More Fun With Prison — and Tyra Banks
Prison is not a nice place. That’s why I would think women love it in there. They always suspect that everyone’s out to screw them anyway. Their mindset is perfect for the Big House. Plus women are annoying.
But why was I not surprised to hear about Oprah v2.0 hawking horseshit about how unfair it is for women to be in prison on television
To regain the thousand Man Points I just lost by implying that I watch or have ever watched either the Oprah show or the Tyra Banks show, let me clarify:
I have never fucking watched either The Oprah Show or The Tyra Banks show.
The closest I have ever come to watching either was during Married With Children where Al was forced to watch an entire Oprah marathon for some perfectly believable reason. I think the episode ended plausibly as well — in which Al and all the other men around got unfairly screwed somehow and had to shut the fuck up about it before taking their asses to work the next day.
Without men all television shows would be soap operas with drama and bullshit getting dragged around the season like anchors of shame with no payoff. Thank God for men, or else we wouldn’t have a reason to watch TV.
I’m posting a link at the end of this article that will take you to a small write up of a recent Tyra Banks show. Tyra Banks is a — actually, if you don’t know who Tyra Banks is, just walk away. Don’t read any more of this and walk away because you are in the lucky minority of Earthlings. If you’re one of the brave man-types who doesn’t give a fuck about talking risks or looking back, read on.
Good to see all of you still here. Tyra Banks is a woman’s masochistic, life-coach, wet dream. She’s got the brains (none) and hare-brained, male-bashing reasoning powers of Oprah, with the body of a poster that says “Hey women, you’re a bunch of fucking fatties!” and the arrogance and pomposity to believe she has any right to speak for women everywhere. There’s only one person who has the right to speak for women everywhere and that’s the man they’re married to or who paid for 23 years of their room and board. If that’s not you, shut the fuck up.
Tyra Banks thinks men put women in prison.
“I wanted to do [a show on women in prison] because I was shocked to learn that the majority of women in prison are there because of their husbands or their boyfriends.” - Tyra Banks
No matter where you set the bar, women will knock it over. You could bury it, but they’ll come along with a back hoe and offer you sexual favours for pretending to teach them how to use it for ten minutes while they pretend to try and understand it and then just let you give up entirely and do the whole fucking thing yourself — digging up the bar, letting them knock it over, etc.
Women are not in prison because of men, you stupid cunt. Women are in prisons because a jury convicted them of crimes and then sentenced them to prison. Don’t they teach that shit in Modeling School?
A Better Role Model than Paris Hilton?
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May 15th, 2006 at 8:04 pm - IP Man-Hash: 8f5fa079b338a
A majority of them are there “because of” their male significant others? This sounds hauntingly familiar…
In July of 2004, the skank — sorry, my then soon-to-be-ex — assaulted me. “Assaulted” as in “repeatedly attempted to strike my body with her hands, arms, legs, and feet.” She didn’t injure me in any way: I’m skilled in Aikido, and simply moved out of the way or deflected her blows. I never raised a hand to her and simply allowed her to run out of steam and eventually stop.
But for me — and any man — assault is a big line-cross: especially when you’re responsible for young children, as I am. So I gave her a choice: calmly acquiesce to an impromptu trip to the kids’ grandparents’ for the weekend, or I call the cops. One way or another, both I and the kids were going to be out of danger, and she could do it nicely or not. Her call.
Not believing that the law would be applied to her, a weak woman who didn’t succeed in actually hurting anyone in spite of her attempts, she chose arrest and jail.
Fortunately, there was significant lead time between my calling the county sheriff and the deputy’s arrival, so I was able to get the kids out of the house for the skank’s arrest. However, the skank’s best friend came stomping by, telling me that this was a new low, “even for you!!”
The skank went to jail, I got a temporary protective order and temporary custody of the kids. I didn’t get permanent custody of anything: in the twisted universe of the aptly-named criminal justice system, divorce courts only care about assault if the man is the one perpetrating it. The skank ended up with permanent custody of the kids, and my protests of, “If she’s capable of doing it to me, she’s capable of doing it to them!” went unheard. Apparently the courts see so many instances of women assaulting men during divorce that they have decided that it’s irrelevant to the raising of children by said woman.
To this day, every woman the skank blabbed about the incident to — which naturally includes every women she ever met — thinks I’m a monster for “sending her to jail.” It never occurs to a single one of them that the skank went to jail entirely due to her own actions, from the assault to the choice to be arrested rather than accede to a trip to the grandparents’.
So when Tyra Banks goes around telling people these women are in jail “because of” their boyfriends or husbands, it’s going to pretty much fall on deaf ears with me. Unless I hear something specific to the contrary, the women in question are in jail because of something they did, and the boyfriend or husband was either a victim or material witness who chose to apply the law to her the same as it would be applied to a man.
May 15th, 2006 at 8:19 pm - IP Man-Hash: 8f5fa079b338a
After reading my comment above, it occurs to me that I could have distilled it to a quote from the immortal Jack Nicholson from the movie As Good As It Gets. When asked how he (Nicholson’s character was a romance novelist) could write women so well, Nicholson replied:
“I think of a man. And then I take away reason and accountability.”
There’s a reason that line always gets a huge laugh from any man watching the movie.
May 15th, 2006 at 9:18 pm - IP Man-Hash: b39671b23df39
Chilling tale, Dakota. Horrible.
-Dick
May 15th, 2006 at 9:23 pm - IP Man-Hash: 1f6be90632a34
Im sorry to hear that. I am curious though, what caused her to stike you? Dont get me wrong, that violence is completely unnacceptable. Women’s emotions can be a very volatile thing, I know.
-Mr.T
May 15th, 2006 at 9:43 pm - IP Man-Hash: f7aefaf338ed0
You deserve extra kudo’s for showing self-restraint. The temptation to knock her upside the head must have been tremendous!
May 15th, 2006 at 9:44 pm - IP Man-Hash: 8f5fa079b338a
Well, it went like this:
At the time, we were still sharing the marital home. The divorce was in progress: she slept in the master bedroom and I in the guest bedroom two floors away. We had to that point been reasonably civil toward one another.
Two days prior to the assault, she approached me regarding (wait for it) a financial issue in our divorce. She was concerned that the law stated that I would recieve some retirement benefits that she didn’t believe I was morally entitled to. I actually agreed with her, and said that I’d be willing to barter it away for increased access to the children.
For reasons that have never been clear to me, even after being told she could get the money in exchange for me having time with the kids, she continued to jibber on about nothing important until she told me:
“Well, as soon as the divorce is final, I’m moving with the kids to Chicago [500 miles away].”
Now, this was a big change: up to that point, we’d been negotiating on the basis that she’d remain in the area and that the children would be raised in the marital home. My entire negotiation was based on the idea that what would change in my childrens’ lives would be that I would not be living with them. I felt it important to not uproot their lives any more than necessary, and to that end I was rapidly bartering away all of our joint posessions in exchange for more time with them.
Now she was telling me that her real plan was to rack up everything she could and then uproot them entirely.
This was a Saturday night of a three-day holiday weekend. We had a meeting set up the following Tuesday morning between us and our attories, and we couldn’t talk to our attornies until the morning of the meeting.
So I mulled over what she’d told me Saturday night, and decided that it was prudent to discuss it with my attorney and in all probability change how I was negotiationg. This would naturally necessitate postponing the Tuesday meeting.
I thought it appropriate to give her notice so that she could call her attorney first thing Tuesday. Attornies cost a ton of money, and I didn’t want her attorney showing up when neither I nor mine would, thereby costing her money to no purpose.
On Monday, I went to her and said, “Look, if you’re really planning to move away, then we need to postpone tomorrow’s meeting with our attornies until I’ve had time to consult mine. To be honest, this changes everything and now I think I’ll need to re-think the whole deal.”
At that point, she went ape-shit.
To hear her tell it (and I have, not only from her, but from damned near every other woman in town), I was manipulating her into attacking me so as to gain an advantage in the divorce process.
Like Nicholson said: “I think of a man, and then I take away reason and accountability.”
May 15th, 2006 at 9:48 pm - IP Man-Hash: 8f5fa079b338a
Well, aside from ultimately placing my children in the care of a self-centered, devious, and potentially violent individual …
Unfortunately, I think this kind of thing is all too common in divorce cases. That’s what my attorney said, in any case: that the court wouldn’t care in the slightest, because it sees this kind of thing all the time.
If our genders had been reversed, however, you can be absolutely certain that I’d've never seen my children unsupervised again.
May 15th, 2006 at 9:57 pm - IP Man-Hash: 1f6be90632a34
I definitely agree there. Society places such a huge double-standard on men. If men attack, we get life imprisoned. If women attack, well you told us what happens. If women preach equality, they should get it everywhere, including punishment.
-Mr.T