The Blackberry: Releasing a Woman’s Inner Bitch
I have a Blackberry, you have a Blackberry, let’s all go have a fucking parade about it.
Or let’s just use our Blackberrys to get the job done like men.
And that’s why women should not be allowed to have Blackberrys. They don’t use their Blackberrys to get the job done. They use their Blackberrys like the morphine drip you get at the hospital after back surgery. When you need a dose of morphine, you hit the button. When a woman needs a dose of attention, she whips out her Blackberry during dinner like it’s totally acceptable.
It’s not acceptable. It’s rude. Dump that bitch like an anchor.
Giving a woman a Blackberry is like giving her a permanent excuse to behave like a rude, inconsiderate pig.
Men use our Blackberrys for business — emailing and such. And also, finding where awesome restaurants are, like Big Wang’s which is located at 1562 N Cahuenga Blvd. And sometimes, we use our Blackberrys to show all our drunk friends a picture of an awesome set of hooters that some chick just text messaged me.
Mantastic.
Naked pictures of hot tits is the only kind of sharing a man should do. All other sharing is for ladies.
A woman once asked me why I don’t keep my Blackberry on the nightstand when I sleep.
“Why the fuck would I do that?” I said.
And why the fuck would I do that? The middle of the night is my time for sleeping and dreaming about being the keyboard player for Dethklok. I’m not going to interrupt that to answer some shithead’s question about why men are better than women at playing marbles.
It’s because men have finesse and are used to handling balls.
But that’s exactly the point. Women can’t deny attention — no matter what kind of attention it is, no matter how married they are, and no matter what time it is. If it’s three in the fucking morning, a woman wants to know that someone is trying to sell her Viagra. If it’s in the middle of a conversation with a man, a woman wants to know what other man wants to have a conversation with her.
When you give a woman a Blackberry, you’re giving her an IV of attention.
Every time a woman’s Blackberry vibrates, she’ll jump like she’s got an electric collar. That’s because women are addicted to attention. Have you ever seen a dog with an invisible fence electric collar? A dog will hear the beeping and just about shit himself. It’s the same reaction a woman has when her Blackberry starts going off like a jackpot.
Blackberrys are like Dumbo’s magic feather, except instead of flying, a Blackberry gives a woman the power to act like a rude bitch.
To a man, someone else’s importance is based on a complicated algorithm of their wealth, influence, and proximity. Manly stuff. To a woman, someone’s importance is based on one thing.
First come, last served.
Have some kids with a woman and you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about. Daddy comes last.
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I agree some women can be this way, but not all. this stereotyping, but, I don’t know, if anyone cares at all.
Saw VH on their first tour when they opened for Black Sabbath (that band ruled). They played hard, but their sound sucked.
Dethklok is fucking manly. I’m glad you mentioned them.
*
Notice how you don’t see them whipped by any chicks. Truly manly stuff.
You hardly see ANY females, but hear PLENTY of manliness.
I also approve of the Deathklok reference.
Deathslayer
Lately, they do. They used to be good, though.
Metallica sucks donkey dicks. Otherwise, your fine….
Well, perhaps Spoonman would have been a bit more obvious, but it’s the wrong band and doesn’t have quite the same ring to it.
I feel like an old fogey now. Really got into stuff like Alice in Chains, Nirvana, Faith No More, Metallica, Soundgarden, etc. when they were in their heyday. Now, all the new bands on the radio just sound like a bunch of noise to me, it’s like they tried to replicate that sound and got caught up in a weird rap/ metal mash.
Time to start watching denture commercials, I suppose.
Ain’t found a way to kill me yet! You are correct and you are a man for sure. Women wouldn’t be able to put that together…only if it had related to Britney Spears in some kind of way.
Yeah, I had a small crush on Valerie back when she was on “One Day at a Time” back in the day.. Then I saw her recently on Jenny Craig and I thought… crap… poor Eddie.. had to put up with that? No wonder he kept drinking. And damn she packed on some pounds…Then they do the expected - lose all the weight after the divorce or when they are planning it, just to fool their next victim. Women are so predictable. I just hope the young men visiting this web site learn from the mistakes of others.
- The Rooster
You an Alice and Chains fan? “They come to snuff The Rooster…” (?)
Valerie is now married to Jenny. Jenny Craig, that is.
I always thought Sammy Hagar with VH was tedious; however, SH kicks some ass on “Standing Hampton.”
Ain’t talkin bout love! yeah! Now you’re talkin… doesn’t get any more old school than Van Halen I.
I wonder if everyone in Van Halen is now divorced? Valerie left Eddie… He probably lashed out at her for using her stupid Blackberry while they were having dinner… so she divorced and cashed out on him…
I think some good man needs to step up and post a prenup here on the site. I have my attorney doing up one right now. I’ll volunteer to post it for free if Dick will allow it.
- The Rooster
The lyrics Mistress Alexis sings as she lashes Commander Scott’s hairy, pimple-covered butt:
“Ain’t talkin’ ’bout love. My love is rotten to the core …”
Hey-Hey-Hey
Probably the Nokia, if I were to take a stab at it.
Yeah, I agree with you on old-school Van Halen. Although I was too young at the time to really get into it, (I still thought $5 was a big deal), later on after I developed a taste for that type music, I always enjoyed the older material more.
Yeah.. but I liked Van Halen before Sammy Hagar showed up. I mean, Sammy Hagar is ok. I went to his club in Cabo San Lucus. It was pretty cool. I saw Van Halen back when the tickets were $30 a piece. Man have ticket prices gone up. I wonder if Eddie Van Halen uses a Blackberry, or a much cooler phone like the Nokia N95?
- The Rooster
Absolutely nothing. This is merely a spillover fight from the blog before this, methinks someone craves an audience.
It kind of amazes me, Commander Dip-shit, that you do not understand the concept of phenotypic variation in a population, which is a central tenet of darwian theory of evolution. The fact that there is a gaussian distribution for human intelligence suggests that this phenotype varies among individuals in a population; ergo, some women have IQ’s of 70, more have 100, and some have IQ’s of 130. If a woman has an IQ of 130 she is smarter then most men out there, and it would be foolish to suggest that she has abilities at the level of a mental retard. Commander: are you really this dumb? Do you not understand the implications of a bell curve in terms of phenotypic variation? Do you not understand that b/c the male and female curves mostly overlap proves that intelligence is not a dimorphic trait? I guess not. Conclusion:you are AN IDIOT, a pitiful male submissive to women you have to pay to spank your ass and who you cannot fuck simply because you cannot afford the dominatrix/prostitute rates for austalopethicus-appearing humans. Good day, Commander.
According to the scientific research of Stumpf and Jackson (1994), men have a significantly higher level of general intelligence than women. In fact, men exceed women in mental capacity by about 8.4 IQ points. Thus, if men have a mean IQ of 103 and women possess a mean IQ of 94.6, whose IQ more closely approaches the range for mental retardation? Obviously, it is the female IQ which more closely approaches that level of intelligence characterized by both mental deficiency and brain damage because women have significantly lower psychometric intelligence than men.
Ergo, I submit that the overwhelming majority of women are about as dumb as a rotting post.
In the final analysis, go hang yourself with a shit-stained star-spangled banner, you Yankee, British, Aussie, Canadian Anglo-fuck with a B.S. in Persian rug weaving. Go suck on a cheeseburger, you frigid Yankee Anglo-cunt with a spineless bank account for a husband; by the way, I think its time for your Happy Meal hour again, you 300 lb Yankee-British cunt-face.
/ yawn
and what does all of that have to do with women and blackberry’s? While we’re off the subject… Dethklok rules and so does old school Van Halen.
- The Rooster
In light of the fact that theshold IQ for mental retardation is 70 and the average IQ of women is 100, only a charlatan or an idiot would say that “single woman on the surface of the planet ….are sub-human animals”. Furthermore, gestation for female and male fetuses, on average is the same, and its a well known fact that women physically mature into adults earlier than men. Visit Mistress Alexis immediately, Commander! Don’t forget your ball-gag.
Women are intellectually inferior to men. This is a truth that can no longer be covered up by the Machiavellian politics of a liberal establishment losing its grip on reality. We must stand up and remind every single woman on the surface of the planet that they are sub-human animals, characterized by both a low intelligence bordering on mental retardation and a prolonged period of gestation. Every woman in existence, from the moment of birth to extreme old age, needs to be daily reminded of her subservient role in human society. It is only by doing this that we shall be saved from the flood of a liberal feminist ideology that threatens to drown us all.
To everyone else. Although I’m sure that we can all be thankful that we live in the electronic age, that no tree need tremble in fear for it’s life when CS puts pen to paper, the larger issue that I bring before you is this.
I posted the quote above, honestly in part for the shock value, but for the reason that I would like for people to be aware of the full world views of some of the scientists quoted above. I know not all, mind you, but I have seen in others previously quoted that Lynn’s particular vision is not isolated.
They may be right, or they may be wrong, choose for yourself, just remember that verbosity in and of itself is not a hallmark of accuracy. All I ask that you read backgrounds, form your own opinions, but, most importantly, be informed.
Sentiments also held by Richard Lynn, for general edification:
“What is called for here is not genocide, the killing off of the populations of incompetent cultures. But we do need to think realistically in terms of “phasing out” of such peoples. If the world is to evolve more better humans, then obviously someone has to make way for them. … To think otherwise is mere sentimentality.”
“Who can doubt that the Caucasoids and the Mongoloids are the only two races that have made any significant contributions to civilization?” (New Republic, 10/31/94)”