There’s No Such Thing As a Free Lunch

Since I began the Honorary Man of the Month program (in which an ordinary woman can honorarily have the prestige usually saved for men for a fleeting moment), I have never thought that Carmen Electra would not be among the herd.

This month she has done a man-deed by outing prostitutes worldwide while participating in a charity auction. The auctioned prize: a date with Carmen Electra. The price: high enough so that Miss December “actually felt obligated to, like, sleep with the guy.”

Brava Madam. By the way, when I said prostitutes earlier, I was talking about all women. Every single woman on Earth is a prostitute. Most are just lousy at it.

Before we get carried away, let me say first that Carmen declined the man’s charitable donation, which was probably going to orphans or some kind of diseased persons. Even though no stipulation of sex was implied or requested, she simply didn’t feel comfortable with it — probably much in the same way that the child who could have purchased a working kidney or new eyelids with the man’s money feels uncomfortable with his plagues.

Women are like that in everything that they do. They can be winning important awards like the Honorary Man of the Month with one hand, while they’re stripping organs from needy children with the other. It’s the same kind of shit magicians do except women do it for personal gain. Women are morality magicians. They make principles disappear.

While she has displayed a typically appalling woman-selfishness, Carmen Electra has also expressed the perfectly opposite and very manly opinion that all women are prostitutes. They are. And that’s why she’s the Honorary Man of the Month.

Prostitution is a part of a woman’s nature. It’s something they can never escape, and that’s why they respond so well to being propositioned as such.

“Would you like to go to dinner?”

“I’d love it.”

Yea. That’s because you’re a prostitute.

Unlike men, women are lazy as shit. Women are so lazy that if they designed houses, there would no longer be stairs. Houses would have only slides, and women would give absolutely no fuck about how to get back upstairs because with women it’s all a race to the bottom anyway. Or they would make some hack joke about a man finally asking for directions.

Women ask for directions at the first sign of trouble because they’re lazy too. How many gloriously mantastic things have ever been done because someone got to the right place at the right time? Fucking none. You just show up right where you thought you would be at exactly the right time and then a bunch of predictable shit happen.

That’s horseshit. Men don’t ask for directions because we don’t ruin great things that might be just over the horizon or around some uncharted corner for the sole purpose of clinging onto a pathetic timetable that represents how much control we delude ourselves into thinking we have over our lives.

Also, the women who eat a free meal and then skip out on the requisite sex aren’t thieves or empowered, they’re just lousy whores. Once payment takes place, you’re guilty. Don’t believe me? Go ask a fucking cop.

Carmen doesn’t need the money

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91 Responses to “There’s No Such Thing As a Free Lunch”

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  1. Female Says:

    I’m surprised a man hasn’t yet agreed with your disgusting assertion that all women are prostitutes. Then again, if they did, then I guess they would also be admitting they were customers, paying or otherwise. I’m fairly certain that most men would not like to believe that women perceive sex with them as only a means to a [financial] end. That is incredibly offensive to both genders. Your sexism knows no bounds and is truly foul.

  2. Grump Says:

    While I strongly disagree with Dick (I’m tempted to consider his post an exaggeration) about the prostitution thing, I don’t feel so insecure over his opinion that I have to troll his site. It’s just not worthy of a response.

    Female, do you really believe that Dick has so much influence in the world that you really have to be here to stand up for your personal honour?

    I know I’m not a prostitute, so I don’t feel a need to be on the defense. Dick is absolutely no threat to me, whatever his opinions are.

    Even if he were, your attempt to dissuade the wayward net traveller of the evils of his opinion falls far short. You combat Dick’s opinion with your opinion, and you don’t really offer any piece of evidence against it except for offering an ‘I am fairly certain’ (yeah, that’s convincing!), the ad hominem attack, and the ‘because an opinion is offensive, it’s wrong’ illogic. Gosh, if I want anybody to represent my gender, it would *NEVER* be you!

    Really, are you inwardly afraid that Dick is right? Is that why you continue hammering away here? Or are you just in need of a therapist?

  3. wolfe Says:

    Grump said:

    I’m tempted to consider his post an exaggeration

    Dick, exaggerate? Surely not.

    Rest of Grump’s post: well said.

    -wolfe

  4. woman Says:

    ok.
    so the logical follow through is that all men are “johns”.
    ok.
    you know what makes me laugh?
    is that john will pay through the nose in whatever manner his date, er prostitute, desires on the SLIGHT POSSIBILITY that it is going to earn him any sort of action.
    if i could grow another few heads and sets of lungs i’d laugh with all of them.
    you stupid y’s will do anything for a stab.
    oh yeah, men are better than women alright.
    better at being suckers.
    thanks, guys.
    sure makes for some stress free entertainment from the x end….

    happy new year!

  5. Female Says:

    Grump said:

    While I strongly disagree with Dick (I’m tempted to consider his post an exaggeration) about the prostitution thing, I don’t feel so insecure over his opinion that I have to troll his site. It’s just not worthy of a response.

    Female, do you really believe that Dick has so much influence in the world that you really have to be here to stand up for your personal honour?

    I know I’m not a prostitute, so I don’t feel a need to be on the defense. Dick is absolutely no threat to me, whatever his opinions are.

    Even if he were, your attempt to dissuade the wayward net traveller of the evils of his opinion falls far short. You combat Dick’s opinion with your opinion, and you don’t really offer any piece of evidence against it except for offering an ‘I am fairly certain’ (yeah, that’s convincing!), the ad hominem attack, and the ‘because an opinion is offensive, it’s wrong’ illogic. Gosh, if I want anybody to represent my gender, it would *NEVER* be you!

    Really, are you inwardly afraid that Dick is right? Is that why you continue hammering away here? Or are you just in need of a therapist?

    1001 apologies for having a different opinion to you. True, his post may not have been worthy of a response from an adult, but when you consider that pre-adolescents may come here and read it…then I really think it shouldn’t just be left without comment. Failure to address it may appear to young minds to condone it. You clearly forget that all ages access the internet and that it is now the younger generations vehicle of information for learning about the world. Television is dead. We have digital tv and as soon as we had it installed I stopped watching tele. Almost the exact same time I came across this site which explains why I have spent some time here. I am not saying digitial tele is crap but really I don’t want to spend an hour watching channels constantly be changed in my face. Sure fire way to develop adult ADHD and raging migraine.

    Grump, you also say you arent trolling this site. I disagree. I think you are trolling it, or to be more specific, you are trolling me on it. Why is that? I have a theory that you know Dick personally. If you do not address my theory I will take that as confirmation.

    If that is the case, I think that is sad. At least my reason for being here is not based on selfish intent or an ego need. I have a social purpose for being here, while your purpose seems…without purpose. No one will be able to get rid of me sweetcheeks (except Dick with the ban thing). I will go in my own good time, so save your breath. Post a response to someone else or have a conversation about exactly what your opinions on men or women are. I think we all know and have heard enough times now that you think I’m a child and like to argue with me. You may find this hard to believe but I am not here for you to vent at so please find yourself another playmate.

    In answer to why I do not offer any evidence for why dick is wrong that all women are prostitues, hmmm, well exactly what sort of scientific study would I have to find to refute his claim? There is nothing that CAN refute his claim as his claim is an opinion. Thus, I am perfectly right in responding to it with my opinion that he is wrong. And boys and girls, he is wrong.

  6. Oldone Says:

    Curious, as men, when we go on a date we pay, not because we want to get, as Woman so eloquently put it, a stab. Rather because as men we will get things done without hassle, namely the paying of the bill, making the reservations, etc. Thus, the responsibility of ensuring that the evening is brought to its fruition without mishaps, falls on our shoulders. As such the very idea of a woman paying for a date or even her own dinner becomes absurd. Not only because such an unselfish thought would never enter a woman’s mind as she spends your hard earned money, but also the woman will feel upset or unwanted if the man doesn’t pay.

    To ensure she gets a “free meal” the woman will dress provocatively and take every opportunity to display her physical attributes and advertise her prowess in bed, short of a neon sign affixed to the top of her head that reads: “Will Trade Sex For Food.”

    The woman now, (having realized that her date paid for dinner, a movie and possibly flowers) realizes that she has contributed nothing of value to the date at all and begins feeling obligated to sleep with the man. However, her stomach now full having drained all she could from her date, (much as the Black Widow drinks, the life blood of its male counter part.) and having no further use for him, tries to deny, the very thing she so shamelessly tempted the man with in the beginning. Thus the man, now trying part take of what was displayed, advertised and offered, is yelled at, pushed aside and called a “pig” for thinking she is “that kind of a girl.”

    So, women dress like prostitutes, act like prostitutes, think like prostitutes, and are SHOCKED if treated like prostitutes. Yet another interesting dichotomy of women. (Arielle and Grump are excluded from the women described above.)

  7. Oldone Says:

    Female, to quote a mantastic movie, “I’m sorry, all I heard was blah, blah, blah, I’m a dirty tramp.”

  8. Female Says:

    Geezer, I am interested to know your definition of how to treat a woman like a prostitute. If it’s taking her on a date and paying, you are wrong. Here’s how to treat a woman like a prostitute if you are a pig. Call her at all hours of the morning repeatedly asking if you can come over. When she finally gives in just to get you to stop yammering away, go over to her house and have yourself a good time. Leave the next morning, then don’t have any further contact with her until the next time you feel like getting a bit in the early hours of the morning.

  9. wolfe Says:

    Female said:

    Here’s how to treat a woman like a prostitute if you are a pig. Call her at all hours of the morning repeatedly asking if you can come over. When she finally gives in just to get you to stop yammering away, go over to her house and have yourself a good time. Leave the next morning, then don’t have any further contact with her

    This sounds like the voice of bitter experience.
    -wolfe.

  10. Female Says:

    Alls well that ends well.

    http://shitlistregistry.com/

  11. Mickey Says:

    I’m surprised a man hasn’t yet agreed with your disgusting assertion that all women are prostitutes.

    Sorry- I’ve been busy.

    They’re all worthless sluts.

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