Who’s Walking Who?
Women should not be allowed to walk down the street without a leash.
Every man knows what’s important in everything. It’s a little thing called fundamentals. For example, the fundamental skill of walking down the fucking street. Men know that’s important.
I was in San Diego this weekend for a meeting and I guess there was some kind of sports costume party at the hotel I was at. The reason I think this is because there were a bunch of women there dressed up as athletes. When I saw “dressed up” as athletes that’s exactly what I mean. In no way could they be mistaken for actual athletes as they were each a minimum of thirty pounds overweight.
You do the math. Unless you’re Babe Ruth, Tony Gwynn, or any American football player, exceeding two miles an hour while exceeding the stress levels of your Lane Bryant’s by ten pounds equals a heart attack.
I was walking up to the hotel with my luggage and who should come barreling down on me but two of the most flagrant abuses of the term athlete that I have ever seen. I believe they were each chowing down on a bear claw, however, that may have been an optical illusion. Women are great at optical illusions. That’s why they have makeup, to give men the illusion that they’re worth a damn. When two women share the collective weight of three or four women, my man-mind can’t help but fill in the blanks.
What happened next was that neither of the heifers moved out of the way. As a man, you know exactly what I’m talking about. The process of falling into a single file line when one has to share a lane with oncoming traffic. Of course women don’t have any such instinct.
Afraid that I would contract fatness on contact, I stepped into the grass and let the two big shit barges pass like I was some kind of sexy speedboat. As I was frowning and hoping it had been at least a day since they had watered the lawn, I came up with this theory:
Women should not be allowed to walk down the street without a leash.
What’s the fucking downside? None. Frankly I think women would embrace it. Just like they embrace everything a man tells them to do. It’s just like how women pretend to be even stupider and more useless than they actually are to attract men. Have a bitch slap a leash on herself and you’re talking hot summer fashion.
Related Articles:
February 13th, 2006 at 5:31 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5475964f1d333
Women should not be allowed to walk down the street without a leash.
How hallmark-like, I’m sure your imaginery partner would love to get that on a card tomorrow.
February 13th, 2006 at 5:41 pm - IP Man-Hash: f3ae1ac46a2e3
Why wait? With me Valentine’s Day is every day.
-Dick
February 13th, 2006 at 5:57 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5475964f1d333
With you, every day is charmless.
February 13th, 2006 at 6:24 pm - IP Man-Hash: f3ae1ac46a2e3
Is that some kind of Wiccan saying? Because I don’t tolerate that kind of shit here.
-Dick
February 13th, 2006 at 6:37 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5475964f1d333
Good to know
February 13th, 2006 at 8:14 pm - IP Man-Hash: 527da1e4b605d
I think you two like each other. Man hater and a woman hater. Oh the irony.
February 13th, 2006 at 8:22 pm - IP Man-Hash: e4caf524df8b3
Female,
I will express my love for you this Valentine’s Day by getting you a toilet seat.
Observe how when you shit on a toilet seat, it doesn’t follow you around afterwards.
You could learn much from that.
February 13th, 2006 at 8:49 pm - IP Man-Hash: 8dd3dc862afae
Devek, once again — priceless.
The poor little chimp has promised to leave several times over. A woman, however, can’t even keep the simplest of promises.
-Dick
February 13th, 2006 at 8:57 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5475964f1d333
Wrong. I can promise to eternally dislike you. Happy VD to you.
February 13th, 2006 at 9:01 pm - IP Man-Hash: da2d54a6e4b81
One of these days I’m just going to walk right into one of these women who refuse to yield to oncoming pedestrian traffic and say, “Oh, I’m sorry. I thought we were playing chicken.” Of course, I won’t walk into a barge, or someone who is otherwise ugly. I want to be able to enjoy it. Hell, the woman would probably give me her damn number if I did that.
In fact, tomorrow I have to lose a bunch of man-points by going to the mall…a necessary evil, unfortunately. The mall is an excellent place to walk into people who don’t have any manners of their own.
I’ll let you know how it turns out if I have the opportunity.