Top Ten Reasons Men Are Better Than Women
MenAreBetterThanWomen.com reached 200,000 visitors early this morning, so I thought I would mark the occasion by posting a very special top ten list of the top ten ways in which men are better than women.
Naturally as a man the moment I thought of an idea I set to work implementing it — in this case by writing it. It would have been exactly the same if my idea had been the wheel or the Hoover Dam. That’s because I’m a man and instead of taking shit from the world around me, I can shove shit right back into it as well.
Dick’s Top Ten Reasons MenAreBetterThanWomen.com
10. Men do not have Tourette Syndrome
I believe all women suffer from a mild and extremely localized form of Tourette Syndrome. The afflicted organ? Their tongues. That’s why women cannot shut their fucking mouths for ten seconds while adults are speaking around them. Their tongues are battling around in their mouths like drunken Vipers.
9. Men are not sponges
Women are social chameleons — or better yet: social vampires. Women walk into a situation and before you know it they’ve completely changed their wardrobe and mannerisms as if they’ve joined a fucking cult. Men are not sheep. Everyone knows the word for a female sheep is ewe, but what about the male word? There isn’t one because sheep is something men are not.
8. Women are racists
Women’s entire lives and social circles are based around hatred. Do they hate their boyfriends? Do they hate their wardrobe? Do they hate each other? Yes, yes and fuck definitely. Men don’t go in for that silly sort of nonsense. If we’re dissatisfied, we pick up and move out. Or we take our mighty man muscles and lift fucking mountains so the world looks exactly the way we want it to. Men do more world changing before 9:00 AM than any woman ever has done in her whole life.
7. Men live less than women
The last thing a society needs is a bunch of non-contributing members laying around and sucking all the juice from the young. Men know this so they blast off from birth like shooting man stars — burning out ten years faster, but setting the whole night ablaze with manness. Women just kind of lie around like big fat pigs in big fat puddles of shit. Congratulations women. You really earned those rights!
6. Men write illegibly
Writing is stupid and an ineffective way to communicate. Men know this so they don’t give a shit about handwriting things with big hoops and loops and squiggles and shit so aliens can read notes about remembering to pick up your birth control pills after 6th period from space.
5. Jesus was a man
Whether or not you believe in Jesus, there is one fact you can’t argue with: he was a man. No religion anywhere has ever put a woman in charge of shit. That’s called dogma — man-dogma — and it means men are better than women.
4. Men wear watches
Do you know why men wear watches? It’s because there’s a limited amount of time in the day and men need to know how much of it there is so they can efficiently allocate their man ass kicking for the day. Women don’t wear watches; they wear bracelets. Women wearing bracelets is like dropping a bus of retarded kids off in front of a taffy pulling machine. They can just stare for hours and never get bored.
A watch says, ‘Get up and go! Move your man ass and take care of your fucking man business!’ That’s why 60 minutes uses a ticking watch for its theme song. ‘Important shit is going down and we’re about to talk about it in a fucking fastidious manner, so get the fuck ready,’ says a ticking watch. A bracelet says, ‘You’re most likely ugly, but look at how much money you’re worth!’ What a joke.
3. Boys destroy things
The only thing that has ever lifted our species out of the trees where we came from is our ability to destroy. Take paper: the cornerstone of the modern world. That was invented because man wanted to destroy trees and beat them into pulp. How about nuclear power? Men invented that too. Men are natural destructors. We pop right out of the man-womb and start on a life-long tirade of progress by tearing down the Earth with our mighty, man-manly man-fists. Goddammit, that’s awesome!
2. Marriage is stupid
Marriage is 100% the fault of women. It was invented by men though! Did you know that? Marriage was invented because women were too busy whoring it out to fuck the only the guy who was paying their rent and feeding their fat asses French bon-bons every day. Men invented marriage as a way of telling women who they could and couldn’t fuck. Like everything else men have ever invented, it completely worked and worked way better than any man thought it would. Women became so indoctrinated by the man-invention of marriage that they’re fucking obsessed with it.
Marriage is still stupid. It’s a stupid game invented to entertain stupid minds and to teach basic lessons of fidelity that even invertebrates are born with.
1. Men have penises
When it comes to being a man, being quick at identifying problems is tantamount to fixing them. In fact it’s tantamount-ier. Having a penis — in other words looking like a man and having man parts — is a man’s way of telling other men, ‘Hey. Look at me. I’m a man. I won’t fuck up whatever it is that you’re trying to do. If you need some help, maybe ask me and I’ll see if I can lend a man-hand. It’s the least I could do to be fucking courteous.’
Men Are Better Than Women.
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Can I ask if you guys (the sexist supporters of Dick, not the equality belivers) have ever donated or purcahsed something from a fundraiser for research into breast cancer? Please tell me somewhere in there there is some decent human beings remaining.
So his mother gave birth to him big fucking deal. His mother didn’t make him a well spoken, comedic genius.
No we don’t.
Are you ever happy?
I feel really sad for dick hes just writing this because he never ever got a women are probably got rejected by all the women cuz his penis was to small. I mean who gave him birth???? His mother thats right without women we wouldnt be alive so dick can suck on his fucking little shit while others critize his bitchass. Whocares if men are better every man needs a women
A male sheep is a ram idiot! So called because all they know how to do is ram food into their mouths!
Oh yea good ole fake loughs - while you still can. Is this not ironic that all women “invented” in last decades is the captivity? - the very thing, that they were so indignant about? So where are you at? Fake realationship.
@ Doubt
Great stuff, I enjoy it, the poem is delicious,
All men know this, and agree with wiews presented by men like us or Dick, but officially they still act like whatever women say it is holy. Ater it’s legitimate to say things like this in any situation like in; talk show, TV, workplace, pub, friends… and so on, this regime is going to fall. That’s why women attack us here and they try by all means prevent that to happen, knowing at the same time that the longer they resist, more tey will have to pay later for their crimes.
So someone with no life and no future is now qualified to be *snicker* my life coach? That’s as good a joke as any.
Being that I make money and I keep money, I’m not going to invest in a manhole to help me out. I suppose my blundering male pragmatism…
What the fuck is it with manholes and blaming their sex anyhow? No wonder Hillary lost the primaries.
In her defense, she didn’t really say or do anything too off. Her supporters - well, they really raped, killed, and buried any ghost of a chance of the first presidential candidate qualified by gender alone with their mouthiness.
i am a woman and i found it rather hilarious. it stung a little to be sure but duh its jokes at womens expense. still i found them funny :) i showed my boyfriend and we had a good laugh over them :P (he secretly wishing men really were better than women >.>)
Are manholes ever happy? They’re always angry or crying, the little whores.
I am Glad I’m A Man
I am glad I’m a man, you’d better believe; I can’t live off blow, wine coolers, or cottage cheese.
I can not gripe to my manholes about the size of my tits; bitch all you want - I’m long immune to your shit.
I can not get wasted after 2 beers and when I do drink I don’t end up in tears.
I can not spend hours deciding what to wear; I waste 5 gallons max fixing my hair.
I can not go around checking my reflection in everything shiny from every direction.
I am not a coward waiting to sting; I can not cry in wait for some ring.
I can not gossip about friends or stab them in the back; I can not carry our differences into the sack.
I can never go psycho and threaten to kill you or care that every guy has already screwed you.
I’m rational, reasonable, and logical too; I know the time and I know what to do.
I feel that it is a privilege for me to have this great bod and stand when I pee.
Feel free to use me for immediate pleasure; I can not assume you are permanent by any measure.
I am a man by chance and I’m thankful it’s true; thank God I can not be a manhole like you.
DUDE GO F^^K YOURSELF
MEN SUCK
MEN = S^^T
Ill kick your ass jackie
http://www.explosm.net/db/files/Comics/Rob/charlesgirls.png
That’s right.
men are not smarter, stronger, or have more endurance then women. i know plenty women who are stronger then guys and have kicked guys asses before. but oh well, i thought this post was supposed to be a joke.
lol. this made me laugh…wen i first saw the link to it i was liek wow this guy is gonna get killed but then i read it and i really did laugh. this is why i will be straight my whole life, i dont think i can handle another woman. lol
Men have breasts too.
men arn’t better the women we have breasts and guys worship them as GREAT you think your dick is the only person in awe of it is you
Pretty much what I stand for: a big pile of dead women in wartime.