Why Can’t Women Hook Up a VCR?
There are two things women can’t do:
Hook up a VCR and Everything.
If you have ever seen a woman do either of those two things, you were either manlucinating or watching a transvestite. Loss of Man Points for the latter.
The only thing a woman has ever hooked up is her best friend with probably the worst boyfriend she will have ever had. Women love setting their friends up with progressively shitty boyfriends. They’re like some manly explorers club where men in dapper hats and monocles congregate and discuss manly things like jungle safari adventures and shit, trying to top each other with daring and heroic exploits; except it’s women and their only goal is to fuck each other’s lives as horribly as possible.
That may sound deplorable and even ridiculous to you as a man, but as a man you also realize women love misery. They wear it like a medallion or a pair of uncomfortable shoes that were discounted at a price no one gives a fuck about. In the culture of women, which is a stupid and backward one, if one woman isn’t actively trying to fuck up the lives of all other women around her, she isn’t being a very good friend.
Chew on that with your man teeth.
It’s the same with a VCR. If the VCR is “working”, then there’s nothing to complain about. If there’s nothing to complain about, then a woman just might as well throw herself into traffic because she sure as hell can’t be productive like a man can. Look at it this way, when do you put new batteries in your smoke detector? After a fire of course. Women are the smoke detectors of life. When you’re already choking on burning timber, it’s their job to tell you so in the most obnoxious way possible. If men were smoke detectors the smoke detector would text message you with things to remember during a fire like stay down and keep your mouth covered and all the things you should drag out of the house.
And why the fuck do smoke detectors run on batteries anyway if they’re so fucking important. My doorbell never needs to be replaced.
The answer is because they’re exactly like women: useless and a poorly designed. I know when my house is on fire because my ass will be on fire. I know when the VCR is not hooked up because I will be in the middle of fucking hooking it up. I’m a man. I don’t need any alarm shrieking in my fucking ear like it knows a goddamn thing about anything.
Women can’t do shit, they can’t build shit, they can’t even eat delicious things like The Truth unless you shove it down their fucking throats. Why can’t they do a simple thing like hook up a VCR? Maybe they think it’s rape. How the fuck should I know.
Related Articles:
December 4th, 2006 at 6:21 pm - IP Man-Hash: 575795b636253
Dick, are you rehashing this from your past or something? I ask because I can’t tell the last time I’ve even seen a VCR, and I live in a third world country.
December 4th, 2006 at 7:57 pm - IP Man-Hash: 1ee17b8982ecc
New smoke detectors are now installed without batteries; electricians just run a wire to them.
The person who invented the Smoke Detecor was a man, the person who invented the Smoke Detector without batteries was a man, and the electrician who installs it better be a man (for your own safety).
thanks for another great one, Dick.
December 4th, 2006 at 9:48 pm - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
I’ve a 1984 National NV-380 VCR, brought from Saudi Arabia by my father from some business venture there, pre ‘89. It’s even got instructions on it in both Arabic and English.
Bloody thing still works though it’s seen little use in quite some time.
Unemployed by the pc.
- Fluke - Switch Twitch-ko
December 4th, 2006 at 10:03 pm - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
Oy, what about programming anything, including the vcr and tv? A cold day in hell…
- INXS - SUICIDE BLONDE
December 5th, 2006 at 2:34 am - IP Man-Hash: 5fdb78f644952
Mantastic as always. TMK. That said, I differ on two points.
I think if men were smoke detectors, then smoke detectors would come equipped with hoses to put out fires. Like men have.
I think there was a documentary on this, on the educational show for children, “South Park”.
Here I definitely differ. The idea that the electricity is always on and will always work is a really, really dumb idea. A woman had to have thought that one up.
Sure, the beeping is annoying, but any man worth his salt has a system: change the smoke detector batteries once a year whether they need it or not, and don’t buy those cheap Chinese batteries that leak acid all over everything. Save those for the remote control your girlfriend uses to watch Oprah with.
-wolfe
December 5th, 2006 at 11:04 am - IP Man-Hash: 6897e3ddf8ad0
I don’t ask the questions, diamatik. I just have the answers.
-Dick
December 13th, 2006 at 7:39 pm - IP Man-Hash: b9b7e9fe9772b
I’m -always- asked to program the VCR by my women(Yes I am one of those guys who still uses them. And how can I not when I have a whole shelf full of videos). Whether to record something, or put it on the right channel. And if men were smoke detectors well, it would tell you -before- a fire even happens unlike women who do yap uselessly instead of doing anything.
December 18th, 2006 at 7:47 pm - IP Man-Hash: d4f09ff3cabea
none of what any of you say rings true for me…so far.
my troubleshooting [with a capital 'T', of course] abilities have served me well and it is i who usually gets called in to figure things out…
…even knowing that i tend toward the 50/50 knowledge/intuition factor…
December 19th, 2006 at 6:28 am - IP Man-Hash: b9b7e9fe9772b
Yeah which explains why troubleshooting and helplines are so fucking useless. It’s all just women. Thanks for clearing that up
May 10th, 2007 at 11:42 am - IP Man-Hash: 6a265ac6095e3
i dont know wether this website is meant to be a joke or not, either way its not funny n its really pissing me off!!! the reason im on it is cos im looking 4 sexist comments to use in a play n im finding lots. But its frustaraing me so much cos im a girl n i can hook up a VCR, DVD player and a playstation. I can assemble flat pack furniture better than the rest of my family. I was one of 3 girls in my GCSE resistant materials class n we were the only 2 who managed to finish on time and get A’s and we were the only two who didnt just build a simple cupboad. So shut the fuck up n start living in the real world!!!!