Weddings are Golden Toilets…Flush
Is it any surprise to no one that a woman’s second favorite past-time: having a wedding, is a huge waste of time and money?
It sure is.
Or it sure isn’t. I’m not really sure how to answer that question, so I’ll just say it. Weddings are a complete waste of time and money and are the stupidest thing that a new couple can do.
Let me give a hypothetical situation that may or may not have happened six thousand, five hundred times a day every day this year — in America alone.
Johnny Everyman (twenty-five years old with a degree in Business and Economics and a summer job selling kitchen knives) is going to enter into a bond of legal matrimony with Jill Princess-Complex (twenty-two with a degree in Art History and who has never had a job that earned more than minimum wage in her life). Sound familiar? You bet it does.
Is this new couple going to:
A) Put a down payment on a house with their savings and token gifts from family members and friends.
B) Elope for like a hundred bucks to beautiful and romantic Downtown Courthouse.
C) Have an extravaganzic gala that will drain their bank accounts, stock their kitchen with glitzy, over-priced wares from Eddie Bauer, and leave every moment in their relationship from that point on to lurk in the shadows of lost potential.
That’s why men think weddings are stupid. Because we’re better than women at starting a family and laying the foundations for a healthy relationship with a significant other. Call us all softies for it if you want, but it’s completely true.
Here’s fact that may surprise you in a fun way. Even on women’s home turf: weddings, men can run circles around them. For instance — you might want to step back for this one — how many women do you think know the 6 C’s of diamonds, the main ingredient to any engagement ring? As a man, I can just rattle them right off the top of my head and for all you know I’m not even married.
Cut
Clarity
Color
Certification
Carat
And of course the sixth C is the one wearing it.
The bottom line is that calling a comb “Indestructible” doesn’t make it so. It’s still just a plastic piece of shit that isn’t worth the paper it’s printed on.
Next time you’re going to get married men, just think about it like this: Don’t.
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I made the mistake of getting married young. I am paying for that now with interesting mind games that do nothing but want to drive me to castrate myself so I never get involved with women again. However, I enjoy my genitals and will probably just continue to bang my head against a solid object.
Why is it that women love wedding so much that they fantasize about them from childhood. You know what I fantasized about from childhood? Ghostbusters and Stallone movies.
Women… ready to ruin lives from the womb.
Welcome to the site Lindsey. Enjoy (or not!)
@diamtik hey, she’s being polite and relatively honest.
-wolfe
Apparent to whom?
Oh, and for the record, I had no idea what the - ahem - 5 C’s of diamonds were until I read this article. Aparently I’m not a cunt!! ;-)
I’ve only read to page two, but it appears Nicole needs to go to http://www.womenwholikewomen.com. Seriously, why are you on here, girl?
Nevertheless, this is hilarious. As a woman who really would like to get married, I find this article extremely entertaining. Thanks guys!! (as I try and pull myself away from the idea of marriage as being a necessity or a good idea).
You’ll find it funny that I googled the text “stupid weddings” and this is the first site/article that popped up. HA!!
That’s hilarious. That picture of 6 women trying to get one through a door is priceless.
-Dick
Indeed. Check this link.
http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2006280830,00.html
Sorry that it’s from The Sun newspaper, but it was the only link I could find with pictures.
A bad joke for this sucker
Sister Crystal, 20, said: “Carly wanted her day bigger than Jordan’s. She got it.�
It’s about outdoing her freinds…
Stay tuned next big day Carly has is in court reaping her financial rewards.
MARRIAGE IS THE TRIUMPH OF IMAGINATION OVER INTELLIGENCE.
And I thank my personal god I didnt have to marry to fidn that out.
Great reading material here.
Amusing and absolutely acurrate!
[Sound of crickets chirping...]
-Big Al
When did children get so funny?
-Dick
It really lives in a world of her own does it not.
Continues to ramble about insignificant drivel and completely incapable of comprehending the fact that it’s not wanted and loathed by all. But it persists with it’s attention whoring, like a dog chasing it tail. Only persists because it’s really got nowhere else to go.
Luka, can I marry your fat arse?
Female, (I mean anon), that is one of the most glorious things you’ve ever posted here. Seriously. Dick, that rocks. Her post should be promoted.
I don’t agree with you, but I find your efforts and humo[u]r gloriously redemptive.
Thank you for reaffirming my belief your posts have value here.
-wolfe
This is another showing of how women are inferior to men.
Women need expensive clothes, cars, jewlery, ect. because they all think the next woman is staring at them and judging them. This may be true due to women being coniving bitches, but who knows. Men on the other hand prefer the basic necessities… a house, food, beer, a sandwhich here and there, and finally.. Men can find God in space before they find this… No Strings Attached Sex.
In short - Tha vanity of a woman simply shows her stupidity, greed, and overall lack of a brain. I guess they have the same size brain as a Baracuda.
“Me Jane, Me like Flashy Dingy…”
Questions presented to kids in junior school and their very frank answers
HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids)
1) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like
sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the
chips and dip coming.
- Alan, age 10 (aka Dick Masterson)
2) No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with.
- Kristen, age 10 (aka Samantha)
WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
1) Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
- Camille, age 10 (aka Enya)
2) No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.
- Freddie, age 6 (aka Billy)
HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
1) You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
- Derrick, age 8 (aka Mike)
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
1) Both don’t want any more kids.
- Lori, age 8 (aka christianj)
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
1) Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
- Lynnette, age 8 (aka Luka)
2) On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that Usually gets
them interested enough to go for a second date.
- Martin, age 10 (aka Steve)
WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
1) I’d run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
-Craig, age 9 (aka Anon)
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
1) When they’re rich.
- Pam, age 7 (aka astromuffy)
2) The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that.
- Curt, age 7 (aka Big Al)
3 ) The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry
them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do.
- Howard, age 8 (aka Sonyad)
IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
1 ) I don’t know which is better, but I’ll tell you one thing. I’m never
going to have sex with my wife. I don’t want to be all grossed out.
- Theodore, age 8 (aka Dakota Smith, speaking of the ex-wife, obviously)
2 ) It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone
to clean up after them.
- Anita, age 9 (aka Arielle)
HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN’T GET MARRIED?
1 ) There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there?
- Kelvin, age 8 (aka wolfe)
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
1 ) Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.
- Ricky, age 10 (aka Biff)
Indeed. Check this link.
http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2006280830,00.html
Sorry that it’s from The Sun newspaper, but it was the only link I could find with pictures.
Alas (well, not really), the diaphane creature went away. Hopefully not mad.
Funny thing about women and rings. What the fuck can you do with a shiny rock? You can’t eat it, nor can you use it on a basic level besides maybe cutting glass or refracting light. I always thought that the ring was a symbol of eternal love? Now it just shows how much a woman is willing to sell herself for and they say they aren’t prostitutes…..
-Strength and Honor-
oh pookie! you really do care! you care enough to blast a supercharged current of testosterone saturated hate in my general, worthless direction!
batting my eyelashes demurely, as i bask in the light of your continued, intense focus on the beauty that is me, and take gleeful satisfaction in the meaning of it all.
you love me.
you really love me!
yes dick - yes!
i’ll marry you.
still waiting for my engagement cookie.
astromuffy, fuck off. I give absolutely no shit if you agree with anything I say. I’m a man. I’m already right without the worthless opinion of a woman.
-Dick