Top Ten Reasons Men Are Better Than Women
MenAreBetterThanWomen.com reached 200,000 visitors early this morning, so I thought I would mark the occasion by posting a very special top ten list of the top ten ways in which men are better than women.
Naturally as a man the moment I thought of an idea I set to work implementing it — in this case by writing it. It would have been exactly the same if my idea had been the wheel or the Hoover Dam. That’s because I’m a man and instead of taking shit from the world around me, I can shove shit right back into it as well.
Dick’s Top Ten Reasons MenAreBetterThanWomen.com
10. Men do not have Tourette Syndrome
I believe all women suffer from a mild and extremely localized form of Tourette Syndrome. The afflicted organ? Their tongues. That’s why women cannot shut their fucking mouths for ten seconds while adults are speaking around them. Their tongues are battling around in their mouths like drunken Vipers.
9. Men are not sponges
Women are social chameleons — or better yet: social vampires. Women walk into a situation and before you know it they’ve completely changed their wardrobe and mannerisms as if they’ve joined a fucking cult. Men are not sheep. Everyone knows the word for a female sheep is ewe, but what about the male word? There isn’t one because sheep is something men are not.
8. Women are racists
Women’s entire lives and social circles are based around hatred. Do they hate their boyfriends? Do they hate their wardrobe? Do they hate each other? Yes, yes and fuck definitely. Men don’t go in for that silly sort of nonsense. If we’re dissatisfied, we pick up and move out. Or we take our mighty man muscles and lift fucking mountains so the world looks exactly the way we want it to. Men do more world changing before 9:00 AM than any woman ever has done in her whole life.
7. Men live less than women
The last thing a society needs is a bunch of non-contributing members laying around and sucking all the juice from the young. Men know this so they blast off from birth like shooting man stars — burning out ten years faster, but setting the whole night ablaze with manness. Women just kind of lie around like big fat pigs in big fat puddles of shit. Congratulations women. You really earned those rights!
6. Men write illegibly
Writing is stupid and an ineffective way to communicate. Men know this so they don’t give a shit about handwriting things with big hoops and loops and squiggles and shit so aliens can read notes about remembering to pick up your birth control pills after 6th period from space.
5. Jesus was a man
Whether or not you believe in Jesus, there is one fact you can’t argue with: he was a man. No religion anywhere has ever put a woman in charge of shit. That’s called dogma — man-dogma — and it means men are better than women.
4. Men wear watches
Do you know why men wear watches? It’s because there’s a limited amount of time in the day and men need to know how much of it there is so they can efficiently allocate their man ass kicking for the day. Women don’t wear watches; they wear bracelets. Women wearing bracelets is like dropping a bus of retarded kids off in front of a taffy pulling machine. They can just stare for hours and never get bored.
A watch says, ‘Get up and go! Move your man ass and take care of your fucking man business!’ That’s why 60 minutes uses a ticking watch for its theme song. ‘Important shit is going down and we’re about to talk about it in a fucking fastidious manner, so get the fuck ready,’ says a ticking watch. A bracelet says, ‘You’re most likely ugly, but look at how much money you’re worth!’ What a joke.
3. Boys destroy things
The only thing that has ever lifted our species out of the trees where we came from is our ability to destroy. Take paper: the cornerstone of the modern world. That was invented because man wanted to destroy trees and beat them into pulp. How about nuclear power? Men invented that too. Men are natural destructors. We pop right out of the man-womb and start on a life-long tirade of progress by tearing down the Earth with our mighty, man-manly man-fists. Goddammit, that’s awesome!
2. Marriage is stupid
Marriage is 100% the fault of women. It was invented by men though! Did you know that? Marriage was invented because women were too busy whoring it out to fuck the only the guy who was paying their rent and feeding their fat asses French bon-bons every day. Men invented marriage as a way of telling women who they could and couldn’t fuck. Like everything else men have ever invented, it completely worked and worked way better than any man thought it would. Women became so indoctrinated by the man-invention of marriage that they’re fucking obsessed with it.
Marriage is still stupid. It’s a stupid game invented to entertain stupid minds and to teach basic lessons of fidelity that even invertebrates are born with.
1. Men have penises
When it comes to being a man, being quick at identifying problems is tantamount to fixing them. In fact it’s tantamount-ier. Having a penis — in other words looking like a man and having man parts — is a man’s way of telling other men, ‘Hey. Look at me. I’m a man. I won’t fuck up whatever it is that you’re trying to do. If you need some help, maybe ask me and I’ll see if I can lend a man-hand. It’s the least I could do to be fucking courteous.’
Men Are Better Than Women.
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March 26th, 2007 at 11:09 am - IP Man-Hash: c4d026b819ad4
Then why wouldn’t they say something? Then is men we’re talking about. Not women.
-Dick
March 26th, 2007 at 11:15 am - IP Man-Hash: 35a3bf5e9bc19
Yep. And I have a bit of rare celtic in me.
March 26th, 2007 at 11:26 am - IP Man-Hash: dc4b477cfd13b
Just look around you. It happens every day.
One of the more recent things I can think of in my particular case:
I work for a company that manufactures foodstuffs. As such, we are extremely conscious of our manufacturing inputs and what products they’re going into.
A couple of times a year, we have what’s called a “mock recall.” This is a simulation that posits that a vendor tells us that, say, a thousand pounds of flour in lot 1234 was contaminated when it left the vendor. Consequently, anything of our products that contained flour from lot 1234 is unsafe and must be immediately recalled.
Part of my job is to maintain the data that tracks ingredients. In a mock recall, I produce reports showing what of our products contained the contaminated flour, who the products were shipped to, and who needs to be contacted.
We work very hard to eliminate the danger of contaminants, and we have vendors who do the same. Nevertheless, we need to be ready for a recall, just in case it were ever to occur.
This changes the world. In the event of an actual recall, the procedures we have in place and practice might well mean the difference between life and death, or someone getting food poisoning.
And that’s just one of the ways in which I change the world every day. I see no women doing that.
March 26th, 2007 at 1:28 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5be6a3201772c
Well perhaps you should ring every other food manufacturer in the world and ask them whether the person doing the same position that you are is male or female. I look forward to the ratio of your results.
March 26th, 2007 at 3:47 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4555637db20cf
Perhaps you should do the same. That should keep you busy for a while.
March 26th, 2007 at 4:16 pm - IP Man-Hash: c4d026b819ad4
I already did. They’re all men.
-Dick
March 26th, 2007 at 8:50 pm - IP Man-Hash: 78aa99a80f85e
I have literally never seen a woman in my sub-specialty of IT. I’ve been in the field as an amateur since 1979 and as a professional since 1992.
Never seen a woman.
I have on a couple of occasions suggested to women that they get into my specialty. I think a companies would trip over themselves to hire a woman in my specialty at any price, just to prove that they’re not excluding women.
But for some reason, women just don’t like it. My end primarily involves being a computer “gearhead”. Women in IT are always programmers. Women just don’t seem to want to fool with the guts of computers.
Even my daughters, whom I’ve actively tried to interest in it for various reasons aren’t interested. It just doesn’t seem to be something that sparks passion in women.
So in terms of whether or not there are companies in any field hiring female hardware/networking gurus, I can say with no fear of contradiction that it never happens. People who do my job are all men.
March 27th, 2007 at 12:40 am - IP Man-Hash: 0bf9d3f783ede
You must not get around very much as I worked in the IT field for a time doing computer installations, networking and rebuilding computers and other fun things. I enjoyed it greatly. I worked for one company where my boss, the MIS manager was a woman, and no she nor I are dykes.
Add to it all I’ve worked for quite a few firms doing various computer projects and have worked with many men and women and I had my first computer job back in 1995! I’d wear a dress crawl under a desk and put in new hard drives. It was a lot of fun.
March 27th, 2007 at 12:40 am - IP Man-Hash: 0bf9d3f783ede
Just a general thing. You guys can’t be serious right?
March 27th, 2007 at 2:45 am - IP Man-Hash: 796c1d8aebfd3
yes we can
March 27th, 2007 at 3:22 am - IP Man-Hash: 5e32b3f9ccec1
You must not get around very much as I worked in the IT field for a time doing computer installations, networking and rebuilding computers and other fun things. I enjoyed it greatly. I worked for one company where my boss, the MIS manager was a woman, and no she nor I are dykes.
Add to it all I’ve worked for quite a few firms doing various computer projects and have worked with many men and women and I had my first computer job back in 1995! I’d wear a dress crawl under a desk and put in new hard drives. It was a lot of fun.
Computer technician? YEAH RIGHT! All you’re proving is what a lying female-chauvinist you are.
March 27th, 2007 at 3:28 am - IP Man-Hash: 5e32b3f9ccec1
Oops… I screwed up the quote in my last post. Perhaps there are women working in IT after all? The coding software is clearly faulty!
March 27th, 2007 at 4:58 am - IP Man-Hash: dc4b477cfd13b
Um … all I can say to that is, “Babe, you have no idea who you’re talking to.
Another interesting, yet common, female phrase found when referencing paid work: “for a time.”
The reason it’s interesting is that men don’t do something “for a time” once they’ve left college. We get a career, and there we stay until we die or are lucky enough to retire.
I’m curious where you live. In the midwestern USA, where I’ve spent the majority of my career (except the years I was with AT&T based in Chicago — I flew everywhere then), you are an extraordinary minority. Seriously, I’ve never met a female network technician, ever.
Uhhh … why did you wear a dress to crawl under a desk? Admittedly, one of the reasons I’ve suggested to a woman a time or two that she get into the field was what I thought would be an imaginary chance to look up her skirt/dress. I never for a moment thought a woman would actually wear one in my kind of job. I mean, talk about totally non-functional work attire …
March 27th, 2007 at 5:29 am - IP Man-Hash: dc4b477cfd13b
Yeah, we’re quite serious. I wish we weren’t, but after 42 years of having the truth about women whacked upside my head like a large gold brick, it’s impossible to buy into feminist lies any more.
The truth is what we’ve observed firsthand, not what those silly little skanks spout.
March 27th, 2007 at 9:25 am - IP Man-Hash: 35a3bf5e9bc19
Yes, we can. And we are. Truth hurts.
March 27th, 2007 at 12:50 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4c62d904e1f97
Jeez! Do you guys NEVER get bored of this? Ever? Wow…it was kind of funny the first time but now you’re SO boring! I don’t even know what to say to your bullshit anymore. Many of you claim to have jobs and “lives”…and yet I can hardly believe it.
March 27th, 2007 at 2:21 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4555637db20cf
Try saying nothing, ever again. This site is off limits to women for a reason, and the sooner you figure that out and obey our laws, then the better things will be for all concerned.
March 27th, 2007 at 2:23 pm - IP Man-Hash: fbaff05315d13
Drew I thought we agreed you were told to shut the fuck up and never return to these sacred grounds?
March 27th, 2007 at 2:59 pm - IP Man-Hash: ffd63d98d1837
you guys are pathetic. ever thought about where you came from? Or the HUNDREDS of years women were opressed. Women have only had the vote for less than a hundred years.
You have physical power and that makes you think you can overbear us. What the fuck?
And what’s the go with telling some chicko that she can’t come on this site because she’s a SHE. Because of your pathetic LAWS? You seriously call them laws on your website? You need to get a life and if the only thing you can control is your site then obviously you have issues stemming far deeper than women.
You’re a HE and you’re part of a soceity that happens to involve SHEs (let me remind you that without us you wouldn’t be here despite trying to say you came out of a MAN WOMB) but we’re here and there’s nothing you can do about it unless you feel like overpowering the world and killing us all off. But then where would you be? Lonely.
And what about your daughters? Did it occur to you that they are female? What happens when they find your site and see what you’ve written about women. What are they suppose to think of you and themselves then? You are a father and surely realise that what you think of your daughters affects them far more than they let on.
So just MOVE ON women are here and we’re not going anywhere let us be and we’ll let you be. but most importantly GET A LIFE.
March 27th, 2007 at 3:10 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4a1207b9a8d74
Women can reproduce asexually?
You need us too. Now STFU and GTFO.