Top Ten Reasons Men Are Better Than Women
MenAreBetterThanWomen.com reached 200,000 visitors early this morning, so I thought I would mark the occasion by posting a very special top ten list of the top ten ways in which men are better than women.
Naturally as a man the moment I thought of an idea I set to work implementing it — in this case by writing it. It would have been exactly the same if my idea had been the wheel or the Hoover Dam. That’s because I’m a man and instead of taking shit from the world around me, I can shove shit right back into it as well.
Dick’s Top Ten Reasons MenAreBetterThanWomen.com
10. Men do not have Tourette Syndrome
I believe all women suffer from a mild and extremely localized form of Tourette Syndrome. The afflicted organ? Their tongues. That’s why women cannot shut their fucking mouths for ten seconds while adults are speaking around them. Their tongues are battling around in their mouths like drunken Vipers.
9. Men are not sponges
Women are social chameleons — or better yet: social vampires. Women walk into a situation and before you know it they’ve completely changed their wardrobe and mannerisms as if they’ve joined a fucking cult. Men are not sheep. Everyone knows the word for a female sheep is ewe, but what about the male word? There isn’t one because sheep is something men are not.
8. Women are racists
Women’s entire lives and social circles are based around hatred. Do they hate their boyfriends? Do they hate their wardrobe? Do they hate each other? Yes, yes and fuck definitely. Men don’t go in for that silly sort of nonsense. If we’re dissatisfied, we pick up and move out. Or we take our mighty man muscles and lift fucking mountains so the world looks exactly the way we want it to. Men do more world changing before 9:00 AM than any woman ever has done in her whole life.
7. Men live less than women
The last thing a society needs is a bunch of non-contributing members laying around and sucking all the juice from the young. Men know this so they blast off from birth like shooting man stars — burning out ten years faster, but setting the whole night ablaze with manness. Women just kind of lie around like big fat pigs in big fat puddles of shit. Congratulations women. You really earned those rights!
6. Men write illegibly
Writing is stupid and an ineffective way to communicate. Men know this so they don’t give a shit about handwriting things with big hoops and loops and squiggles and shit so aliens can read notes about remembering to pick up your birth control pills after 6th period from space.
5. Jesus was a man
Whether or not you believe in Jesus, there is one fact you can’t argue with: he was a man. No religion anywhere has ever put a woman in charge of shit. That’s called dogma — man-dogma — and it means men are better than women.
4. Men wear watches
Do you know why men wear watches? It’s because there’s a limited amount of time in the day and men need to know how much of it there is so they can efficiently allocate their man ass kicking for the day. Women don’t wear watches; they wear bracelets. Women wearing bracelets is like dropping a bus of retarded kids off in front of a taffy pulling machine. They can just stare for hours and never get bored.
A watch says, ‘Get up and go! Move your man ass and take care of your fucking man business!’ That’s why 60 minutes uses a ticking watch for its theme song. ‘Important shit is going down and we’re about to talk about it in a fucking fastidious manner, so get the fuck ready,’ says a ticking watch. A bracelet says, ‘You’re most likely ugly, but look at how much money you’re worth!’ What a joke.
3. Boys destroy things
The only thing that has ever lifted our species out of the trees where we came from is our ability to destroy. Take paper: the cornerstone of the modern world. That was invented because man wanted to destroy trees and beat them into pulp. How about nuclear power? Men invented that too. Men are natural destructors. We pop right out of the man-womb and start on a life-long tirade of progress by tearing down the Earth with our mighty, man-manly man-fists. Goddammit, that’s awesome!
2. Marriage is stupid
Marriage is 100% the fault of women. It was invented by men though! Did you know that? Marriage was invented because women were too busy whoring it out to fuck the only the guy who was paying their rent and feeding their fat asses French bon-bons every day. Men invented marriage as a way of telling women who they could and couldn’t fuck. Like everything else men have ever invented, it completely worked and worked way better than any man thought it would. Women became so indoctrinated by the man-invention of marriage that they’re fucking obsessed with it.
Marriage is still stupid. It’s a stupid game invented to entertain stupid minds and to teach basic lessons of fidelity that even invertebrates are born with.
1. Men have penises
When it comes to being a man, being quick at identifying problems is tantamount to fixing them. In fact it’s tantamount-ier. Having a penis — in other words looking like a man and having man parts — is a man’s way of telling other men, ‘Hey. Look at me. I’m a man. I won’t fuck up whatever it is that you’re trying to do. If you need some help, maybe ask me and I’ll see if I can lend a man-hand. It’s the least I could do to be fucking courteous.’
Men Are Better Than Women.
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You sound like the kind of woman who only deserves non-stop, hardcore anal penetration every day of the year, without the benefit of vaseline.
DID MOMMY NOT HUG YOU ENOUGH AS A CHILD YOU PATHETIC FUCK?
Get one of the Matriarchy members to hold your hand as you leave your computer room, then. Guiding you out of the room would be one of their more significant accomplishments - at least compared to men’s.
You are obviously blind.
Who gives a shit what you think?
Spikey is there any reason that everything you said soudns like a woman would say it, like maybe you being one?
The fact that you’re changing the subject all the time, doesn’t help either.
I am out of here, this conversation is goin nowhere.
I gotta admit it, you’re a funny guy. but I get all the women i want most of the time and I enjoy being in relationships with them not only because of the sex, also because they make me feel like a man. I have enough presence & strength to be respected by them, and I don’t see them as a threat to myself or anyone.
Then you must have been born yesterday!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
I haven’t lost one bit of freedom since I was born, not even to paranoia & fear.
Standard shaming tactic: defend the rights of women, but when men point out inequities call them ‘unmanly’ for daring to complain about it, in the hope that you can shame them into silence. Unfortunately that has no effect on me, Spikey: I have no shame.
I bet you’re as manly as Brad Pitt, the nanny with benefits.
Yeah, that’s why you’re losing more freedom every day.
lol @ “hit a nerve”
I’m more manly than you can ever dream of being. manly enough to not think that women are trying to take over the world and enslave me, because I’m confident as hell I can defend my freedom.
Masculinity isn’t about belittling women.
The transformation of Western society into a matriarchal tyranny is a dangerous enterprise carried out by those social engineers who are ideologically committed to socialist feminism and liberal Keynesian economics; there is no greater, nor more evil, tyrant than a woman who has been given the authority to wield power over others.
We must put an end to the effeminating influence of female domination; women should be enslaved and forced back into the kitchen where they belong. The matriarchy can only be completely destroyed once all vestiges of feminist ideology have been eradicated off the surface of the earth.
Nice deflection. Hit a nerve there didn’t I?
Yeah, tell it to the people who are being brought before the BCHRC. Human rights and freedom of speech don’t go together well.
And yeah, I’m sure you’re used to having the numbers of your side, so you can shut anybody up by booing and hissing or by beating them over the head with your sterile human rights jargon.
I blame the matriarchy!
Just because I defended women’s rights doesn’t mean I’m an oppressed wussy.
‘Respect and Liberty to all.’
Amen to that, Spikey.
Well, they say (whoever ‘they’ are) that you should never argue with idiots as they only bring you down to their level and beat you with their experience. I find myself outnumbered by the seasoned idiots on this site. So I’m off to do something productive (a foreign concept for many of you). No doubt you’ll count this as some sort of victory and pound on your keyboards with delight. Hey, you’re entitled to whatever meager happiness you can get.
Son of suns- Bin Laden has thousands of his own people kill themselves in pursuit of a ridiculous ideal. If you don’t see that as any sort of failure then it’s not worth arguing over.
Bola- did you hear about the 68-year-old Australian man who hacked his wife and grandchildren to death (not sure about the sex of the children but I am sure you’ll find something wonderful to say about their grandmother)? Just thought I’d throw out a fun fact of my own.