Why Does My Mother Wear Army Boots?
I received this email today from a woman reader by the name of Kelly who, like most women, is allergic to grammar and capital letters. Instead of printing her thoughts out and wiping my ass with them as I enjoy doing with all female inquiries and any other emails that should have been written with an e-crayon, I decided to answer it on this month’s Ask Dick.
i don’t know what has happened to you, maybe you are just some single man, (which, by reading some of your articles, i would bet good money on)…
If I weren’t too manly to know that obnoxious little configuration of commas and colons that looks like its rolling its eyes, I would type it here — but I am so I cannot.
Women can’t start, stop, or be in the middle of asking anything without being condescending and insulting. That’s why all female bosses and managers are referred to as bitches — because they are bitches. QED.
I’ll summarize Miss Princess Complex’s email instead of pasting it verbatim because you’re all men and I don’t want to waste your valuable time.
…why would we [women] go into the military? i personally, am going into the air force. Why would i do such a thing if i would follow hitler?
Quick answer: for all the wrong fucking reasons.
Women never do anything for the right reasons. It’s just like how they drive places or eventually figure out how to turn on your stereo when you expressly told them not to fucking touch it since they were too impatient to learn how to turn it on properly and toplessly. Sure, they might get to the end of the maze, they might get your five thousand dollar B&W’s to pump some Dixie Chicks, but at no point were they on the right path.
Why would we go into the military?
Women who enter the military are trying to prove something. It doesn’t matter who they’re trying to prove it to: their fathers, their husbands, God; it’s all the same person: a man. And that’s the end of my explanation. That’s also the end of my explanation for why women shouldn’t be allowed in the military to begin with.
Women are frantic and retarded in the face of stress. Haven’t we all seen the face of a woman trapped in a yellow light or waiting helplessly in the checkout line for her boyfriend to fetch a bottle of soda? Is that the face we want in the cockpit of a fighter pilot with her petrified thumb on a half ton of cluster bomb? Sounds like a half ton of clusterfuck to me.
Of course not. But we men have sewn ourselves into a dickle of a pickle. Instead of shuffling women to the side of life as our great mancestors did before us, we invented technology to cover up for the female creedo of blundery. Things like automatically shifting cars and cameras for those pesky parked cement blockades that come at reversing cars recklessly at up to seven miles an hour — we invented those things to help women cope with life. However, not even technology can make the army female friendly.
Women shouldn’t be in the military because they’re only there to show that they can run, jump, and shoot as good as a man — and not any and all men, just a few of them. Just the one that shoots his mouth off the most. Good for you, sweetheart. All you proved is that the glass ceiling is very real, it’s painted with rainbows of fantasy and delusion, and it’s buried about a mile below ground. See, being in the military is about a hell of a lot more than proving something to yourself. It’s about honor and service and going above and beyond every fucking thing you think you ever were.
Have any of you seen those planes that can take off vertically? How about a stealth bombers? Those are military planes. Regular planes look at those and say to themselves, ‘fuck that’s above and beyond every fucking thing I thought I ever was.’ And that is exactly what I’m talking about.
If your goal is to be as good as a few men, well then you already fucking failed because the Army tee box for men is about a mile back up the road. And what the fuck does Hitler have to do with anything?
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April 6th, 2006 at 8:50 am - IP Man-Hash: 5950bb08d3016
This is so true. Every woman that I have been with when they get stressed out about something, THEY ALWAYS PANIC. Usually it ends up being obscenities then thrown at me or someone else. Man can they not handle stress. Sometimes I like to have a beer and unwind for a bit after a long day of using my man mind on real problems, only to come home and get NAGGED about why I didn’t replace this light fixture or sand and stain the curio cabinet.
Jesus christ do it yourself, i do my home improvements on the weekend, and stop complaining.
As far as the army ic concerned, women cause nothing but casualties for men.
If they want to be treated equally then go on the front line and put your ass out there for your country. But a battalion of women would never exist because instad of storming a city and taking it over they would make a wrong turn and end up invading ISRAEL, LOL dumbasses
April 6th, 2006 at 12:03 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5ee64f99bb92c
Aww, she’s joinin’ the air force, good for her. Doesn’t mean she’ll be a pilot, she’ll probably end up being a clerk, a paper pusher. There’s all kinds of non combat positions women like to try to get into in the military, like supply, maintenance, etc. It’s amusing when they hit basic and realize they still have to run and carry thier weight. Most of the time they don’t carry their own weight, and who picks up the slack? the men do.
9 times out of 10, women only make more work for men.
Plus, the bureacracy is hurtin’ for women to be involved in the military, cause it’ll get the feminists off thier back. They lower the minimum standards for women, and chastise them less during courses.
I’ve only ever worked with 1 decent woman in the army. But she’s a rarity.
April 7th, 2006 at 7:13 am - IP Man-Hash: f02acd4334e0c
I read about one female training as a mechanic in the army and had to be allocated a man helper just to carry the tool box, it was too heavy for it to carry, the poor little thing.
Another was that anything up to 80% off women were sitting around the training ground as they could take the physical exercise, could not keep up with the men.
One comment I came across was that the grrrlll did not want to go for an early morning run before breakfast as it was demeaning to them.
They scream about equal opportunity and when they get it they find another way of sabotaging everything else as well.
And those laughable “female supremists(sic)” suggest that employing one of them will improve any bussiness or work environment.
Improve what ? Her life as she now get wages just for showing up.
Spoilt bitches one and all……..
April 15th, 2006 at 2:52 pm - IP Man-Hash: 7fcde55380038
Damn Dick, I wanna reply on so many levels. But, I can’t. Prolly end up with eleventy billion eo complaints up my ass if I did. And I don’t wanna lose rank just for being honest. Heh. Good to see all is well, been pretty busy lately. Helped more with the 30 feet of awesome. Hope it gets there, seems progress is slower then something that great should be, tis a shame. But, we’ll get ‘er there. Till then, take care bud.
April 20th, 2006 at 1:15 pm - IP Man-Hash: e90ca9cedd44c
Do you think if there were another World War (God forbid), and conscription became neccessary (again, God forbid), females would be forced to enroll?
I was discussing this earlier today with a few friends, and most of them thought that ladies would fight alongside men.
April 20th, 2006 at 7:11 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5b8c373a8461f
Sure they would, some of them might even be good at it as well, but there are hazards to that. I think that some people just don’t have whaat it takes upstairs to fight in modern day warfare (men and women). However the ones that do, should be subjected to the same standards, you know that whole equality thing?
April 20th, 2006 at 8:34 pm - IP Man-Hash: f02acd4334e0c
Ladies ? what ladies ? they don’t excist anymore.
Want to know the problems of having women in the way of a good brawl ? There is plenty of info on why they should keep the bitches either out the front for target practise or well out the back out of working man’s way.
April 20th, 2006 at 9:13 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5475964f1d333
So, in addition to not having the physical strength to carry certain ammunition and therefore perform all military roles, you are now saying that women simply do not have the required brains for killing others?
I’m sure christianj would beg to differ on that.
April 21st, 2006 at 9:40 am - IP Man-Hash: 356b2e2244d02
No Fem he meant having enough brains to not get yourself, or your whole squad killed in one gigantic fuck-up. A fuck-up so great only a woman could acheive.
Women + Guns/Technology = recipe for disaster.
Imagine a woman trying to accurately throw a grenade, launch a rocket or drive a tank without blowing the shit out of everyone around her. OMG ROFL
April 21st, 2006 at 11:22 am - IP Man-Hash: 76cebfba7c181
Indeed, God forbid. First, I don’t think that conscription per se would become necessary, though I think it’s possible it could be used as a tool to force some civilian support personnel into dangerous positions overseas.
A mass army just isn’t that useful a construct in the 21st century IF you are a high technology power.
That said, if you picture graphing # of people vs suitability for combat service it will come out as a bell shaped curve for both genders. The problem is, the average female is quite a bit less suitable for combat service than the average male. This means the bell curve (or “Gaussian distribution”) for women is going to be well to the left of men. If we take some reasonable minimum standard (again this is for combat service), it’s probably going to exclude 50-60% of men, and, consequently 90-95% of women.
Why would any politician want to take on the firestorm of criticism that conscripting women would get him (or her) for such marginal incremental gains as 10%?
Quite apart from that, as Dakota would say, if you send your baby makers out to die, you very soon don’t have babies. Presto, no more civilisation.
-wolfe
April 21st, 2006 at 1:50 pm - IP Man-Hash: f02acd4334e0c
We remember the recipient of the Bronze star for the world’s greatest hero “Jessica Lynch”.
What a joke, at best it should have got a purple heart for shooting itself in the foot.
If women are to be in the army they should have their own regiment, so we don’t have to go out of our way just to save their pathetic arse.
I have heard of stories where the “grrlpower” are even incapable of pitching a tent and beg males to do it for them. That is when they finally get out of bed, after doing their hair, nails and toes, having a nice warm shower and making up their little frilly pink bed that is.
April 25th, 2006 at 6:19 am - IP Man-Hash: be313b77b11e9
How pathetic it is that little boys rant about women. Whats up guys? did she dump you or not shag you? Or did you find out she “faked” orgasmed. Aw there there. I can understand you little boys having to “diss” us for being more intelligent than you and no not all girls are whores. It’s more like the men that are cheating bastards. I mean hello what happened to equality? well you know what shove it up your ass you stuck up pricks.
April 25th, 2006 at 8:28 am - IP Man-Hash: ddd2eb421ee3f
Colorful.
-Dick
April 25th, 2006 at 8:50 am - IP Man-Hash: c7d95fb367758
You dumb bitch, you forgot the standard issue ‘gay’ card and the ’small penis’ card.
Women have a limited range of insults to start with, and you could not even get that right.
April 26th, 2006 at 2:24 pm - IP Man-Hash: c565d0829f14a
& Men have an unlimited range of insults? I don’t think so. We are far more intelligent and if we have a “limited” range of insults then god help you lot. Why don’t you do us a favour and go shag a pole least it gets more satifaction.
April 26th, 2006 at 5:16 pm - IP Man-Hash: f75c92aeb197e
Yes you do have limited insults. Only a woman would be unable to see a pattern here…
There is no need to air your sexual problems here. This isnt Dope’rah.
By the way, do you even realise that you’ve just said that a pole gets more satisfaction out of sex than a woman?
Maybe you should change your nick from Hmm to D’uh???
May 1st, 2006 at 8:32 am - IP Man-Hash: c565d0829f14a
Why do you hate women so much? Not all of us are whores. Some of are actual decent human beings.
May 1st, 2006 at 9:58 am - IP Man-Hash: f3ae1ac46a2e3
Equality? That’s my question too!
-Dick
May 1st, 2006 at 12:57 pm - IP Man-Hash: 76cebfba7c181
Equality: this is not a “women-hating” site. This site does examine some of the non-rational things women do. It does paint with a broad brush at times, but I think you’ll observe that polite and intelligent comments are generally met with similar responses.
I agree that a goodly number of women are decent human beings; unfortunately, this number grows smaller and smaller year after year as the cult of post-modernist feminism takes hold.
-wolfe
May 1st, 2006 at 3:28 pm - IP Man-Hash: f2a1311f766b9
I note also how quite those female’s have become (some are getting the message)regarding the inequalities everywhere. The totally biased system has turned against males and here we have women posing the question “why are you not worshipping us as you use to ?”.
I wonder.