The Blackberry: Releasing a Woman’s Inner Bitch
I have a Blackberry, you have a Blackberry, let’s all go have a fucking parade about it.
Or let’s just use our Blackberrys to get the job done like men.
And that’s why women should not be allowed to have Blackberrys. They don’t use their Blackberrys to get the job done. They use their Blackberrys like the morphine drip you get at the hospital after back surgery. When you need a dose of morphine, you hit the button. When a woman needs a dose of attention, she whips out her Blackberry during dinner like it’s totally acceptable.
It’s not acceptable. It’s rude. Dump that bitch like an anchor.
Giving a woman a Blackberry is like giving her a permanent excuse to behave like a rude, inconsiderate pig.
Men use our Blackberrys for business — emailing and such. And also, finding where awesome restaurants are, like Big Wang’s which is located at 1562 N Cahuenga Blvd. And sometimes, we use our Blackberrys to show all our drunk friends a picture of an awesome set of hooters that some chick just text messaged me.
Mantastic.
Naked pictures of hot tits is the only kind of sharing a man should do. All other sharing is for ladies.
A woman once asked me why I don’t keep my Blackberry on the nightstand when I sleep.
“Why the fuck would I do that?” I said.
And why the fuck would I do that? The middle of the night is my time for sleeping and dreaming about being the keyboard player for Dethklok. I’m not going to interrupt that to answer some shithead’s question about why men are better than women at playing marbles.
It’s because men have finesse and are used to handling balls.
But that’s exactly the point. Women can’t deny attention — no matter what kind of attention it is, no matter how married they are, and no matter what time it is. If it’s three in the fucking morning, a woman wants to know that someone is trying to sell her Viagra. If it’s in the middle of a conversation with a man, a woman wants to know what other man wants to have a conversation with her.
When you give a woman a Blackberry, you’re giving her an IV of attention.
Every time a woman’s Blackberry vibrates, she’ll jump like she’s got an electric collar. That’s because women are addicted to attention. Have you ever seen a dog with an invisible fence electric collar? A dog will hear the beeping and just about shit himself. It’s the same reaction a woman has when her Blackberry starts going off like a jackpot.
Blackberrys are like Dumbo’s magic feather, except instead of flying, a Blackberry gives a woman the power to act like a rude bitch.
To a man, someone else’s importance is based on a complicated algorithm of their wealth, influence, and proximity. Manly stuff. To a woman, someone’s importance is based on one thing.
First come, last served.
Have some kids with a woman and you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about. Daddy comes last.
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April 4th, 2008 at 2:08 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5c8336b56fb06
blackberries?
April 4th, 2008 at 2:22 pm - IP Man-Hash: 84299aa8c39fa
Dethklok is fucking manly. I’m glad you mentioned them.
April 4th, 2008 at 2:57 pm - IP Man-Hash: bdb55b29728b2
Awesome speech! Personally I would have said everyone else comes last but that works.
April 4th, 2008 at 3:28 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5c8336b56fb06
yeah. it’s blackberries, or blackberrys.
but whatever. i don’t have a blackberry, just a regular old cell phone that i hardly ever answer. when my phone vibrates i roll my eyes and think “jesus. what now? go away”.
April 4th, 2008 at 3:38 pm - IP Man-Hash: fd5cd69179bd1
To properly make a singular noun plural, you add an “s” or “es” if you do not change the “y” into an “ies.” “Blackberry’s” is wrong.
Your editor must’ve earned his money.
April 4th, 2008 at 3:56 pm - IP Man-Hash: 3678a04d8b5e0
except that “Blackberry” is a proper noun and the brand name of a product, not a descriptive noun, like the fruit. the plural of “Blackberry (TM)” is “Blackberrys” not “Blackberries”.
same way if you have two friends named “Cindy”. will they both together be “Cindys” or “Cindies”?
April 4th, 2008 at 4:17 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4b8494f25ae28
*Holds a megaphone to her ear*
Nobody gives a shit.
To see more mantastic megaphone usage, please visit:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=eSfHGEqmUDA
April 4th, 2008 at 4:28 pm - IP Man-Hash: 2d47ac4d576d1
What price for your berries, today, Dick?
April 4th, 2008 at 5:17 pm - IP Man-Hash: 20aeaaa2d241d
Ah, Dethklok. Most brutal metal band ever… William Murderface is my role model. :P
April 4th, 2008 at 10:55 pm - IP Man-Hash: fd5cd69179bd1
My point was that no apotrosphe was necessary. And the very first thing I said was that you can add an “s” to make a singular noun plural. You need to learn to read as badly as Dick needs to learn to write.
April 4th, 2008 at 11:19 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4b8494f25ae28
Nobody gives a shit!
What’s the difference between an onion and a manhole?
You don’t cry when you’re cutting up an onion!
April 4th, 2008 at 11:34 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4b8494f25ae28
This does concern us.
Answer to this: Why is it evil to hit a manhole back, but empowering to abuse a child?
I’ll slap this in your face, manhole.
http://www.riehlworldview.com/carnivorous_conservative/2007/08/do-some -radical.html
The vultures have been fed and the world has seen our might.
April 4th, 2008 at 11:59 pm - IP Man-Hash: 76a9e69169fad
What’s that? Women putting themselves over their own children?! That NEVER happens!
April 5th, 2008 at 12:12 am - IP Man-Hash: 60b9632657c7c
How many “apostrosphes” are there in “No Women Allowed”?
-Dick
April 5th, 2008 at 12:49 am - IP Man-Hash: 4b8494f25ae28
That’s almost as radical as stating that all feminists are racist bigots, and that feminism is by definition state-sponsored terrorism.
April 5th, 2008 at 12:51 am - IP Man-Hash: 4b8494f25ae28
Ha ha. Whomp!
April 5th, 2008 at 4:41 am - IP Man-Hash: 517f9f42e2042
Honestly I hate it when women come onto this blog to comment. I’ve been reading all the past blogs and the comments from women infuriate me. Firstly I am a MAN and I don’t want a WOMEN with her inferior everything to question me! EVEN if my logic doesn’t make sense. I don’t care if I’m being hypercritical, or claiming false facts. The fact is I’m a MAN and what I say is better then what a WOMEN says, no matter how obscene .
Everyday, at work, at home I am being told off by women, being denied by women, being controlled by women. They tell me what is RIGHT (eg my mum and my wife), and what to do (eg my boss who constantly reminds me what a failure I am and how close she is to firing me). Nowadays the ONLY place I feel comfortable in this world is on top of the toilet seat, and even then my wife bangs on the door nagging me to hurry up. So this is my SAFE haven. This site is the only place where I can put women down, call women whores (basically everything I’m too gutless to say to my wife or my mum, or women in public in general) and whatever with the support of at least half the population. So please women, give me some space to let me say the shit I want to say, then afterwards I promise I’ll get off and do the laundry or whatever it is you want me to do.
April 5th, 2008 at 4:44 am - IP Man-Hash: 517f9f42e2042
….please. :(
April 5th, 2008 at 9:39 am - IP Man-Hash: e0f0a45876d85
Hey Dick are you familiar with Marc Rudov, the No Nonsense Man?
http://thenononsenseman.com/
He’s got his own web radio show now, too.
http://www.wsradio.com/internet-talk-radio.cfm/shows/The-Marc-Rudov-Sh ow.html
Maybe you could be his next guest.
April 5th, 2008 at 1:10 pm - IP Man-Hash: e1caec5062137
That voicemail I did yesterday was really shitty. But you get my point, man.
April 5th, 2008 at 5:01 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4b8494f25ae28
Wow, these sites are popping up all over the place! It’s like regenerating an old growth forest in a few short weeks in place of a strip mall. Who would rather have a strip mall where a hunting preserve could be? Strip malls suck.
April 5th, 2008 at 8:06 pm - IP Man-Hash: a74c88570a16c
If a woman starts texting while we’re at dinner, I’ll excuse myself and drive off. Ive been told that Im an asshole and it “could have been an emergency”. It never is though.
April 5th, 2008 at 9:16 pm - IP Man-Hash: 60b9632657c7c
If it’s an emergency, why would anyone be calling a woman?
-Dick
April 5th, 2008 at 9:20 pm - IP Man-Hash: 6ff6a47a61151
Shut up. Men are better then women as a general fact, but that doesn’t mean you deserve to breath the same air as the intelligent men on this planet. Having a penis makes you better then women, that doesn’t mean you’re good enough for an opinion.
April 5th, 2008 at 11:27 pm - IP Man-Hash: 97cd2b51593dd
While a good point, that’s in all possiblity a woman trying sarcasm and failing.
April 6th, 2008 at 1:25 am - IP Man-Hash: e3533ce497448
Dethklok rules. The end.
April 6th, 2008 at 3:59 am - IP Man-Hash: b1b116c02ccb7
Woman alert
April 6th, 2008 at 5:25 am - IP Man-Hash: d464f8b1e8bae
Mr. Dick ..you really are a dick. im not sure if you were raised by a crack whore as a mother but women do play a great role in society, Although it seems your mother may not have. on the other hand. Im sure you wouldnt want to meet the queen of england she would proably cut off your balls and replace them as your eyes. you know she was a woman if you hadnt noticed.
April 6th, 2008 at 6:38 am - IP Man-Hash: 0ae520af6d01b
The nickname “Crack-berry” definitely fits! Women are totally obnoxious with cell phones, too. The Blackberry just adds e-mail capability to her “I-love-me-and-everybody-else-does-too” device. I’ve seen men not answer their cell phones if they’re in the middle of an important conversation or transaction. Women can’t, they’ve got to pick it up like it’s a crack pipe and they haven’t had a hit in the last hour. Women euphemistically call it “multi-tasking”. I call it “can’t prioritize for shit”.
April 6th, 2008 at 6:43 am - IP Man-Hash: 0ae520af6d01b
Emergency my cracked ass. If it was an emergency, she would’ve called and talked to the person with a sense of urgency, not sent a text and hoped the person on the other end got it. The person she texted is probably the guy that she’s going on a date with tomorrow night. If the bitch can’t prioritize and concentrate on what’s going on in front of her right here right now, she deserves to have her date drive off.
April 6th, 2008 at 8:21 am - IP Man-Hash: 4fe729bdeb9b7
It’s okay joel, you can come out of the closet now. We understand. Run back to mommy now. haha!
April 6th, 2008 at 10:09 am - IP Man-Hash: 68b15a1454a2d
lol at satire that no one is getting, even stupid dr.phil
April 6th, 2008 at 11:05 am - IP Man-Hash: ed3169c3c65a3
Wow. All the guys here are totally gay. You hate women because you can’t get them, and you hate women because they don’t like men who sleep with men. Just come out of the closet you”guys”. You’re all a bunch of sissies. get lives and grow up.
April 6th, 2008 at 11:39 am - IP Man-Hash: 4b8494f25ae28
http://www.salmonofdoubt.110mb.com/gay4pay.txt
April 6th, 2008 at 11:56 am - IP Man-Hash: 2d679acdf89c4
Wow indeed! Women couldnt follow a train of thought if it crashed through a fucking tanning salon.
If we were gay, we wouldnt want women. If we wouldnt want women we wouldnt care about ‘not getting’ women. If we wouldnt care about not getting women, we wouldnt hate them because we couldnt ‘get them’.
Dont worry if you dont get it sweetcheeks. I dont expect you to.
These women just keep getting dumber and dumber.
April 6th, 2008 at 3:29 pm - IP Man-Hash: 125c32f3039b7
You got that right. Women can’t do anything right, no anal, no handjob or blowjob. I have to go to a man for that. Yes, i like the men’s asshole cause women are unwilling to give it (unless they are porn stars). Also men have tighter buttholes so that makes it much more pleasurable.
April 6th, 2008 at 3:51 pm - IP Man-Hash: da26afa0d40c1
Somehow, everyone here already knew that about you.
April 6th, 2008 at 4:36 pm - IP Man-Hash: e1caec5062137
We hate women because Women hate us. It’s that simple. All of us are fucking gorgeous and could get any one of you bitches if we wanted to, but why would we when the quality of today’s women is so poor? You’re just pissed men aren’t going to take your shit anymore. It’s payback time, ladies.
April 6th, 2008 at 5:38 pm - IP Man-Hash: d67843ce336d7
Dick, you my good sir are the most epic troll i have ever encountered, i give you 5 stars, good day.
April 6th, 2008 at 8:49 pm - IP Man-Hash: 546e93b096149
Dude, from one guy to another, I gotta say this is some seriously screwed up shit. Women are QUEENS, even gay guys know that. What the hell are you on about?!
April 6th, 2008 at 9:03 pm - IP Man-Hash: 777a743c990b2
i agree 100 percent on this latest blog. every angle is perfectly said, guys use it for their work, women use it to show off as some form of status/importance.
April 7th, 2008 at 12:33 am - IP Man-Hash: e0f0a45876d85
If women are queens then men are kings.
Men are better than women.
April 7th, 2008 at 12:59 am - IP Man-Hash: bf46e2863298c
Your all a bunch of retards, and i sertainly hope you all aren’t Christians, because that would be a discrase to our faith. This has NOTHING to do with loving one another.
I bet 99% of you guys who hate woman are just frustrated, fucking pethetic..
Get a life, go get help. DO you REALLY think men are better than woman? Without woman you wouldnt even be here, and you couldn’t have childeren, which you probably wont have anyway, because no one dates guys like you :)
Good luck,
take care
A MAN with a hot girlfriend,
because he takes care of her
April 7th, 2008 at 2:26 am - IP Man-Hash: c67b4aff20eb6
No religion better at telling women they’re useless piles of shite than Christianity. Fuckable, but useless. Besides maybe Islam. But any movement that has Man running around in pj’s and screaming at some imaginary insult can’t be a proper religion.
April 7th, 2008 at 6:41 am - IP Man-Hash: 6ff29aa397dfa
I think this site should be deleted and all men are pigs and this site only proves it =)
at least women are kind enough not to make a discriminating site like this :O
i guess im gonna be gay from now on.
have a nice day =)
P.S. no wonder women don’t wanna have sex with you if you visit sites like this.
April 7th, 2008 at 6:42 am - IP Man-Hash: ba89f5eba2b91
Hmmm…where do we start on this one. Google “contraction” when you get a chance, preferably before you run out and get your GED. Being a “discrase” to your faith would be a lot like suggesting loving one another in once sentence, and calling a group of people retards in the sentence just before it.
We don’t hate women. No we don’t really think men are better than women - we KNOW men are better than women.
Judging by your chic reasoning, you are no man. Get off this site, and get back on your blackberry.
April 7th, 2008 at 6:47 am - IP Man-Hash: 6ff29aa397dfa
I hope you’ll have fun enculer btw =) but I bet you don’t know what that word means….
April 7th, 2008 at 8:51 am - IP Man-Hash: 271ca43bb0c55
An illiterate retard with a fat land-whale, more like.
April 7th, 2008 at 8:58 am - IP Man-Hash: a5f3a30b88dc6
We used to call them beached whales :)
April 7th, 2008 at 9:10 am - IP Man-Hash: 16bca17afe3fc
Hee you all,
Ehm well i just like to say (even though i no i’m not allowed over her)
That even i as a 14 year old dutch girl think dat Dick is right about a lot of things =s!
Especially about women bitching a lot! Old women do that though, But then i also liked to say that even when we may be less than you guys we still deserve to make our own choices and stuff like that!(right?)
Well i give you kudos for some shit on your site ;-)
(And if this english was very bad then i’m sorry but he i am a girl right?)
April 7th, 2008 at 9:16 am - IP Man-Hash: 25e31e12d642a
you are really a shithead no wonder why you are alone you are going to have a very bad time getting real women who make you understand what real they are if you want to know the whole deal I will be glad to let you know it just call me 6622789567
April 7th, 2008 at 9:31 am - IP Man-Hash: a5f3a30b88dc6
Beached whale:
http://www.virginmedia.com/tvradio/bigbrother/galleries/bathing-beauti es/img/img_6.jpg
April 7th, 2008 at 9:37 am - IP Man-Hash: 6fe6e08a9103c
This absolutely makes no sense AT ALL (along with some of your spelling mistakes). What does believing that a guy is better than a woman, have to do with religion? Like seriously, that’s just pulling a rabbit a hat out of nowhere..amusing, but serves no real purpose in life except for some laughs.
Yes, yes..without women, we wouldn’t be here…BUT…without the man impregnating them, we wouldn’t be here either. You forget that? I mean women are not having a bunch of immaculate conceptions all over the place. Yes, I do have a girlfriend, but a lot of the main topics on this site are true for the most part w/ women. esp. on the topic of a blackberry phone.
April 7th, 2008 at 11:27 am - IP Man-Hash: 3cc7912699c73
Hey Dick you are being a dick!!
April 7th, 2008 at 1:45 pm - IP Man-Hash: ce9f91742839d
I date a beautiful girl and we talk shit about women every day. She’s American. There is still hope.
Dethklok rules!
April 7th, 2008 at 2:12 pm - IP Man-Hash: 88af7dd4f3217
General Peter Pace has come under heavy fire from gay advocacy groups and the first serviceman wounded in Iraq, after he made homophobic remarks in a newspaper interview.
Eric Alva, the first soldier to be wounded in the current Iraq conflict, who came out as gay last month, slammed the General’s comments.
“Judging gay men and women in the military for factors unrelated to their fitness to serve undermines our military’s effectiveness,” said Sgt Alva.
“Certain leaders’ bigotry should not be a rational basis for discrimination.
“This kind of prejudice is going to continue to have a direct impact on our national security as we allow qualified gay men and women to lose their jobs for no good reason.
“This policy, and General Pace’s bigotry , is outdated, unnecessary and counter to the same American values our soldiers are giving their lives for each and every day.”
Alva was awarded a Purple Heart award for bravery by the President after stepping on a landmine in Iraq in 2003, breaking his right arm and damaging his leg so badly that it had to be amputated.
He is now a spokesman for the Human Rights Campaign, the biggest organisation campaigning for LGBT rights in America, and has vigorously campaigned for the repeal of the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy.
The army chief Gen Pace described homosexual acts as “immoral” in the Chicago Tribune yesterday, likening them to adultery, and backing the Pentagon’s controversial “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy to homosexuality.
The “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” law, which was first introduced in 1993, makes it illegal for a gay or bisexual person serving in the armed forces to be openly gay or bisexual.
Servicemembers Legal Defence Network (SLDN) is a group which has legally represented some of the thousands of servicemen forced out of the military because of their sexuality.
They said: “General Pace’s comments are outrageous, insensitive and disrespectful to the 65,000 lesbian and gay troops now serving in our armed forces.”
The president of the Human Rights Campaign, Joe Solmonese, added: “What is immoral is to weaken our national security because of personal prejudices.
“General Pace’s comments were irresponsible, offensive and a slap in the face to the gay men and women who are currently serving their country with honour and bravery.”
However, senior aides to the general have asserted that he will not be apologising for his offensive statement.
The Williams Project at the University of California, Los Angeles has estimated that not only are there currently 65,000 gay and lesbian troops in the US military, but there are another one million gay American military veterans.
According to official Pentagon figures, 726 soldiers were dismissed for failing to hide their sexuality in 2005 alone.
April 7th, 2008 at 3:45 pm - IP Man-Hash: d4a07e998bfbd
/yawn
Yo, Poopy McSpammer: wtf does an observation on vapid women misusing Crackberrys for their own selfish benefit have to do with homosexuals in the US military? And for that matter, who cares?
I’m sure the troops would appreciate having more lipstick lesbians to help entertain them on those boring nights when they get tired of staring at sand, sand and more fucking sand. If you pause to think about it: when the chips are down you can trust a homosexual to watch your backside and cover your ass - heck, I’m sure they’d even take a shot for you! Jeebus, all these great puns and you are most likely just some pos spam-bot with no fucking sense of humour. My wish for you is that you find yourself a parasitic manatee to get married to, may you live looooong and suffer. Any grammar nazis out there about to point out that I’ve misused a colon are sorely mistaken: stop being such tight asses on the internet. Damn, this shit is too easy, it almost writes itself…
Anyways Poopy: fuck off with the spamming derails and go be a pain in the ass on another forum, bitch: be silent when men are talking.
April 7th, 2008 at 4:14 pm - IP Man-Hash: aae0e0c5e6bd8
I almost agreed with you untill I read the sexually frustrated part. Honestly
that’s all I ever hear women say in sexes vs sexes arguments not only is it stupid but it’s overused and I think all sites should ban women it wouldn’t really ban all women just the stupid ones the smart ones wouldn’t have a proplem and would ignore the obviously wrong man but the dumb ones would try to argue like an athiest argues with a christian and if you’ve ever argued with a christian you know that it’s impossible with their faith system.
April 7th, 2008 at 5:05 pm - IP Man-Hash: e082512ebe12b
Just saw you on Dr. Phil! Just wanna say that you OWNED that girl!
Props
April 7th, 2008 at 8:03 pm -