Top Ten Reasons Men Are Better Than Women
MenAreBetterThanWomen.com reached 200,000 visitors early this morning, so I thought I would mark the occasion by posting a very special top ten list of the top ten ways in which men are better than women.
Naturally as a man the moment I thought of an idea I set to work implementing it — in this case by writing it. It would have been exactly the same if my idea had been the wheel or the Hoover Dam. That’s because I’m a man and instead of taking shit from the world around me, I can shove shit right back into it as well.
Dick’s Top Ten Reasons MenAreBetterThanWomen.com
10. Men do not have Tourette Syndrome
I believe all women suffer from a mild and extremely localized form of Tourette Syndrome. The afflicted organ? Their tongues. That’s why women cannot shut their fucking mouths for ten seconds while adults are speaking around them. Their tongues are battling around in their mouths like drunken Vipers.
9. Men are not sponges
Women are social chameleons — or better yet: social vampires. Women walk into a situation and before you know it they’ve completely changed their wardrobe and mannerisms as if they’ve joined a fucking cult. Men are not sheep. Everyone knows the word for a female sheep is ewe, but what about the male word? There isn’t one because sheep is something men are not.
8. Women are racists
Women’s entire lives and social circles are based around hatred. Do they hate their boyfriends? Do they hate their wardrobe? Do they hate each other? Yes, yes and fuck definitely. Men don’t go in for that silly sort of nonsense. If we’re dissatisfied, we pick up and move out. Or we take our mighty man muscles and lift fucking mountains so the world looks exactly the way we want it to. Men do more world changing before 9:00 AM than any woman ever has done in her whole life.
7. Men live less than women
The last thing a society needs is a bunch of non-contributing members laying around and sucking all the juice from the young. Men know this so they blast off from birth like shooting man stars — burning out ten years faster, but setting the whole night ablaze with manness. Women just kind of lie around like big fat pigs in big fat puddles of shit. Congratulations women. You really earned those rights!
6. Men write illegibly
Writing is stupid and an ineffective way to communicate. Men know this so they don’t give a shit about handwriting things with big hoops and loops and squiggles and shit so aliens can read notes about remembering to pick up your birth control pills after 6th period from space.
5. Jesus was a man
Whether or not you believe in Jesus, there is one fact you can’t argue with: he was a man. No religion anywhere has ever put a woman in charge of shit. That’s called dogma — man-dogma — and it means men are better than women.
4. Men wear watches
Do you know why men wear watches? It’s because there’s a limited amount of time in the day and men need to know how much of it there is so they can efficiently allocate their man ass kicking for the day. Women don’t wear watches; they wear bracelets. Women wearing bracelets is like dropping a bus of retarded kids off in front of a taffy pulling machine. They can just stare for hours and never get bored.
A watch says, ‘Get up and go! Move your man ass and take care of your fucking man business!’ That’s why 60 minutes uses a ticking watch for its theme song. ‘Important shit is going down and we’re about to talk about it in a fucking fastidious manner, so get the fuck ready,’ says a ticking watch. A bracelet says, ‘You’re most likely ugly, but look at how much money you’re worth!’ What a joke.
3. Boys destroy things
The only thing that has ever lifted our species out of the trees where we came from is our ability to destroy. Take paper: the cornerstone of the modern world. That was invented because man wanted to destroy trees and beat them into pulp. How about nuclear power? Men invented that too. Men are natural destructors. We pop right out of the man-womb and start on a life-long tirade of progress by tearing down the Earth with our mighty, man-manly man-fists. Goddammit, that’s awesome!
2. Marriage is stupid
Marriage is 100% the fault of women. It was invented by men though! Did you know that? Marriage was invented because women were too busy whoring it out to fuck the only the guy who was paying their rent and feeding their fat asses French bon-bons every day. Men invented marriage as a way of telling women who they could and couldn’t fuck. Like everything else men have ever invented, it completely worked and worked way better than any man thought it would. Women became so indoctrinated by the man-invention of marriage that they’re fucking obsessed with it.
Marriage is still stupid. It’s a stupid game invented to entertain stupid minds and to teach basic lessons of fidelity that even invertebrates are born with.
1. Men have penises
When it comes to being a man, being quick at identifying problems is tantamount to fixing them. In fact it’s tantamount-ier. Having a penis — in other words looking like a man and having man parts — is a man’s way of telling other men, ‘Hey. Look at me. I’m a man. I won’t fuck up whatever it is that you’re trying to do. If you need some help, maybe ask me and I’ll see if I can lend a man-hand. It’s the least I could do to be fucking courteous.’
Men Are Better Than Women.
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It’s sudden death in the big game. That’s when she decides it’s time to tell you about what Sally said to John. AAAARRRRGGHHH!!!!
hmm,
i think that you have a lot of issues that you need to work out in your life. i’m pretty sure that your mother hated you and your first wife left you because you have a small penis. but thats okay. you need help and a reality check. how about you turn off espn, take your penis out of the blow-up doll, and go ask your doctor about viagra.
and then after you have done all of that, go and find somebody that will accept your small brain.
*
Let’s see…
mother issues
small penis
blow up doll
addicted to sports
erectile disfunction
small brain…
So, anyone see anything they haven’t seen before?
Also, has she proven that men are not better than women?
Nope?
I didn’t think she would either. The usual shaming tactics which are frankly boring due to overuse.
Maybe she should write for Penthouse…she certainly can’t write any worse than what they have already.
Deathslayer
The ram thing is REALLY getting old.
And they won’t shut the fuck up so that you can listen to the radio. Five hours on the road and she’s going to ramble about worthless shit the whole way.
Can I ask a question? Now why do women turn the heating up in cars so fucking high? What the fuck is with that? Damn youse, Damn youse all to HEEEELLLLLLLLL!!!!!
1. A male sheep is a ram. It is a well known word.
2. Why is destruction a good thing, I think that in fact the CONstruction of tools was the tipping point of human evolution (a little while after walking on two legs came about).
But apart from those two points you amused me, I not sure if that was your intention but you did. :)
hmm,
i think that you have a lot of issues that you need to work out in your life. i’m pretty sure that your mother hated you and your first wife left you because you have a small penis. but thats okay. you need help and a reality check. how about you turn off espn, take your penis out of the blow-up doll, and go ask your doctor about viagra.
and then after you have done all of that, go and find somebody that will accept your small brain.
Your insults are really lame, Doubt. Really.
Aww come on people. This is funny, he’s taking the p!ss. Right? Right?
But look how many people have taken the bait.
Manhole sounds bitter. Aww, she can’t take what she dishes out, poor little fuckhole with her pink toes behind her ears, crying for the umpteenth time.
It’s always the whore in the mirror, fuckbox.
What a load of crap. Of course men know how to use a washer and dryer, it’s just we just expect you to do something at home other than watching Oprah and Sally Jessie Rapheal while eating chocolate bon-bons as we at our jobs bringing home the money to pay the mortgage and the food. Your orgasms don’t occur not so much due to our lack of prowess but more due to your puritanical sense of guilt that was instilled upon you by your bible-thumping mother, such that you can never truly enjoy sex. And so as your husband hammers away, all you can do is notice the paint cracks in the ceiling and complain about them–thats dirty talk for you. Also, if we have difficulties achieving a solid erection for you, it could be because the Fredrick’s of Hollywood negligee won’t do much to hide your 300 lbs of shapeless bovinity. Its easy to be lazy especially if you know that your man feels sex with you is no longer worth it.
What’s the difference between my bitch and my knife?
My knife has a point.
No, you agree with Dick therefore you’re automatically a gay smalldicked virgin who lives in his mom’s basement because no one like him LOLOLOLOLOL. Herd mentality at it’s best.
One more thing, DICK (gotta love the name):
I suspect that you got really, really hurt by a woman at some point in time and that is why you have this hatred thing going on…whatever…get over it and find another one. Just like all men aren’t the same…neither are all women. What’s the alternative? Fuck a blow up doll? Naw…not even you want to go that far…at least, not forever, right? Unless you ARE gay, which I doubt…most gay men respect women.
@Shel
Um, you DO know that I’m a woman too, right…?
Well…every dog has his opinion…even if it takes him forever and ever to state it (women talk alot? ha). I do agree with the marriage opinion. Why the hell would a woman want to tie herself down to one man just so she can get fat having kids to prove his masculinity, pick out and purchase his clothes and food because he’s too socially challenged to do it on his own, wash, dry, fold and put away those clothes because the washer and dryer are too complicated for a man to use and he’d never know where to find anything otherwise, clean the entire house (including the pee that missed the toilet because he’s too inept to hit that enormous round circle), go to work to help support the household because the man can’t do it alone (of course not), supply him with a never ending supply of sex and not expect an orgasm in return but be sure to stroke his ego, otherwise he won’t feel good enough about himself to have sex at all, not to mention helping him keep it up when he’s been out drinking with his friends and smells like vomit and god knows what else - meanwhile, she has plucked, powdered, shaved, washed and put on the ridiculous piece of Fredrick’s of Hollywood crap that he bought her for her last birthday (oh joy, just what she wanted) just so he can slobber all over her breasts and spend 90 seconds on foreplay and then ask for a blow job so he can go to sleep.
Yep, marriage was definitely invented by MEN!
looks to me like you’re lovin’ the f*uk out of some man. Thats pretttttttttttty Gay. Not saying I dont like it………..
No you don’t. This website is private property. You have no such rights here.
-Dick
I know my opinion won’t change Dick’s point of view. And though I don’t usually bitch and complain, I have a right to bitch and complain at the stupidty of Dick and his fucking website.
Do you expect women to just sit back and take it? Women have been fighting for equal rights since the 1800’s and we’re still fighting for them. Men get paid more than women and men get better jobs than women. Nobody is changing anything about it. And guess what? The men complain about us. Boo-hoo. You’re making more money than us and have the better jobs because you have a penis? Aww, I feel so fucking bad for you.
And then men say “Oh well, men are better than women because you don’t need to know how to write! Women are stupid because they can write!” Shit like that doesn’t make sense. Women are smart because we can write.
I have a right to bitch and complain because some asshole decides to tell me that he’s superior to me. Bullshit. Fuck Dick and his ideas. I bet Dick just wants a vagina, so he just hates women because they have the piece of anatomy that he could never have.
Just so you know, a male sheep is called a ram. Additionally, non of my guy friends wear watched. You are an idiot.