Women Are The Special Olympics
If there’s one thing you learn after dealing with the mentally handicapped for an extended period of time, it’s that they all want one thing: to be treated equally.
Also graham crackers.
Women are a lot like the mentally handicapped in that way. The only difference is women don’t deserve it — equality or graham crackers.
History is filled with examples of disabled men overcoming obstacles and taking care of business in a manly fashion. Several presidents have been handicapped. Also that guy from Goonies, I’m pretty sure he was retarded. One thing, however, remains the same. No matter how many chromosomes a man is born with, he wants the playing field even. Fairness is unto manliness. He also wants to be treated the same as everyone else.
What a surprise that a woman invented the Special Olympics.
The Special Olympics is for the mentally handicapped what a Chinese lady with an umbrella is for me. It’s something I do not fucking want around. Chinese ladies will stab your goddamn eyeballs out with those things. The Chinese character for ‘opportunity’ is the same as ‘crisis’, and I’m willing to bet that’s not the only Chinese character with a Chinese double meaning. ‘Umbrella’ in Chinese is probably the same as ‘eyeball toothpick wheel’. That’s why the Chinese don’t like baby girls. Their women can’t even carry umbrellas correctly, their little girls must be fucking nightmares.
One time while I was watching the Special Olympics, I saw a retarded weight lifter throw up about two gallons of orange juice. It was so hilarious I still think about that image at least once a week a decade later. Does that sound like the kind of thing the mentally handicapped need?
No. It’s humiliating. The mentally handicapped need training for minimum wage jobs and volunteers to help them keep their shit together. They don’t need committees planning fucking parades and testing them for steroids just so they can go out and throw up a cubic foot of orange juice on national television. You can’t not laugh at that no matter who you are. Jesus would have laughed at that.
Women need national recognition for their accomplishments; physical, emotional, or otherwise. Men don’t; whether we’re mentally handicapped or not. Let’s say a woman married a millionaire with no penis. Well that’s the greatest accomplishment a woman can achieve. You bet your ass she’s going to want a parade.
When a woman hits the gym for two weeks in a row, she needs an Olympic sized parade in her honor. That’s why women have such a hard-on for the Special Olympics. They think accomplishments aren’t accomplishments until they’re shoved down everyone’s fucking throat.
I respect the shit out of retarded athletes. But that’s where it ends. I don’t print the sentiment on a bumper sticker and then tackily adhere it to the chrome backside of a fifty thousand dollar SUV some man paid for. That would make me a woman instead of a different gender which brims with class and discretion. That gender is The Man.
I respect retarded athletes so much that I laugh my ass off when they vomit two gallons of orange juice all over the place.
Now this is a true story. Many years ago I was with a friend in a bowling alley who was not only too drunk to bowl, but he was also too drunk to not have passed out on the floor of the bathroom. When I found him like that, I did what any man would do. I kicked him in the stomach. Whether you’re mentally handicapped or too drunk to not get kicked in the stomach, it’s hilarious when you throw up. The only difference is, Drunk Guy Olympics wouldn’t make women feel like they’ve done something with their lives.
They haven’t.
Did you know the Special Olympics is the only organization legally allowed to use ‘Olympics’ in its title? That’s true. It’s just like how women are the only other species legally allowed to use ‘man’ in their name. Except for Manatees, which are a fat and slothful creature for which nature has only one equal: women.
Coincidence?
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April 3rd, 2007 at 7:26 pm - IP Man-Hash: 04de1e4af36c0
SOTS: Not too stealthy, was I? And I’ll not stick around. But I didn’t lie, nor would I. Contrary to your assertions, some women do have an honor code. I do follow some of your conversations with interest, particularly those of a political bent.
April 3rd, 2007 at 7:28 pm - IP Man-Hash: 04de1e4af36c0
And yes, I am the zogmama. Or amefuto, to my old friend sonyAD.
April 3rd, 2007 at 7:44 pm - IP Man-Hash: 97b042a642ba3
Go back and read that post again, then look up the word “hyperbole.” Moron.
April 3rd, 2007 at 7:50 pm - IP Man-Hash: b1edbe34439b6
You’re like a female version of Wolfe.
April 3rd, 2007 at 7:55 pm - IP Man-Hash: b1edbe34439b6
“You’re” as in us males who populate this site as a whole or myself? I can hardly imagine you have interest in my political views when they consist of you eventually having none.
April 3rd, 2007 at 8:15 pm - IP Man-Hash: 109bcf0dfd9d2
Of course, this is completely my fault for not giving you the benefit of the doubt that you were just kidding and were being inflammatory for no logical reason when you made 3 posts (and the only posts you’ve ever made on this site, mind you) in which you referred to physically and mentally impaired people as freaks. Stupid me.
April 3rd, 2007 at 9:46 pm - IP Man-Hash: 04de1e4af36c0
@SotS: I am somewhat aware of your anticipation of the downfall of western civilization at the hand of women, and that you advocate the idea that all women are unworthy of respect or basic rights. I do not advocate the inverse as relates to men.
April 3rd, 2007 at 9:47 pm - IP Man-Hash: 04de1e4af36c0
and SotS, I can be interested in someone’s views, even if I do not espouse them.
April 3rd, 2007 at 10:11 pm - IP Man-Hash: 661af48368de9
Well we wouldn’t want that, would we Pot?
Perhaps I did come on a little strong, but only because it’s something I feel strongly about. I’m against any institution that exploits the disadvantaged in order to salve the collective conscience. Your inane babble about “inspiration” and other such warm and fuzzy nonsense tells me I’m on the right track. I’m just calling it as I see it. And show me where I ever said I was kidding about anything.
April 3rd, 2007 at 10:24 pm - IP Man-Hash: 109bcf0dfd9d2
No, you were and are on the wrong track, you see, I was not inspired at Special Olympic events, I was inspired at Paralympic Events, so tell me, does your argument still apply when discussing Paralympics? Are paralympic events exploiting the competitors? Hardly, they have full mental and cognitive capacities, so if the competitors felt they were being exploited, they’d hardly participate in such events would they? In relation to whether Special Olympics are exploitative, that again, simply isn’t true. The Special Olympics is an international volunteer organisation that does wonderful things for people all over the world.
Here, be a volunteer and realise you are wrong.
http://www.specialolympics.com.au/index.php?submenu=Volunteer_Menu&src =gendocs&link=Volunteer_Jobs_Available&category=Volunteer
April 3rd, 2007 at 10:27 pm - IP Man-Hash: 109bcf0dfd9d2
test
April 3rd, 2007 at 10:39 pm - IP Man-Hash: 109bcf0dfd9d2
I was inspired at Paralympic events, not Special. Answer this question, if you watched a basketball game played by competitors in wheelchairs, would you be amazed and possibly inspired or do you see such an event as simply exploitative? Do you think the competitors think they are being exploited? If they did, why would they even be competing? These games aren’t held for the spectators, they are held for the competitors and the love of sport. Considering the virtually empty stadiums at the Paralympic Games in 2000, that was sadly obvious. Of course, these games did commence as soon as the Olympic Games finished and they got next to zero publicity, so perhaps people were either all Olympiced out or not aware of them, or..more than likely, people were so high from the partying (which was non-stop) during the Olympic Games that they didn’t feel like bringing themselves back to reality by attending Paralympic Games which would remind them that life isnt all fireworks every night of the week. Unfortunately they missed out on watching the most interesting events. I mean, blind Judo! how interesting is that!
In relation to the Special Olympics is not exploitative, it is a wonderful organisation of volunteers who do a fantastic job that brings joy to many people all over the world. The only reason you could possibly see it as a negative thing is if you are cynical and cannot see what it provides in the life of the competitors. And what does the collective conscience even need salving for?
April 3rd, 2007 at 11:25 pm - IP Man-Hash: e36376410e1aa
Female, when it says, “Your comment is in moderation.” It means your comment is in moderation.
Fuck’s sake.
-Dick
April 3rd, 2007 at 11:28 pm - IP Man-Hash: 109bcf0dfd9d2
Proof that most people see Paralympic or Special Olympics as having a worthwhile and valid role in influencing social change and tackling destigmatisation, rather than as being exploitative. I’m also still waiting for an answer, in what way are these games exploitative? Who is getting the benefit from having such organisations in existance? Please answer my question.
http://www.paralympic.org/release/Main_Sections_Menu/News/Current_Affa irs/2007_04_02_a.html
April 3rd, 2007 at 11:29 pm - IP Man-Hash: 109bcf0dfd9d2
It didn’t say “Your comment is in moderation”. It didnt’ say anything! Fuck’s sake is right!
April 4th, 2007 at 12:04 am - IP Man-Hash: 109bcf0dfd9d2
You cannot answer my question and you have no rebuttal. I have outwitted, outargued and outplayed *curtsey*
April 4th, 2007 at 12:11 am - IP Man-Hash: 796c1d8aebfd3
you are a freak
April 4th, 2007 at 12:23 am - IP Man-Hash: 661af48368de9
April 4th, 2007 at 12:25 am - IP Man-Hash: 661af48368de9
A little premature, don’t you think? Or were you resting your case?
April 4th, 2007 at 12:47 am - IP Man-Hash: 109bcf0dfd9d2
Your explanation is replete with stereotypes, “aging hippies”, “dewey-eyed young liberals” which is an indication that you haven’t really thought about this. Who exactly are these people that you think are lining their own pockets? And how are they making money when these events simply don’t attract the crowds that others do.
Are you talking about the Sponsors such as Visa? If so, if you have a moral issue with Visa sponsoring Special or Paralympic events, do you also have an issue with them sponsoring the World Cup or Wimbeldon? Because that isn’t exploitation, that’s marketing and it is done in every sport. If anything I think it is great that large companies are willing to sponsor/support such events because believe me, if the crowds are anything to go by, that certainly aren’t making much of a return.
I think your view is very cynical and it ignores much that is positive. Who even cares if some people are only into it for the PR value when you consider that it allows people to do an activity that they get enjoyment out of. I think you know I am right. This is my closing statement.