Three Times the Lady, Once Times the Whore

Myself and every other man on Earth have been saying it for years: alimony is fucked — and it’s extremely sexist.

But wait, what about this?

Did you know you’re liable for child support if you knock some slut up who lies about being on the pill and then doesn’t want to have an abortion because of some ridiculous shit like she suddenly has “principles” or because her mother didn’t abort her? Well you are liable for that cash cow and it’s the biggest croc of shit and injustice that could ever be imagined.

First of all, honey, you don’t do everything your mother does because you don’t swallow. And secondly, where were all these magic, money-sucking principles while you were on your back enjoying the greatest hour and a half of your life? Perhaps you were praying to a different, more easy-going God at that point — or maybe God was half as drunk as you and not paying attention. I doubt it.

Thanks to American Superman Matt Dubay, the black hole of injustice feminist blowhards and the dumbest women on Earth call “taking responsibility” will soon be put straight — as straight as a shotgun or a bunch of cowboys or every single picture frame that any man has ever hung anywhere. Men are master hangers, whereas women are merely masters at hanging onto a free ride.

A lawsuit, rightly dubbed, “Roe vs. Wade for Men”, has been filed by Mr. Dubay and the Nation Center for Men, which seeks the obvious:

Women and Child Support: Fuck You!

Whatever you think about abortion, in America it’s not illegal when it’s not illegal and that’s the bottom line — or the Man Line because that’s the line we men walk at all times. You know what else isn’t illegal in America (at least at the moment)? Eating a Snickers bar. If someone offers you a Snickers bar and you don’t want it, and then they turn out to win like a plasma TV or some jet skis in the wrapper, you’re not entitled to shit! Abortions are exactly the same.

Roe v. Wade for Men claims that since men have absolutely no choice in deciding whether a fetus is unconceived (aborted) or given up for adoption after birth, they have no legal responsibility to pay for the goddamn thing.

Is this Law for the Retarded: 101? Of fucking course that’s true. Look, here’s how the court proceedings will go:

“Have you motherfuckers ever heard of No Taxation Without Representation!?”

No, I’m joking. You can’t say motherfuckers in court.

“Your honor, guess what. If you go rent a car and opt not to tell them you’re blind, you can’t go wrecking around town like a carom and then drop a damage bill off at the car rental place with their newly renovated Renault Peugeot that now has two missing wheels and new fucking Delorean doors. It’s not their problem. It’s yours. Case closed.”

The Honorary Man of the Month for March is Matt Dubay’s lying slut of an ex-girlfriend — we’ll call her Slutarella; who is about to be thrown under the proverbial bus of her fucking lifetime in the name of men’s rights. Not equality for men man-mind you, but men’s rights. Men seeking equality is like Robert De Niro auditioning for a Star Wars film.

It’s beneath him.

A Real American Hero

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