Ask Dick: Why is Prostitution Illegal?

The following question was sent to me by a reader Erik.

Here in America prostitution is illegal, yet pornography is completely okay so long as all participants are eighteen and over. This is what confuses me: Is pornography (that is to say, intercourse between two parties) not the same as prostitution?

Why is prostitution illegal?

Good question, Erik. Now prepare your mind for a mantomic explosion of answer.

Prostitution is illegal because women hate the fuck out of each other.

Men love women. I’m a man and I love women so much I would have sex with all of them if I could. Even the fat ones.

Fat women are like dessert trolleys. They’re stuffed with desserts and they’re no good in the sack.

Let’s look at the facts.

Men give women free cars and free money so women can drive to the mall and blow that free money on useless bullshit. That’s nice of us. Men also built strip clubs and Hooters so women can easily put themselves through medical school. Again, quite nice of us. Do you know how much money strippers make every night for doing almost nothing? Like two grand. That’s just more good old benevolent men footing the tab at the foot of the stage. Men are like fire hoses of altruism. It doesn’t matter if you’ve got the window closed, we’re busting it the fuck down with generosity. Clean yourself up.

That’s where prostitution comes in. Men invented prostitution so no woman anywhere would ever have a single problem in her life.

Unless you call too much sex a problem!

Women’s magazines, women’s financial manuals (which include such gems as: be more confident when asking for a raise. While you’re at it, grow a penis, honey jugs. That’s about as likely as a woman growing a backbone), and women’s fitness classes, are all full of lady-problems solved very easily by man’s first invention: prostitution.

Prostitution is the only way in the world you can get free money. You don’t even have to stand in line like you do for welfare. Prostitution comes to you.

Have a bite of this logical Manwich.

All women use prostitution to get free sushi without batting an eye. Sushi is fucking expensive. Ergo, women use prostitution to get free money. Or is every woman at a sushi bar somehow not a prostitute?

The reason prostitution is illegal is women hate seeing other women having it easy. Remember how many women called Anna Nichole Smith a whore when she married that old rich guy? Look at how many women hate Heather Mills. Yes, Heather Mills is a cunt, but women don’t know that. They just hate Heather Mills because she has it easy.

Women are nature’s spanner. Once you’ve got some shit together and some man cogs lined up cranking out the good times, in is chucked a woman and mucked go your gears. That’s what women did with prostitution.

I think that’s what the Bible means allegorically speaking when it says Eve ruined the Garden of Eden. Prostitution was busy solving all the problems of womankind while men solved their own, but women had to go and wreck it with a fucking fascist crusade. I don’t know what the apple means as a metaphor though. Maybe it just represents something shiny. Women will do anything for shiny.

If you really want the whole scoop here, I can only recommend the following. Pay the next woman you’re going to have sex with 20 bucks before you do. And make sure she knows what it’s for.

You’ll thank me for it.

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168 Responses to “Ask Dick: Why is Prostitution Illegal?”

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  1. Female Says:

    Prostitution is illegal because it’s too hard for the government to collect taxes on it. And, the government does not wish to be seen as a pimp.

  2. C. Deane Says:

    Female said:

    Prostitution is illegal because it’s too hard for the government to collect taxes on it. And, the government does not wish to be seen as a pimp.

    Rubbish. Prostitution is illegal because women don’t want men to have easy, cheap access to sex. It wouldn’t be any more difficult to collect taxes on than, say, a conventional massage or acupuncture session. Sure, some women would try to evade the tax-WOMAN, but that’s true for all businesses. Besides, some tax is better than none at all! And the government wouldn’t mind being seen as a pimp if there was no social stigma surrounding prostitution. But there is LOTS of social stigma because two-faced cunts claim that prostitution exploits women.

    Society should view a visit to a massage parlour as little more than a business transaction. But that wont happen as long as women continue to be dishonest about the nature of their own prostitution, ie: marriage.

  3. son of the suns Says:

    Female is a papercut that never heals.

  4. Luka Says:

    I think it is illegal because it is such a taboo in western society.

    The idea of women selling their bodies for sex is something that has always been considered “disgusting” by men and women alike. I think such women are simply providing a service, not to mention a service that has always been around in society whether we like to admit it or not.

    I think it might be better if it were legalised because at least then it can be better regulated. It may reduce the rate of human trafficking and other related crimes if the industry were more transparent and held accountable. I think it would also prevent women from being so badly treated in some murkier areas under the umbrella of the sex industry.

  5. C. Deane Says:

    Luka said:
    I think it might be better if it were legalised because at least then it can be better regulated. It may reduce the rate of human trafficking and other related crimes if the industry were more transparent and held accountable. I think it would also prevent women from being so badly treated in some murkier areas under the umbrella of the sex industry.

    Typical ‘Prostitution victimizes women’ baloney. It seems no one dares to mention that prostitutes financially exploit men, not vice versa. Men are addicted to female flesh and women capitalize on that. At least the prostitute on the street corner is honest about her trade. It’s the cunts who seek a ring on their finger, having deftly avoided a prenup, who are the real whores.

  6. Dakota Smith Says:

    Yep, I’m with the guys on this one:

    Prostitution is illegal because women don’t want competition. They want to be the only greedy slut in their man’s life.

    If there was legal competition for the man, wives and girlfriends would have to actually treat men with respect and dignity on an ongoing basis.

    Treating men with respect and dignity is a tactic women use to get something they want, not something they want to be forced to do all the time.

  7. sonyad Says:

    I, for one, have grown to find her continued presence not to be redundant. Allow me to explain.

    Firstly, her commenting here to her heart’s delight is proof positive that mabtw.com and likewise sites do not condone censorship. As opposed to the strictly policed feminist claptrap websites and ‘discussion’ forums which can clearly be construed as the, flawed and erroneous, army of counterparts to sites such as this.

    Yet another example of men being better than women as websites bz men for men do not resort to employing censorship of dissenting individuals(almost invariably women), arguably because they needn’t but also because blotting out what might conceivably be a valid counterargument without hearing it out and rationally either dismantling and discarding it or adopting it would be unmanly and unscientific.

    Truth and facts do not require cuddling and for half-truths and outright lies to be snuffed out so that they may prosper and spread through populations of rational individuals receptive to logical arguments. The truth is self evident to those to be reached with reason.

    Secondly, reading what she has to say can often bolster the argument in defence of a hypothesis by the sheer existence of counterarguments. Be they invariably fundamentally flawed.

    A hypothesis that is never tested or combatted through any means possible, no matter how silly, pointless, disjointed the non sequiturs or fallacies are.

    Erroneous counterarguments will promptly be logically remonstrated for what they are and the voice of truth and reason shall only prevail and be stronger for it in the end.

    Also, she can be fun to annoy.

  8. Justin Says:

    Why wouldn’t the governtment want to look like a pimp? Pimps rule. Pimps are experts at telling women what to do and getting them to shut the fuck up. Also, they are shiny.

    “Women will do anything for shiny.” - Dick Masterson

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