Do you know why women don’t think the Three Stooges are funny? Because women aren’t funny. The Three Stooges are pretty much as hilarious as it gets.

To a woman, “funny” isn’t a special thing like it is to a man. It’s not a way to blow off steam because women don’t need to blow off steam. They usually don’t have jobs and definitely don’t have any real responsibilities, so what the fuck? Their lives are about as easy as a doormat’s.

To a woman, being “funny” just means saying something obvious and then laughing at it like a mule.

Usually the things women say to make themselves laugh don’t even have jokes in them. They’re just untrue, usually crass things that seem like they have jokes in them.

Men, on the other hand, are like magic comedy-machines, able to pull off incredible feats of funny whenever it’s required. Watch and I’ll prove this now by thinking of something funny right off the top of my head. I don’t even have to try, I’m already thinking of it preemptively. In fact, I bet all of us men are thinking of something fresh and hilarious, I just want to make the point.

Let’s say there’s a chicken sitting in a nest on a grass field. It’s a pretty close up shot. Then the chicken gets up and checks some eggs it’s sitting on. They’re doing just fine. Then a man wearing full football gear comes running across and punts the chicken through some goal posts.

See, that’s hilarious, and any man will be able to produce something equally as funny on command.

Part of the reason women are not funny is that they are not fun. To a woman, having fun and being happy is the man-equivalent of getting kicked in the groin. They’ll avoid it at all costs because they would rather eat a cardboard box than be obliged to be nice to someone for making them laugh. Women also are not funny because they can’t listen for shit and therefore don’t even know when they’re not being funny.

The only times that women are funny is when they are laboriously set up by a man who takes pity on them and they manage to blubber out a clumsily crafted insult that was sort of what the obvious put-down was, but not quite. All the men around laugh and then blush shamefully because they know it was more embarrassing than funny. Meanwhile, all the ladies within earshot start thinking of shitty comments to make about the new comedienne for attempting to have a good time and not exhibiting some feminist dogmatic-bullshit mantra that pretty much equals being a shrew and a bitch.

Men are so funny because when we’re not keeping the world spinning, pretty much all we do is sit around and practice being hilarious. Women just sit around and take turns spewing out the wildly predictable consequences of their latest dumb mistake and giving each other backhanded compliments and sideways glances behind the storyteller’s back.

Women also can’t take a joke and can’t be made fun of — even if they deserve it. That’s part of being fun. It shouldn’t be any surprise really, because women have no experience in dealing with any real responsibilities. That’s why they throw a temper tantrum if they’re getting a ribbing — because they think pointless shit matters when it actually doesn’t.

For example, let’s say a woman says that North and South Dakota are actually two parts of one big state instead of two entirely different states (most women will say this if you wait long enough, by the way. Test for yourself. Women don’t know shit about geography). If you make fun of her for that, she’ll flip out with such hysteria that you’ll think something serious just happened instead of something that doesn’t fucking matter at all.

Something that matters is being two weeks late for work or getting your car stolen and then crashed through your house. To a woman, that shit is equally as important as her saying that her sun glasses are lost and then having it pointed out that they’re right on her goddamn head.

Women suck at geography for totally different reasons then why none of them are funny. Also, saying women are as funny as cancer, isn’t funny. That’s a perfect example of a joke that women make. There’s nothing funny about cancer. It’s a terrible illness that affects millions of people. People like Lance Armstrong, John Kruk, and Tom Green.

Case Study:

Let’s take a look at a prominent female-blogging, hen-haven as a case-study.

misbehaving.net

It’s a site run by women for women (perhaps that’s why the page looks like a dictionary cluster-fucked a thesaurus). Their tagline is “Well-behaved women seldom make history.”

Let’s ignore the tragically typical ploy for empowerment by the obtuse reliance on cock-teasery and ask a more obvious question: why in the fuck didn’t one of these crazy broads register missbehaving.net?

The second ’s’ makes it clever. It turns ribald debauchery into an epigrammatic poetic musing.

Let’s answer our own question then. No one registered missbehaving.net because women wouldn’t know funny if it bit them on their giant ass.

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This entry was posted under Doings and Dealings.