Top Ten Reasons Men Are Better Than Women
MenAreBetterThanWomen.com reached 200,000 visitors early this morning, so I thought I would mark the occasion by posting a very special top ten list of the top ten ways in which men are better than women.
Naturally as a man the moment I thought of an idea I set to work implementing it — in this case by writing it. It would have been exactly the same if my idea had been the wheel or the Hoover Dam. That’s because I’m a man and instead of taking shit from the world around me, I can shove shit right back into it as well.
Dick’s Top Ten Reasons MenAreBetterThanWomen.com
10. Men do not have Tourette Syndrome
I believe all women suffer from a mild and extremely localized form of Tourette Syndrome. The afflicted organ? Their tongues. That’s why women cannot shut their fucking mouths for ten seconds while adults are speaking around them. Their tongues are battling around in their mouths like drunken Vipers.
9. Men are not sponges
Women are social chameleons — or better yet: social vampires. Women walk into a situation and before you know it they’ve completely changed their wardrobe and mannerisms as if they’ve joined a fucking cult. Men are not sheep. Everyone knows the word for a female sheep is ewe, but what about the male word? There isn’t one because sheep is something men are not.
8. Women are racists
Women’s entire lives and social circles are based around hatred. Do they hate their boyfriends? Do they hate their wardrobe? Do they hate each other? Yes, yes and fuck definitely. Men don’t go in for that silly sort of nonsense. If we’re dissatisfied, we pick up and move out. Or we take our mighty man muscles and lift fucking mountains so the world looks exactly the way we want it to. Men do more world changing before 9:00 AM than any woman ever has done in her whole life.
7. Men live less than women
The last thing a society needs is a bunch of non-contributing members laying around and sucking all the juice from the young. Men know this so they blast off from birth like shooting man stars — burning out ten years faster, but setting the whole night ablaze with manness. Women just kind of lie around like big fat pigs in big fat puddles of shit. Congratulations women. You really earned those rights!
6. Men write illegibly
Writing is stupid and an ineffective way to communicate. Men know this so they don’t give a shit about handwriting things with big hoops and loops and squiggles and shit so aliens can read notes about remembering to pick up your birth control pills after 6th period from space.
5. Jesus was a man
Whether or not you believe in Jesus, there is one fact you can’t argue with: he was a man. No religion anywhere has ever put a woman in charge of shit. That’s called dogma — man-dogma — and it means men are better than women.
4. Men wear watches
Do you know why men wear watches? It’s because there’s a limited amount of time in the day and men need to know how much of it there is so they can efficiently allocate their man ass kicking for the day. Women don’t wear watches; they wear bracelets. Women wearing bracelets is like dropping a bus of retarded kids off in front of a taffy pulling machine. They can just stare for hours and never get bored.
A watch says, ‘Get up and go! Move your man ass and take care of your fucking man business!’ That’s why 60 minutes uses a ticking watch for its theme song. ‘Important shit is going down and we’re about to talk about it in a fucking fastidious manner, so get the fuck ready,’ says a ticking watch. A bracelet says, ‘You’re most likely ugly, but look at how much money you’re worth!’ What a joke.
3. Boys destroy things
The only thing that has ever lifted our species out of the trees where we came from is our ability to destroy. Take paper: the cornerstone of the modern world. That was invented because man wanted to destroy trees and beat them into pulp. How about nuclear power? Men invented that too. Men are natural destructors. We pop right out of the man-womb and start on a life-long tirade of progress by tearing down the Earth with our mighty, man-manly man-fists. Goddammit, that’s awesome!
2. Marriage is stupid
Marriage is 100% the fault of women. It was invented by men though! Did you know that? Marriage was invented because women were too busy whoring it out to fuck the only the guy who was paying their rent and feeding their fat asses French bon-bons every day. Men invented marriage as a way of telling women who they could and couldn’t fuck. Like everything else men have ever invented, it completely worked and worked way better than any man thought it would. Women became so indoctrinated by the man-invention of marriage that they’re fucking obsessed with it.
Marriage is still stupid. It’s a stupid game invented to entertain stupid minds and to teach basic lessons of fidelity that even invertebrates are born with.
1. Men have penises
When it comes to being a man, being quick at identifying problems is tantamount to fixing them. In fact it’s tantamount-ier. Having a penis — in other words looking like a man and having man parts — is a man’s way of telling other men, ‘Hey. Look at me. I’m a man. I won’t fuck up whatever it is that you’re trying to do. If you need some help, maybe ask me and I’ll see if I can lend a man-hand. It’s the least I could do to be fucking courteous.’
Men Are Better Than Women.
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I have to agree with you Nick….*sigh* humiliated by my own kind
Wow that last remark fell about 30 yards short from making any sense at all
You´re a gay, and it´s OK! Women are not the real reason of your frustration.
Yeah, those are exactly the kind of comments I was referring too…..it just reaffirms everything Dick has said *sigh*
I really don’t believe that all women are that way though, it just seems unfortunate that they’re the type that seem to be posting here…
Considering your own comment was stupid and pointless, I think that makes you relatively hypocritical as well.
But don’t worry, that’s how arguing with a woman ALWAYS is. A man comes along and makes a series of valid points, such as, “The sky is perfectly clear in all directions, and meteorologists claimed that it will be sunny and 85 today,” to which a woman replies, “But I got a pretty new umbrella and I wanted it to rain! I’ll take it anyway.” Guess what! Hallucinating doesn’t change reality!
fuck you.
everything you’ve said is either hypocritical, not true, or just ridiculously stupid and pointless.
In one of the voicemails, Dick lists off the insults that most women use (One gets all of them at once!)
Basically it’s-
You’re ugly.
You’re gay.
Your mother raised you wrong.
You don’t get laid.
Picking off women who use those insults is like target practice.
I actually have to somewhat agree with you on this….some of the women who post here are just proving Dick’s theories, and making asses of themselves with their cursing and empty arguments.
There’s a trade-off there. See, we derive entertainment from women posting here, yes, but it’s like when you’re trying to work with a stand-up comic in your living room. No matter how entertaining he is (and obviously he’s making you explode in Earth shattering laughter, since he’s male) he’s still interrupting the pure awesome that is whatever man-work you happen to be doing.
Gee L, relax….this site wouldn’t be any fun if you didn’t have women trying to disprove Dick’s theories….don’t you agree?
Dick Masterson is most likely a pen name.
Men are also better than women at dealing with adrenaline-generating situations. For example, walking down the street, if a bear lunges out at a man, he’s not going to panic, he’s going to whip out whatever tools he carries on him and teach the bear what’s up. When the animal rescue squad shows up, the man will have the bear hog-tied and muzzled. Dealing with random bear attack, +500 man points.
A woman, on the other hand, will do what Lauren here did, and whip out her cell phone and complain, saying something like, “omg thr is so a baer in the road WUT I DO”. Case in point, never send a woman against a bear. That’s a man’s job.
Eloquent, inspiring, and TOTALLY original. Might I repeat that women are still banned from this site, read the FAMQ…
It will change when the entire legistlative bodies of every Western nation die in explosions.
That’s because women in Holland are given preferential treatment. For example, they do not have to do national service in the dutch army, yet they can be politicians, lawyers and the like. This is what Rich Zubaty calls the aristocracy of women in the West, wherein women have all the rights without responsibilities. They are also given preferential treatment at school. I am withdrawing my consent from this society until all this changes.
Go suck you own balls, motherfucker.
fyi asshole i ws so goddamn mad i couldn’t type properly and just in case you thought that would offend me next time when youare trying to insult someone at least quote his or her name properly… and you say I cannot spell well i guess you’ll have fun 69′ing w/ dick
Something is telling me that this is all just satire.
Dick Masterson sounds like a really bad pun
dick = penis
master = is also used as a title for males
son = a parent’s male offspring
A little embarrassing. Also, there are some stupid people out there. You know, people who act like fools for attention.
wat a fucking dipshit im sure you like sheep when your fucking them
Yeah well LAURA at least we men can fucking spell …unlike you you whore.
Its quite simple really,women think they have the power today with all this (girl power) 90,s shit but they dont.I am English and just look what happens when you have a woman in power…margeret thatcher…she fucked Enland up big style and forever..thats what happens when you have a woman who thinks shes intelligent in power…I have to say that im a bi-polar person who suffers from extreme bouts of deppression but ive been reading this stuff on this site and fuck me its made my year let alone my day,,,it really is true that women are whores and that they only view men as bank accounts and a money machine….rock on dick you rule.
Engine muffler - El Dorado Jones 1917
Kevlar, a steel-like fiber used in radial tires, crash helmets, and bulletproof vests -Stephanie Kwolek 1966
Samuel Miller obtained a patent in 1777 for a saw WINDMILL. However the specification for this only mentions the form of the saw incidentally, probably indicating that it was not his invention.
I did look this up you moron. You can find an extended list with plenty more women and their inventions on a dozen different sites including factmonster.com
And by the way, I got excellent grades in school. So maybe you should be the one taking ten seconds to look this up before spouting out untrue bullshit.