Top Ten Reasons Men Are Better Than Women
MenAreBetterThanWomen.com reached 200,000 visitors early this morning, so I thought I would mark the occasion by posting a very special top ten list of the top ten ways in which men are better than women.
Naturally as a man the moment I thought of an idea I set to work implementing it — in this case by writing it. It would have been exactly the same if my idea had been the wheel or the Hoover Dam. That’s because I’m a man and instead of taking shit from the world around me, I can shove shit right back into it as well.
Dick’s Top Ten Reasons MenAreBetterThanWomen.com
10. Men do not have Tourette Syndrome
I believe all women suffer from a mild and extremely localized form of Tourette Syndrome. The afflicted organ? Their tongues. That’s why women cannot shut their fucking mouths for ten seconds while adults are speaking around them. Their tongues are battling around in their mouths like drunken Vipers.
9. Men are not sponges
Women are social chameleons — or better yet: social vampires. Women walk into a situation and before you know it they’ve completely changed their wardrobe and mannerisms as if they’ve joined a fucking cult. Men are not sheep. Everyone knows the word for a female sheep is ewe, but what about the male word? There isn’t one because sheep is something men are not.
8. Women are racists
Women’s entire lives and social circles are based around hatred. Do they hate their boyfriends? Do they hate their wardrobe? Do they hate each other? Yes, yes and fuck definitely. Men don’t go in for that silly sort of nonsense. If we’re dissatisfied, we pick up and move out. Or we take our mighty man muscles and lift fucking mountains so the world looks exactly the way we want it to. Men do more world changing before 9:00 AM than any woman ever has done in her whole life.
7. Men live less than women
The last thing a society needs is a bunch of non-contributing members laying around and sucking all the juice from the young. Men know this so they blast off from birth like shooting man stars — burning out ten years faster, but setting the whole night ablaze with manness. Women just kind of lie around like big fat pigs in big fat puddles of shit. Congratulations women. You really earned those rights!
6. Men write illegibly
Writing is stupid and an ineffective way to communicate. Men know this so they don’t give a shit about handwriting things with big hoops and loops and squiggles and shit so aliens can read notes about remembering to pick up your birth control pills after 6th period from space.
5. Jesus was a man
Whether or not you believe in Jesus, there is one fact you can’t argue with: he was a man. No religion anywhere has ever put a woman in charge of shit. That’s called dogma — man-dogma — and it means men are better than women.
4. Men wear watches
Do you know why men wear watches? It’s because there’s a limited amount of time in the day and men need to know how much of it there is so they can efficiently allocate their man ass kicking for the day. Women don’t wear watches; they wear bracelets. Women wearing bracelets is like dropping a bus of retarded kids off in front of a taffy pulling machine. They can just stare for hours and never get bored.
A watch says, ‘Get up and go! Move your man ass and take care of your fucking man business!’ That’s why 60 minutes uses a ticking watch for its theme song. ‘Important shit is going down and we’re about to talk about it in a fucking fastidious manner, so get the fuck ready,’ says a ticking watch. A bracelet says, ‘You’re most likely ugly, but look at how much money you’re worth!’ What a joke.
3. Boys destroy things
The only thing that has ever lifted our species out of the trees where we came from is our ability to destroy. Take paper: the cornerstone of the modern world. That was invented because man wanted to destroy trees and beat them into pulp. How about nuclear power? Men invented that too. Men are natural destructors. We pop right out of the man-womb and start on a life-long tirade of progress by tearing down the Earth with our mighty, man-manly man-fists. Goddammit, that’s awesome!
2. Marriage is stupid
Marriage is 100% the fault of women. It was invented by men though! Did you know that? Marriage was invented because women were too busy whoring it out to fuck the only the guy who was paying their rent and feeding their fat asses French bon-bons every day. Men invented marriage as a way of telling women who they could and couldn’t fuck. Like everything else men have ever invented, it completely worked and worked way better than any man thought it would. Women became so indoctrinated by the man-invention of marriage that they’re fucking obsessed with it.
Marriage is still stupid. It’s a stupid game invented to entertain stupid minds and to teach basic lessons of fidelity that even invertebrates are born with.
1. Men have penises
When it comes to being a man, being quick at identifying problems is tantamount to fixing them. In fact it’s tantamount-ier. Having a penis — in other words looking like a man and having man parts — is a man’s way of telling other men, ‘Hey. Look at me. I’m a man. I won’t fuck up whatever it is that you’re trying to do. If you need some help, maybe ask me and I’ll see if I can lend a man-hand. It’s the least I could do to be fucking courteous.’
Men Are Better Than Women.
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Pirate Laws
# A pirate does not ask for directions. He relies only on his gut feeling, a compass, or a treasure map.
# Parrots are the preferred pirate companion. Monkeys are an acceptable substitute, unless they fling their feces at people. Then they are an awesome substitute.
# When fishing, a pirate uses either a sword, a knife, or his bare hands. Use of a hook is only acceptable in the event the pirate is missing a hand.
# Pirates shall always wear boots, except in the case of a peg leg. Then one boot is acceptable. Flip-flops are right out.
# Pirates do not cry, except in the case of the loss of a shipload of rum.
# When describing the size of a treasure, a pirate is required to exaggerate by at least 130%. Flowers are not treasure under any circumstances, unless said flowers are made out of gold.
# A pirate shall never wear lipstick, nail polish, or capri pants. Actually, that kinda goes without saying.
# No pirate shall discuss his feelings, unless his feelings include gutting a man from stem to stern and spilling his entrails.
# A pirate should always remove his hat in the presence of a bartender.
# During a swordfight, swordfighting insults are required. In the event both participants are still alive at the end of the fight, the participant with the superior insults shall be declared the victor.
More…
Thanks, guys; NMH, Bola, Keb, SOTS, for your points, another “unique” one bites the dust.
Could you elaborate in your vast veterancy of asymmetrical warfare how Bin Laden’s leadership has failed?
Wake up Maggie, I think I got something to say to you…….Number one, Rod Stewart is awesome. Number two, you are a LOON.
And shitty women too. Imagine what this women would be capable of if she had REAL power. Another St. Bartholomew’s Day massacre perhaps.
A BABY boy is on life support after a woman allegedly killed its mother and cut the baby from her womb.
Yea, there are some shitty men out there. But there are more great, brilliant men. How do we know this? It’s because up to about 30 yrs ago, western civilization was getting better than better,despite some ups and downs here and there. Now, for the past 30 yrs, things have been going not quite as well–correlates well with the rise of feminism. Although correlation does not prove cause, it’s not unreasonable to say that feminism could be a cause for the decline of Western Civilization.
What have women done in history? Jack Shit, compared to men. You are done. Be thankful to Men, Maggie-May, that you are not still living in a grass hut and being forced to have sex whenever a male wants.
Maggie
What are you trying? you are arguing with yourself now.
‘You call that nitpicking? You, mentioning a democratically elected president of the United States and Adolf Hitler in one breath? You call that “having a fair and sensible discussion”?
Piss off.’
Mm. Lovely. I used nit-picking in the sense that you deliberately misconstrued aspects of my post in order to give yourself something clever to say.
I said it once before but maybe you weren’t paying attention. I am NOT implying that Bush, Hitler and Bin Laden are similar. I was illustrating the fact that they have all been generally condemned, Bush for his poor leadership, Hilter for his homicidal tendencies, and Bin Laden for having a rather disagreeable combination of the two. All three of these leaders (and I can list many others) are powerful MEN that have done more harm than good.
Bola, if this is your attempt to convince me you’re superior, I have to admit that you’re doing a pretty shitty job.
And studioline, PLEASE don’t tell me you honestly think the threat of ‘pussy power’ caused 9/11. Maybe you were trying to be funny?
Still, Im sure you could resolve this puzzle you created. Why Arabs did it? Because they dont want the pussy power to be inforced upon them. You are trying to inforce that pussy power on us men. The more pussy power, the more Arabs will be getting ready to do it again. And we wouldn’t want that now, would we?
omg ur gay omg u gotta small dik omg ur a ju omg… (repeat to fade)
Dear Dick-face,
Your poor mother. Who raised you? Are you okay? Are you on drugs? Do you need some? I think that’s a yes.
It’s funny how you say Hitler was raised by a single mother. Were you? Because I’m pretty sure you’re related. Son perhaps? You resemble him perfectly as a matter of fact.
How about you get a life, take off you’re freaking Aviators, (you give people shame to wear them), and face the world like a “Real Man”. Oh wait. You can’t. You aren’t a real man. You’re an ass wipe.
Tell your mother you’re sorry for being born. You don’t deserve to live, breath, talk.
Thanks for listening Hitler,
SHOVEITUPYOURASS :)
So, men wanna give you pleasure and thats the problem??
Lol, I’m a woman and think this shit is funny. I’m not even gonna try and defend the woman race cos woman did after all, come from man.
Google is your friend
By the way, read John Irving’s book “Until I Find You (2005)”, in which he describes how he was raped by a women at the age of eight.
Mr. Dick, your a fucking ass. Your so stupid, women are so much better than men. Have you ever heard of a female rapist, no, thats because there is one very big difference between men and women. Women can control themselves, men can’t. All guys care about is sex, losers. Women enjoy it but wont kill anyone over it. Men are desperate pigs who can’t seem to grasp some control. Men are quickly becoming obsolete. Since the beginning of time men have always took advantage of the fact that they are taller and have fatter muscles but now that women have found a way around that they are taking control, it’s obvious. I mean the next president was almost a woman, women are taking control and they are gonna keep going until men are just faces on dollar bills.
i dont agree of all of this, maybe this dick guy have to do some research before he publishes this info. but on the other side there is some point that is right, like the things he talks about woman and money and pets are not children;
Camille Paglia said it best: If it wasn’t for men, all of humanity would still be living in grass huts. You are DONE, Maggie-may: and we wish we have never seen your face.
You call that nitpicking? You, mentioning a democratically elected president of the United States and Adolf Hitler in one breath? You call that “having a fair and sensible discussion”?
Piss off.
Bola, my nit-picking friend, I was merely illustrating that all three of these powerful and infamous MEN have had a negative impact on society, which sort of weakens the argument that you are all infallible.
If you are going to insult my gender, could you at least provide a decent argument as to WHY you think we’re inferior, as Emil pointed out (thank you being objective by the way)? Then we could have a fair and- dare I say- sensible discussion.
We’re clearly never going to agree (what with you being a bit of a jerk and all) but we can respect each other’s views. That is, if you actually have any.
Actually, there is practically no fission in stars–no fissionable elements like U or Pl to speak of. Its just fusion: H + H = He. “Get your fucking facts straight.”