Top Ten Reasons Men Are Better Than Women
MenAreBetterThanWomen.com reached 200,000 visitors early this morning, so I thought I would mark the occasion by posting a very special top ten list of the top ten ways in which men are better than women.
Naturally as a man the moment I thought of an idea I set to work implementing it — in this case by writing it. It would have been exactly the same if my idea had been the wheel or the Hoover Dam. That’s because I’m a man and instead of taking shit from the world around me, I can shove shit right back into it as well.
Dick’s Top Ten Reasons MenAreBetterThanWomen.com
10. Men do not have Tourette Syndrome
I believe all women suffer from a mild and extremely localized form of Tourette Syndrome. The afflicted organ? Their tongues. That’s why women cannot shut their fucking mouths for ten seconds while adults are speaking around them. Their tongues are battling around in their mouths like drunken Vipers.
9. Men are not sponges
Women are social chameleons — or better yet: social vampires. Women walk into a situation and before you know it they’ve completely changed their wardrobe and mannerisms as if they’ve joined a fucking cult. Men are not sheep. Everyone knows the word for a female sheep is ewe, but what about the male word? There isn’t one because sheep is something men are not.
8. Women are racists
Women’s entire lives and social circles are based around hatred. Do they hate their boyfriends? Do they hate their wardrobe? Do they hate each other? Yes, yes and fuck definitely. Men don’t go in for that silly sort of nonsense. If we’re dissatisfied, we pick up and move out. Or we take our mighty man muscles and lift fucking mountains so the world looks exactly the way we want it to. Men do more world changing before 9:00 AM than any woman ever has done in her whole life.
7. Men live less than women
The last thing a society needs is a bunch of non-contributing members laying around and sucking all the juice from the young. Men know this so they blast off from birth like shooting man stars — burning out ten years faster, but setting the whole night ablaze with manness. Women just kind of lie around like big fat pigs in big fat puddles of shit. Congratulations women. You really earned those rights!
6. Men write illegibly
Writing is stupid and an ineffective way to communicate. Men know this so they don’t give a shit about handwriting things with big hoops and loops and squiggles and shit so aliens can read notes about remembering to pick up your birth control pills after 6th period from space.
5. Jesus was a man
Whether or not you believe in Jesus, there is one fact you can’t argue with: he was a man. No religion anywhere has ever put a woman in charge of shit. That’s called dogma — man-dogma — and it means men are better than women.
4. Men wear watches
Do you know why men wear watches? It’s because there’s a limited amount of time in the day and men need to know how much of it there is so they can efficiently allocate their man ass kicking for the day. Women don’t wear watches; they wear bracelets. Women wearing bracelets is like dropping a bus of retarded kids off in front of a taffy pulling machine. They can just stare for hours and never get bored.
A watch says, ‘Get up and go! Move your man ass and take care of your fucking man business!’ That’s why 60 minutes uses a ticking watch for its theme song. ‘Important shit is going down and we’re about to talk about it in a fucking fastidious manner, so get the fuck ready,’ says a ticking watch. A bracelet says, ‘You’re most likely ugly, but look at how much money you’re worth!’ What a joke.
3. Boys destroy things
The only thing that has ever lifted our species out of the trees where we came from is our ability to destroy. Take paper: the cornerstone of the modern world. That was invented because man wanted to destroy trees and beat them into pulp. How about nuclear power? Men invented that too. Men are natural destructors. We pop right out of the man-womb and start on a life-long tirade of progress by tearing down the Earth with our mighty, man-manly man-fists. Goddammit, that’s awesome!
2. Marriage is stupid
Marriage is 100% the fault of women. It was invented by men though! Did you know that? Marriage was invented because women were too busy whoring it out to fuck the only the guy who was paying their rent and feeding their fat asses French bon-bons every day. Men invented marriage as a way of telling women who they could and couldn’t fuck. Like everything else men have ever invented, it completely worked and worked way better than any man thought it would. Women became so indoctrinated by the man-invention of marriage that they’re fucking obsessed with it.
Marriage is still stupid. It’s a stupid game invented to entertain stupid minds and to teach basic lessons of fidelity that even invertebrates are born with.
1. Men have penises
When it comes to being a man, being quick at identifying problems is tantamount to fixing them. In fact it’s tantamount-ier. Having a penis — in other words looking like a man and having man parts — is a man’s way of telling other men, ‘Hey. Look at me. I’m a man. I won’t fuck up whatever it is that you’re trying to do. If you need some help, maybe ask me and I’ll see if I can lend a man-hand. It’s the least I could do to be fucking courteous.’
Men Are Better Than Women.
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Wow you’re a freaking homo how can you talk about women that way you jack ass. Stop being such a douche grow up and learn to be polite.
Let’s not forget Matt, most women are dellusional, and think the whole universe revolves around them. They all think that they’re bitching is going to change Dick’s opinion of women, when really, it’s just enforcing it, because they’re just modeling the EXACT behaviour that he always speaks/writes of.
All women that post here are super classy! What gives you broads the idea that he sits at his computer all day because he owns a website?
So please, stick with other dudes and keep your distance. Problem solved! We gals won’t miss you a bit.
obviously you’re not content with what “god” gave you, if you were you wouldn’t be agreeing with this idiotic rant from some guy who’s never been laid. just becuase you’ve done things to prove this Dick guy right, doesn’t mean the rest of us have. you seem intelligent to me, which is why I am baffled by your obsequious attitude. and as for those books, haaaaaa fuck that. The reason why marriage doesn’t work is not the fault of either sexes, but both. This kind of of thinking was acceptable 50 years ago, but not anymore. Get with the times, and maybe you’ll see the idiocy behind this list.
I never really understood why being a women is such a bad thing to you all supporting this website. You publish books, write websites, and now, you write a poem about how men are better than women, and that you are extremely thankfull that you are not a women. Women and men are different, yes, and I am not denying that fact, but to say that women are irrational creatures that can not do anything but bear children, in my opinion, is going too far.
this is a shitty website men and women are equal, idiots made up this site
lol your mother mustn’t have given enough hugs
omg!!! that is so un-true!!!!!!!!!!! you fucking homobastard!!!! get fucking goddamn life and get your smart ass the hell off your computer chair!!!!!!!!!!!! go out into the real world for once!!!!!!i SWEAR, men are stupid and women (most women) are completely smarter than men. They show respect, they don’t act like hotshots, they have a life, and they don’t have a fucking penis that works as their brain day and night. get over yourself and get a life!!!!
I am Glad I’m A Man
I am glad I’m a man, you’d better believe; I can’t live off blow, wine coolers, or cottage cheese.
I can not gripe to my manholes about the size of my tits; bitch all you want - I’m long immune to your shit.
I can not get wasted after 2 beers and when I do drink I don’t end up in tears.
I can not spend hours deciding what to wear; I waste 5 gallons max fixing my hair.
I can not go around checking my reflection in everything shiny from every direction.
I am not a coward waiting to sting; I can not cry in wait for some ring.
I can not gossip about friends or stab them in the back; I can not carry our differences into the sack.
I can never go psycho and threaten to kill you or care that every guy has already screwed you.
I’m rational, reasonable, and logical too; I know what the time is and I know what to do.
I feel that it is a privilege for me to have this great bod and stand when I pee.
Feel free to use me for immediate pleasure; I can not assume you are permanent by any measure.
I am a man by chance and I’m thankful it’s true; thank God I can not be a manhole like you.
Some people shouldnt take this stuff so seriously. Yea it has been taken a bit to far but it is just someones sick type of humor. Men are no better than women just like women are no better than men. There are things women can do that men cant and vice versa! The one thing that is making Dick look very pathetic is how he is refering to women as cunts! If anyone is a cunt then Dick its you! Are you like 16 years old and sit at your pc all day slagging off women because you cant get one yourself so your all bitter! Go out and use your man hands to do something worth while!
Dear Mr Dick…
Get a girlfriend…
and btw, just cause u r too stupid to have a relationship with a woman doesnt mean that its her fault. as far as i know “cunts” r what u want them to be, cause ur ego cant work without dominating a girl. and if u dont feel secure enough about urself, then ur not a MAN. so shut up and go get a sexchange operation. maybe u will feel better being owned by someguy, or a girl with a strap on.
have a happy life…
I’m sorry, Dick, there isn’t a better suited name for you, apart from
Sexist pig mabye.
No , Dick just about cuts it.
You are aware that religion is basically all made up right?
Some how i doubt the hand of god had anything to do with this ball of rock the universe is too big for a god (should it exist at all) to give much of a crap about us here.
HAHA
that is totally awesome
i love you..in a MANLY way
im gonna go have a beer
Got that wrong.
Manhole logic:
It got me revenge-fucked the first 300 times, but it’s funny the 301st time.
Manhole logic:
It got me raped the first 300 times, but maybe it’ll just make them pelt me with beer bottles the 301st time.
It always amazes me how men with little dicks make the most noise.
Hee-hee… his name is “Dick”. He’s a dick, alright! XD
Get them to stop refering to men as dicks and we’ll talk.