Top Ten Reasons Men Are Better Than Women
MenAreBetterThanWomen.com reached 200,000 visitors early this morning, so I thought I would mark the occasion by posting a very special top ten list of the top ten ways in which men are better than women.
Naturally as a man the moment I thought of an idea I set to work implementing it — in this case by writing it. It would have been exactly the same if my idea had been the wheel or the Hoover Dam. That’s because I’m a man and instead of taking shit from the world around me, I can shove shit right back into it as well.
Dick’s Top Ten Reasons MenAreBetterThanWomen.com
10. Men do not have Tourette Syndrome
I believe all women suffer from a mild and extremely localized form of Tourette Syndrome. The afflicted organ? Their tongues. That’s why women cannot shut their fucking mouths for ten seconds while adults are speaking around them. Their tongues are battling around in their mouths like drunken Vipers.
9. Men are not sponges
Women are social chameleons — or better yet: social vampires. Women walk into a situation and before you know it they’ve completely changed their wardrobe and mannerisms as if they’ve joined a fucking cult. Men are not sheep. Everyone knows the word for a female sheep is ewe, but what about the male word? There isn’t one because sheep is something men are not.
8. Women are racists
Women’s entire lives and social circles are based around hatred. Do they hate their boyfriends? Do they hate their wardrobe? Do they hate each other? Yes, yes and fuck definitely. Men don’t go in for that silly sort of nonsense. If we’re dissatisfied, we pick up and move out. Or we take our mighty man muscles and lift fucking mountains so the world looks exactly the way we want it to. Men do more world changing before 9:00 AM than any woman ever has done in her whole life.
7. Men live less than women
The last thing a society needs is a bunch of non-contributing members laying around and sucking all the juice from the young. Men know this so they blast off from birth like shooting man stars — burning out ten years faster, but setting the whole night ablaze with manness. Women just kind of lie around like big fat pigs in big fat puddles of shit. Congratulations women. You really earned those rights!
6. Men write illegibly
Writing is stupid and an ineffective way to communicate. Men know this so they don’t give a shit about handwriting things with big hoops and loops and squiggles and shit so aliens can read notes about remembering to pick up your birth control pills after 6th period from space.
5. Jesus was a man
Whether or not you believe in Jesus, there is one fact you can’t argue with: he was a man. No religion anywhere has ever put a woman in charge of shit. That’s called dogma — man-dogma — and it means men are better than women.
4. Men wear watches
Do you know why men wear watches? It’s because there’s a limited amount of time in the day and men need to know how much of it there is so they can efficiently allocate their man ass kicking for the day. Women don’t wear watches; they wear bracelets. Women wearing bracelets is like dropping a bus of retarded kids off in front of a taffy pulling machine. They can just stare for hours and never get bored.
A watch says, ‘Get up and go! Move your man ass and take care of your fucking man business!’ That’s why 60 minutes uses a ticking watch for its theme song. ‘Important shit is going down and we’re about to talk about it in a fucking fastidious manner, so get the fuck ready,’ says a ticking watch. A bracelet says, ‘You’re most likely ugly, but look at how much money you’re worth!’ What a joke.
3. Boys destroy things
The only thing that has ever lifted our species out of the trees where we came from is our ability to destroy. Take paper: the cornerstone of the modern world. That was invented because man wanted to destroy trees and beat them into pulp. How about nuclear power? Men invented that too. Men are natural destructors. We pop right out of the man-womb and start on a life-long tirade of progress by tearing down the Earth with our mighty, man-manly man-fists. Goddammit, that’s awesome!
2. Marriage is stupid
Marriage is 100% the fault of women. It was invented by men though! Did you know that? Marriage was invented because women were too busy whoring it out to fuck the only the guy who was paying their rent and feeding their fat asses French bon-bons every day. Men invented marriage as a way of telling women who they could and couldn’t fuck. Like everything else men have ever invented, it completely worked and worked way better than any man thought it would. Women became so indoctrinated by the man-invention of marriage that they’re fucking obsessed with it.
Marriage is still stupid. It’s a stupid game invented to entertain stupid minds and to teach basic lessons of fidelity that even invertebrates are born with.
1. Men have penises
When it comes to being a man, being quick at identifying problems is tantamount to fixing them. In fact it’s tantamount-ier. Having a penis — in other words looking like a man and having man parts — is a man’s way of telling other men, ‘Hey. Look at me. I’m a man. I won’t fuck up whatever it is that you’re trying to do. If you need some help, maybe ask me and I’ll see if I can lend a man-hand. It’s the least I could do to be fucking courteous.’
Men Are Better Than Women.
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Unfuckable; unrapeable; not enough titties and beer in the world.
wow… was this guy raped and beat as a child or something? or was he raised idolizing his ‘great’ father? whatever the reason, this guy needs to see a therapist, i mean, what having a dick makes you the best person in the world?
These reasons are JUST PLAIN STUPID. We are superior because we have dicks? You dont even know what male sheep are called! Whats your IQ? probably not even close to 0. oh yes, by the way, where does he think babies come from? 2 men? THIS GAY FUCKTARD NEEDS TO BE TAUGHT A LESSON
Thank you tom…dick go fuck yourself because unless you find some men-are-great-and-we-are-slaves-to-them-woman (unfortunatly there are some out there) no woman ever will so have fun…be sure to switch hands or you’ll get carpal tunnul asshole! actually you know what why don’t you just go jump off a cliff and do the best manly destruction you could ever do..please really do us all a favor and do it quick
I accidentally stumbled across your page. It looked lame, but before leaving I decided, what the hell, I’m gonna leave this dick a comment.
If this is supposed to be satire, it seriously lacking. Maybe a handful of sexist meat heads out there are getting a chuckle, but I doubt anyone with an average IQ will waste their time or money buying your book.
If this isn’t just some half-assed attempt to be funny, then you’re obviously uneducated and bitter over some women who got the better of you. Or, you’re a fag. I mean, who else is going to go to such lengths to express how much more they like men than women? Come out of the closet already and get it over with.
I wonder, when you go out in public do you have to wear a bullet proof vest? Did you know the bullet proof vests was invented by a woman? So was the circular saw, engine muffler, and fire escape. But I’m sure you knew that.
Manholes are fucking boring.
Everyone knows the word for a female sheep is ewe, but what about the male word? There isn’t one because sheep is something men are not.
Ram, you dolt.
Dick, keep up the good work. Its unfortunate that some people still haven’t developed the ability to laugh.
To the self-righteous cunts (this includes the ‘men’ who keep bitching):
Step One: Shut your mouths long enough to read and understand.
Step Two: Grow some thicker fuckin skin or you’ll never succeed in anything. To the men bitching, try growing some balls.
Step Three: Laugh and fucking enjoy life… Get the sticks out of your asses and you might just develop a sense of humor.
If you call that witty you have really low standards. Nothing more then a repetitive speech done by the last person who should be doing so. Taking the time to explain what’s wrong with her statements would be useless as she’ld just hide behind her own ego. It’s been done before and it wasn’t good the first time.
You make good guys look bad, by saying men- it’s not all men that think like you- it’s that your an asshole and guys that think like you are too.
Wow, was that really the best you could do for a comeback? The high schooler was more intelligent and witty, and the only one who looks foolish is you, because she had a through explanation and you got nothing.
Sexist and Racist are synonymous, you’re discriminating people on what they are, rather than making a rational judgment on who they are. Neither sex is better than the other, for we would not exist without each other. Men and Women fit together like yin and yang. Both sexes have a purpose. Both have strengths and weaknesses, neither more so than the other. Strengths and weaknesses may be different for each gender, but they both have them. Regardless of gender, nationality, color hair, color eyes, etc, we are all people. Don’t blame all women because of people in your life that may have treated you bad, that may have been female. It was just them as a person, not their gender. Men have murdered more people than women, likewise women may bitch more, but that’s debatable judging on how much I’ve heard you bitch. open your eyes, and your mind- no 2 people are exactly the same. I think deep down, you know all this, and you are either bitter, attention seeking, money hungry, or all of the above. Any which way- what you’re doing is wrong. What you are doing is very grade school. It’s like you have a club house that reads boys only! When are you going to realize what it really means to be a man? You need to grow up and get over yourself. Do you really want to put the message out there that it’s okay to treat women badly, when they have done nothing wrong, when they are just as human as men? I saw my dad beat my mom for no reason, all she did was try her best, and just because he was physically stronger, he could, but don’t you think that just because a person can- doesn’t mean they should? I could go on and on, but I can’t change your mind, you have to decide for yourself, and really open your eyes/mind/heart/soul to see the truth. The only way to be better than someone else, is not to stoop to the level that some people stoop to. To not be uncaring, inconsiderate, even when people are to you, because in the end, that is what makes you a better person.
I love how people take the time out of their day and bother challenging your points of view, each trying to make themselves seem better than the other hoping only to make their generalizations suddenly disappear. That, or a little apology. If they really wanted to be mature, they wouldn’t go to a site that offended them to try to upset a person who can easily turn the tables. Honestly, I’m getting a laugh out of this.
keep up the good work
Dude, your rhyming sucks
As a woman, this site really doesn’t bug me since (1) it’s satire and (2) it’s getting male users to show how they really feel about women and wave their dicks around to be chopped off.
Btw… this site is 100% satire. Enjoy kiddies.
I see. While understandable, I unfortunately tend to have pity towards things that can’t know any better. Cats with walls, dogs with cars, kids under 18 and opinions, etc.
Yeah, tell that to the amazons. They REALLY made a impact on society.
Misogyny fuels misandry,
Misandry fuels misogyny,
Neither wants it to end,
So they go on to offend,
Making hate filled sites,
Cheap shots and nasty bites,
Playing victim all the way,
Sapiens are slowly giving way…
“The last thing a society needs is a bunch of non-contributing members laying around and sucking all the juice from the young. Men know this so they blast off from birth like shooting man stars — burning out ten years faster, but setting the whole night ablaze with manness. Women just kind of lie around like big fat pigs in big fat puddles of shit. Congratulations women. You really earned those rights!”
I disagree. Mens know that they don’t give too much place for women ! And still they live too much, if womens really wanted, you all would be dead . Dick Masterson you would be dead first .
By the way, why Catherine was so good at ruling Russia, because there wasn’t any FUCKING man ! Simple, isn’t it ?