Why Can’t Women Hook Up a VCR?
There are two things women can’t do:
Hook up a VCR and Everything.
If you have ever seen a woman do either of those two things, you were either manlucinating or watching a transvestite. Loss of Man Points for the latter.
The only thing a woman has ever hooked up is her best friend with probably the worst boyfriend she will have ever had. Women love setting their friends up with progressively shitty boyfriends. They’re like some manly explorers club where men in dapper hats and monocles congregate and discuss manly things like jungle safari adventures and shit, trying to top each other with daring and heroic exploits; except it’s women and their only goal is to fuck each other’s lives as horribly as possible.
That may sound deplorable and even ridiculous to you as a man, but as a man you also realize women love misery. They wear it like a medallion or a pair of uncomfortable shoes that were discounted at a price no one gives a fuck about. In the culture of women, which is a stupid and backward one, if one woman isn’t actively trying to fuck up the lives of all other women around her, she isn’t being a very good friend.
Chew on that with your man teeth.
It’s the same with a VCR. If the VCR is “working”, then there’s nothing to complain about. If there’s nothing to complain about, then a woman just might as well throw herself into traffic because she sure as hell can’t be productive like a man can. Look at it this way, when do you put new batteries in your smoke detector? After a fire of course. Women are the smoke detectors of life. When you’re already choking on burning timber, it’s their job to tell you so in the most obnoxious way possible. If men were smoke detectors the smoke detector would text message you with things to remember during a fire like stay down and keep your mouth covered and all the things you should drag out of the house.
And why the fuck do smoke detectors run on batteries anyway if they’re so fucking important. My doorbell never needs to be replaced.
The answer is because they’re exactly like women: useless and a poorly designed. I know when my house is on fire because my ass will be on fire. I know when the VCR is not hooked up because I will be in the middle of fucking hooking it up. I’m a man. I don’t need any alarm shrieking in my fucking ear like it knows a goddamn thing about anything.
Women can’t do shit, they can’t build shit, they can’t even eat delicious things like The Truth unless you shove it down their fucking throats. Why can’t they do a simple thing like hook up a VCR? Maybe they think it’s rape. How the fuck should I know.
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December 4th, 2006 at 6:21 pm - IP Man-Hash: 575795b636253
Dick, are you rehashing this from your past or something? I ask because I can’t tell the last time I’ve even seen a VCR, and I live in a third world country.
December 4th, 2006 at 7:57 pm - IP Man-Hash: 1ee17b8982ecc
New smoke detectors are now installed without batteries; electricians just run a wire to them.
The person who invented the Smoke Detecor was a man, the person who invented the Smoke Detector without batteries was a man, and the electrician who installs it better be a man (for your own safety).
thanks for another great one, Dick.
December 4th, 2006 at 9:48 pm - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
I’ve a 1984 National NV-380 VCR, brought from Saudi Arabia by my father from some business venture there, pre ‘89. It’s even got instructions on it in both Arabic and English.
Bloody thing still works though it’s seen little use in quite some time.
Unemployed by the pc.
- Fluke - Switch Twitch-ko
December 4th, 2006 at 10:03 pm - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
Oy, what about programming anything, including the vcr and tv? A cold day in hell…
- INXS - SUICIDE BLONDE
December 5th, 2006 at 2:34 am - IP Man-Hash: 5fdb78f644952
Mantastic as always. TMK. That said, I differ on two points.
I think if men were smoke detectors, then smoke detectors would come equipped with hoses to put out fires. Like men have.
I think there was a documentary on this, on the educational show for children, “South Park”.
Here I definitely differ. The idea that the electricity is always on and will always work is a really, really dumb idea. A woman had to have thought that one up.
Sure, the beeping is annoying, but any man worth his salt has a system: change the smoke detector batteries once a year whether they need it or not, and don’t buy those cheap Chinese batteries that leak acid all over everything. Save those for the remote control your girlfriend uses to watch Oprah with.
-wolfe
December 5th, 2006 at 11:04 am - IP Man-Hash: 6897e3ddf8ad0
I don’t ask the questions, diamatik. I just have the answers.
-Dick
December 13th, 2006 at 7:39 pm - IP Man-Hash: b9b7e9fe9772b
I’m -always- asked to program the VCR by my women(Yes I am one of those guys who still uses them. And how can I not when I have a whole shelf full of videos). Whether to record something, or put it on the right channel. And if men were smoke detectors well, it would tell you -before- a fire even happens unlike women who do yap uselessly instead of doing anything.
December 18th, 2006 at 7:47 pm - IP Man-Hash: d4f09ff3cabea
none of what any of you say rings true for me…so far.
my troubleshooting [with a capital 'T', of course] abilities have served me well and it is i who usually gets called in to figure things out…
…even knowing that i tend toward the 50/50 knowledge/intuition factor…
December 19th, 2006 at 6:28 am - IP Man-Hash: b9b7e9fe9772b
Yeah which explains why troubleshooting and helplines are so fucking useless. It’s all just women. Thanks for clearing that up
May 10th, 2007 at 11:42 am - IP Man-Hash: 6a265ac6095e3
i dont know wether this website is meant to be a joke or not, either way its not funny n its really pissing me off!!! the reason im on it is cos im looking 4 sexist comments to use in a play n im finding lots. But its frustaraing me so much cos im a girl n i can hook up a VCR, DVD player and a playstation. I can assemble flat pack furniture better than the rest of my family. I was one of 3 girls in my GCSE resistant materials class n we were the only 2 who managed to finish on time and get A’s and we were the only two who didnt just build a simple cupboad. So shut the fuck up n start living in the real world!!!!
May 10th, 2007 at 11:59 am - IP Man-Hash: 4555637db20cf
Take your own advice, missy. In the real world men are better than women.
May 10th, 2007 at 12:06 pm - IP Man-Hash: c46011aeb3b2a
I don’t believe you. If you can hook up electronic devices, it follows you can follow directions. But here you chattering away after being told very clearly that no women are allowed here.
Go back to your home economics class and stop bothering the men.
May 10th, 2007 at 2:15 pm - IP Man-Hash: c4d026b819ad4
Thank you for proving my point.
Now get the fuck off my website.
-Dick
May 10th, 2007 at 2:18 pm - IP Man-Hash: 6ec6c2ab6784a
Shut the fuck up.
May 22nd, 2007 at 8:55 pm - IP Man-Hash: a195d2c8d4a47
I needed to give some thought to this topic before I said something germane to the topic.
I face the dilemma of having to choose between digitizing my tapes and keeping the VCR. I don’t know any women who have ever needed to make this decision because all the women I know don’t know a damned thing about any of this.
Yes, you guys, some of us still have tapes, and because we’re men we can hook up a home entertainment system with 17 video and audio inputs neatly channeled through several devices and switches. Of course, it takes some learning which buttons to press on all the remotes to make it all work, but of course it does, because we’re men.
So why can’t women figure it out? Because they have difficulty following instructions. It’s much easier to nag a man until it works.
May 23rd, 2007 at 6:58 am - IP Man-Hash: 6ec6c2ab6784a
Just because your testosterone enriched supermind allows to you do anything doesn’t mean you should.
17 is crazy. Your livingroom must look like a nest of rats.
May 23rd, 2007 at 7:52 am - IP Man-Hash: c84cf03fe9f40
You prolly wore tight shirts and made out with the other women to get that A.
May 23rd, 2007 at 7:55 am - IP Man-Hash: c46011aeb3b2a
Dude, I was exaggerating. I don’t think I have 17 input devices in my whole house. But I’m glad to know I could do it if I ever needed to.
May 23rd, 2007 at 8:04 am - IP Man-Hash: c84cf03fe9f40
In my 34 years I’ve yet to meet a woman who can successfully setup and install anything electronic.
I’ve been paid money to go over to women’s homes install everything from computers to a DVD player.
Why can’t they learn this on their own?
May 23rd, 2007 at 9:20 am - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
Because women are a cargo cult.
- Paul Oakenfold - Perfecto Fluoro - CD 2 - 06 - Prophase
May 23rd, 2007 at 11:15 am - IP Man-Hash: c84cf03fe9f40
And then they turn around and tell me that I can’t cook a meal.
To which my smart manbrain tells me to says “Yer right.. show me how it’s done” and I go grab a beer and play some Xbox while she makes me a steak.
:D
May 24th, 2007 at 2:28 am - IP Man-Hash: 0393e6d40aa57
Darn, I have like 80. Maybe 100. My lightbulbs (current drain, obviously) are input devices — seriously. Ditto sensors. IR. etc.
And yeah, home entertainment options… prolly about 17. iPod, Zen, Zen-W, VLC stream, orb, TV-air, TV-cable, TV-cable-digital, stream-YNC, DivX, XVid, MPEG4, MP3, AAC, stream-… and on. I’m a man so I’m too busy to type them all, other than into a config file. So you’re right, Sam. (and yes, for the pedantic I’m mixing inputs with protocols. Deal with it).
or our Dad’s do, and that’s manly too… helping your Dad. Only thing more manly is helping your Mom… if she’s still married to your Dad.
Good thoughts all, the above are mine.
-wolfe
May 24th, 2007 at 5:34 am - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
Hear, hear!
God bless cargo cults.
- DJ Tiesto - Beautiful Things [Gabriel & Dresden Remix]
May 24th, 2007 at 6:49 pm - IP Man-Hash: a195d2c8d4a47
Wolfe, if you saw “Ali G In da house”, all I have to say is “respetc”.
I heard a appellation used where I live (California) to describe your extraordinary technical ability: Alpha geek. Don’t take it the wrong way. It means the supreme technically inclined person in the group. It’s an honorific I use only rarely, but if you’re capable of juggling all that stuff (and I imagine you probably have a few sets of speakers in different rooms, TVs, etc. you can pipe to), hats off to you, sir.
August 20th, 2007 at 7:27 pm - IP Man-Hash: 18f74d5ebff6a
Every woman I have ever met, told me one time or another, that women are better than men at everything. Fuck that. If women are sooooo much better than men, why the Fuck do women have their own sports leagues. I did sports in high school. I worked hard and was always tired at the end of the day. My girlfriend at that time also worked out. She worked out at the gym for 30 min. Meanwhile me and my friends where practicing football for 4 hours each day. After practice one day she asked me to go downtown and walk around for a few hours with her friends. I told her i was too tired and i would go some other time. Out of no where she blows up on me, in front of my friends, about how Football is a joke. She thinks that 30 minutes of pilates.
August 20th, 2007 at 7:36 pm - IP Man-Hash: 18f74d5ebff6a
Sorry, I accidentally clicked Submit.
Anyway, long story short, at that time and place I lost all respect for Women sports.
The only exception to this was when i wrestled in high school. This isn’t that WWF, TNA crap. It was traditional folk style, occasional Grecko Roman wrestling. Anyone who reads this, i encourage you to go to a tournament, its not just a bunch of dudes just grabbing each other. Its basically MMA, without the punching and kicking. Anyway, women who can wrestle are tough, and they are the only women athletes i have respect for. We had only two girls on our team, and because they were treated like a man, and held to the same standards, and were not given special treatment, they did very well, and never lost a match against another girl.
February 4th, 2008 at 7:15 am - IP Man-Hash: 0a379370a5fd8
Nice. She is fugly, and her boyfriend has a little dick.
I would immediately make a sex tape if I was both of them, then sell it, and act surprised when the media showed up. Yay! No career? Make a sex tape! Free Publicity for your half-life!
Now, had you said Jayne Mansfield (HOT) or Carol Alt (HOT, back then), or Angie Everheart, I am there……….bitch!
April 12th, 2008 at 1:21 am - IP Man-Hash: 09b607c8c4b90
Unfortunately, you haven’t quite gotten the hang of the English language. Hopefully your sandwich-making and beer-getting skills are more refined.
June 9th, 2008 at 9:33 pm - IP Man-Hash: 8a37b6454e781
Oddly enough it’s because we always end up with men who want to do every thing for us, I try and quite frankly I can never get a damn thing done because men want to do everything….
I am not gonna complain about it, it works out better in the end. Why would women need to do anything?;)
Women threatening? The point I see is a need to prove something to a gender for some reason. Luckily this website will only prove a point to the person who actually relates to it.
June 9th, 2008 at 9:49 pm - IP Man-Hash: 89b7fa74f49d2
Sweety I’m a women. im better with electronics then you’ll ever be. :)
I fix computers at schools, companys, and other places.
If thats too hard for you “big man brain muscles” to comprehend, sit back in think about it for a while.
My mother is a lawyer and my father a pet co worker.
My stepfather is a fat lazy guy who sits on his ass and drinks the beer that my mother supplies for him, while watching the cable my mother pays for.
Wow. Dont think to hard sweety, i dont want your “man brain” to overheat. <3