Top Ten Reasons Men Are Better Than Women
MenAreBetterThanWomen.com reached 200,000 visitors early this morning, so I thought I would mark the occasion by posting a very special top ten list of the top ten ways in which men are better than women.
Naturally as a man the moment I thought of an idea I set to work implementing it — in this case by writing it. It would have been exactly the same if my idea had been the wheel or the Hoover Dam. That’s because I’m a man and instead of taking shit from the world around me, I can shove shit right back into it as well.
Dick’s Top Ten Reasons MenAreBetterThanWomen.com
10. Men do not have Tourette Syndrome
I believe all women suffer from a mild and extremely localized form of Tourette Syndrome. The afflicted organ? Their tongues. That’s why women cannot shut their fucking mouths for ten seconds while adults are speaking around them. Their tongues are battling around in their mouths like drunken Vipers.
9. Men are not sponges
Women are social chameleons — or better yet: social vampires. Women walk into a situation and before you know it they’ve completely changed their wardrobe and mannerisms as if they’ve joined a fucking cult. Men are not sheep. Everyone knows the word for a female sheep is ewe, but what about the male word? There isn’t one because sheep is something men are not.
8. Women are racists
Women’s entire lives and social circles are based around hatred. Do they hate their boyfriends? Do they hate their wardrobe? Do they hate each other? Yes, yes and fuck definitely. Men don’t go in for that silly sort of nonsense. If we’re dissatisfied, we pick up and move out. Or we take our mighty man muscles and lift fucking mountains so the world looks exactly the way we want it to. Men do more world changing before 9:00 AM than any woman ever has done in her whole life.
7. Men live less than women
The last thing a society needs is a bunch of non-contributing members laying around and sucking all the juice from the young. Men know this so they blast off from birth like shooting man stars — burning out ten years faster, but setting the whole night ablaze with manness. Women just kind of lie around like big fat pigs in big fat puddles of shit. Congratulations women. You really earned those rights!
6. Men write illegibly
Writing is stupid and an ineffective way to communicate. Men know this so they don’t give a shit about handwriting things with big hoops and loops and squiggles and shit so aliens can read notes about remembering to pick up your birth control pills after 6th period from space.
5. Jesus was a man
Whether or not you believe in Jesus, there is one fact you can’t argue with: he was a man. No religion anywhere has ever put a woman in charge of shit. That’s called dogma — man-dogma — and it means men are better than women.
4. Men wear watches
Do you know why men wear watches? It’s because there’s a limited amount of time in the day and men need to know how much of it there is so they can efficiently allocate their man ass kicking for the day. Women don’t wear watches; they wear bracelets. Women wearing bracelets is like dropping a bus of retarded kids off in front of a taffy pulling machine. They can just stare for hours and never get bored.
A watch says, ‘Get up and go! Move your man ass and take care of your fucking man business!’ That’s why 60 minutes uses a ticking watch for its theme song. ‘Important shit is going down and we’re about to talk about it in a fucking fastidious manner, so get the fuck ready,’ says a ticking watch. A bracelet says, ‘You’re most likely ugly, but look at how much money you’re worth!’ What a joke.
3. Boys destroy things
The only thing that has ever lifted our species out of the trees where we came from is our ability to destroy. Take paper: the cornerstone of the modern world. That was invented because man wanted to destroy trees and beat them into pulp. How about nuclear power? Men invented that too. Men are natural destructors. We pop right out of the man-womb and start on a life-long tirade of progress by tearing down the Earth with our mighty, man-manly man-fists. Goddammit, that’s awesome!
2. Marriage is stupid
Marriage is 100% the fault of women. It was invented by men though! Did you know that? Marriage was invented because women were too busy whoring it out to fuck the only the guy who was paying their rent and feeding their fat asses French bon-bons every day. Men invented marriage as a way of telling women who they could and couldn’t fuck. Like everything else men have ever invented, it completely worked and worked way better than any man thought it would. Women became so indoctrinated by the man-invention of marriage that they’re fucking obsessed with it.
Marriage is still stupid. It’s a stupid game invented to entertain stupid minds and to teach basic lessons of fidelity that even invertebrates are born with.
1. Men have penises
When it comes to being a man, being quick at identifying problems is tantamount to fixing them. In fact it’s tantamount-ier. Having a penis — in other words looking like a man and having man parts — is a man’s way of telling other men, ‘Hey. Look at me. I’m a man. I won’t fuck up whatever it is that you’re trying to do. If you need some help, maybe ask me and I’ll see if I can lend a man-hand. It’s the least I could do to be fucking courteous.’
Men Are Better Than Women.
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Because you date assholes, you appear that you really don’t want to change. And so you bring our righteous indignation in men, and thats why they are assholes back to you.
When I first came to this site I had an open mind. I got in some discussions about the different posts, and some men were really helpful. But MOST were complete assholes. How do you expect women to change if you’re not willing to help us change? Do you think sitting her bitching about it on a website is really going to change anything? Why not just accept women as they are, realizing it’s not going to change, and man up? Half the men on this site are bitchier than any women I’ve ever known
Taking your power back? how can a man lose his power if he’s THAT powerful? Something like you has no power to begin with, which is probably what frustrates you. A man has power to begin with. If a nurse ever has to take care of you, be thankful it’s a woman and not a man, cause by your understanding, a man would rape your wounds and feel great about it.
In all of what you’re saying, you know what is great, because there ARE positive things… If you hate women so much, then it prolly means you don’t want to have sex with them - unless raping them. In any case, it probably means you’ll never reproduce. Thank you for hating women, I wouldn’t like to have your offspring breathing air other worhty people might need. And Thank you for hating women, more women for me!
So now, do the world a favor and GTFO.
Dick M is not hating anybody especially himself. He is making a point, which you cant understand, but it’s not his problem what you can’t understand, if you are so full of love, why don’t you start understanding it by yourself.
You bring shame to gays everywhere. Stop hating on women to distract the hatred you have for yourself. Get a grip and come to terms with who you are instead of bashing people.
And this is what we want - We don’t want you to be that way.
And this is what we want. We don’t want you to be that way.
And Blah blah bla and blah blah blah….
Like you don’t know what we want. yea right. We are taking our POWER BACK!!!
UUU YEAP, Men should be more thankful to women. Like be thankful, when a woman for ex gives us a courtesy of farting in our direction;) Ooh, poor women we don’t want to be thakful often enough, that’s the problem right there. Women would be happy to teach us how to be thankful especialy some of them, but Dick M. messes it all up. Let’s beat that guy. Oooh he so baaad not knowing that, woman are better, he so meeeean, he hates all god’s creatures, he should go to jail and hell. Why can’t some men understand this and be real understaning men. WTF these guys want, they must be all gay.
When I read all this stuff.. it makes me think that all of a sudden all the guys think that they’re Chuck Norris. Sorry guys, I know it makes you sad.. but ur not. Leave the Chuck Norris duties FOR Chuck Norris.
PS: Thanks for making my day w/ ur hilarious comments. =]
I listen to talk radio everyday on my way home from WORK, (in your opinion I should be at home, barefoot pregnant and washing your shitty ass boxers and fixing you a hearty meal) and was really upset to hear someone of your rediculousness on the air. “Women are only good to have babies?!!” Really?! I guess that you must have been burned one to many times by a woman who regected your sorry ass, and maybe that’s why you have such a low opinion of us. I was in the Army for 4 years, a truck driver at that, I was also the only female in my platoon and the only SAW gunner (if you know what that is). I am proud to say that I have fought for this country when some men are too cowardly to do so. I am married with two daughters and I think that is very sad that they will have to deal with idiots like yourself thoughout thier upbringing and their grown lives. I hope that one day you and others like you will come to your senses and realize that we are all just people and all we need and want is to exist together. Not out do eachother at every turn. It is true that men are better at some things, but women are better at some things as well. We all have things we are good at and things we are not good at. Everyone contributes something.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that you need a good old fashioned talking to about the ways of life, perhaps from your mother!!
I have reviewed several of your articles of supposedly how men are better than women and every one is entitled to his or her own opinion. However, you claim to have evidence to support the finding of how women are so much dumber than men but I find your research highly insufficient. It is as if you are not highly educated enough to find enough proof to give both side of the story. I am very aware that your website is nothing more than a tactic to provoke people and to make money. If what you say is not a tactic though and you really believe what you write I truly feel sorry for you and the fact that you believe women are so negative. I know you will probable come back with some immature comment calling me some type of name or something but don’t bother. I will not be returning to the website. The comments you make are highly to immature for me and a waste of my time.
It’s funny to see a women try to type, hitting the Return button after every sentence. Also FYI a vagina can be raped by a penis, hence Penis = Domination, bitch.
Wow. A dick is like a dog that wags it’s tail even if it got served shitty food.
WOMEN ARE NOT CREATED EQUAL. THEY BLEED EVERY 25 DAYS. MEN DONT
You then proceed to not only prove nothing at all save that you have no sense of humor whatsoever.
If I have to put up with every other sitcom/commercial/movie depicting the husband as a Homer Simpson-like, portly, well-meaning-yet-bumbling idiot who can’t please his wife in bed, can’t raise his kids properly, can’t manage without his spouse and refuses to ask for directions, the female side of things can endure 10 bits of satire on a website they came to by choice.
What I find funny here is that the women posting are taking this far too seriously and don’t recognise it is satire and not real sexism. It is just poking fun and anyone who doesn’t see that has a shit sense of humour.
The “person” to be politicaly correct, made no point. We made 3 points;
a fuckup, no sense of humor, an alien,
The Score: 3:0
Thanx guys for you support,
;)
The score; 3:0
;)
Martin you already might be an alien you’re so fucking void of social intelligence.
We aren’t Greys. Period. We don’t absorb sunlight and water for energy and have big fucking skulls and eyes that see the electromagnetic spectrum and lay eggpods on spaceships like asexuals.
We are apes. Period. The apes of the Arab world have their women under control and caged and they’re winning. Pick a team or jump off the fucking planet and maybe your biped insect gods you love so much will revive your frozen body.
You’re taking a comedian seriously about his views..come on…go away, observe life a bit more and come back when you make sense.