Women Are Really Good At Being Sarcastic
Men, on the whole, are a race of funny mans. We joke and are good at joking because it makes us feel good. It makes everyone feel good. Laughing is for pleasure. But just like half of an Oreo cookie, there is a dark side to comedy: sarcasm.
Men wield sarcasm with extreme prejudice. Lining up a battalion of facts to decimate their opponents’ defenses and bullshit and then toppling their Saddam like statue of dignity with a cutting sarcastic remark.
Women do not.
Women handling sarcasm is like a viking charging into battle with a giant salami. Dumb and embarassing.
One of the biggest problems with women and sarcasm is they use it too much. Men know that sarcasm overuse makes one look simple and petulant, but women seem to have no problem with that. That’s because women enjoy looking ill-tempered and brackish. They think it empowers them and makes them look interesting while they actually have nothing to offer. That’s why they’re sarcastic as often as fucking possible.
Women also cannot be sarcastic properly because, like usual, they don’t understand what they’re trying to use. Just like when they’re trying to work a car or a computer or a menu, absolutely anything might happen if there isn’t a man there to call the shots — anything, but the right thing that is.
The key to sarcasm is the implication of a series of events that would allow the sarcastic remark to be true. Let’s take this sarcastic remark as an example: women make great voters.
Truly absurd indeed, but why does it work as sarcasm?
As men, the moment we hear that statement, we suspend our disbelief and imagine it to be true for just a second. That’s why we’re so good at being compassionate, because unlike women we can imagine ourselves in another’s shoes. After all, we men did invent diplomacy and peace treaties.
For the statement to be true, a great voter would have to be defined as someone who votes with their hormones or based on manic ravings that they heard from their friends. That is where the sarcasm hits us, when we see it was a trick all along to lead us to the true nature of the woman voter. Well done, I say.
Women can’t be sarcastic because they don’t think anything they say is true anyway. Whether it’s ‘I’m good at something’, ‘I love you’, or ‘I didn’t mean to fuck that up for the sixth time’. That’s why women are shitty at sarcasm, because in a way, everything they say is sarcastic.
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June 21st, 2007 at 12:06 pm - IP Man-Hash: b406d1706a5a5
Mel is a dumb cunt who watches CNN diaspora news.
She’s a shit brained product who will believe anything they tell her. Orgies and open marries and being married to cuckolds is awesome, Michael Moore is a genius not a fat fucking tick. The American economy is shit and we”re all getting poor because of Republicans.
Mel, why don’t you do the world a favor and kill yourself and entire family?
June 21st, 2007 at 12:45 pm - IP Man-Hash: c4d026b819ad4
What’s wrong with the economy? You have an iPod, don’t you?
-Dick
June 21st, 2007 at 2:13 pm - IP Man-Hash: 45a19a6365772
Hee hee. Where there is equality, there will be violence. And with a double-standard for the weaker sex, you have… double-violence!!! YAAY!!!
June 21st, 2007 at 2:13 pm - IP Man-Hash: 45a19a6365772
inequality, sorry.
June 22nd, 2007 at 12:24 am - IP Man-Hash: cfb78268d537a
if she wants to solve the problems of the economy, she can get her ass out of the workplace. we will see an immediate “TURN” of events. the more women leave the workplace, the better it gets. anyone still has the source of the 3 women who lost america some $216 billion? Yeah, point made.
June 22nd, 2007 at 8:47 am - IP Man-Hash: dcf90cb0dcfe1
Excellent post, Dick.
This is one of things that women do that really piss me off. It’s so true that they have nothing to say, so they act so callous and rude so as to give the impression that what they are saying is better than what anyone else has to say. Then, if if you call them on their bullshit, they just start acting coy and tip toe around the discussion off into fairy land.
Then, maybe even worse, the other feminazis will back up her fully legitimate, and heartfelt statements. (I think the only reason other women back them up is so that they themselves don’t look like hypocrites when they try pulling that shit. If not for that reason, they would not back any other women up because, as everyone knows, women hate the fuck out of each other)
June 23rd, 2007 at 2:09 pm - IP Man-Hash: a13ba81333017
Damn straight. Look, it’s fashionable to bash Bush as a troglodytic moron who couldn’t count to ten. Fair enough, whatever gets you going in the am.
But 4.5 percent unemployment rate? Average hourly earnings trending up? CPI near zero, PPI actually negative? Budget probably shortly balanced even though we’re fighting a major war? Productivity amongst the highest in the world?
(Source BLS — http://www.bls.gov).
Let’s see, when Clinton had a 5.4 percent unemployment rate (note the reversal of those two numbers) people were hailing him as a genius.
But let’s be fair. Let’s compare apples to apples… Bush’s presidency has been substantially under Republican economic control. So was Clinton’s. Let’s go back to when the White House and the Congress were both in Democratic hands.
Jimmy Carter. Nuff said?
In case it’s not, we were running double digit unemployment, double digit inflation, staggering deficits (even by today’s standards) and had huge structural competitive problems.
Yep, men have rocked the economy.
And as Dick said, I bet you have an iPod.
-wolfe
June 23rd, 2007 at 2:22 pm - IP Man-Hash: 206ad98341577
Yeah, women love to stereotype. They love to go with the “crowd” to simply a) fit in or b) try to make a retarded point. Bush may not be the smartest president for declaring war on Iraq but credit where credit is due, the US economy is doing pretty fine so whats your point really Mel? The fact that you are here online and posting shows that you got a man out there holding the sky for you so shut the hell up….
July 27th, 2007 at 6:25 am - IP Man-Hash: e4615e3653258
KL Sarcasem is actually the lowest form of wit.
August 1st, 2007 at 10:04 am - IP Man-Hash: a3df74b716f3c
So we should shut the fuck up. Got it. ;)
August 1st, 2007 at 11:10 am - IP Man-Hash: c4d026b819ad4
You got it, Laura.
-Dick
August 2nd, 2007 at 12:23 pm - IP Man-Hash: 62e6a1b97a23d
I love this. Unfortunately, most of it is true. There are very, very few women that I know that don’t sound like complete ditzes when they say something sarcastic. Half of the time that’s because they go “_____. And I’m being sarcastic.” or “_______. Not.” Really, it just ruins the humor of it.
On the other hand: Don’t you think a viking with a giant salami is more descriptive of a man than a woman?
October 15th, 2007 at 9:30 am - IP Man-Hash: aa2ca8c1fa016
all of this is complete bullshit and who ever rights the pathetic sites labelled ‘men are better than women’ or ‘women are better than men’ are complete arseholes.
we are all equal apart from a few details.
so get used to it and stop bitching about eachother.
arseholes!!
get a fucking life!!!!!!!
October 23rd, 2007 at 7:27 am - IP Man-Hash: e71a430743256
We have man to thank for the shape our economy is in now. Fantastic job. A++
And here is proof
(If i understand correctly)
November 23rd, 2007 at 4:44 am - IP Man-Hash: 8445bf2f3f52f
quite an interesting piece of writing, although completely wrong. Men are the ones that se sarcasm too much and think they’re great for it! All they do s use sarcasm to bully the opposite sex, put them in their place, and simply, because they can’t tell a good joke! so use sarcasm instead. Alot of men use sarcasm because they find it difficult to communicate! Whereas women don’t need to be sarcastic as we are naturally good communicaters and can tell better, light hearted jokes! unlike the ride sarcastic ones that men like to tell.
I find the needing a man to fix the car or computer very offending. I myself as an independant woman can work on my car and computer quite competently! I’m sure there will be many other women in the same boat as me. Yes, men seem to be better a judging and parking cars but so what! Men seem to enjoy driving more than women. My boyfriend is better at parking than me, but i don’t feel the need to burn my clutch out to get into a small space, just so i can ‘apparently look good’ infront of everyone else. I decide to look after my car, so i don’t have any expensive bills to pay unlike my boyfriend.
it’s an interesting point also that womens insurance are alot cheaper than mens… i wonder why that could be.
November 23rd, 2007 at 4:47 am - IP Man-Hash: 8445bf2f3f52f
i agree with someone who said men and women are equal. yes there are differences between men and women, but this is only because of different interests!
Men are more practical, they love spending hours on their computers and cars so hence, the reason why they know what to do. It’s not exactly difficult. Im able to service my car on my own because Im actually interested and want to save myself a few pennies.
Women on the other hand are more active and sociable, so hence the reason why we have better communication skills. But yes! We are equal. Men are not more inteeligent than women etc etc
and one thing id like to point out. Living in te UK is shit and the government make someof the most stupid mistakes. The prime minister and mp’s are all MEN….. was better with margaret thatcher atleast their was some discipline
December 2nd, 2007 at 2:21 pm - IP Man-Hash: e24370fe2bb3c
I’m not a sarcastic person
actually, i am a very gullible person, so when someone isn’t being obviously sarcastic, then I think they’re serious
If i were a more sarcastic person then yeah, i would be able to distiguish the two
April 13th, 2008 at 5:29 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9e0f83c274c1d
This whole post has me randy- bravo Dick!
April 18th, 2008 at 6:18 pm - IP Man-Hash: 90850f55d960b
I am not trying to be sarcastic in my posts, I really agree with you
June 26th, 2008 at 9:28 pm - IP Man-Hash: ec2924712adfc
Men only use sarcasm when they can back it up with FACTS.
Ever ask a fighter pilot how he got his call sign? Mine was “Badger” but not because I’m from Wisconsin. I got it because I knew that cattail roots were good eating on survival training. How did I know that? Because I’m a man.
So as I dug them out, some dropcase (who thought he was a man and lost all his man points by sneaking a candy bar during survival training) said “He digs for those things like a Badger”. I gave him some roots anyway because he was a member of the team and the strong MUST help the weak. Also, he gave me a week’s pay inasmuch as he was starving.
Anyway, women only use sarcasm when they think they’re being funny. Need proof? Listen to Sports Talk Radio with women. Listen to Karen Kaye on Fox Sports Radio. She tries to be sarcastic. She’s not…she’s a woman. She would be useful for stress relief since, as a woman, her mouth is always open but I could use it better by using it for stress relief than by giving her a microphone to a national audience.
More proof that Men Are Better Than Women.