Cinderblock is to Comfortable as Women are to Clever

Do you know why women don’t think the Three Stooges are funny? Because women aren’t funny. The Three Stooges are pretty much as hilarious as it gets.

To a woman, “funny” isn’t a special thing like it is to a man. It’s not a way to blow off steam because women don’t need to blow off steam. They usually don’t have jobs and definitely don’t have any real responsibilities, so what the fuck? Their lives are about as easy as a doormat’s.

To a woman, being “funny” just means saying something obvious and then laughing at it like a mule.

Usually the things women say to make themselves laugh don’t even have jokes in them. They’re just untrue, usually crass things that seem like they have jokes in them.

Men, on the other hand, are like magic comedy-machines, able to pull off incredible feats of funny whenever it’s required. Watch and I’ll prove this now by thinking of something funny right off the top of my head. I don’t even have to try, I’m already thinking of it preemptively. In fact, I bet all of us men are thinking of something fresh and hilarious, I just want to make the point.

Let’s say there’s a chicken sitting in a nest on a grass field. It’s a pretty close up shot. Then the chicken gets up and checks some eggs it’s sitting on. They’re doing just fine. Then a man wearing full football gear comes running across and punts the chicken through some goal posts.

See, that’s hilarious, and any man will be able to produce something equally as funny on command.

Part of the reason women are not funny is that they are not fun. To a woman, having fun and being happy is the man-equivalent of getting kicked in the groin. They’ll avoid it at all costs because they would rather eat a cardboard box than be obliged to be nice to someone for making them laugh. Women also are not funny because they can’t listen for shit and therefore don’t even know when they’re not being funny.

The only times that women are funny is when they are laboriously set up by a man who takes pity on them and they manage to blubber out a clumsily crafted insult that was sort of what the obvious put-down was, but not quite. All the men around laugh and then blush shamefully because they know it was more embarrassing than funny. Meanwhile, all the ladies within earshot start thinking of shitty comments to make about the new comedienne for attempting to have a good time and not exhibiting some feminist dogmatic-bullshit mantra that pretty much equals being a shrew and a bitch.

Men are so funny because when we’re not keeping the world spinning, pretty much all we do is sit around and practice being hilarious. Women just sit around and take turns spewing out the wildly predictable consequences of their latest dumb mistake and giving each other backhanded compliments and sideways glances behind the storyteller’s back.

Women also can’t take a joke and can’t be made fun of — even if they deserve it. That’s part of being fun. It shouldn’t be any surprise really, because women have no experience in dealing with any real responsibilities. That’s why they throw a temper tantrum if they’re getting a ribbing — because they think pointless shit matters when it actually doesn’t.

For example, let’s say a woman says that North and South Dakota are actually two parts of one big state instead of two entirely different states (most women will say this if you wait long enough, by the way. Test for yourself. Women don’t know shit about geography). If you make fun of her for that, she’ll flip out with such hysteria that you’ll think something serious just happened instead of something that doesn’t fucking matter at all.

Something that matters is being two weeks late for work or getting your car stolen and then crashed through your house. To a woman, that shit is equally as important as her saying that her sun glasses are lost and then having it pointed out that they’re right on her goddamn head.

Women suck at geography for totally different reasons then why none of them are funny. Also, saying women are as funny as cancer, isn’t funny. That’s a perfect example of a joke that women make. There’s nothing funny about cancer. It’s a terrible illness that affects millions of people. People like Lance Armstrong, John Kruk, and Tom Green.

Case Study:

Let’s take a look at a prominent female-blogging, hen-haven as a case-study.

misbehaving.net

It’s a site run by women for women (perhaps that’s why the page looks like a dictionary cluster-fucked a thesaurus). Their tagline is “Well-behaved women seldom make history.”

Let’s ignore the tragically typical ploy for empowerment by the obtuse reliance on cock-teasery and ask a more obvious question: why in the fuck didn’t one of these crazy broads register missbehaving.net?

The second ’s’ makes it clever. It turns ribald debauchery into an epigrammatic poetic musing.

Let’s answer our own question then. No one registered missbehaving.net because women wouldn’t know funny if it bit them on their giant ass.

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67 Responses to “Cinderblock is to Comfortable as Women are to Clever”

  1. Alison Says:

    You know what would make this site more clever? instead of having an empty ‘mantionary’ how about a ‘dicktionary’ with words in perhaps? Just a thought. I’m sure you will eventually manage to think of a pathetic excuse to dismiss the idea - as i am a woman who has suggested something more intelligent than you have thought of.
    Better still, invest the money that you use to pay for running this site to go and buy yourself a clue.

  2. Gabriel Cantalk Says:

    From their website:

    >misbehaving.net is a weblog about women and technology. It’s a celebration of women’s contributions to computing….

    And there are only six entries on software. Duh!

  3. W-Hortencia (likes the ladies) Says:

    God I never realised I was bad at geography. I’d best go and tell the examiner for my GCSE geography test that given me an A* was a mistake. The fact that I knew more about the case studies than the (male) teacher or that I can find my way around a map or the politics of LEDCs, means jackshit because I have a cunt.

    So half the world is humourless and boring whilst the other half is piss your pants funny? Oh dear. I’ll tell you what is funny about your ‘fresh and hilarious’ joke, the attire of American football players! Could they wear anymore protective clothing? Now you wouldn’t catch a rugby player wearing that shit. Rugby is a real sport!

  4. Dick Masterson Says:

    I can practically hear you braying like a mule after that comment, Hortencia. American football players wear an appropriate amount of padding for the impact intensity of their sport — as do rugby players. To men, this kind of safety is important. Suggesting otherwise is childish.

    -Dick

  5. W-Hortencia (likes the ladies) Says:

    Rugby players do the exact same type of physical contact as American football players! Occassionally one will wear a helmet but they don’t need to be wrapped up in cotton wool!

  6. Dick Masterson Says:

    I can’t remember the last time I saw a rugby player get hit in the back by a three hundred pound guy while he was trying to throw a ball at a square area the size of a small TV seventy yards away.

    You’re not one of those dreadful women who pretends to be a sports enthusiast, are you Hortencia? You’re already an admitted “lesbianâ€?, so what’s one more cry for attention. You understand I’m sure.

    -Dick

  7. Narg Says:

    Yeah actually, rugby is less dangerous by a long way. But to be honest, thats only because Americans are idiots who don’t really care about their’s or others safety in the slightest, whereas rugby is more of a … how do i say? “noble” game.
    I reckon if a rugby backs player wears a headguard.. and they do… THATS prissy.
    helmets n stuff for american football however, should definitely be mandatory.

  8. The Duster Says:

    Just the other day I witnessed an account of a woman trying to be funny… and you know what? She wasn’t. As Dick pointed out, women laugh ridiculously at the even more ridiculously obvious. If a man ever attempted this type of joke or humor, other men refer would to them as any combination of: lazy, lame, uneducated, lacking of true effort, unoriginal, and worst of all, feminine. This is because all of those adjectives apply; most importantly that they would just be lazy. Men are hilarious by default and are often even funny when they are not trying to be. It’s just the Man way of life. Just another reason why men are better than women.

  9. Andy Says:

    I know I’m finding this website to be terribly amusing. These men definately have their own unique sense of male humor. Keep up the good work boys!

  10. Sam Says:

    To “The Duster”, what’s wrong with laughing at the obvious? At least we don’t go around scratching our arses 24/7.

  11. Megz Says:

    According to scientific research, every time you laugh (genuinely), you add 15 seconds to your life.
    The average life expectancy is higher for females than males, at least in developed countries. So, if females laugh more than males, they are actually being healthier, and giving their stomach muscles and jaw a work-out!
    Besides, what is the point of life? I’m not quite sure, but i’m pretty sure happiness is important. It’s healthy to be positive and optimistic, and people generally prefer to be around someone who’s fun and has lots of energy, than someone who is gloomy and morbid and depressing, and makes them feel bad about themself!

  12. orangeguru Says:

    I love this. With every cynical comment those women prove they can’t laugh - about themselves.

    Overall my theory is: ugly guys get chicks with humor - ugly chicks won’t get anything with humor. They just stay ugly.

    Historicaly I would say it might relate to the fact that woman have not been allowed to act / play theatre in many cultures, plus the roles of clowns and jesters were mostly male affairs.

    Also woman are too vain to be funny. A guy farting in front of people can laugh about himself. Chicks die of embarrasment.

  13. Manley Says:

    Dick-

    Sorry to get a little off-topic here, but seeing as women refuse to comply with your simple instruction to stay away from this website, I wonder if it might be possible to somehow flag their comments so that we men don’t have to waste our time reading them? I should think that the AI to detect women’s comments would be fairly simple for a man to code: just look for inane and unsolicited advice, heated and inaccurate denials of inferiority, homophobic rantings, morose and humorless delusions - those sorts of things.

    You might even want to assign color codes similar to the Terrorism Alert thing that the Dept. of Homeland Security uses. Orange could mean, “For some reason, this woman seems to think we care what she believes”; red would equal “Typical illogical, illiterate female rant.”

    Mauve should be reserved for Megz.

  14. Woody Says:

    If women were capable of rational thought, they would acknowledge that men are better than them.

  15. Courtney Says:

    If men were capable of rational thought, they would acknowledge how ignorant and bigeoted people like Dickless Masterton are.

    Women and men find different things funny, i’ll grant you that. What a man finds funny never takes longer than 3 seconds to work out. It has to be slapstick and in your face. As someone commented on a previous board, when a guy farts he laughs hysterically about it. However when a woman farts, we realise that it is simply the natural bodily function for expelling gas waste, therefore we find it about as funny as a quadratic equation.

    One more thing. Not all women ‘bray’. While there are some who laugh loudly, and in a forceful manner, there are an equal amount of men who do the same. Im sure you do Dickless Masterton.

  16. Woody Says:

    Oh, and in answer to your point there, Manley, I would recommend a system similar to call screening. I think a multiple choice question on the front page that only a man would know the answer to; something like, “If you were on an aeroplane and the pilot announced over the intercom you were going to crash, what would you do first?â€?

    Of course, a woman’s first thought would be to get her handbag out of the overhead luggage compartment, due to the female tendency to equate life on an equal level with material possessions.

  17. Manley Says:

    Courtney’s post would definitely merit an orange flag.

    Woody- you are no doubt accurate about the handbag thing. They would also probably spend their remaining moments putting on makeup as they don’t want to look unkempt for the crash.

  18. Courtney Says:

    If it wasn’t for moral people writing comments on this site, comments like the ones you wish to label ‘orange flag’, it would just be Dick and his sad little friends sitting there going ‘heh yea women are stoopid’, ‘women r meanies’.

    I am a woman, and i care very little about my handbag. And i very rarely use makeup. If a plane WAS crashing, men’s first thought would be ‘oh god what about all my money?!’ Then you would all weep like little babies.

  19. Just another guy Says:

    No, we’d ask for a blowjob from a flight attendant.

  20. CB Says:

    And then laugh. Because let’s face it, even in the face of mortal danger, men are quite capable of taking the piss out of a crap situation. Women on the other hand, would start screaming and then react in shock at the man who is capable of making light of the situation.

    Why are you stupid fucking women still posting comments here? I bet every one of you brainless, dickless, shit-for-brains have touched the wet paint under the sign. Fuck me, what does it take to keep you haggis’ away?

  21. BananaLand (aka Iguana) Says:

    There is only one time that I like to see a woman taking herself seriously - when she is giving a blow job. Unfortunately, women seem to think that the rest of the time they spend in their pathetic lives should be taken seriously too.

  22. Snapper Says:

    You fulla’s would be wise to stop insulting yo’ mamas before she whups your ass I reckon.
    Then and only then might you have a chance at getting a girlfriend of whom you can continue to ask: “where are my socks/keys/phone/remote/toiletpaper/brains?” coz we all know how clever you guys are at finding that kind of stuff.
    And she will give you the best blow jobs you ever had because you keep telling her how beautiful/funny/smart she is.

    yeah right

    go find your own f…ing socks. (and maybe have a chat to a guy who is smart enough to know that the source of happiness is not insulting your better half- and that maybe, just maybe, he will tell you what it is…).

  23. Just me Says:

    MEN ONLY! You women really need to stop making comments on this page because absolutely NOTHING that you say will be taken seriously and it’s not like you’re going to “teach” men that women mean anything at all! It’s more interesting with just the men anyhow!

  24. Adam Says:

    This site DOES say men only.

    But it would be pretty boring if they wern’t here. I mean what would we argue about?

  25. ben Says:

    Can anyone name a single Genuinely funny female comedian?

    Spike Milliagan, Eddie Izzard, Alan Davies, Paul Merton, Cleese and the entire cast of Monty Python..erm nope, doesn’t seem to be one there.

    The women posting here are only proving Dick’s point (which I suspect was made with tongue firmly implanted in cheek) by reacting indignantly and with supposed moral outrage to what is clearly a highly amusing parody site.

  26. George (first time and def last time on this pathetic website) Says:

    OOOOOOOOOOO I know Victorua Wood is really funny, you americans will probably not get this but she is just hilarious, and she actually works for her jokes they are not just insults, or farting on stage, she is genunly funny to everyone, trust me even men can understand her even though shes a woman and according to Dick she shouldnt be funny. But she just is.

  27. Jimbo Says:

    Dick, thank you for your reference to the Three Stooges, whose subtle wit and understated acting techniques have delighted generations of men. I’m not surprised when a woman says, “Ewwww! The Three Stooges! They’re not funny at all!” The delightful interplay among the Stooges seems just too cosmopolitan for women to understand. Also, note Courtney, above, who compared farts with quadratic equations. Courtney (who is a woman and therefore shouldn’t be reading this site) seems to be suggesting that farts are not funny, a claim which I find, frankly, to be too far-fetched for even Courtney to believe. If farts weren’t funny, there would be no whoopie cushions. There would be no electronic farting machines. There would be no fart jokes. One of the most cherished images of my childhood is of John Riley dragging his ass across the rug in my parents’ den, screaming with pain: he had just set fire to his ass whiskers while trying to light a fart. This, Courtney, is humor in its purest form; honest, sophisticated humor right out of one of Aristophanes’ timeless comedies. And you, dear lady, are too female to see it. This is not just sad; it is tragic.

  28. Geeza Says:

    For you Americans who dont know who Victoria Wood is, her jokes are so not funny that the audience generally laughs in embarrasment.

    And how can anyone not find this funny?

    http://www.fartgreetings.com/wav/southpark.wav

  29. alen Says:

    Never heard of Victoria Wood before, so I thought I’d check it out.
    This is the first script I came across…

    http://www2.prestel.co.uk/cello/InTheOffice.htm

    Boy, was George wrong.

    Nice of them to mention Dick, though.

  30. Jimbo Says:

    Alan, I just went to the site you mentioned. I read it twice and couldn’t find anything even remotely funny in it. There was a very weak fart joke there, I think. When one reads such tripe, then compares it with something, say, by Rudy Ray Moore, one of the greatest humorists of the last century, it pales even further. And I was so eager to see just how funny Victoria Wood is, since George (above) raved about her. Luckily, George promises not to come here again.

  31. jason Says:

    Women somehow think men need them–I guess it’s how they are raised by other women. A general feeling of self-importance. They think we can’t wipe our own asses, and they can do everything better than us. My question is this: when are you going to begin doing everything better than the oppressive “men”?
    When?
    Oh yeah, it’s because men are the dominant race “holding down the women.” If you can do it all, why don’t you start doing it instead of making excuses? Surely, us brainless morons will offer no resistance to your superior intellects. Most women I know can’t even stand their fellow women–they prefer the company of their husbands, boyfriends, men friends, etc. Why is that?

    Am I wrong? When will this revolution begin, ladies? When will you prove that you are better? I want actions, not these paltry attempts at pseudo-feministic commentaries.

    Ladies, when will the revolution begin against us men? No, it won’t begin–you all like to smirk and say you control us from bedroom–that is really funny. Hey, maybe you ladies are funny after all.

  32. Nicole Says:

    Jimbo, those links did not lead to victoria wood in case you hadnt figured that out, that was surely clear by the name of the links, I’l give you the benifit of the doubt and assume you were being ironic.

    Jason, men and women are different genders, not races. And the point of feminism is to prove gender equality not superiority.

  33. mike Says:

    W-Hortencia (likes the ladies) said:

    Rugby players do the exact same type of physical contact as American football players! Occassionally one will wear a helmet but they don’t need to be wrapped up in cotton wool!

    Tests show that American footballers collide with the impact force of 2 cars in a head-on crash. I don’t remember the exact details but all that padding is there for a reason.
    As women generally know fuck all about contact sports because they don’t participate, they should refrain from commenting.

  34. abaddon_fff Says:

    Nicole said:

    Nicole, it’s good to see you on here once again:) I miss your blatant sexism and hypocrisy!

    Jason, men and women are different genders, not races. And the point of feminism is to prove gender equality not superiority.

    I think that we have already debated this point Nichole, feminism has nothing to do with “equality” for men, it has everything to do with “equality” for women….

    Strength and Honor

  35. christianj Says:

    Feminism is all about female supremacy and nothing else.

  36. Big Al Says:

    abaddon_fff said:

    Nicole, it’s good to see you on here once again:) I miss your blatant sexism and hypocrisy!

    The post is dated September, abaddon_fff.

    I suspect she’s avoiding heat by staying out of kitchens.

    If you want Nicole, she’s over at Myspace.

    -Big Al

  37. abaddon_fff Says:

    Sorry fellas, I got off of work and had a few, didnt look at the post date. Ahh well. I suspect you’re right Big Al, however I don’t think I will be viewing her page anytime soon.

    Strength and Honor

  38. Big Al Says:

    The site Dick links to in this article (misbehaving.net) is supposed to be “a celebration of women’s contributions to computing”.

    That’d be a short celebration:

    “Here’s to Gertrude Tierney!”

    “Um, there’s all this booze left over…”

    -Big Al

  39. Billy Says:

    Big Al said:

    The site Dick links to in this article (misbehaving.net) is supposed to be “a celebration of women’s contributions to computing”.

    That’d be a short celebration:

    “Here’s to Gertrude Tierney!”

    “Um, there’s all this booze left over…”

    -Big Al

    Lol
    I love it when men can be themselves and tell the complete truth without having to pussyfoot around some womans feelers.
    Damn straight women are stupid.

  40. gloinblin Says:

    Right on that one Dick, women are not funny at all.
    All the ” jokes” that the female pseudo comedians make are about ter whoredom. pathetic

  41. sonyad Says:

    There’s always some obnoxious nugget of bullshit with women’s dud jokes.

    - Jimmy Eat World - Hear You Me

  42. Elitist_Prick Says:

    Nicole said:

    Jimbo, those links did not lead to victoria wood in case you hadnt figured that out, that was surely clear by the name of the links, I’l give you the benifit of the doubt and assume you were being ironic.

    He was giving an example of something that IS funny, moron.

  43. kristina Says:

    Adam said:

    This site DOES say men only.

    But it would be pretty boring if they wern’t here. I mean what would we argue about?

    And i must also feel the need to point out-would any of us females bother coming on here if it didnt say No Females Allowed? Probably isn’t something we should be proud of…but after all it is human curiosity. If you men knew us as much as you think you do, you would have known that about us. :P

  44. Jess Says:

    So I saw you on Dr.Phil and I think you are fucking hilarious and so cute! While I do see your point, I also think some of the stuff you say is kinda crazy but whatever. Anyway, I am 21 y.o and you should def get bacj

  45. Dick Masterson Says:

    Let’s see a MySpace, Jess.

    -Dick

  46. Jess Says:

    Hey, hit me up! Ur 2 hot…and a little crazy!
    http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&frien did=125900854

  47. Dick Masterson Says:

    Sweetheart, you need to write something for IGetDick.com

    -Dick

  48. Jess Says:

    and why is that???

  49. Dick Masterson Says:

    Because women who watch Dr. Phil need to know it’s okay to want to bone men like me.

    -Dick

  50. Jess Says:

    lol i woukd cuz ur gorgeous and drhil is amusing

  51. Nola Says:

    You need a lot of help and education.

    A lot of what you say and advertise is just wrong, such as “women can’t do math.” It was a woman who was awarded the first M.D. degree.
    Another woman who was gifted in math is Marie Sklodowska, who received degrees in math and science, and developed radiation treatments for cancer, defying another one of your stereotypes that “women haven’t contributed to the cure of diseases.”

    It is awful for you to name someone “Man of the Month” who based Miss Teen South Carolina’s response to her question on Miss Teen America as a response that “all” women would answer. She said she was “overwhelmed,” but any person, man or woman, can see she isn’t very smart.

    What if you were born a woman? There was only a 50/50 chance of that happening. Would you settle with your current misconceptions that you could never be able to be successful, for the rest of your life?

  52. Jess Says:

    lol, no he fuckin rocks!

  53. R_Tomasi Says:

    Nola said:

    You need a lot of help and education.

    A lot of what you say and advertise is just wrong, such as “women can’t do math.” It was a woman who was awarded the first M.D. degree.
    Another woman who was gifted in math is Marie Sklodowska, who received degrees in math and science, and developed radiation treatments for cancer, defying another one of your stereotypes that “women haven’t contributed to the cure of diseases.”

    It is awful for you to name someone “Man of the Month” who based Miss Teen South Carolina’s response to her question on Miss Teen America as a response that “all” women would answer. She said she was “overwhelmed,” but any person, man or woman, can see she isn’t very smart.

    What if you were born a woman? There was only a 50/50 chance of that happening. Would you settle with your current misconceptions that you could never be able to be successful, for the rest of your life?

    A woman was awarded the first M.D? If that is true, does that somehow make her the first doctor? They’ve had Medical degrees since about 1220, and women weren’t exactly in a position to be a bearer of one. “Another woman who was gifted in math?” Doctors don’t really need to be the best mathematicians, that sentence construction fails. Marie Curie is the example you can give us of exceptional female scientists. Please, provide at least a score. There’s at least 5 times that many exceptional male scientists (although, to be fair, with so many excellent male scientists, “exceptional” sorta becomes the norm). You don’t need to pick those that can win Nobel Prizes, feel free to include Jane Goodall and others who prefer the company of apes to humans.

    Teen South Carolina isn’t likely to suffer any from being dumb, as women can go through life without intelligence or hard work. This is quite a bit more difficult for men, unless their fathers were exceptional.

    Only a 50/50 chance? Although the option for gender is binary, the chance is not. Some people are more likely to produce female offspring then male ones, typically, males are produced by better-fed, more stable families. Some guys, like Henry VIII, just kept crapping out when it came time to roll the sticky dice.

  54. R_Tomasi Says:

    Oh, remember that Curie died of radiation poisoning. Guess she didn’t catch on to the concept of a lead coat.

  55. Jess Says:

    That’s just not nice

  56. Neandertalman Says:

    every time a chik talks here I take a shit on the toilet laughing! haha

  57. eloelo Says:

    a very popular male actor once had this advice given to him by his father,
    never marry a stupid woman. now since divorce rates are over 5o per cent. i guess men are coming to this realization

  58. Melissa Says:

    Dick Masterson said:

    Let’s see a MySpace, Jess.

    -Dick</blockq
    I think i want to know more about what makes yousmile……not angry..:)

    Dick Masterson said:

    Let’s see a MySpace, Jess.

    -Dick

    I think i want to know more about what makes yousmile……not angry..:)

  59. Andie Says:

    Dick Masterson said:

    Sweetheart, you need to write something for IGetDick.com

    -Dick

    Um sweetheart i think the problem is NOONE wants to lay you and if they do them they are paid or despret.

  60. Melissa Says:

    Melissa said:

    Dick Masterson said:

    Let’s see a MySpace, Jess.

    -Dick</blockq
    I think i want to know more about what makes yousmile……not angry..:)

    Dick Masterson said:

    Let’s see a MySpace, Jess.

    -Dick

  61. Melissa Says:

    Melissa said:

    Melissa said:

    Dick Masterson said:

    Let’s see a MySpace, Jess.

    -Dick</blockq
    Iblockquote>Dick Masterson said:

    Let’s see a MySpace, Jess.

    -Dick

  62. Melissa Says:

    Melissa said:

    Melissa said:

    Dick Masterson said:

    Let’s see a MySpace, Jess.

    -Dick</blockq
    blockquote>Dick Masterson said:

    Let’s see a MySpace, Jess.

    -Dick

  63. Melissa Says: