The Blackberry: Releasing a Woman’s Inner Bitch
I have a Blackberry, you have a Blackberry, let’s all go have a fucking parade about it.
Or let’s just use our Blackberrys to get the job done like men.
And that’s why women should not be allowed to have Blackberrys. They don’t use their Blackberrys to get the job done. They use their Blackberrys like the morphine drip you get at the hospital after back surgery. When you need a dose of morphine, you hit the button. When a woman needs a dose of attention, she whips out her Blackberry during dinner like it’s totally acceptable.
It’s not acceptable. It’s rude. Dump that bitch like an anchor.
Giving a woman a Blackberry is like giving her a permanent excuse to behave like a rude, inconsiderate pig.
Men use our Blackberrys for business — emailing and such. And also, finding where awesome restaurants are, like Big Wang’s which is located at 1562 N Cahuenga Blvd. And sometimes, we use our Blackberrys to show all our drunk friends a picture of an awesome set of hooters that some chick just text messaged me.
Mantastic.
Naked pictures of hot tits is the only kind of sharing a man should do. All other sharing is for ladies.
A woman once asked me why I don’t keep my Blackberry on the nightstand when I sleep.
“Why the fuck would I do that?” I said.
And why the fuck would I do that? The middle of the night is my time for sleeping and dreaming about being the keyboard player for Dethklok. I’m not going to interrupt that to answer some shithead’s question about why men are better than women at playing marbles.
It’s because men have finesse and are used to handling balls.
But that’s exactly the point. Women can’t deny attention — no matter what kind of attention it is, no matter how married they are, and no matter what time it is. If it’s three in the fucking morning, a woman wants to know that someone is trying to sell her Viagra. If it’s in the middle of a conversation with a man, a woman wants to know what other man wants to have a conversation with her.
When you give a woman a Blackberry, you’re giving her an IV of attention.
Every time a woman’s Blackberry vibrates, she’ll jump like she’s got an electric collar. That’s because women are addicted to attention. Have you ever seen a dog with an invisible fence electric collar? A dog will hear the beeping and just about shit himself. It’s the same reaction a woman has when her Blackberry starts going off like a jackpot.
Blackberrys are like Dumbo’s magic feather, except instead of flying, a Blackberry gives a woman the power to act like a rude bitch.
To a man, someone else’s importance is based on a complicated algorithm of their wealth, influence, and proximity. Manly stuff. To a woman, someone’s importance is based on one thing.
First come, last served.
Have some kids with a woman and you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about. Daddy comes last.
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April 4th, 2008 at 4:28 pm - IP Man-Hash: 2d47ac4d576d1
What price for your berries, today, Dick?
April 4th, 2008 at 5:17 pm - IP Man-Hash: 20aeaaa2d241d
Ah, Dethklok. Most brutal metal band ever… William Murderface is my role model. :P
April 4th, 2008 at 10:55 pm - IP Man-Hash: fd5cd69179bd1
My point was that no apotrosphe was necessary. And the very first thing I said was that you can add an “s” to make a singular noun plural. You need to learn to read as badly as Dick needs to learn to write.
April 4th, 2008 at 11:19 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4b8494f25ae28
Nobody gives a shit!
What’s the difference between an onion and a manhole?
You don’t cry when you’re cutting up an onion!
April 4th, 2008 at 11:34 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4b8494f25ae28
This does concern us.
Answer to this: Why is it evil to hit a manhole back, but empowering to abuse a child?
I’ll slap this in your face, manhole.
http://www.riehlworldview.com/carnivorous_conservative/2007/08/do-some -radical.html
The vultures have been fed and the world has seen our might.
April 4th, 2008 at 11:59 pm - IP Man-Hash: 76a9e69169fad
What’s that? Women putting themselves over their own children?! That NEVER happens!
April 5th, 2008 at 12:12 am - IP Man-Hash: 60b9632657c7c
How many “apostrosphes” are there in “No Women Allowed”?
-Dick
April 5th, 2008 at 12:49 am - IP Man-Hash: 4b8494f25ae28
That’s almost as radical as stating that all feminists are racist bigots, and that feminism is by definition state-sponsored terrorism.
April 5th, 2008 at 12:51 am - IP Man-Hash: 4b8494f25ae28
Ha ha. Whomp!
April 5th, 2008 at 4:41 am - IP Man-Hash: 517f9f42e2042
Honestly I hate it when women come onto this blog to comment. I’ve been reading all the past blogs and the comments from women infuriate me. Firstly I am a MAN and I don’t want a WOMEN with her inferior everything to question me! EVEN if my logic doesn’t make sense. I don’t care if I’m being hypercritical, or claiming false facts. The fact is I’m a MAN and what I say is better then what a WOMEN says, no matter how obscene .
Everyday, at work, at home I am being told off by women, being denied by women, being controlled by women. They tell me what is RIGHT (eg my mum and my wife), and what to do (eg my boss who constantly reminds me what a failure I am and how close she is to firing me). Nowadays the ONLY place I feel comfortable in this world is on top of the toilet seat, and even then my wife bangs on the door nagging me to hurry up. So this is my SAFE haven. This site is the only place where I can put women down, call women whores (basically everything I’m too gutless to say to my wife or my mum, or women in public in general) and whatever with the support of at least half the population. So please women, give me some space to let me say the shit I want to say, then afterwards I promise I’ll get off and do the laundry or whatever it is you want me to do.
April 5th, 2008 at 4:44 am - IP Man-Hash: 517f9f42e2042
….please. :(
April 5th, 2008 at 9:39 am - IP Man-Hash: e0f0a45876d85
Hey Dick are you familiar with Marc Rudov, the No Nonsense Man?
http://thenononsenseman.com/
He’s got his own web radio show now, too.
http://www.wsradio.com/internet-talk-radio.cfm/shows/The-Marc-Rudov-Sh ow.html
Maybe you could be his next guest.
April 5th, 2008 at 1:10 pm - IP Man-Hash: e1caec5062137
That voicemail I did yesterday was really shitty. But you get my point, man.
April 5th, 2008 at 5:01 pm - IP Man-Hash: 4b8494f25ae28
Wow, these sites are popping up all over the place! It’s like regenerating an old growth forest in a few short weeks in place of a strip mall. Who would rather have a strip mall where a hunting preserve could be? Strip malls suck.
April 5th, 2008 at 8:06 pm - IP Man-Hash: a74c88570a16c
If a woman starts texting while we’re at dinner, I’ll excuse myself and drive off. Ive been told that Im an asshole and it “could have been an emergency”. It never is though.
April 5th, 2008 at 9:16 pm - IP Man-Hash: 60b9632657c7c
If it’s an emergency, why would anyone be calling a woman?
-Dick
April 5th, 2008 at 9:20 pm - IP Man-Hash: 6ff6a47a61151
Shut up. Men are better then women as a general fact, but that doesn’t mean you deserve to breath the same air as the intelligent men on this planet. Having a penis makes you better then women, that doesn’t mean you’re good enough for an opinion.
April 5th, 2008 at 11:27 pm - IP Man-Hash: 97cd2b51593dd
While a good point, that’s in all possiblity a woman trying sarcasm and failing.
April 6th, 2008 at 1:25 am - IP Man-Hash: e3533ce497448
Dethklok rules. The end.
April 6th, 2008 at 3:59 am - IP Man-Hash: b1b116c02ccb7
Woman alert