Top Ten Reasons Men Are Better Than Women
MenAreBetterThanWomen.com reached 200,000 visitors early this morning, so I thought I would mark the occasion by posting a very special top ten list of the top ten ways in which men are better than women.
Naturally as a man the moment I thought of an idea I set to work implementing it — in this case by writing it. It would have been exactly the same if my idea had been the wheel or the Hoover Dam. That’s because I’m a man and instead of taking shit from the world around me, I can shove shit right back into it as well.
Dick’s Top Ten Reasons MenAreBetterThanWomen.com
10. Men do not have Tourette Syndrome
I believe all women suffer from a mild and extremely localized form of Tourette Syndrome. The afflicted organ? Their tongues. That’s why women cannot shut their fucking mouths for ten seconds while adults are speaking around them. Their tongues are battling around in their mouths like drunken Vipers.
9. Men are not sponges
Women are social chameleons — or better yet: social vampires. Women walk into a situation and before you know it they’ve completely changed their wardrobe and mannerisms as if they’ve joined a fucking cult. Men are not sheep. Everyone knows the word for a female sheep is ewe, but what about the male word? There isn’t one because sheep is something men are not.
8. Women are racists
Women’s entire lives and social circles are based around hatred. Do they hate their boyfriends? Do they hate their wardrobe? Do they hate each other? Yes, yes and fuck definitely. Men don’t go in for that silly sort of nonsense. If we’re dissatisfied, we pick up and move out. Or we take our mighty man muscles and lift fucking mountains so the world looks exactly the way we want it to. Men do more world changing before 9:00 AM than any woman ever has done in her whole life.
7. Men live less than women
The last thing a society needs is a bunch of non-contributing members laying around and sucking all the juice from the young. Men know this so they blast off from birth like shooting man stars — burning out ten years faster, but setting the whole night ablaze with manness. Women just kind of lie around like big fat pigs in big fat puddles of shit. Congratulations women. You really earned those rights!
6. Men write illegibly
Writing is stupid and an ineffective way to communicate. Men know this so they don’t give a shit about handwriting things with big hoops and loops and squiggles and shit so aliens can read notes about remembering to pick up your birth control pills after 6th period from space.
5. Jesus was a man
Whether or not you believe in Jesus, there is one fact you can’t argue with: he was a man. No religion anywhere has ever put a woman in charge of shit. That’s called dogma — man-dogma — and it means men are better than women.
4. Men wear watches
Do you know why men wear watches? It’s because there’s a limited amount of time in the day and men need to know how much of it there is so they can efficiently allocate their man ass kicking for the day. Women don’t wear watches; they wear bracelets. Women wearing bracelets is like dropping a bus of retarded kids off in front of a taffy pulling machine. They can just stare for hours and never get bored.
A watch says, ‘Get up and go! Move your man ass and take care of your fucking man business!’ That’s why 60 minutes uses a ticking watch for its theme song. ‘Important shit is going down and we’re about to talk about it in a fucking fastidious manner, so get the fuck ready,’ says a ticking watch. A bracelet says, ‘You’re most likely ugly, but look at how much money you’re worth!’ What a joke.
3. Boys destroy things
The only thing that has ever lifted our species out of the trees where we came from is our ability to destroy. Take paper: the cornerstone of the modern world. That was invented because man wanted to destroy trees and beat them into pulp. How about nuclear power? Men invented that too. Men are natural destructors. We pop right out of the man-womb and start on a life-long tirade of progress by tearing down the Earth with our mighty, man-manly man-fists. Goddammit, that’s awesome!
2. Marriage is stupid
Marriage is 100% the fault of women. It was invented by men though! Did you know that? Marriage was invented because women were too busy whoring it out to fuck the only the guy who was paying their rent and feeding their fat asses French bon-bons every day. Men invented marriage as a way of telling women who they could and couldn’t fuck. Like everything else men have ever invented, it completely worked and worked way better than any man thought it would. Women became so indoctrinated by the man-invention of marriage that they’re fucking obsessed with it.
Marriage is still stupid. It’s a stupid game invented to entertain stupid minds and to teach basic lessons of fidelity that even invertebrates are born with.
1. Men have penises
When it comes to being a man, being quick at identifying problems is tantamount to fixing them. In fact it’s tantamount-ier. Having a penis — in other words looking like a man and having man parts — is a man’s way of telling other men, ‘Hey. Look at me. I’m a man. I won’t fuck up whatever it is that you’re trying to do. If you need some help, maybe ask me and I’ll see if I can lend a man-hand. It’s the least I could do to be fucking courteous.’
Men Are Better Than Women.
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Oh, you poor losers.
Do you not have any brains at all? Are you really retarded enough to believe and agree with the utter shit on this page?
Anyone who thinks all women are actually like this deserves to be shot and stuffed up their own arse.
And guess what? I’m male.
i didn’t bother to read most of these lame comments. It’s obvious Dick wasn’t loved by his mommy and she probably pried him off her titty too soon.
Watch the next set of women accuse you of being a man because you said that, brianne.
While I don’t agree with the points made, I laughed because they were stupid; which they were probably meant to be. And being a woman I know that not all women fit these stereotypes.
—Oh and just to let you know SH, when you’re biased against women or men it not racism it called sexism, maybe you need to brush up on your vocab before trying to sound smart.
That’s what the quote button is for. TYPING LIKE THIS IS A SILLY WAY TO DO IT. After that you really shouldn’t be the one going on about what tourettes is when you’re replying a sarcastic article with all the seriousness of a political debate. Also, women are not a race, silly kid.
Actually no it doesn’t. As I was making counter points and wanted to seperate my points from his article. Again tourette syndrome is not talking a lot it is often associated with the exclamation of obscene words or socially inappropriate and derogatory remarks. One could argue that Mr. Masterson has tourettes! :)
You know arguing in all caps kinda proves the whole tourettes syndrome thing, right?
10. Men do not have Tourette Syndrome
I believe all women suffer from a mild and extremely localized form of Tourette Syndrome. The afflicted organ? Their tongues. That’s why women cannot shut their fucking mouths for ten seconds while adults are speaking around them. Their tongues are battling around in their mouths like drunken Vipers.
COUNTER POINT: TOURETTE SYNDROME IS NOT RUNNING YOUR MOUTH YOU FLIPPING IDIOT. IT IS “characterized by a variable expression of unwanted movements and noises (tics)” WHAT YOU ARE REFERRING TO IS DIARRHEA OF THE MOUTH :)
9. Men are not sponges
Women are social chameleons — or better yet: social vampires. Women walk into a situation and before you know it they’ve completely changed their wardrobe and mannerisms as if they’ve joined a fucking cult. Men are not sheep. Everyone knows the word for a female sheep is ewe, but what about the male word? There isn’t one because sheep is something men are not.
COUNTER POINT: MALE SHEEP ARE CALLED RAMS YOU IDIOT
8. Women are racists
Women’s entire lives and social circles are based around hatred. Do they hate their boyfriends? Do they hate their wardrobe? Do they hate each other? Yes, yes and fuck definitely. Men don’t go in for that silly sort of nonsense. If we’re dissatisfied, we pick up and move out. Or we take our mighty man muscles and lift fucking mountains so the world looks exactly the way we want it to. Men do more world changing before 9:00 AM than any woman ever has done in her whole life.
COUNTER POINT: YOU ARE THE TRUE RACIST BECAUSE YOU HATE WOMEN AND ARE DOING THE SAME THING THAT YOU ACCUSE THEM OF DOING…KETTLE OR THE POT???
7. Men live less than women
The last thing a society needs is a bunch of non-contributing members laying around and sucking all the juice from the young. Men know this so they blast off from birth like shooting man stars — burning out ten years faster, but setting the whole night ablaze with manness. Women just kind of lie around like big fat pigs in big fat puddles of shit. Congratulations women. You really earned those rights!
COUNTER POINT: ACTUALLY MEN DON’T LIVE AS LONG AS WOMEN BECAUSE GENERALLY THEY DON’T TAKE VERY GOOD CARE OF THEMSELVES AND REFUSE TO SEEK MEDICAL ATTENTION FOR WHAT AILS THEM
6. Men write illegibly
Writing is stupid and an ineffective way to communicate. Men know this so they don’t give a shit about handwriting things with big hoops and loops and squiggles and shit so aliens can read notes about remembering to pick up your birth control pills after 6th period from space.
COUNTER POINT: SO YOU ARE SAYING YOU ARE BETTER THAN A WOMAN BECAUSE YOU ARE TO IGNORANT TO EFFECTIVELY LEARN SKILLS THAT WERE TAUGHT IN GRADE SCHOOL (PENMANSHIP)
5. Jesus was a man
Whether or not you believe in Jesus, there is one fact you can’t argue with: he was a man. No religion anywhere has ever put a woman in charge of shit. That’s called dogma — man-dogma — and it means men are better than women.
COUNTER POINT: THE BIBLE WAS WRITTEN BY MEN! ALL YOUR POINT PROVES IS THAT MEN WROTE THE BIBLE AND WROTE IT HOW THEY SAW FIT.
4. Men wear watches
Do you know why men wear watches? It’s because there’s a limited amount of time in the day and men need to know how much of it there is so they can efficiently allocate their man ass kicking for the day. Women don’t wear watches; they wear bracelets. Women wearing bracelets is like dropping a bus of retarded kids off in front of a taffy pulling machine. They can just stare for hours and never get bored.
A watch says, ‘Get up and go! Move your man ass and take care of your fucking man business!’ That’s why 60 minutes uses a ticking watch for its theme song. ‘Important shit is going down and we’re about to talk about it in a fucking fastidious manner, so get the fuck ready,’ says a ticking watch. A bracelet says, ‘You’re most likely ugly, but look at how much money you’re worth!’ What a joke.
COUNTER POINT: WOMEN DO WEAR WATCHES. I HAVE WITNESSED MANY WOMEN WEAR WATCHES WHILE MANY MEN WEAR WATCHES AND DON’T KNOW HOW TO READ THEM OR THE FACT THAT IF THEY ARE RIGHT HANDED THEIR WATCH BELONGS ON THEIR LEFT HAND AND VICE VERSA…
3. Boys destroy things
The only thing that has ever lifted our species out of the trees where we came from is our ability to destroy. Take paper: the cornerstone of the modern world. That was invented because man wanted to destroy trees and beat them into pulp. How about nuclear power? Men invented that too. Men are natural destructors. We pop right out of the man-womb and start on a life-long tirade of progress by tearing down the Earth with our mighty, man-manly man-fists. Goddammit, that’s awesome!
COUNTER POINT: SO….DESTROYING SOMETHING INSTEAD OF PRESERVING IT MAKES YOU BETTER HOW? AT LEAST WITH WOMEN AROUND AFTER THE MEN HAVE DESTROYED EVERYTHING THERE WILL STILL BE THINGS LEFT
2. Marriage is stupid
Marriage is 100% the fault of women. It was invented by men though! Did you know that? Marriage was invented because women were too busy whoring it out to fuck the only the guy who was paying their rent and feeding their fat asses French bon-bons every day. Men invented marriage as a way of telling women who they could and couldn’t fuck. Like everything else men have ever invented, it completely worked and worked way better than any man thought it would. Women became so indoctrinated by the man-invention of marriage that they’re fucking obsessed with it.
Marriage is still stupid. It’s a stupid game invented to entertain stupid minds and to teach basic lessons of fidelity that even invertebrates are born with.
COUNTER POINT: AND MEN WHORE AROUND TOO. IF ITS NOT OK FOR A WOMAN TO WHORE AROUND THEN ITS NOT OK FOR A MAN….LITTLE PHRASE CALLED “WHATS GOOD FOR THE GOOSE IS GOOD FOR THE GANDER”
1. Men have penises
When it comes to being a man, being quick at identifying problems is tantamount to fixing them. In fact it’s tantamount-ier. Having a penis — in other words looking like a man and having man parts — is a man’s way of telling other men, ‘Hey. Look at me. I’m a man. I won’t fuck up whatever it is that you’re trying to do. If you need some help, maybe ask me and I’ll see if I can lend a man-hand. It’s the least I could do to be fucking courteous
COUNTER POINT: SO YOU HAVE A PENIS BIG WOOP!
hehe. I was laughing so hard while i read this, and the comments.
Im a guy. And i hate to say but i partly agree with almost everything. PARTLY being the key word. Not all woman, maybe not most, fit this. But we all must admit that we know at least a few girls who we all thought of when we read this.
And people, stop getting offended. Everyone is allowed their own opinion, either understand that and laugh and listen, or live in a hole where the only person who matters is yourself.
But yeah, GO MANPOWER! RAWR! I LIKE MEAT! mmmm, boobies -drool-
Oh C’mon, Grow a Penis Already
lolocaust! funniest thing i’ve read so far.
stupidest shit i’ve ever heard though i do agree most men are better you however make no fucking sense like “since men have penises therefore we have courtesy” or “men are not sheep” but somehow women are if your redneck ass had even the slightest bit of intellect you would know that women in no way resemble sheep nor do they act like sheep and the fact that there is a name for a female sheep has nothing to do with women “being” sheep…almost every species on earth has two species…female and take a wild guess what the other one is you dip shit. next time try to make some fucking sense…stupid ass
okay, clean out your ears and listen, you limp-dicked, mouth-breathing fuckface. you degrade someone’s gender, i have no respect for you. women are NOT inferior. men are NOT inferior either. men and women definitely have differences, but they are still EQUAL. get that through your fucking skull while you attempt to suck your penis to a stillframe of Ann Coulter.
in history, women have been downgraded in every corner of the world, giving them a ridiculous auxilary role… and you just further this anti-progressive, despicably ignorant sexist agenda to oppress your fellow human…i can’t believe that people like you exist. due to darwinian natural selection, you should have been hit by a bus by now.
i know you only hate women to stroke your ego until it climaxes, but please take it somewhere else. you make no valid, reasonable points and your weak-as-fuck arguments are a slap in the face to any thinking person.
while the women you think are so inferior are out accomplishing things that you believe are never happening, you just sit here and vomit your idiotic viewpoint all over the internet, hoping you’ll spawn more of your kind as an audience.
in short, you’re a fucking douchebag, show some respect.
So stupid I could tell a man wrote it!!
How old are you? 12? You are not a man. No ‘man’ has a ‘6th’ period, and neither does a real woman. BTW, get your daddy and mommy to pay for you some serious therapy. You’re going to need it in order to function in the real world.
Haha, I totally think a chick wrote this just because of the sarcasm, and “Man-ness”….
Anyway, I dont think it’s offensive, and people who get offended are….dumb..=)
This is silly, and it made me laugh. Good show.
Look here we all know guys are stupid. The list was good for a chuckle, because all women know a guy who thinks just like that. What made it horrible were all the men who have left comments. As a women I understand that we can be annoying at times. Hell I don’t even like to be around women for long periods of time. I have worked hard to earn respect from men. Having a vagina is an auto-stigma in this world. Just because we dont have a hanging peice of flesh down there makes us inferior in some way, but if you think about God that great designer but a place for guys to stick there extra meat. It’s amazing huh unless all guys turn gay. Which is fine too. Nothing wrong with the gays. Much love here. Anyway I know if it hadn’t been for the fact that I grew up in a house full of guys I wouldn’t be the Bitch I am today. That just taught me that I can stand toe to toe with a guy and if I am willing to work hard enough I can beat that bastard and make him want to go crying to mama. Which guess what is a WOMAN!!!! Anytime you males want to find away that you can that you can suffer through PMS every month, then carry a child for nine months and then push it out through that little bitty hole in your penis be my guest. You are more that welcome. I hereby pass the torch to you. Enjoy!
wow ok for one, your not a woman and for two we do want to be equal. We didnt fight for women suffrage (voting incase your that uneducated about the history of women) to not be equal to men. We fought all through tht 1800’s up until 1920 and that doesnt say women would like to be equal? This thing really looks like a joke to me i admit its pretty sexist but i dont really give a shit, but what i do give a shit about is some guy posing as a girl (you) and saying women dont want to be equal men wouldnt be here if it werent for women and same goes for women wouldnt be here without men, we are equals so go shove your male as pride, were not all emtional recks and most of us can handle more shit then men in a million years, Ive herd men complain so much more than women, and get alot more upset about the shit we talk about so dont give your whole “im a women so i can admit this” and if you are (most likely not) you have some serious issues and i hope you enjoy your tamed life as a “yes master of course you are so much better then me for you ae a man and i am a woman” role jesus christ seriously
I fucking died. This shit rocks. Thank you for existing.