Ask Dick: Why is Prostitution Illegal?
The following question was sent to me by a reader Erik.
Here in America prostitution is illegal, yet pornography is completely okay so long as all participants are eighteen and over. This is what confuses me: Is pornography (that is to say, intercourse between two parties) not the same as prostitution?
Why is prostitution illegal?
Good question, Erik. Now prepare your mind for a mantomic explosion of answer.
Prostitution is illegal because women hate the fuck out of each other.
Men love women. I’m a man and I love women so much I would have sex with all of them if I could. Even the fat ones.
Fat women are like dessert trolleys. They’re stuffed with desserts and they’re no good in the sack.
Let’s look at the facts.
Men give women free cars and free money so women can drive to the mall and blow that free money on useless bullshit. That’s nice of us. Men also built strip clubs and Hooters so women can easily put themselves through medical school. Again, quite nice of us. Do you know how much money strippers make every night for doing almost nothing? Like two grand. That’s just more good old benevolent men footing the tab at the foot of the stage. Men are like fire hoses of altruism. It doesn’t matter if you’ve got the window closed, we’re busting it the fuck down with generosity. Clean yourself up.
That’s where prostitution comes in. Men invented prostitution so no woman anywhere would ever have a single problem in her life.
Unless you call too much sex a problem!
Women’s magazines, women’s financial manuals (which include such gems as: be more confident when asking for a raise. While you’re at it, grow a penis, honey jugs. That’s about as likely as a woman growing a backbone), and women’s fitness classes, are all full of lady-problems solved very easily by man’s first invention: prostitution.
Prostitution is the only way in the world you can get free money. You don’t even have to stand in line like you do for welfare. Prostitution comes to you.
Have a bite of this logical Manwich.
All women use prostitution to get free sushi without batting an eye. Sushi is fucking expensive. Ergo, women use prostitution to get free money. Or is every woman at a sushi bar somehow not a prostitute?
The reason prostitution is illegal is women hate seeing other women having it easy. Remember how many women called Anna Nichole Smith a whore when she married that old rich guy? Look at how many women hate Heather Mills. Yes, Heather Mills is a cunt, but women don’t know that. They just hate Heather Mills because she has it easy.
Women are nature’s spanner. Once you’ve got some shit together and some man cogs lined up cranking out the good times, in is chucked a woman and mucked go your gears. That’s what women did with prostitution.
I think that’s what the Bible means allegorically speaking when it says Eve ruined the Garden of Eden. Prostitution was busy solving all the problems of womankind while men solved their own, but women had to go and wreck it with a fucking fascist crusade. I don’t know what the apple means as a metaphor though. Maybe it just represents something shiny. Women will do anything for shiny.
If you really want the whole scoop here, I can only recommend the following. Pay the next woman you’re going to have sex with 20 bucks before you do. And make sure she knows what it’s for.
You’ll thank me for it.
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March 29th, 2007 at 6:14 am - IP Man-Hash: 4555637db20cf
Heretic, I may have to disagree with your stance a bit. Here, I shall digress from logic and delve into the realm of personal emotion. I would rather be hit with a lead pipe and have many bones in my body broken/fractured than to find out that I were anally assualted while I was unconscious.
I am manable to be empathetic enough to see that the long term psychological damage from rape is different from regular physical assault, but that doesn’t necessarily make it any less deleterious. I do not have the statistics on hand at the moment, but please believe me when I say that people are more likely to commit suicide as a result of bein raped than they are as a result of having the shit kicked out of them.
March 29th, 2007 at 8:05 am - IP Man-Hash: 35a3bf5e9bc19
Only by a slight difference.
March 29th, 2007 at 8:20 am - IP Man-Hash: 5e32b3f9ccec1
A man being raped by a man is different because the anus is much tighter and has no natural lubrication. Also, it would be distressing if it happened to a heterosexual man if he wanted to avoid homosexual contact.
Who’s to say that the majority of people who commit suicide don’t do so because of the guilt of having made a false allegation? 64% of rape allegations are false, according to the New Zealand police force, 42% according to an FBI study. It seems more plausible that a women who made a false allegation is more likely to kill herself than a woman who had a penis in her vagina without her consent.
I’m sure that rape is an unpleasant experience but, then again, so is being mugged or having your car stolen. I don’t understand how rape can be any worse.
March 29th, 2007 at 8:48 am - IP Man-Hash: 5d7328f0fd6f4
The difference between rape and being mugged/having something stolen is that when you are mugged or have something stolen from you, the object is material. All are horrible experiences, without a doubt.
However, you can always mend broken bones, get another car and so on…. but a rape is something that attacks someone’s dignity and intimate space. This is something that isn’t always easy to claim back like a car or mend, like a broken bone.
A lot of people suffer the experience in their minds long after the actual assault. The reason why rape is considered worse than other acts of violence against a person is because that person carries around mental scars as a result.
March 29th, 2007 at 9:08 am - IP Man-Hash: 6545d23cd19c2
Nah.. women think kidnapping and raping is funny.
Lookit all those TV commercials with the woman throwing the grocery boy in the trunk and laughing and driving off.
Or that commercial where the woman pops a piece of gum and just grabs a man on the bus and starts kissing him… hello.. what if the guy was married.. or not your type.. that’s sexual assault, ma’am!
March 29th, 2007 at 10:16 am - IP Man-Hash: e4048f17a749d
Sure is! Off with her penis.
Oh… wait! That’s not right.
Naturally, it’s always the man’s fault.
One cannot err doing nothing at all all the time. Sex included.
- Chris Rea - King Of The Beach - Auberge
March 29th, 2007 at 11:54 am - IP Man-Hash: 4555637db20cf
I hate to do this publicly, but I concur. I guess that the saying is true that “even a stopped clock is correct twice a day.” But rest assured, I do not agree with her at any other time.
March 29th, 2007 at 1:03 pm - IP Man-Hash: 497a2bd14e918
It’s all brainwashing of a sort. You’ve been told something is terrible and most of society believes this. You believe it too. If you were conditioned to see it as a rite of passage into adulthood, you’d actually look forward to it. The mind is very malleable.
Look back through evolution. What is now called rape was programmed in to assure the continuance of the species. Women were programmed to react appropriately to this reproductive act for the continuation of the species. Now we’ve evolved (or so many like to think), but deep in our psyche the programming is still there. That’s why women still fantasize about it. It’s hardwired in.
March 29th, 2007 at 1:38 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5e32b3f9ccec1
I couldn’t have said it better myself. Half the reason people see rape as so bad is because that’s what society tells them.
March 29th, 2007 at 3:18 pm - IP Man-Hash: 980cc8a8ac1a7
I don’t know, but if it’s anywhere near as bad as I imagine having your fudge pushed in is… Is it?
Surely at least a man would find the wherewithal to deal with it.
Men are better than women.
- Evanescence - Wake me up inside(radio)
March 29th, 2007 at 3:26 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5d7328f0fd6f4
Ever heard of occam’s razor? “All things being equal, the simplest solution tends to be the best one.” ?
Complicated explanation: Rape is bad because society tells us its bad due to a female conspiracy to make all men feel sorry for the plight of all women everywhere… and so lure men into a trap of giving into female deceptions because really all women exist to destroy men.
Simple explanation: Society says that rape is bad, because it is bad.
March 29th, 2007 at 4:28 pm - IP Man-Hash: c4d026b819ad4
Luka, that is the stupidest thing any woman has ever said on this site.
-Dick
March 29th, 2007 at 4:32 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5d7328f0fd6f4
Don’t shoot the messenger.
I’ll pass your regards to William of Ockham.
March 29th, 2007 at 4:37 pm - IP Man-Hash: 6545d23cd19c2
You can fly through space and time?
March 29th, 2007 at 4:39 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5d7328f0fd6f4
I can if he shoots me.
March 29th, 2007 at 4:42 pm - IP Man-Hash: 6545d23cd19c2
Your name is Luka.
You live on the second floor.
YER MOMMA IS SO BROKE ASS POOR!!!
March 29th, 2007 at 4:48 pm - IP Man-Hash: c4d026b819ad4
I’m surprised you know his first name since you know fuck-all about his law.
God bless Wikipedia.
-Dick
March 29th, 2007 at 5:27 pm - IP Man-Hash: 35a3bf5e9bc19
Shoot the runner, shoot shoot the runner. I’m the king and she’s my queen, bitch.
March 29th, 2007 at 9:47 pm - IP Man-Hash: 7bd7408f21a9a
You cannot rape the willing, and I have never met a woman that was not willing to fuck for a better reputation, or a few dollars… All women are whores and the only real cases of rape are the ones to vile to mention here. Under those vile circumstances I will agree that rape is wrong.
March 30th, 2007 at 12:28 am - IP Man-Hash: 5d7328f0fd6f4
Under strict definition rape is a violent act… the drunk escapades of men and women that lead onto rape trials are less easy to call.
My opinion wavers between knowing that taking advantage of a man or a woman sexually whilst drunk is slimy, and also wishing that less people drunk themselves into stupors all the time, especially when they are out and about and in essence more vulnerable.