Why women hate sex.
Out of all the problems that have ever or will ever exist on the Earth, there is only one that men haven’t and will never be able to solve — not because they can’t, because that’s ridiculous, but because the problem is unsolvable by design. Women hate sex.
That’s it, there you have it. The end-all, be-all of cluster fucks. But why?
Do women hate sex — and they do — because of some kind of woman-guilt from an outdated puritan societal dogma? Or perhaps a stigma of guilt or a fear of abandonment? No. None of these things are it. Women hate sex simply because they are lousy at it.
This can be proved in a quick stroll down the checkout aisle at your local market of groceries — a place thick to the rafters with women. Take a look at some of their magazines and you will no doubt see a running theme: ‘Ten Ways to not suck in bed’, ‘Six Things to do to Your Man that aren’t Lay There Like a Futon’, and ‘Honestly who gives half a fuck about socks being on or off? Jesus Christ that’s pathetic’.
Also, much in the same way that a wall probably doesn’t like or doesn’t care about playing tennis with you, it’s definitely not your fault. Don’t let your sympathetic male compassion get the better of you. You could be dancing around like a maniac and pulling stunts out of your figurative ass like Johnny Magic the Wicked Awesome — maybe some whirl-arounds and in your face spikes from across the court — it’s really up to you as the man — but no matter what, the wall will remain unfazed. It just sits there doing nothing like a lump on a log probably thinking that it wants a new expensive coat of paint.
This same theory can be applied to many other things as well. For example: that women hate problems.
In Chinese, the symbol for crisis is the same as opportunity. I haven’t looked that up, but I heard it from a man so it’s probably true because us men have something called integrity. This means that in a time of crisis, we men are at our show stopping best. Take a flat tire on a moonless night for instance. While a man is out changing nuts and bolts and doing all manner of screwing on the side of the road, will a woman so much as think to grab a flashlight and help? No.
That’s because women hate holding flashlights, because they are complete rubbish at it. Force a woman to hold a flashlight when it matters and you’re likely to catch her aiming it into the sky for absolutely no goddamn reason. You’re better off just duct taping it to a mailbox and catapulting it into space.
Related Articles:
May 30th, 2006 at 4:17 am - IP Man-Hash: 76cebfba7c181
Well, you’re certainly half-right.
Kindly and firmly. With love where appropriate.
-wolfe
May 30th, 2006 at 7:22 am - IP Man-Hash: d5c40ac258d40
Yar,I am a man. Just cos I aint sexist dosn’t make me a woman.
Not all feminists are women ya know.And not all anti-racists are black.
Mother Tereasa was a women…was she self centred???
Oh yeah,the person who discovered the structure of DNA was a women,and all her results were stolen by 2 men. Look it up.
May 30th, 2006 at 7:39 am - IP Man-Hash: cceef97efce4e
Pardon me, ‘MrMan’, aka Miss anti-generalizations, I said that YOU are too busy being self-centered.
Great answer wolfe.
May 30th, 2006 at 8:16 pm - IP Man-Hash: eadd56da2c7c9
The Ghoul of Calcutta? Well, yes.
Bringing in $100,000,000 or so a year and being unwilling to provide pain relief or decent food to those dying in her hospices sounds pretty self centred to me.
Of course, when she needed her own medical care in 1984, only the best would do. That sounds pretty self-centred to me.
Flying to Haiti to accept the Legion d’Honneur from Doc Duvalier sounds pretty self-centred to me.
Crick and Watson had worked out what a DNA molecule should look like if their model was correct. Rosalind Russel photographed the molecule using X-ray crystallography, and confirmed their calculations.
Crick, and Watson won a Nobel Prize for their work in 1962. Rosalind Russel didn’t.
The fact that she died in 1958, and Nobel prizes are not awarded posthumously, might have had something to do with it.
Bloody patriarchal oppressors. Not only do they discriminate against women, they discriminate against dead people.
-Big Al
May 30th, 2006 at 9:45 pm - IP Man-Hash: 1f6be90632a34
Here is what happened once and for all on every single “who discovered DNA” debate ever.
Gregor Mendel (Man) dicovered inheritence patterns (dominant, recessive…)
Rosalind Franklin (woman) and Maurice Wilkins (Man) crystallized DNA and took a picture (guess who did what)
Francis Crick(Man) and James Watson (Man) discovered the stucture and arguably the composition of DNA
There are many other male scientists, at least three. I didn’t list them becuase I had already made my point. How many men scientists are there to women scientists? And what are the accomplishments of said women compared to men scientists?
-Mr.T
May 31st, 2006 at 7:05 am - IP Man-Hash: eadd56da2c7c9
[Sound of crickets chirping...]
-Big Al
May 31st, 2006 at 7:53 am - IP Man-Hash: d5c40ac258d40
Marie Curie
May 31st, 2006 at 8:50 am - IP Man-Hash: 356b2e2244d02
Ok Fine, Keep going….Oh, your done?
May 31st, 2006 at 11:20 am - IP Man-Hash: b39671b23df39
I already covered Marie Curie, Jamie. Have a man show you how to use the search function.
-Dick
May 31st, 2006 at 9:38 pm - IP Man-Hash: 1f6be90632a34
To be fair to women, and James’ comment, here is the complete list of women who have been Nobel Laureates
This proves my point. There are 34 women on that list. There are seven fields of study (women haven’t won anything in economics), with a minimum of one person, and a maximum of three people per subject per year, over the last hundred years. If we use basic math skills here, that gives us a minimum of 700 and a maximum of 2100 winners. 34/700= 5% (about), and 34/2100= 1.5%. This proves Dick’s theory that men are about 100 times better than women
-Mr.T
May 31st, 2006 at 9:44 pm - IP Man-Hash: 1f6be90632a34
Excuse me, allow me to correct myself before some other harpy does, there are 6 areas in which one can win a Nobel Prize, which gives us 600 and 1800 total winners respectively, and therefore the corresponding percentages as 5.7% and 1.9%.
-Mr.T
June 1st, 2006 at 4:29 am - IP Man-Hash: eadd56da2c7c9
James is a woman, Mr T. Check the IP Man-Hash.
-Big Al
June 1st, 2006 at 7:25 am - IP Man-Hash: 1f6be90632a34
You’re right, she is. I should check that more often.
June 2nd, 2006 at 4:42 am - IP Man-Hash: d5c40ac258d40
HAHA its funny that you only respond to the ‘bad grammer’ and not the actual content of the comment. Reeeeeeaaaaaal smart. Ya big strong smart man,you!!!!!!!!!*pinches cheeks*
‘Why Women Hate Sex’ AHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Shows how much you know!
You must be SHITE!
June 2nd, 2006 at 5:50 am - IP Man-Hash: eadd56da2c7c9
James is now “Pixie”.
“Actual content” means, I think, lots of exclamation marks and capital letters; and Pixie would like someone to respond.
Let me.
Wow, Pixie. You’re really good at changing your name a lot and typing lots of exclamation marks and capital letters.
-Big Al
June 2nd, 2006 at 5:50 am - IP Man-Hash: f7aa4c7044bdf
James, Dip, MrMan, and now Pixie.
June 2nd, 2006 at 5:50 am - IP Man-Hash: 1ec423438eddb
This thread is very silly. Women love sex; they can have multiple orgasms. As testament to their humanity, they generally don’t pay other people to give them orgasms. Although I have been thinking of creating a vibrating chip to be implanted into men’s penises if they would be so willing…
June 2nd, 2006 at 5:58 am - IP Man-Hash: 532bf1cc96973
Trojan actually has a vibrating cock ring that you can use with your partner, honey. Try that out.
Women don’t pay others for orgasms because men aren’t prostitutes.
June 2nd, 2006 at 6:15 am - IP Man-Hash: eadd56da2c7c9
Well, yes. If you want to impersonate a man, why would you type “AHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” in the middle of a post?
Sorry, girls. Hit the IP Man-Hash for wolfe, or Dick, or Mr T, or Abaddon_fff or any of the guys who post here, and read their posts. There’s no way that they could be a woman.
And yet you are arrogant enough to think that if you assume a male name and type crap, no-one will work it out.
Even women will think it is “very silly”. Like honey does.
-Big Al
June 2nd, 2006 at 6:47 am - IP Man-Hash: 76cebfba7c181
On Nobel Prizes, well said Mr. T. (And take away the fairly subjective ‘popularity contest’ prizes in Peace and Literature, and the number of women winning drops even further).
And men don’t need beauty contests in prisons to raise their self esteem and satisfy their desperate lust for attention.
-wolfe