Crossing the Fucking Street
Men are better than women at crossing the street. Crossing the goddamn street.
At some point in the grand discourse of men and their being better than women, it’s not the new techniques which women employ to make spectacles and embarrassments of themselves. It’s the way their natural incompetence manifests itself in daily life. Or is that at every point in the discourse? Who cares.
Take something like a bag of shit. We can all agree that a bag of shit is a vile and bad thing, and not as good as say an orange or a bag of oranges — or a pair of oranges in sack. I think we know what I’m talking about.
But can a bag of crap irritate and annoy in new and interesting ways depending on the setting. Of course it can. You can put a bag of shit on a porch, on a car, how about on a street corner? Light it on fire and it’s a totally different game — an even worse game.
Well that’s what I’m talking about today. A five foot six bag of shit on fire, standing on the goddamn corner, and either crossing or not crossing the street while gabbing into her fucking cell phone.
Whenever you see a redheaded woman, you know you’re in to get fucked. Not proper fucked. I’m talking about the kind of fucked you are when you’re fifteenth in a string of cars trying to turn and some retarded baboon is standing on the corner gabbing away on her cell phone completely oblivious to the way every single fucking car in the line stops to see if she’s going to cross the street. It’s funny yes, but it’s not.
Women have absolutely no idea what kind of signals they send out. They’re like marionettes attached to paint mixers just flouncing along like wet rags with no brain. They never ask themselves things like, “Do I look like I’m about to cross the street?” or “Do I look like I’m trolling for cock?”
That was crass and I apologize. It’s exactly how women think though. And they think it all the time.
Men are completely the opposite. At all times, men are aware of ourselves and our role in our surroundings. That’s because if it had been some redheaded man standing on the corner and clusterfucking traffic for five minutes, eventually someone would have thrown a half-eaten hamburger or a Masterlock at the shmuck. Lesson learned, which it never had to be in the first place because we’re talking about a man.
So why isn’t the same courtesy shown to women? Why didn’t I throw my McDonald’s fries at the shrew? It matched her hair.
I’ll tell you why. It’s not because of some horseshit notion of chivalry or “equity” — whatever the hell that means. It’s because women can’t help it. They know it too. Next time you’re with a woman, keep track of how she behaves when other people are fucking up. Guess which sex gets her more outraged purely on acts of doing — purely on acts of holding everyone up due to stupidity.
Men. That’s because all women are misogynists. Wouldn’t you be?
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Just to prove that this article applies to other areas of life …
I’m in the middle of spending the day at my daughter’s big regional dance competition today. It’s a huge deal and attracts dance teams from 500 miles away.
It is, of course, entirely dominated by women.
The competition takes up the entirety of a large high school/middle school combo in the area: classrooms are used as dressing rooms for the girls, two of the three gyms are used for competition, and the other gym is used for rehearsal and group pictures.
Now, you can imagine that at an event like this, the halls are all very crowded as competitors and their entourages of friends and family make their way from one area to the other. In this circumstance, men would simply follow the rule of “walk single-file or no more than two-abreast, and stay to the right.” If everyone does that, traffic moves at some pace, with the possibility of occasionally breaking into the left to pass slow-moving groups if the opposite-bound traffic is light.
Well, of course, it’s dominated by women, so the halls are complete chaos.
The girls and their entourages walk five-abreast or clumps of seven or more, stop abruptly and for no apparent reason except to chatter about the latest drama in their lives, fix their hair, etc. I found myself on two occasions walking along, minding my own business and then having to stop when this gaggle of females decided right this second was the perfect time to interrupt all movement in both directions.
So everyone just stood there waiting, traffic clogging, and these clueless morons work out whatever happens to be their particular malfunction. They don’t pull off to one side, they don’t pull into a classroom door alcove, they don’t have anything like common courtesy for the people around them, they just stop.
In one instance, when I finally had enough standing around, I said (loudly) to my older daughter: “Well, I think if we’re gonna get past this mess, we’re gonna have to duck down this hall over here.”
So we duck down the hall, make a pair of right-turns, and end up on the other side of the blockage, where the mother of whatever little princess caused the jam glared at me.
Now, if it was just the competitors, you could write it off to the usual teen and pre-teen self-indulgence, but it wasn’t. Mothers, aunts, grandmothers, all of them had absolutely no compunction about bringing everything to a complete standstill to indulge their little princess’ mid-competition dramatics.
I wish I had some dead batteries, but I don’t think there are enough in Sioux City to do the job properly …
The manifestations of female stupidity are infinite. That was the reason I created this site.
-Dick
Brilliant stuff again Dick.
I thought that I had pretty much noticed all forms of female stupidity, but since reading your article I could not believe how many times I noticed women looking as though they are about to cross the street, but not. That too in just 45 mins of driving.
One woman was actually standing right at a zebra crossing, wearing jet black sunglasses and jabbering away into her mobile phone. Every single car stopped momentarily waiting for her to cross as it was impossible to tell what the fuck she was looking at.
Fascinating post. Was driving downtown today and yes, the number of idiot women gabbing into cell-phones, on the brink of traffic disaster was stunning.
On redheads, hey, I’m partial to redheads. What can I say, when I look at one, I think of the Celtic genes, and the possibility of fathering a champion caber tosser. What could be more manly.
Amusingly, before I read this, I wrote the following:
(You can see it here in the forums in response to Female’s comment on Christian’s post, where I semi-prove that crossing the street is pretty much the biggest danger for women. Given the way they behave, no wonder.
-wolfe
When they finally implant the mobile phone into the female head, it’s then things will get even weirder, imagine it…
Women cannot walk past a ringing phone or mobile phone when it rings. It’s addicted, someone on the other side of it may want to wallow in the “ocean of emotion” and it’s downright inconsiderate to not allow them to participate.
Angst is where it’s at with wommin.
Anyway, imagine the cranial implant of a mobile phone ! they won’t have to move all day.
Imagine, it will be “angst” heaven. They could deal with five hundred “angst” moments without even having to raise their spreading rear of the chair. She could be permanently linked to every one of her “angstmatron” via an computerised ambilical cord, allowing live commentary and visual feedback. They could track every single word and all the responses.
Pure Bliss.
Dead batteries. That’s classic.
-Dick
Masterlocks…that’s a good one. I prefer dead AA batteries though. Cheaper and less likely to cause permanent damage. They definately get your point across though.