If A Woman’s In The Ring, She Better Be Holding A Number
Out of all the sports, boxing is one of man’s favorites. The art of pugilism. That’s what we call it, because men give nice legitimate names to nice legitimate things like knocking someone about with your fists. That’s an art on many levels. We also know a lot about the things we like; in this case boxing. Things like reach is important and just because the ref can call the fight doesn’t mean he should. And most importantly, women can’t fucking box.
Women boxing is just like women doing anything that requires strategy, talent, and being light on your feet; a fucking calamity. It’s so bad that I have to use a word that hasn’t been used in like eighty years to describe it. Women are a calamity in the ring. Women boxing is like women dancing. Just a bunch of wild swings and awkward gyrations to an imaginary beat that dogs can’t even hear and which pretty much always ends in blood and tears. And for what?
Since women can’t box, why in the hell did I wake up to see that on October 15th, a women is going to box a man. Holy shit.
Actually, let me rephrase that. On October 15th, a woman is going to get the bejesus beaten the fuck out of her by a fully grown man live for millions of people on Pay Per View. That’s not a prediction either. In no way does saying that a man would kick the shit out of a woman at boxing count as a prediction. It’s just going through the motions, like a weatherman telling you it’s going to be hot in the Sahara Desert tomorrow. No fucking shit, ya think?
Just like you, at first I thought this was some kind of jelly wrestling charity event. Where the ladies strap on some novelty, oversized boxing gloves and a liberal coating of oil and then wrestle around in a vaguely and desperately arousing kind of way. What is it called, Foxy boxing? I think that’s it.
This is not that. I don’t know what misconception of terms or ideas led to it, but a woman is actually going to box a man. This is the stupidest most pointless thing ever done.
“It’s in me to fight. If I didn’t box, I’m the kind of person who would kill 50 people…”
That’s a quote from Ann “Almost a Man, But Not” Wolfe, the female contender in this mockery of an event, and you can practically hear the desperation in it. As though the little girl who was ten when her father left for good and sent her on this haphazard, attention seeking road to the ring is speaking to you from the distant past. Pathetic.
Women can’t box because they can’t roll with anything, especially punches. That’s the secret to boxing and it’s one of the greatest life lessons that a man learns from the sport. Everyone has a great game plan until they get hit. That’s it. Men learn that at an early age and it teaches us to be adaptable and totally flexible at all times; and not shrill, shrewy nags who obsess about the most meaningless shit and plan their lives out like a fucking fairy tale while keeping their brains boxed and shrink-wrapped like a mint condition fucking Batmobile.
Talk about not being able to see the forest for the trees, women can’t see anything at all. They’re too busy choking on fistfuls of self-indulgent fantasy horseshit.
Here’s an example. If a woman is going to a dinner party and for some reason the blue shoes that she thinks match her dress are out of commission, then the whole evening is fucked. Fucked just like a woman’s boxing match, where women come out screaming and crying and throwing blows (literally in the case of boxing) and not really giving a shit if any of them land because women have no concept of victory anyway.
At least the phrase “It’s never okay to hit a girl” isn’t true anymore. Way to go ladies. Is the plan to take out the glass ceiling by throwing pride and integrity at it until it shatters and the bullshit rains down on everybody? I guess so.
Read more about this clusterfuck.
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Very good demonstration Jimmy, of why the majority of people should perhaps be thought of as a fool than to open their gaping yaps and prove the fact. Where does Dick insinuate that beating someone is a good trait? As per Esther’s assertion, Dick was remonstrating on the stupidity of a female even attempting to step into the ring to box a man. Dick feels concern for her well-being and displays that concern by mocking the decision as rightfully idiotic.
How big a man? Does it matter? Why this female felt compelled to expunger her anger management issues via a degrading freak show is beyond me, but don’t complain when this display is mocked as being futile and a dismaying display of female self-loathing. The male boxer is just showing what happens when females want to step up to the mark and they are found wanting every time.
No, beating the shit our of another person is not a good human trait, but a regulated round of fisticuffs between two consenting men in a controlled environment is. That’s what Dick is saying. Two MEN in a ring locked a battle of the mind and body is a beautiful thing. Having a woman shove her big, self-serving nose in the ring and pretend to have any clue what is going on is awkward and disappointing. It’s a lot like a young child (probably a girl because young boys know their place and don’t speak without permission) trying to follow a conversation between two nuclear physicists: they simply aren’t equipped for that sort of endeavour. Don’t put words in Mr. Masterson’s mouth, that’s a very woman sort of thing to do and it rains shit on the quality of dialogue that the rest of us are trying to maintain.
So acording to Dick, beating the shit out of another person is considered to be a good human trait.
There is one reason why women do not box: it’s stupid.
Far be it from me to condone domestic violence, but all around the planet, sober women are getting seven shades of shit beaten out of them by men that are so drunk they can’t spell their own fucking names.
How the fuck a woman can stand in a boxing ring with gloves on and expect to win is astonishing. Talk it up girls, but I’m afraid you silly twits are gonna taste the back of a man’s hand and it ain’t gonna be strawberry jam.
Remember the Bobby Riggs/Billie Jean King fiasco? The number one woman in the world took on an ex-pro in his fifties. He beat her the first time around; she beat him the second time. This bout looks similar; a woman at the top of her game vs. a bum. I bet on the bum.