When Women Should Shut the Fuck Up
People are always asking me what the qualities of the perfect wife are. Mostly men. That’s because women don’t give a fuck about what makes a perfect wife.
Have you ever seen a “romantic” comedy? I say “romantic” because what it should be is “woman” comedy — and by woman I mean “shitty” or “not a”. Those bullshit movies are all about how horrible and fucking stupid women can behave whilst the right thing to do is staring them in face like a Stop sign, and how some poor schmuck with a job that lets him loaf around town all day doing nothing can be guilted into putting up with getting fucked over for two hours and calling a spade with a shrew nose a fucking prize pig by the end of it all.
Maybe instead of romantic comedies they should be called documentaries.
The perfect wife is one who knows when to shut the fuck up. That’s it. I think Indiana Jones said it best.
“You’re insulting them and you’re embarrassing me.” -Indiana Jones
That’s all women do when they speak: insult and embarrass; them and me respectively. That’s why the perfect wife just has to know when to shut the fuck up. I’ve always said women are like works of art. Even if they’re atrocious and moody (which they mostly are) they can be enjoyed because you can look away or close your eyes whenever you’re done with them.
For some help on this topic, here’s my helpful set of rules for women on knowing when the fuck to shut the fuck up. I call it Dick’s Guide On The Prudence Of Women Shutting The Fuck Up.
1. Shut up when a man is talking or when a man starts to talk.
2. Shut up when a man stops talking suddenly.
That first rule is a man-obvious one, even wild animals follow it. The second, however, is the key to the perfect wife. It’s the extra mile. See, when a woman is speaking and insulting and embarrassing everyone, the man she’s with will likely stop speaking from insult or embarrassment. It happens every day. I used to be a bartender so you can trust me on that one.
Imagine you’re at a cricket match. You don’t know how the game works because fucking no one does, but you know when to cheer and when to leave. It’s because everyone else is doing it. That’s all I’m saying here. Women don’t know how to speak or be civilized. It’s like cricket to them. Women just need to take their cues on shutting the fuck up from everyone else. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s smart (womanly speaking).
Let me put it like this. You know how we have toilets as a species? That’s because running around shitting all over ourselves and sleeping in it is for animals, not for humans. Humans doing it would be embarrassing. When women speak it’s exactly the same thing. It makes all men feel a little less human. It reminds us that yes, we too were once running around shitting all over ourselves and trying to eat fucking rocks or some stupid shit like that — something nearly as stupid as a twenty minute conversation on why American football is “practically the same game” that football is in the rest of the world.
What the fuck?
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July 20th, 2006 at 2:58 am - IP Man-Hash: 76cebfba7c181
Glad to see you’re back posting Dick.
Good rules.
-wolfe
July 20th, 2006 at 4:55 am - IP Man-Hash: f35aeba5d8093
It was an unavoidable absence. Seems like there\’s not much cleaning to do; merely a few new harpies who can feel free to fuck off my site.
-Dick
July 20th, 2006 at 5:14 am - IP Man-Hash: 76cebfba7c181
I wouldn’t assume all of them are new. And yeah, amazing spam filtering. Worked very well in your absence.
-wolfe
July 20th, 2006 at 6:33 am - IP Man-Hash: eadd56da2c7c9
That movie had some seriously good quotes in it.
Mantastic.
-Big Al
July 20th, 2006 at 7:10 am - IP Man-Hash: cd87bd4cbefc5
I think the general rule is that everyone’s stupid, and therefore they should all shut up. Every human on the face of this earth, despite their gender or race, is incompetent beyond belief. So, when I find a site saying that one human is better than another human, I really can do nothing but laugh; we’re all trash, no matter how we look, and does a pile of decomposed walnut shells have the right to say it’s better than a decomposed pile of peanut shells? It’s all just dirt…
July 20th, 2006 at 10:26 am - IP Man-Hash: e1d145265bbf4
Kinonai, if you’re saying what I think you’re saying, that women are stupid and that men are better than them, then I completely agree with you.
-Dick
July 20th, 2006 at 9:59 pm - IP Man-Hash: d62bd8b1be9ab
I always hate it when robots come on here and start ragging on humans. We made you and we can destroy you. Now go back to making cars and shut the fuck up.
On a non-sarcastic note, another good point Dick, something about romantic comedies always piss me off. I hate their message that treating a man like shit is acceptable, and that laziness, thoughtlessness, and arrogance and somehow supposed to be rewarded.
July 25th, 2006 at 4:26 am - IP Man-Hash: 356b2e2244d02
“When a woman shares her problems with a man, she is not looking for solutions – she needs someone to listen to her.”
I’m sure we’ve all heard this one before. It makes perfect sense doesn’t it? Unless you are a man, In which case it makes about as much sense as defacating on your own doorstep.
Jesus Christ, imagine if all men sounded like this;
Ben: “I have a bad headache”
Bob: “Have you tried taking an aspirin?”
Ben: “STFU!!! I was only saying, I have a headache Goddamnit!!”
Bob: “….”
Could this be why most women are such poor problem solvers? Are they too busy relishing all the attention, drama and emotion that problems create?
Absolutely.
July 25th, 2006 at 4:47 am - IP Man-Hash: 4555637db20cf
So true Mike, so true.
July 25th, 2006 at 11:32 pm - IP Man-Hash: 76cebfba7c181
Very well said, Mike.
-wolfe
July 29th, 2006 at 11:40 pm - IP Man-Hash: e36bf59718549
Veritas
-Strength and Honor-
July 30th, 2006 at 1:08 pm - IP Man-Hash: d5e3e10c44e59
Wow! You have issues don’t you? Why so much anger? When we lash out and make these gross generalizations about a gender or race, not only is it incredibly stupid, it is sad. What are you lacking that makes you such an angry, intolerant, harsh person? It takes maturity, self-control and generosity to be in a good relationship. Take a good, hard look at yourself, is this who you really want to be? You are truly frightening! I don’t think men are better than women or women are better than men. That is an argument that should have ended in 7th grade. Partners/spouses need to honor and listen to each other, not compete. You cannot have a wife with your attitude. You want obedience, you want to command. Get a dog. No, get a robot and do the dog a favor.
July 31st, 2006 at 6:04 am - IP Man-Hash: 4555637db20cf
Wow! An anomaly right before our eyes. Yes, I do realize that Ana’s post is based on emotion and lacks logic, but the interesting thing is that the post does not contain the typical feminine retorts. Congrats to you Ana, you are a rare credit to your gender (if you really are a woman).
August 1st, 2006 at 7:36 pm - IP Man-Hash: 76cebfba7c181
Hi Ana, welcome to the site. Indeed, yours is one of the rare female critiques that is at least articulate, albeit completely wrong.
No, no one wants blind obedience. If we did, as you correctly note, we’d get a dog. It’s not clear what your objections are… other than to the general notion of the site and the tone of this thread.
Are facts eluding you? Or is it something else?
Best,
-wolfe
August 2nd, 2006 at 3:29 am - IP Man-Hash: 988d93b264c11
When should women shut the fuck up? Well, the answer has been on this site in the Man Forums all the time. Here is an instructional video that explains everything.
Kudos to mike for finding it.
August 2nd, 2006 at 10:58 am - IP Man-Hash: 76cebfba7c181
One of the most awesome videos of all time, diamatik. Total Masculine Kudos to mike for finding it.
-wolfe
September 14th, 2006 at 4:17 pm - IP Man-Hash: 3d01494ba5111
this is my first time here, this also the first time that i have been at a website that makes sence and is not boring i love it! i always here woman say they are better than men, not true!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! men r the best gender its fact!!! keep up the great work!
September 14th, 2006 at 9:05 pm - IP Man-Hash: e81382bff71ad
I have issues of ‘Mantastic Universe’ and ‘Men Rule’ magazines and everybodies favorite “Men are better than women” . Would you like to subscribe?
The men here are not angry but do get little heated over the idea that a woman can rape a man in court after destroying his family while she soaks it to him for life support. The double standards of women do annoy us to no end but we aren’t angry.. When we say men are better than women, it’s just a fact and not even an argument. We don’t really care what you think and that is why “No woman allowed” was posted on this site.
P.S. I have a wife of many years and she knows that “Men are better than women.” She has no problem with that. Most of her problems are caused by other women.
September 16th, 2006 at 9:03 pm - IP Man-Hash: 49c9ff889fded
Ana, you really don’t have much of a clue. I was all set to write up a response and then I watched the instructional video again.
Go pick up a kitten and let your natural what-have-you shine through.
September 18th, 2006 at 3:21 pm - IP Man-Hash: 6897e3ddf8ad0
That video is classic.
-Dick
September 19th, 2006 at 12:51 pm - IP Man-Hash: 6f5e349de213d
Who on god’s green fuck would think that ‘Merican football is the same as actual football?
Reading that brought up the bile from my gut, and now I want to backhand every woman I see.
September 19th, 2006 at 3:08 pm - IP Man-Hash: 494c480d0f622
The main issue is… Women are not funny. When they try to be, they are just loud and obnoxious or just overall unwitty.
September 24th, 2006 at 6:03 am - IP Man-Hash: c7a298151bcdd
women arent fucking slaves. ps i agree with the whole romantic comedy/chick flick thing. they’re shitty, no doubt.
September 24th, 2006 at 6:17 am - IP Man-Hash: 8984a7f2a18a3
What does slavery have to do with a woman keeping her trap shut? Oh, don’t answer that. As a matter of fact, I think you should just shut up!
September 24th, 2006 at 7:07 am - IP Man-Hash: 05bdcb82f843a
Cute, Sam/Pete/Ted/Elitist Prick, but clearly not the same Sandra. As usual, the IP Man-Hash reveals the poser every time. :)
November 11th, 2006 at 8:10 am - IP Man-Hash: 4af07c51822d5
no matter how much u say daat women shud shut up it ain’t gonna happen unless you figger out some sort of chemical that makes us loose our voice but wait a minute that ain’t possible as men are so stupid they wud probably blow them selfs up wich isn’t such a bad thing anyway
November 11th, 2006 at 12:16 pm - IP Man-Hash: a0bd2fb809b91
Clearly some man has thought up a ‘chemical’ which has made you ‘loose’ your mind.
-wolfe
November 17th, 2006 at 8:18 am - IP Man-Hash: 0b046e9d30047
You can say men are so stupid but at least we are literate enough to spell correctly. Learn how to type before trying making a “smart” reply. Nice way to feed the fire and only prove, yet again, another valid point.
November 17th, 2006 at 10:57 am - IP Man-Hash: d4f09ff3cabea
At least she’s ‘out of the frying pan’…
November 17th, 2006 at 8:33 pm - IP Man-Hash: ab1579df2e1d8
Women are to funny as cinderblocks are to comfortable.
November 17th, 2006 at 8:56 pm - IP Man-Hash: a3806ce5cb5f8
Women are to funny as cinderblocks are to comfortable.
Cinderblocks? Possibly burning hot lava. In your bloodstream.
November 18th, 2006 at 7:20 am - IP Man-Hash: d4f09ff3cabea
In whose bloodstream would/wood that be, yours or Prime’s…
November 18th, 2006 at 7:42 am - IP Man-Hash: ab1579df2e1d8
?
Let me give you a lil hint here, just because a man cannot make sense of what you’re saying this does not mean that you’re clever; it just means you’re not making any sense.
November 18th, 2006 at 8:24 am - IP Man-Hash: d4f09ff3cabea
dear diamatik,
there are some comments/entries that, although they may reference you, are not intended to ‘reach’ you as they are more of an ‘inside-thing’…this is just such one of those things.
so don’t worry your ‘pretty little head’ with it at all.
i wasn’t really talking to you.
November 18th, 2006 at 8:27 am - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
Ză coy peachfish^.
- Music Instructor & Veronique - Play my music
November 18th, 2006 at 1:26 pm - IP Man-Hash: 7f0331adb6577
this is when you should learn to shut the fuck up.
November 25th, 2006 at 6:06 pm - IP Man-Hash: f4f6d77989383
Excellent point, one voice.
November 27th, 2006 at 2:08 pm - IP Man-Hash: 60aa57656fadc
hi,
felt somewhat compelled to leave a note.
yes, i am girl O_O and i think your site is funny xD, for real.
peace.
November 27th, 2006 at 3:37 pm - IP Man-Hash: fecff644282fd
Not as funny as seeing yet another clueless bitch who cant read, no pussies allowed here.
Now go clean something…
November 27th, 2006 at 11:40 pm - IP Man-Hash: 7f0331adb6577
Not as funny as seeing yet another clueless bitch who cant read, no pussies allowed here.
Now go clean something…
here here
November 28th, 2006 at 9:51 am - IP Man-Hash: fecff644282fd
What we men knew to be true, has finnally been proven.Check this out:
———————————–
It is something one half of the population has long suspected - and the other half always vocally denied. Women really do talk more than men.
In fact, women talk almost three times as much as men, with the average woman chalking up 20,000 words in a day - 13,000 more than the average man.
Read more…
• Heels on wheels as Paris takes Lindsay and Britney out for a spin
• Women spend eight years of their life shopping
• Transformed in 40 weeks, woman with a new face
Women also speak more quickly, devote more brainpower to chit-chat - and actually get a buzz out of hearing their own voices, a new book suggests.
The book - written by a female psychiatrist - says that inherent differences between the male and female brain explain why women are naturally more talkative than men.
In The Female Mind, Dr Luan Brizendine says women devote more brain cells to talking than men.
And, if that wasn’t enough, the simple act of talking triggers a flood of brain chemicals which give women a rush similar to that felt by heroin addicts when they get a high.
Dr Brizendine, a self-proclaimed feminist, says the differences can be traced back to the womb, where the sex hormone testosterone moulds the developing male brain.
The areas responsible for communication, emotion and memory are all pared back the unborn baby boy.
The result is that boys - and men - chat less than their female counterparts and struggle to express their emotions to the same extent.
“Women have an eight-lane superhighway for processing emotion, while men have a small country road,” said Dr Brizendine, who runs a female “mood and hormone” clinic in San Francisco.
There are, however, advantages to being the strong, silent type. Dr Brizendine explains that testosterone also reduces the size of the section of the brain involved in hearing - allowing men to become “deaf” to the most logical of arguments put forward by their wives and girlfriends.
But what the male brain may lack in converstation and emotion, they more than make up with in their ability to think about sex.
Dr Brizendine says the brain’s “sex processor” - the areas responsible for sexual thoughts - is twice as big as in men than in women, perhaps explaining why men are stereotyped as having sex on the mind.
Or, to put it another way, men have an international airport for dealing with thoughts about sex, “where women have an airfield nearby that lands small and private planes”.
Studies have shown that while a man will think about sex every 52 seconds, the subject tends to cross women’s minds just once a day, the University of California psychiatrist says.
Dr Brizendine, whose book is based on her own clinical work and analyses of more than 1,000 scientific studies, added: “There is no unisex brain.
“Girls arrive already wired as girls, and boys arrive already wired as boys. Their brains are different by the time they’re born, and their brains are what drive their impulses, values and their very reality.
“I know it is not politically correct to say this but I’ve been torn for years between my politics and what science is telling us.
“I believe women actually perceive the world differently from men.
“If women attend to those differences they can make better decisions about how to manage their lives.”
Other scientists, however, are sceptical about the effects of testosterone on the brain and say many of the differences between the male and female personality can be explained by social conditioning, with a child’s upbringing greatly influencing their character.
Deborah Cameron, an Oxford University linguistics professor with a special interest in language and gender, said the amount we talk is influenced by who we are with and what we are doing.
She added: “If you aggregate a large number of studies you will find there is little difference between the amount men and women talk.”
Already available in the US, The Female Brain will be available in the UK from April.
—————————————————–
They actually get a buzz listening to their own voice, now thats some funny shit!
Heres the link: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/femail/article.html?in_article_i d=419040&in_page_id=1879
November 28th, 2006 at 9:56 am - IP Man-Hash: fecff644282fd
And dont you just love how the feminist spins it around to make men look like lunk heads and actually would have us believe that women do not think about sex.
Everything Ive read says women enjoy sex as much as gabbing with thier friends. This study is hilarious!
November 28th, 2006 at 11:54 am - IP Man-Hash: 479ab57a00cdd
woman’s brain didnt evolve to be logical, but to exploit and twist real (male) logic to her bratty little advantage - like a child. women are manipulation machines, it’s why men evolved to tune them out, unfortunately some of it gets through…
December 4th, 2006 at 4:23 pm - IP Man-Hash: 251afd00d53b7
You guys are so fucking lifless for fighting and arguing about this shit. Why don’t you take your little lifeless selves back to your procrasinating couches and watch something on the tv like sports or somethin’. And to you women whom think we have the ability to type better than men, stfu. Ya’ll obviousley have no life. And fyi, I’m thirteen. And if I’m already this intelligent to see that you all are just wasting your lives being on your damn comp talking about your perfecto mundo dream wifeh, and not actually looking. Then that is a bit sad on behalf of all of your parts. You people disgust me.
December 4th, 2006 at 5:09 pm - IP Man-Hash: 22403495a4a1f
Shut the fuck up and go watch cartoons.
December 4th, 2006 at 9:39 pm - IP Man-Hash: b023a6fa2ca74
13 huh?
Well it’s sad for you but you’re through maturing.
You’ve already learned all you will ever learn in this life.
You should just get your barbies out and leave the conversation to grown ups.
December 4th, 2006 at 10:13 pm - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
“Procrasinating couches”?
I fully believe you’re 13. Good advice you expended there, for your own self though: watch less telly and pick up a book for goodness’ sake.
Lest you grow up to be pro-crasinine.
- Xzibit - Alkaholik
December 4th, 2006 at 10:57 pm - IP Man-Hash: 479ab57a00cdd
Matriarchal socialism ie “feminism” has turned the Western world into a whore factory.
These little girls are so disgusting from such an early age - they have no respect for themselves and certainly no respect for their poor fathers, brothers and sons who alone will have to bear the shame. The little sluts just continue on their merry way to becoming bastard egg laying welfare queens - just like their piggish mothers before them. Mommy the cummie commie.
And the West wonders why the Islamic world laughs at us. Putting all else aside - at the end of the day at least their women respect them.
December 5th, 2006 at 12:28 am - IP Man-Hash: 2abe726d59069
Kill feminism = save the European race and all Western peoples. Let it continue and in 50 years we will be slaves to Allah or Mao.
Rest I must..
December 5th, 2006 at 10:21 am - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
What is the European race? Ethnically, Europe is quite a heterogenetic place, though the majority of inhabitants are what one might call caucasians.
Aside from Taiwan, I doubt anyone has very much to fear, other than from an economical/commerce/environmental point of view, from China. For the foreseeable future, at least.
Though Taiwan is arguably technically and rightfully the ethnic Taiwanese’s (Han Chinese - 84%) its situation is akin to that of a sheep being guarded by two, quite sizable, wolves. The propping up, fattening wolf and the drooling wolf. Of course, no one, except the ethnic Taiwanese, would give a rat’s ass about the island. And no one ever did for quite some time. Except when the sheep’s Fleece turned gilded.
Now, America has undoubtedly made it quite clear to the somewhat thick local government not to dare antagonize Mainland China further by declaring independence. So Taiwan will likely never declare Independence and China would probably do nothing manifestly ostentatious even if it did, though it could a hell of a lot on rather short notice, especially since, to the best of my knowledge, Taiwan hasn’t even got an established airforce.
My own conjecture is that the two wolves and the sheep are all putting on a little ongoing play in cahoots for the viewing pleasure of the world’s stock markets.
After all, the motto is “Make trade, not war!” It’s all a matter of closed door negotiations on trade tariffs, quotas and restrictions. Whenever China doesn’t like the way things are progressing, she resorts to the tried and tested technique of scaring American (and not only) stock holders senseless.
That’s the trouble with capitalist empires, really. Evil, communist states have got you by the balls of your share holders.
America, on the other hand, has her precious dollars and WTO in her pocket and retaliates on Chinese imports.
And so on, and so forth.
The first and final, world government? At odds between China and the WTO.
God help us, either way.
- Mousse T - Horny
December 5th, 2006 at 11:29 am - IP Man-Hash: b023a6fa2ca74
Taiwan Air
They have one..
-Creed - One
December 5th, 2006 at 11:35 am - IP Man-Hash: c301f9b97b1ec
“For the foreseeable future, at least.”
Hence I said 50 years. The Republic has lots of wealth and a preponderance of military power that will last a long time.. built up by one’s before the boomers and now being utterly trashed by the boomers in high office.
Our first boomer presidents - Clinton and Bush II. One was an adulterous degenerate who fought pointless European wars to distract the media from his cock, while lobbing cruise missiles at the tents of our true enemies. The other, has fought as an impressive War on Terror was one can imagine given the lack of readiness and preperation for such a venture. Too bad he thinks guns and butter go hand in hand, and has turned the “Conservative” party into a band of religious socialists.
December 5th, 2006 at 11:33 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5fdb78f644952
@SotS: Disturbingly, I largely agree with you. Especially on the turning the ‘Conservative’ Party into socialists. Religious or otherwise.
On what Sony says: Were it up to the Europeans to keep the peace, we’d be on World War V by now. (That means 5, for those of you educated in San Francisco).
The idea that Sony views China and the US as equally ‘wolves’ in their views on Taiwan is risible.
Here’s where, again, you fail to grasp things, Sony.
China has a legitimate claim on Taiwan. That claim is hardly ‘wolfish’ though her means to get there may be.
Taiwan has a legitimate claim to self-determination and independence, backed, and only partially betrayed by that most brilliant yet unscrupulous of US Presidents, Richard Nixon.
The US wishes peace, order and the preservation of life in the Far East. Scarred by her experiences in Korea, she is understandably reluctant to yield territory to despots, even merely self-styled nominal despots.
For someone who’s never seriously looked closely enough at history (as your words betray you), or the area in question, I find your remarks… curious, Sony.
I am not sure China is a wolf looking at Taiwan. I am sure the US is not.
-wolfe
December 6th, 2006 at 1:10 am - IP Man-Hash: b023a6fa2ca74
Bush is the great deciever. He made the regilous follks think he is on their side while he has always been deeply involved in the family religion. Satanism.
December 8th, 2006 at 4:56 pm - IP Man-Hash: 89dacca97db2b
i LOVE this site!!! I was studying for my quantum physics exam and typed in “fuck physics” and an article poped up from this site and now im home reading most things on it. Its great! Made my day!
Thanks!
December 8th, 2006 at 6:23 pm - IP Man-Hash: 6897e3ddf8ad0
Appreciated, Piotr D.
I would wish you good luck on your physics exam, but you’re a man and thus I do not need to.
-Dick
December 10th, 2006 at 7:07 pm - IP Man-Hash: 61ae3aa368208
Not as funny as seeing yet another clueless bitch who cant read, no pussies allowed here.
Now go clean something…
This site is funny because it offers a refreshing opposite to the feministic views. The author is pretty cool. BUT not all the readers/commenters are. Some of them are extremely bitter lowlifes, making crude uncalled-for comments about women- guys who probably couldn’t figure out why women aren’t attracted to them. Exactly like how some feminist agree-ers start taking it out of context and just downright slam men, and become lesbian. and kind of like how Osama bin laden took a good religion and take out of context, to violence, etc… bad, bad…
December 11th, 2006 at 1:14 am - IP Man-Hash: 5fdb78f644952
Actually, I’m not so sure that feminists ‘agree-ers’ needed to take anything of feminism out of context to slam and hate men.
-wolfe