The Blackberry: Releasing a Woman’s Inner Bitch
I have a Blackberry, you have a Blackberry, let’s all go have a fucking parade about it.
Or let’s just use our Blackberrys to get the job done like men.
And that’s why women should not be allowed to have Blackberrys. They don’t use their Blackberrys to get the job done. They use their Blackberrys like the morphine drip you get at the hospital after back surgery. When you need a dose of morphine, you hit the button. When a woman needs a dose of attention, she whips out her Blackberry during dinner like it’s totally acceptable.
It’s not acceptable. It’s rude. Dump that bitch like an anchor.
Giving a woman a Blackberry is like giving her a permanent excuse to behave like a rude, inconsiderate pig.
Men use our Blackberrys for business — emailing and such. And also, finding where awesome restaurants are, like Big Wang’s which is located at 1562 N Cahuenga Blvd. And sometimes, we use our Blackberrys to show all our drunk friends a picture of an awesome set of hooters that some chick just text messaged me.
Mantastic.
Naked pictures of hot tits is the only kind of sharing a man should do. All other sharing is for ladies.
A woman once asked me why I don’t keep my Blackberry on the nightstand when I sleep.
“Why the fuck would I do that?” I said.
And why the fuck would I do that? The middle of the night is my time for sleeping and dreaming about being the keyboard player for Dethklok. I’m not going to interrupt that to answer some shithead’s question about why men are better than women at playing marbles.
It’s because men have finesse and are used to handling balls.
But that’s exactly the point. Women can’t deny attention — no matter what kind of attention it is, no matter how married they are, and no matter what time it is. If it’s three in the fucking morning, a woman wants to know that someone is trying to sell her Viagra. If it’s in the middle of a conversation with a man, a woman wants to know what other man wants to have a conversation with her.
When you give a woman a Blackberry, you’re giving her an IV of attention.
Every time a woman’s Blackberry vibrates, she’ll jump like she’s got an electric collar. That’s because women are addicted to attention. Have you ever seen a dog with an invisible fence electric collar? A dog will hear the beeping and just about shit himself. It’s the same reaction a woman has when her Blackberry starts going off like a jackpot.
Blackberrys are like Dumbo’s magic feather, except instead of flying, a Blackberry gives a woman the power to act like a rude bitch.
To a man, someone else’s importance is based on a complicated algorithm of their wealth, influence, and proximity. Manly stuff. To a woman, someone’s importance is based on one thing.
First come, last served.
Have some kids with a woman and you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about. Daddy comes last.
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Great post, Dick! Those who are calling you women-haters are just wimps who can’t handle it when a MAN speaks the truth about women.
You Da Man!
“And that’s why women should not be allowed to have Blackberrys. They don’t use their Blackberrys to get the job done. They use their Blackberrys like the morphine drip you get at the hospital after back surgery. When you need a dose of morphine, you hit the button. When a woman needs a does of attention, she whips out her Blackberry during dinner like it’s totally acceptable.”
You’re a fucking idiot, spell check before you post, bro:
“When you need a dose of morphine, you hit the button.”
It’s DOSE you red neck.
oh you fucking bitch. do you HONESTLY think all men think this way? you have just as much a problem as the creator of this site, only you view MEN as pigs and women as superior. women are kind enough not to make this site? bitch please, you act as though every man on the planet had a say in this site going up… way to be a hypocritical self-motivated feminist. go fuck yourself.
hella good point
im in high school, and i have a blackberry. and i dont pull it out during school or whenever
hella dumbass bitches try to talk on the phone or txt when i try to have a fucking conversation
then i just walk away or some shit.
anyone else see the comedy that he said “all the guys here are totally gay”, and his name “A guy here”..looks like someone came out of the closet on a message board!!
Your comment loses validity because you fail at grammar.
I don’t agree with this guy about pretty much anything, but it is rude to text people during meals.
Sure, you’re right… women would never make a site like this…
http://www.ihatemen.com http://www.ihatemen.org http://i-hate-men.tripod.com/
That’s just the tip of the iceburg pal. Most interestingly, this site never actually proclaims to hate women. Something called subtlety and satire that makes for an interesting blog.
I appreciate the thought on deleting a site because you don’t believe agree with it’s views. Go to Cuba if you hate free speech so much. It’s nice there… El Presidente recently allowed the citizens to have cell phones.
Any one who lives by this site is a waste of oxygen. If women are so dumb why did one of them win the nobel prize twice
Just saw you on Dr. Phil! Just wanna say that you OWNED that girl!
Props
I almost agreed with you untill I read the sexually frustrated part. Honestly
that’s all I ever hear women say in sexes vs sexes arguments not only is it stupid but it’s overused and I think all sites should ban women it wouldn’t really ban all women just the stupid ones the smart ones wouldn’t have a proplem and would ignore the obviously wrong man but the dumb ones would try to argue like an athiest argues with a christian and if you’ve ever argued with a christian you know that it’s impossible with their faith system.
/yawn
Yo, Poopy McSpammer: wtf does an observation on vapid women misusing Crackberrys for their own selfish benefit have to do with homosexuals in the US military? And for that matter, who cares?
I’m sure the troops would appreciate having more lipstick lesbians to help entertain them on those boring nights when they get tired of staring at sand, sand and more fucking sand. If you pause to think about it: when the chips are down you can trust a homosexual to watch your backside and cover your ass - heck, I’m sure they’d even take a shot for you! Jeebus, all these great puns and you are most likely just some pos spam-bot with no fucking sense of humour. My wish for you is that you find yourself a parasitic manatee to get married to, may you live looooong and suffer. Any grammar nazis out there about to point out that I’ve misused a colon are sorely mistaken: stop being such tight asses on the internet. Damn, this shit is too easy, it almost writes itself…
Anyways Poopy: fuck off with the spamming derails and go be a pain in the ass on another forum, bitch: be silent when men are talking.
General Peter Pace has come under heavy fire from gay advocacy groups and the first serviceman wounded in Iraq, after he made homophobic remarks in a newspaper interview.
Eric Alva, the first soldier to be wounded in the current Iraq conflict, who came out as gay last month, slammed the General’s comments.
“Judging gay men and women in the military for factors unrelated to their fitness to serve undermines our military’s effectiveness,” said Sgt Alva.
“Certain leaders’ bigotry should not be a rational basis for discrimination.
“This kind of prejudice is going to continue to have a direct impact on our national security as we allow qualified gay men and women to lose their jobs for no good reason.
“This policy, and General Pace’s bigotry , is outdated, unnecessary and counter to the same American values our soldiers are giving their lives for each and every day.”
Alva was awarded a Purple Heart award for bravery by the President after stepping on a landmine in Iraq in 2003, breaking his right arm and damaging his leg so badly that it had to be amputated.
He is now a spokesman for the Human Rights Campaign, the biggest organisation campaigning for LGBT rights in America, and has vigorously campaigned for the repeal of the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy.
The army chief Gen Pace described homosexual acts as “immoral” in the Chicago Tribune yesterday, likening them to adultery, and backing the Pentagon’s controversial “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy to homosexuality.
The “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” law, which was first introduced in 1993, makes it illegal for a gay or bisexual person serving in the armed forces to be openly gay or bisexual.
Servicemembers Legal Defence Network (SLDN) is a group which has legally represented some of the thousands of servicemen forced out of the military because of their sexuality.
They said: “General Pace’s comments are outrageous, insensitive and disrespectful to the 65,000 lesbian and gay troops now serving in our armed forces.”
The president of the Human Rights Campaign, Joe Solmonese, added: “What is immoral is to weaken our national security because of personal prejudices.
“General Pace’s comments were irresponsible, offensive and a slap in the face to the gay men and women who are currently serving their country with honour and bravery.”
However, senior aides to the general have asserted that he will not be apologising for his offensive statement.
The Williams Project at the University of California, Los Angeles has estimated that not only are there currently 65,000 gay and lesbian troops in the US military, but there are another one million gay American military veterans.
According to official Pentagon figures, 726 soldiers were dismissed for failing to hide their sexuality in 2005 alone.
I date a beautiful girl and we talk shit about women every day. She’s American. There is still hope.
Dethklok rules!
Hey Dick you are being a dick!!
This absolutely makes no sense AT ALL (along with some of your spelling mistakes). What does believing that a guy is better than a woman, have to do with religion? Like seriously, that’s just pulling a rabbit a hat out of nowhere..amusing, but serves no real purpose in life except for some laughs.
Yes, yes..without women, we wouldn’t be here…BUT…without the man impregnating them, we wouldn’t be here either. You forget that? I mean women are not having a bunch of immaculate conceptions all over the place. Yes, I do have a girlfriend, but a lot of the main topics on this site are true for the most part w/ women. esp. on the topic of a blackberry phone.
Beached whale:
http://www.virginmedia.com/tvradio/bigbrother/galleries/bathing-beauti es/img/img_6.jpg
you are really a shithead no wonder why you are alone you are going to have a very bad time getting real women who make you understand what real they are if you want to know the whole deal I will be glad to let you know it just call me 6622789567
Hee you all,
Ehm well i just like to say (even though i no i’m not allowed over her)
That even i as a 14 year old dutch girl think dat Dick is right about a lot of things =s!
Especially about women bitching a lot! Old women do that though, But then i also liked to say that even when we may be less than you guys we still deserve to make our own choices and stuff like that!(right?)
Well i give you kudos for some shit on your site ;-)
(And if this english was very bad then i’m sorry but he i am a girl right?)
We used to call them beached whales :)
An illiterate retard with a fat land-whale, more like.