistols, plumbing, pencils, doorknobs; it’s no wonder they’re easy to talk about. The only thing that resembles a vagina is a wallet: something you mindlessly stick money in just because it’s going along for the ride. That’s embarrassing.
3. Women are Pedophiles
Everything that women do is designed to make them look 17 forever. They dress young, they talk young, they fuck-up nonstop like know-nothing children. The only reason women hate pedophiles so much is because the age of consent gives them the head-start they desperately need.
Talking about sex and especially their own sexuality like emotionally retarded 15 year olds make women seem like the spoiled teen cunts they all aspire to be.
I’m done with this topic. Not because I’m out of reasons, but because I’ve disgusted myself. I feel like I need to throw up some yarn.
Related Articles:
I really can’t stress this enough: NOT ALL WOMEN ARE WHORES.
Get that through your fucking mind.
The only way all women could be whores is if all men are whores to. Think about it.
I thought about it. What a waste of my time. -5 Man Points for you.
hahahahaha. this website cracks me up.
the stupidity of the rest of the world amazes me.
its ok though.
youre all going to hell.
:D
Wow. And nobody’s EVER heard of another name for a penis.
Dick, tee tee, Johnson, prick, manhood, nads, William, leaf blower…the list goes fucking ON! XD
Cash ‘N Prizes!!!
Ha ha ha va-jay-jay is a funny word!
But Richie uses it all the time in school. It’s when we have to say in front of teachers so they don’t get all pist and start randomly yelling for STUPID reasons!! “BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH!!! VAGINA IS A BAD WORD!!!” Sooo fucking annoying. We’re 15 for crying out loud, back off of our asses.
LOL IS THIS GUY GAY OR SOME SHIT!??
Probably. Closet gay, most likely.
agreed.
unlike some of you idiots
we dont just sit there and go like
“oh what kind of names can i come up with my vagina ”
we usally just call it a vagina or a pussy
as for where you get all these other names , i think you mustve though long and hard about what to call a vagina
If i would have to name a dick i would name it Mui.
Life is like a dick when its hard you get fucked and when its soft you cant beat ir
No sweety. Life is like a dick to you because you suck at it.
Ha! That was good. No, that was really good. In fact, you BLEW me away!!!!!!!!! LMAO LMAO LMAO LMAO OMG I’MAFUCKINGCOMEDIAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Grow up.
-_-
Well, names evolve from words… Like cunning cunnilingus cunt. All words usually have negative connotations to a woman’s body and were used because of negative views of women, actually perhaps that is why they prefer va jay jay, than cunt.I prefer good old fashioned vagina. Other words also give this negative image, hysterectomy-hysteria-histrionic… Perhaps like men we would rather call our privates what we like.
It’s better than calling our genitals a person, like men do…
So women have no reason to defend themselves…Surely life wouldn’t make sense if they didn’t.
And all you men say you talk to your mother, obviously if your mother knew the things you say you wouldn’t want to. And you should have no reason to be here, you are just a whiney wimpy person. At least woman’s history proves that women had very good treatment and we are survivros because of this… We have reason to be strong, while you just wimp out when any minor inconvenience comes your way.
when I was 25 years old (20 years ago) I got a sexchange and became a woman.It was a terrible life.I lost everything I had .Women are vain and mean .They are jealous of each other and only care about money.I was treated so cruelly by society denied jobs, apartments and not allowed to go to school because of being a woman while all other women were handed everything.Too bad you didnt have a website 20 years ago.I have no friends ,family or job. Life really sucks for me.I do not know why women are treated so good and men are treated terrible.I wasted my life.
Profound.
It’s funny because women are constantly making articles and magasines about why Men suck, And men just laugh and accept the joke. But when one lone genius makes an article about women, they instantly snap.
I LOL’d
oh ya we so make fun of men in magazines
have you ever read oh wait i bet you cant read
we are not immature like you guys and make a fucking site with all this bullshit where i dont even get how the fuck you guys thought of this
you really must be a lonely man
grow a dick and be a man
ORLY? OK, name one magazine article where women make fun of men. I’m sure you just took it the wrong way.
He’s a VERY sensitive man!! Don’t be mean.
And it’s ok….
*sings: “WHY CAN’T WE BE FRIENDS?? WHY CAN’T WE BE FRIENDS?? WHY CAN’T WE BE FRIENDS?!?!?”
Men do. I just like it called that.
THEY CALL IT “SILLY ” NAMES TO DISTRACT FROM WHAT IT SHOULD BE CALLED….”HOW I GET WHAT I WANT”!!! A.K.A THERE P
*SSY….
i love the hitthetreadmill link. it’s classic. way to show that fat pig how fat she really is. “you can put lipstick on a pig but it’s still a pig” What a fat-ass.
i have one name for my cock…it’s cock. end of story. ladies, fuck off.
Wanker
Big one
Willy
ding dong
dipstick
doughnut holder
firm worm
hairy bagpipes
John Thomas
joy stick
love muscle
love stick
love truncheon
meat
meat whistle
ol’ one-eye
one-eyed trouser snake
pecker
weiner
weinie
….
shut up DICK.
why do men have goofy names for our penis? ex: dick, willy, wang, cock…
If I have to refer to that part of the body, I call it a “genny,” as in “genny-talia.” He’s quite right though, having a genny is quite embarrassing and shameful :(
While I do thourgly enjoy this site, I do have to ask how is this any different then the men who have names for their anatomy?
@SGT Cullen I commend you sir! I have friends fighting along side you over there. I hope you are all safe and return home soon.
I think that the Chinese symbol for “DISCORD” says it best…
The symbol is 2 women in the same house!
Go figure!
-Moon
Doubt register a user name on the forums and private message me.
I like the term “vag” because it has a mocking ring towards hipsters.
Well, names evolve from words… Like cunning cunnilingus cunt. All words usually have negative connotations to a woman’s body and were used because of negative views of women, actually perhaps that is why they prefer va jay jay, than cunt.I prefer good old fashioned vagina. Other words also give this negative image, hysterectomy-hysteria-histrionic… Perhaps like men we would rather call our privates what we like.
It’s better than calling our genitals a person, like men do…
So women have no reason to defend themselves…Surely life wouldn’t make sense if they didn’t.
And all you men say you talk to your mother, obviously if your mother knew the things you say you wouldn’t want to. And you should have no reason to be here, you are just a whiney wimpy person. At least woman’s history proves that women had very good treatment and we are survivors because of this… We have reason to be strong, while you just wimp out when any minor inconvenience comes your way. :)
not very good treatment*
for the same reasons men name their dicks.
Husband? I’m far too young to get ’settled down’..
Your husband wanted you to name his penis because it reminded him of……….you. Flaccid, floppy, fleshy, boneless and laying around, and only good at certain times of the day. Not to mention uppity, and will spit at you when provoked.
I imagine he figured a good dick needed named by a good dick head, or at least the only person blowing on it.
The other reason they’re a lot like guns: Useless until they get a good cock
- Sgt. Reyes
Welcome to the site SGT Cullen and be safe.
- Sgt Reyes
I don’t assign names to any certain part of my body other than it’s medical-given name.. but alright. But I do recall one night when my ex (back when we were dating, of course) wanted me to “name” his penis. I basically wanted to know what the point of that would be, but why bother asking right.
Goddamn right.
-Dick
I love this website. This is comedy gold. I’m not sure what I enjoy more: the actual articles or reading how upset women are getting.
I’ve never heard of someone getting soooo mad at something they have the power to stop: them reading the god-damned words. If Dick Masterson’s words anger you, stop reading them.
Rush Limbaugh once said that without listeners that hated him, he wouldn’t be so popular. I think this holds true for mabtw.com.
My bottom-line to the ladies is that this website was designed to humor men. I’m a man who’s deployed to Iraq and this website has me fucking howling when I read it. My roommate thinks I’m nuts to be laughing so loud while reading but all I have to do is “Stumble” the article to him and he understands.
Love it or leave it.
Best line so far: “Women are a lot like guns: they’re useless without a man using them.”
At the end of a long, hard days work there’s four things I want:
- Sex
- Sports/TV
- Food
- A quiet house
I’m not worried about the ’size of my penis’ because mine will always be bigger than yours. Women’s brains are like ‘white noise’. Staticky, irritating, only in black and white, and on the fritz.
- Sgt. Reyes
Well, that and as everyone already knows, Men>Women, and men do deep thinking shit with other men and generally, late at night with their penis.
Women don’t get it because (A) they are not cool and do not own a Penis and (B) are not as smart as my penis.
I care about my size because it is already bigger than your brain, and I don’t want you trying to measure up to something I have to roll into a ball to carry around in my pants or tuck into my sock…………..
Oh that’s simple, after talking to women all day, men need something to think about that’s actually interesting. Duh.
Yeah, and why do men always care about the size of their penises? For men it’s always sex, sex, sex, FOOTBALL, sex, sex, SPORTS, sex, WRESTLING, and blah blah blah, etc.
=^_^=
I will give a nod to the whole double-standard issue. If that article was about a 45 year old man, who said that he was no longer interested in his wife, he would be deemed a complete bastard. However, she is a fucking feminist hero.
This leads me to yet another interesting experiment to do. When you are around female friends and/or co-workers, here is something to try out. Act like a women. I dont mean use a poofy voice, but react like a women. If women in your office undo their blouses to show a bit of cleavage, take off your tie and undo your buttons. Act huffy to random statements and dont give explainations why you are angry. Use the word “because” as your sole arguement for everything. Get other people to do your work for you. And if you HAVE TO apologize, add a BUT statement in there somewhere.
See how long it lasts. Even women get annoyed with their own shit. It also proves that their is a double-standard. Women EXPECT men to be different (but how dare you say that we are you sexist pig!).
Women expect men to do what they are told and (this is the most important part) NOT TO COMPLAIN.
I just don’t know what to say to that. Our society has so much to learn - so, so much. Pathetic would be a compliment - it implies there is something redeemable about it. No, the western world has a few bridges to burn if they ever want to compete with the less… devolved societies.
Let’s not forget Myspace and the whoredom allowed by underage sluts that occurs. One of the female nieces (age 13) of one of my friends was found on the site WEARING LINGERIE! When my friend alerted his sister (single mother, go figure), her Mother said she looked spectacular and that she was proud of her daughter.
Lets say it again. Women are whores, single mothers can’t raise shit other than a cactus.
- Sgt. Reyes
Oh, and welcome aboard. Yes, it’s a shame that some of the more inferior members of our society are too stupid to realize the difference between wanting to have sex with a 15 or 16 year old and a 12 year old. Perhaps if that wasn’t broadcast that somehow if you want to have sex with a hot teenage cockmongler who is already a slut anyways that there’s somehow a connection between you and a pervert who fondles babies. No, there isn’t.
Once again, if bitches could shut their fucking lips, perhaps we could just sit back and see what would happen. Consider it a social experiment. Keep quiet until you notice anything positive arise in society. Then keep quiet after that and see how much better things are without your opinions or you having a profile of any kind in general, girly-girls.
It’s all of this conditioning bullshit. Since the industrial age we’ve stopped learning from the land (ie: from our fathers, family members, friends, neighbors, tutors) and have instead bought into this whole ‘need an official degree’ feminized bullshit. What does that mean? Well, it means for the last, say, 200 years we’ve had to use institutionalized systems to ACQUIRE our knowledge, not SUPPLEMENT it. It used to be that if someone went to a university, they sincerely wanted to. They didn’t get a degree from the program, they got actually learning the ropes without having to tiptoe around some fat bitch’s self-esteem. Now, what is it? A majority of the western world, male or female, somehow has become convinced that you can learn someone’s skills with a quota sheet and a 30 minute interview - one filled not with a day’s worth of demonstration of the results this employee will produce, but awkward pleasantries and some thoughtless pampered bullshit.
Now what do we have? Mandatory higher education? Well, golly-gee, nothing could go wrong there! I mean, let’s just have the same committee decide what books we buy, what teachers we hire, what the teachers have been taught, what the students will learn, and oh, who can or can not get that piece of paper they hold so dear. By the way, if you’re a man, you may be subject to random strip-searches and becoming one of those 9/10 men in prison for basically anything the superior sex says about you.
There is so much horseshit that we are literally conditioned to believe. I mean, what fucking good is free speech if what you say to the idiot box may offend some drunken walrus with her 9 illegitimate children playing in the street and somehow your vocal vibrations magically are more relevant than the quality work you do. Really, really, those stupid vocal fuckboxes know more about who a man is than the man himself. Brilliant, and then we wonder with all of this ‘girlys are superior’ and ‘look at cleavage and we’ll chop your dick off’ mindrot that some humiliated, confused man will take an assault rifle and shoot up a classroom.
No, it’s not the evils of man. Maybe if bitches could sew their mouths shut for a second and listen they could actually realize how absurd their… everything really is.
That woman is just typical. See: ‘All women are cheating whores’
- Sgt. Reyes
I was an RN for 20 years. Spent a lot of down time on a lot of night shifts listening to the crap coming out of a lot of womens’ mouths. Never ceased to amaze me how many married women gave that same line as the fat slug above (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/femail/article.html?in_article_ id=510248&in_page_id=1879).
I heard more than once that they let their bodies go to shit on purpose, so their husbands wouldn’t want to fuck them any more.
I reckon it’s tied into this bloody Viagra. A man only needs viagra when he’s fucking out of a sense of duty, rather than lust. I hooked up with a delectable little barely-legal piece of fluff in Bali a couple of years back, 25 years my junior, and my dick was harder than it’s been in years. Didn’t need any viagra there. Sharpened my knife on the bastard, that’s how hard it was. Give me some sloppy bag of shit over here and I need a tub of the stuff to get it up.
But you show me the world’s most desirable woman, and I’ll find you a bloke who’s sick of fucking her (as some wise man once said, can’t remember who). That’s the problem. The fat slag hates getting fucked by her husband, because he’s bored shitless with fucking her and she knows it. He wants to be fucking some young nubile. Why? Because he’s a MAN, the pinnacle of two billion years of evolution, two billion years of fucking young nubiles. Why doesn’t he? Because he’s let the fat slags take over his society. He let them impose that guarantee of cultural sterility and death, MONOGAMY, on him. Fuck monogamy! Genghis Khan didn’t become the ancestor of 8% of Chinese men by being monogamous. He did it by fucking young nubiles, every bloody day, whether they liked it or not. If we want our culture to continue, christ, if we want EVOLUTION to continue, we need to be out there fucking young nubiles! Genghis Khan never fucked a fat slug in his whole bloody life. Why the hell should I?
ewwwwwwwwww
Oh yeah. My 37-year-old babymomma call it-get this-”The Scratchy”. I’m not kidding.
only means no I mean, stupid me.
All too typical and another feminist double-standard. When a woman denies sex she’s a hero, if a man does he’s gay, intimidated, etc.
I know man, I’ve been getting that since the 7th grade. I guess no only means know for women eh?
OH don’t worry, I’m not interested because I’m gay and afraid, not because you’re uninteresting, bossy, typically empty in the head, are only in it for the power or that even the fat girl behind you has more appeal and self esteem then you.
This porker even shamelessly admits her whoring past, present, and intended whoring future. It’s a straight from the horses mouth tirade of treacherous admissions. So much for the loyalty her husband thought he would get by supporting her fat ass in married bliss.
“She admits to having 23 lovers before she married”.
and
“I’d flipped from wife to mother, and it gave me excuses - often genuine - to cold-shoulder my husband’s sexual advances”.
-tell the whole story in a nutshell. She’s a selfish whoring cunt who often “didn’t have a genuine excuse” to reject her husbands advances. What the hell else does she have to offer? Men should take heed of the admissions of bitches such as this.
Why work to support some fat whore in luxury when she won’t fulfill her side of the arrangement? Words out, baby. You’re on your own…forever. Go get a cat and some AA’s…no one wants you.
One day in high school I was getting a blowjob in the restroom when the girl started rubbing her jaw and exclaimed that my dick was a real jawbreaker. Since then I have been proud to call my dick ‘Jawbreaker’ so you can call me subhuman if you want but first I’d like to introduce you to ‘Holder’ and ‘Hitter’, my two fists. J/P
Dick, another success. My ex calls it her ‘Pooter’. I always called it ‘The Great Stank’. I have gagged more than once just thinking about vaginas while reading this article. Please pass the yarn.
All feminists should go see Rambo this weekend. THAT’S WHAT YOU’RE UP AGAINST YOU DUMB FUCKS. YOU SERIOUSLY THINK YOU CAN BEAT US? HA HA HA HAHA
All too typical and another feminist double-standard. When a woman denies sex she’s a hero, if a man does he’s gay, intimidated, etc.
-Solomon
You have got to be kidding me.
Based on that fat fuck picture, I think she’s highly delusional.
It’s sad that this is so typical from such pigs…
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/femail/article.html?in_article_i d=510248&in_page_id=1879
Geeza - that is the saddest, most pathetic thing I’ve heard in a while.
And your assessment of it - too right!
@Wolfe- I never said that the clinical term was not first invented/coined/made up by a man. i never said that the term was not poetic. if it were not poetic, i doubt the well known book i cited would have been titled as such. additionally, i never said that the men/ man in question didn’t have to “put up with women”
but your statement:
“It’s a common poetic term, invented by men who had to put up with women.”
makes it sound as though it was invented to be poetic and that it was somehow invented because they had to deal with women.
at any rate- they must have at least somewhat appreciated the women they had to deal with-i’m sure there were latin words for sick sucking hole they could have used if they were so inclined.
anyway, sir, i think this is one of those instances where you didn’t read all of my comments before declaring me ignorant. i always knew exactly where the phrase originated.
i will, however, freely admit there is much about which i am ignorant (unknowledgeable)
but life is for learning :)
Not a problem, you will never run out of pussies, after all, there is San Francisco, and all Gay-dom (mangina’s) to make up for any Female Retardation Syndrome that leads to sudden demise of the real thing.
I didn’t say it was a good substitute, but then again, Feminism is never a good substitute for thinking……………
Yeah that Adam did, trade loniness for pussy. Look what happened there.
WTF? I love pussy!!! I love the way it smells and I love the way it tastes…
I wish women would show their pussies more often…can’t say i agree with you there dick….
A world without pussy would be a lonley place indeed…
Just watched a program on Channel 4 (UK) about 3 women who travel to New York to meet some woman called Betty Dodson who apparently is an ‘orgasm coach’.
Two of the women were middle aged and had never had an orgasm and the other a 27 year old could only have an orgasm using a vibrator.
One by one these women sat naked from the waist down spreadeagled while this 77 year old granny instructed them to prod, probe, rub and fiddle around hoping that eventually they would make themselves come.
One of the women eventually gave up and went back crying and weeping. Another one finally managed to have an orgasm and flew straight back home to give her mother the good news. I couldnt be bothered to watch the rest.
To cut a long story short, a fucked up inability to have an orgasm is incredibly common among women and although they love to blame their inability to cum on a man, more often than not its the womans fault.
They are either way too self conscious to masturbate. Some women NEVER masturbate. They therefore never learn to come
They use vibrators to the extent that they desensitise themselves and are then unable to orgasm during sex.
If you ask me their whole sexual systems are like fucking antique cars that need half an hour of prodding, poking and cranking and if they’re lucky they start noisily rattling and shaking and then finally get going.
With guys you just stick your keys in, get into gear and away you go. Efficient as ever.
MABTW
“The only thing that resembles a vagina is a wallet: something you mindlessly stick money in just because it’s going along for the ride.”
Classic!!
Because I’d have mistaken you for a woman.
In absolute fairness, I’d probably apologize to a woman for mistaking her for a man too.
If you don’t believe that the term ‘mons veneris’ was invented by men, then I can’t help you. You obviously have your own view of the world and its history.
If you don’t believe it’s poetic, I can’t help you. Some of us quite like the Latin language and amusing Greek references.
If you don’t believe that men have to put up with women — or, that in particular, the men that originated that phrase had to do so, then, again, I cannot help you.
One can certainly make the case that a well known anatomical observation was made by women who put up with nothing and were unpoetic.
Just not a very good case.
-wolfe