Top Ten Reasons Men Are Better Than Women
MenAreBetterThanWomen.com reached 200,000 visitors early this morning, so I thought I would mark the occasion by posting a very special top ten list of the top ten ways in which men are better than women.
Naturally as a man the moment I thought of an idea I set to work implementing it — in this case by writing it. It would have been exactly the same if my idea had been the wheel or the Hoover Dam. That’s because I’m a man and instead of taking shit from the world around me, I can shove shit right back into it as well.
Dick’s Top Ten Reasons MenAreBetterThanWomen.com
10. Men do not have Tourette Syndrome
I believe all women suffer from a mild and extremely localized form of Tourette Syndrome. The afflicted organ? Their tongues. That’s why women cannot shut their fucking mouths for ten seconds while adults are speaking around them. Their tongues are battling around in their mouths like drunken Vipers.
9. Men are not sponges
Women are social chameleons — or better yet: social vampires. Women walk into a situation and before you know it they’ve completely changed their wardrobe and mannerisms as if they’ve joined a fucking cult. Men are not sheep. Everyone knows the word for a female sheep is ewe, but what about the male word? There isn’t one because sheep is something men are not.
8. Women are racists
Women’s entire lives and social circles are based around hatred. Do they hate their boyfriends? Do they hate their wardrobe? Do they hate each other? Yes, yes and fuck definitely. Men don’t go in for that silly sort of nonsense. If we’re dissatisfied, we pick up and move out. Or we take our mighty man muscles and lift fucking mountains so the world looks exactly the way we want it to. Men do more world changing before 9:00 AM than any woman ever has done in her whole life.
7. Men live less than women
The last thing a society needs is a bunch of non-contributing members laying around and sucking all the juice from the young. Men know this so they blast off from birth like shooting man stars — burning out ten years faster, but setting the whole night ablaze with manness. Women just kind of lie around like big fat pigs in big fat puddles of shit. Congratulations women. You really earned those rights!
6. Men write illegibly
Writing is stupid and an ineffective way to communicate. Men know this so they don’t give a shit about handwriting things with big hoops and loops and squiggles and shit so aliens can read notes about remembering to pick up your birth control pills after 6th period from space.
5. Jesus was a man
Whether or not you believe in Jesus, there is one fact you can’t argue with: he was a man. No religion anywhere has ever put a woman in charge of shit. That’s called dogma — man-dogma — and it means men are better than women.
4. Men wear watches
Do you know why men wear watches? It’s because there’s a limited amount of time in the day and men need to know how much of it there is so they can efficiently allocate their man ass kicking for the day. Women don’t wear watches; they wear bracelets. Women wearing bracelets is like dropping a bus of retarded kids off in front of a taffy pulling machine. They can just stare for hours and never get bored.
A watch says, ‘Get up and go! Move your man ass and take care of your fucking man business!’ That’s why 60 minutes uses a ticking watch for its theme song. ‘Important shit is going down and we’re about to talk about it in a fucking fastidious manner, so get the fuck ready,’ says a ticking watch. A bracelet says, ‘You’re most likely ugly, but look at how much money you’re worth!’ What a joke.
3. Boys destroy things
The only thing that has ever lifted our species out of the trees where we came from is our ability to destroy. Take paper: the cornerstone of the modern world. That was invented because man wanted to destroy trees and beat them into pulp. How about nuclear power? Men invented that too. Men are natural destructors. We pop right out of the man-womb and start on a life-long tirade of progress by tearing down the Earth with our mighty, man-manly man-fists. Goddammit, that’s awesome!
2. Marriage is stupid
Marriage is 100% the fault of women. It was invented by men though! Did you know that? Marriage was invented because women were too busy whoring it out to fuck the only the guy who was paying their rent and feeding their fat asses French bon-bons every day. Men invented marriage as a way of telling women who they could and couldn’t fuck. Like everything else men have ever invented, it completely worked and worked way better than any man thought it would. Women became so indoctrinated by the man-invention of marriage that they’re fucking obsessed with it.
Marriage is still stupid. It’s a stupid game invented to entertain stupid minds and to teach basic lessons of fidelity that even invertebrates are born with.
1. Men have penises
When it comes to being a man, being quick at identifying problems is tantamount to fixing them. In fact it’s tantamount-ier. Having a penis — in other words looking like a man and having man parts — is a man’s way of telling other men, ‘Hey. Look at me. I’m a man. I won’t fuck up whatever it is that you’re trying to do. If you need some help, maybe ask me and I’ll see if I can lend a man-hand. It’s the least I could do to be fucking courteous.’
Men Are Better Than Women.
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Okay, I have to say that yes a little of what you wrote may be factually correct (and I’m being generous by saying a little) but most of it was just inane bullshit. Your arguments are ridiculous and honestly if that is all that men pride themselves on (writing illegibly, wearing watches, and having penises) then I am quite happy that I was born a woman. I agree with what someone questioned earlier, are you seriously this thick-headed or is this some sort of childish joke? In my opinion, you are a man that has little to no experience with the opposite sex and therefore is trying desperately to get attention through other means. I am sorely upset with the media for adding fuel to the fire by allowing you to be put on television. It just exacerbated the problem. All in all, you are very lucky that we have never nor will ever most likely meet, for your sake, and I am VERY happy that not all men in this world are as pig-headed as you.
i murdered my my last husband because i was stressed out because i had pmt u think im joking but i really did i hate all men and i go on this website for a laugh
what kind of name is death slayer its shit u are shit i will eat ur face and spit it on your mothers grave then i will shit on your grave if u dont stop going on like a women
what kind of name is death slayer its shit u are shit i will eat ur face and spit it on your mothers grave then i will shit on your grave if u dont stop going on like a women
I felt a little blue (PMS and all of that)
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I feel manly all the time…and I don’t blame bleeding for five days a month, swelled nipples and water for it. It’s just the knowledge that I’m a MAN.
and then accidentally stumbled onto this website, damn did i laugh my ass off for this bullshit.
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Yes, it was filled with logic, many thoughts and reality, which since you couldn’t handle, your PMS sensors decided to make it a joke and something it could handle instead of accepting the reality…
men ARE better.
It is a joke right, no one can honestly waste time writing crap like the above and expect people to regard it seriously.
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Let’s see, 99% of all technology, developing technology that makes it easier for WOMEN, engineering, even the vibrator…all done by men and that’s just the tip of the iceburg. Except for reproduction, what else have women brought to the world that benefits HUMANKIND?
“Everyone knows the word for a female sheep is ewe, but what about the male word? There isn’t one because sheep is something men are not”. -
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That’s you best argument that this board is wrong? Sorry, unless most women who disagree are permanently on PMS, all that proves is that your FEELINGS can stand up to male LOGIC and COMMON SENSE.
HA-HA-HA-HA!!!! My ten year old sibling knows that and she’s a girl!
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Ah, you fail not only to recognize humor and satire, but you got advice from your intellectual equal. I’m sure her experiences in life qualify her for the intelligence needed to handle this board. So, what’s your excuse?
thanks for a great laugh dick, please invent some new reasons, i’m definitely visiting this site again same time next month
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Why invent reasons? Your post is in itself all the evidence needed.
- Yeah yeah i know I’m not allowed but what you gonna do
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Mark on our calendars that a PMS controlled attention whore who is too cheap to pay for painkillers expects us to be a source of entertainment. Then enjoy seeing how sad and pathetic her reasoning is compared to male logic, laugh at her ten-year old mindset attempts to keep up with the rest of us and find something more manly to discuss.
- “Boys destroy things” ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
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We do. It’s fun.
Deathslayer
Thank you, baby.
-Dick
heard u on the alan handleman show…you are awesome.
I felt a little blue (PMS and all of that) and then accidentally stumbled onto this website, damn did i laugh my ass off for this bullshit. It is a joke right, no one can honestly waste time writing crap like the above and expect people to regard it seriously. “Everyone knows the word for a female sheep is ewe, but what about the male word? There isn’t one because sheep is something men are not”. - HA-HA-HA-HA!!!! My ten year old sibling knows that and she’s a girl! thanks for a great laugh dick, please invent some new reasons, i’m definitely visiting this site again same time next month - Yeah yeah i know I’m not allowed but what you gonna do - “Boys destroy things” ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Even when a man does nothing he still achieves more than a woman ever could…Look at buddha
Wow, what an awesome article, not only is it extremely informative, but it’s filled with facts. I have become a more manly man because of this article. I hope men like you progress to positions like president of the united states, or richest man in the world. Thank you for your selfless service to society.
ps. men rule
I’m getting really tired of the “Dick is a dick” comment women keep posting. And they all think they’re so brilliant for coming up with it, like they were the first ones to ever think of it….
Dick’s not a dick, he’s the MAN ;)
Yes, it’s painfully obvious, that’s why you fail at reading and comprehension.
Go back to the start of the site little girl, re read it.
No women allowed.
What part of fuck off don’t you understand?
The Fuck, or the Off?
Dick by name dick by nature!
The only reason men invented so much was because woman weren’t fucken educated. Woman weren’t fucken educated because men were show offs and also generally stronger. In my class I can beat most of the guys up, beat them in a game of mercy and I can beat them in almost any test. Also I was just swiming in the sea with two boys and they were so slow at getting in. It took them about half an hour! You are such a dick, Dick! Have you noticed that almsot all teachers in schools especially primary schools are female! You are a fucken piece of shit Dick. Men let all the woman do the work! Your mum must be ashamed of you!
You are an asshole!
PS: Thats just the boys I know and thats the bad points but I can beat them in most physical and non-physical subjects!
Dick by name dick by nature!
Fuck off!
Well, you’re obviously an idiot. I’m sure many people have already addressed that blatant fact. But your ninth reason? Hate to break it to you, but guess what–a male sheep is called a ram. Why don’t you do some research next time, okay?
I’m a man, and I’ve got 3 words for you:
THIS IS CRAP!
I’m not even sure whether you’re joking or being serious.
Come on.. Men are better because we like destroying things?
Men live less than women?
Men write illegibly?!
My manly man-brain tells me to shove my manly fist down your throat.
honestly, to all the women on this comments getting all pissed off….learn to take a joke. dried-up desert cunts, its you all who arent getting any.
You forgot to put man womb.
Dicks Mother raised a Man.
Katies mother raised a murderer.
A Mare lacking reading and comprehension skills.
Read the opening page to the website you Goblin.
Fuck off from this site mare.
If a brain damaged cow , say one with mad cow disease, could somehow type, the above is what it would look like.
Until you learn how to put forth a cogent sentence,fuck off from this site hag.
You actually should be shot or hung….i’d say your mother is so ashamed of you!! Going by what your saying, you mother must be an inferior, slut faced, cheating whore, just as YOU described!! Your a disgrace your mother, what did she raise????? A SCUMBAG!!!