Women can’t spell

Did you know that women are atrocious spellers? It’s an obscure caveat of womankind that will usually elude detection, but I assure that it’s absolutely true.

In order to prove this I’ve compiled a short list of words that women have historically suffered only complete and disastrous failure when attempting to spell. Here is the list:

Chevrolet
bullion
kernels
sandwich
duct tape
beans
trophy

If you want to see this phenomenon in action (and have quite a good laugh at the absurd letters women will attempt to piece together in desperation) prepare yourself for quite a struggle. You see when asked to do things that they are no good at (ie, driving, thinking that does not involve puppies or how much they hate their best friends) women will defer the task immediately to the nearest man. This includes spelling.

Since it is part of our nature to be of assistance — to be constructive and positive at all times (probably because we know so much about so many fucking things), this ploy will work one hundred percent of the time. It’s typical woman manipulation though and nothing else.

I tested woman’s inability to spell properly in the real world by asking a group of ten women to spell the word foundation, which I learned had something to do with make-up completely by accident in an episode of CSI. I felt that this word-familiarity would give women the manufactured advantage that they so desperately need and crave in every fucking thing that they do.

My results not only proved conclusively that women cannot spell, but also that women will refuse to do any task that they cannot.

Now that we say for certain that men are better than women at spelling as well as everything else, I think as men it is our duty as the superior spellers par excellence to save women the disgrace and humiliation of having to clumsily defer any such spelling requests.

To a woman, the alphabet and its inner workings are like the mysteries of a Jack in the Box in the eyes of a child.

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208 Responses to “Women can’t spell”

  1. Sarah Says:

    dear all,
    i am a 12th grade student who is currently debating of how men are better than women.
    Of course i didnt have the choice to pick which team i am on and i am having a hard time finding reasons WHY men are better than women..
    if you could help me that would be terrific
    Thank you

  2. Dick Masterson Says:

    Sarah,

    I don’t know if you read the warning, but women are expressly prohibited from reading this site…only for their own good of course. I suppose I could generate some kind of watered down, picture version of the site for women, but I just don’t have that kind of time.

    I believe in your cause, however, so you can keep reading.

    Start with the basics in your debate, for example: men always capitalize the word I when referring to themselves — this small caveat serves as a universal standard and makes it easier for people to communicate, thus increasing global quality of life. If women had their way, anything at all would be capitalized and hyphenated. Entire words would be replaced with simply letters. Can you imagine how ridiculous that would be?

    Also feel free to use any of the articles here.

    -Dick

  3. Badkitty Says:

    In the whole 19 years of my life…I have never known a man that could spell besides you. Now, that’s now saying all men are bad at spelling, I’ve also looked up websites of words that men can’t spell for the life of them. Is it just that you would just prefer to defend manside of the matter, or is it that you just can’t handle the woman side of the matter? I know how to spell chevrolet because I love cars, I don’t know what bullion is, but I doubt I’d need it in my life in order to survive, but it doesn’t mean I can’t spell, I know how to spell kernels though there is no point in the fact that I hate popcorn, I know how to spell sandwich which is also redundant to the fact that I hate sandwiches, though I do love duct tape therefore I do know how to spell it because duct tape rules and is like the force, has a dark side and a light side and holds the universe together, and of course I bloody love beans, they are a magical fruit and I of course use it to the best of my ability though my friends, family, and other living things rather I didn’t, and trophy is easy, you must be finding rather uneducated women, or women who do not need spelling in order to survive their carreer, job or any other manner. I love this website. I’ll make sure to show it to all of my friends, both men and women. Although most of the men I know would be absolutely appalled by it, does that mean they are not men? Or male? How does that work? What happens when a guy doesn’t agree with your thoughts of women? Because he thinks equally of men and women…does that mean he is not a man? Or are you openly just defending your own opinion, or do you think you speak for all men, which in this case is not true. I know men who think women are better than men and they are still just as tough, just as assholeish as any other man I love. I’d love your thoughts on this.

    P.S. I don’t know one woman that hates sex….in fact, all the girls I know are pretty much like I….raging nymphos, but only to our men. You must be meeting the wrong women. Good luck on that.

  4. Dick Masterson Says:

    “Uneducated women”…? Now that’s redundant.

  5. Badkitty Says:

    Actually, it’s people in general that’s redundant….but…is that all you have to really say? Did you ever take a debate class?

  6. todd Says:

    badkitty, that is a really stupid name. sorry, i had to say it.

  7. Corie Says:

    People IN GENERAL are bad spellers. Doing a “test” on a bunch of stupid women doesn’t prove anything, because a lot of men are too stupid to spell “foundation” as well. About 25% of adults in the U.S. are functionally illiterate, which means they read at a 4th grade reading level. This is pathetic because most people are stupid, not just most women.

  8. Nicole Says:

    Dick, until you conduct a test on absolutely every activity in the world and prove that all men are better than all women (who have had equal opportunities and educations) at, at least 51 % of these activities, the phrase “men are better than women” means nothing.

  9. Dan Says:

    Oh is that how he should prove it? Thank you for proving why women make horrible scientists.

  10. Nicole Says:

    So selecting a group of isolated opinions, with no evidence to back them up, is a better way to prove things?

  11. david mooney Says:

    Nicole,i noticed alot of your posts are left unreplied on this hilarious (hilarious in a stupid way)site.Probably cos your comments make sense,are logical,intelligent and have evidence to back them up.Unlike many of the male comments.Well,except mine. *^_^*

  12. Gigi Says:

    http://www.punitiveart.com/Essays/Men%20Are%20Better%20Than%20Women

    thought youd like this

  13. Nicole Says:

    Thanks david, you’ve proved that not all men on this website are brainless.

    And yes a lot of my comments are unanswered.

  14. Nicole Says:

    Thanks Gigi I found that really interesting and I think I have come across it before when googling “men are better than women”.

    xXx

  15. W-Hortencia (likes the ladies) Says:

    I can’t spell, then again I’m slightly dyslexic. My BROTHER is worse than me though, and my father. Infact my mother and sister are the only ones that can spell well. This has never stopped me doing well in English though, so what exactly is the significance of spelling. Especially when you say “color” and I say “colour”.

  16. Dick Masterson Says:

    Is being slightly dyslexic like being slightly pregnant? Or is it like being completely full of shit?

    -Dick

  17. your mama Says:

    I dosen’t matter how you say it just as long as you say it. Most of that bullshit is overrated anyway. Who fucking cares all the bugs eat everyone the same when your dead. I don’t think they stop and say well he was rich and well educated we should probably eat him/her with manners.

  18. W-Hortencia (likes the ladies) Says:

    No it’s more like I can spell OK most of the time, I can’t do left and right but I can still get mostly As at school (never had anything lower than a B). Einstein was dyslexic, it didn’t stop him.

  19. Dick Masterson Says:

    Einstein was also a man, dear.

    -Dick

  20. W-Hortencia (likes the ladies) Says:

    A dyslexic man, which was my point, darling. I was disscussing being ’slightly dyslexic’ not how big his cock was. Keep up, Dick!

  21. Melanie Says:

    Because I am a woman and therefore have an imagination that is not solely limited to imagining various sex acts with various animate and inanimate objects, I am going to mentally insert the word ’some’ before both ‘men’ and ‘women’ in the url for this website.

    Sweeping generalizations can be fun, and even I can see the humour in this website, but as a woman who can spell, enjoys sex, can cross the street just fine and is NOT a cheating whore, I am going to smile at the funny things I see here, ignore the rude and uninformed comments posted by both men and women and happily continue on my merry way.

    *grins and waves*

  22. Dick Masterson Says:

    Melanie said:

    Because I am a woman and therefore have an imagination that is not solely limited to imagining various sex acts with various animate and inanimate objects

    Men don’t own dildos. Now who’s imagining sex with inanimate objects?

    -Dick

  23. Melanie Says:

    Dick Masterson said:

    [blockquote removed]

    Men don’t own dildos. Now who’s imagining sex with inanimate objects?

    -Dick

    *grins*

    We don’t imagine it, we just -do- it. Women don’t fantasize about dildos, they just use them.

  24. Dick Masterson Says:

    That’s how women do everything. No thinking about it, only action. No wonder you’re all such catastrophes.

    -Dick

  25. Christian J Says:

    Melanie said:

    Because I am a woman and therefore have an imagination that is not solely limited to imagining various sex acts with various animate and inanimate objects, I am going to mentally insert the word ’some’ before both ‘men’ and ‘women’ in the url for this website.

    http://www.femplay.com.au/

  26. Melanie Says:

    Dick Masterson said:

    That’s how women do everything. No thinking about it, only action. No wonder you’re all such catastrophes.

    -Dick

    Gives you something to complain about though doesn’t it. This entire body of work would be groundless without a scapegoat.

    I am happy, as a representative of females everywhere, to have been able to help you focus your aggression. *nod*

    I am not here to claim that you are wrong about the vast majority of women being asinine and I am not about to start spouting nonsense about how rotten men are either. I am simply passing through.

    People in general really suck. Women are people, so that applies to us too.

    Cheers

  27. Dick Masterson Says:

    I’m not saying the vast majority of women are asinine. I’m saying men are better than women — which they are. Where the hell does “People in general really suck” fit into that? Seventh grade?

    -Dick

  28. Grump Says:

    Melanie, I disagree with you. You don’t represent females everywhere, although you might represent “female” everywhere.

    hehehe Sorry for being nasty..not! hehehe

  29. Female Says:

    Grump, what’s with the he hee heeee? Have you regressed to age 14 or been on that wacky tobaccy again? This is a serious site for serious business. If you can’t behave with a modicum of appropriateness, I suggest you take your leave.

  30. Dip Says:

    Eh,it’s mostly men who are dyslexic.And mostly men who are colour blind…….my brother is dyslexic and so is my male friend.
    That damn Y chromosome………………
    In my primary school classes,it was always the girls who got 10/10 in the spelling tests.They were always the best at english too. Fair fucks to them.

  31. Pixie Says:

    lol again Dick dosn’t have much to say to that.

  32. female Says:

    Women can’t spell?? Well if women can’t spell then how come most of the winners in the Scripp’s Howard National Spelling Bee have been in fact women! This website is only widening the gender gap and causing more women to be angry and frustrated with men. Why do you feel like you need to prove yourself by belittling women? I think that men are just as smart, talented, and capable as any women. I would never be as arrogant to say one sex is better than the other. Or that one race is better than the other. Or that one religion is better than the other. Let’s stop this immaturity. Men we value you and respect you. Stop being so angry at women and show us some respect in return

  33. FemaleMark2 Says:

    That wasn’t me, nor am I astromuffy or Samantha. Nor will I be any other future poster from this post onwards. Ciao.

  34. biff Says:

    10/18 were male since 1988. Let’s see…10 divided by 18? That would be…yes…yes…55% male. So if your opening line is crap I guess that makes the entire paragraph crap. Do try to use numbers that can’t be disproven with a ten second google search.

  35. Informer Says:

    Well the spelling bee started in 1925 so take a look at all the winners before you post anything.

  36. sonyad Says:

    [...]in fact women!

    I truly doubt it’s men and women competing in “the Scripp’s Howard National Spelling Bee” contest.

    Untrue, but nice to see once in awhile:

    Men we value you and respect you.

    Only to regress the very next sentence:

    Stop being so angry at women and show us some respect in return

    A woman true to her colours in the making, you are. I suspect you’re a kid. All the more reason you shouldn’t be reading anything here.

    Girls as well as women should be mentioned in the offlimits disclaimer. Boys, however, should partake in the wisdom of men as wisdom doeth them not ill to the brain as doeth to girls and women.

  37. baffled Says:

    It saddens me to see such contempt for women.

  38. sonyad Says:

    Then, what are you hanging around here for?
    This might prove more to your liking: http://www.feministing.com.
    Blatant misandry and disrespect to men and family will naturally breed such contempt.

  39. astromuffy Says:

    guilty as charged on my ability to spell, but i can spell all the words on your list.

    i’m really lazy, and when i’m in the flow of writing, the idea of stopping to look up a word is anathema to me.

    it’s a bad habbit, and as a good writer, i receive subtle ridicule for this character flaw.

    however, i have never deferred certain tasks to men - have always been very independent that way.

    i built my own computer, assembled my own ikea stuff, even a rather complicated waredrobe, learned the basics of wiring on my own.

    with regards to another post about women being lousy musicians, i wouldn’t compare myself with mozart, but i did teach myself to read music, and play two instruments, with a rather advanced level of competency in a period of six months.

    with regards to the computer, i still consider myself to be a technical idiot.

    after building it, i lost all interest in maintaining it, and i admit i still call the nearest technitian when something goes amis.

    anyway - you just can’t win.

    i really loved the feeling of independence i got from doing these things, but then i was suspected of being a dyke.

    which i’m not.

    and my husband, who told me is primary reason for falling in love with me, aside from my ability to listen and make him feel important (because he was, at least to me) was my intelligence.

    and of course, in the end, he loathed and despised me for it.

    again, just can’t win.

    i’ve been through a lot in this life.

    i’ve heard the ideals.

    i’ve seen the realities.

    we’ve all been hurt, and misunderstood.

    life has knocked the stuffing out of me, and i’ve spent these last two years finding new stuffing.

    one thing that is a real relief to me, is the ability to accept the fact that i’m flawed, taking the opportunity to improve upon these flaws where i can, and the warewithal to admit that yes, in some ways, i’m a complete idiot, and always will be.

    it dosn’t mean i don’t have my strengths though.

    one of my strengths is my dedication and commitment to truth and honesty - not all women are moral jellyfish, and not all women are your enemies.

  40. Luka Says:

    I think the comment that we have all been hurt and misunderstood is very accurate astromuffy.

    We all [men and women] have our strengths/weakness collectively as a gender and individually as human beings.

  41. Ashley Says:

    I think this is retarded. I mean if it wasnt for women you guys wouldnt be here and it is a known fact that women do better in reading and writing then men. All you men think about is sex.

  42. diamatik Says:

    Just because women read more than men doesn’t make them better at it. All that really proves is that women don’t get it the first time, so they have to do the same thing over and over again, or just have to look for other sources. Women can’t spell, and this site proves it. Just look at the comments placed after Dick’s posts. You will clearly see that (aside from a few obvious typos) women are by far make the most fuck-ups with spelling [my favourite being the time when this dumb broad spelled biased as buyist].

  43. son of the suns Says:

    My favorite was the wonderful woman from the UK who said she was in an Al Queda cell and “AmerKKKa gets struck tommorrow!!!!!”

    Muse - Knights of Cydonia

  44. mean_jake Says:

    Ashley said:

    I think this is retarded. I mean if it wasnt for women you guys wouldnt be here and it is a known fact that women do better in reading and writing then men. All you men think about is sex.

    indeed thats why all the great philosophers through the ages have been female like….?????
    oh thats right women couldnt write till men allowed them and taught them how.
    now thats a man that shoulda had his balls removed.
    and im pretty sure your here because nobodys been thinkin about sex with you… poor little attention whores.

  45. wolfe Says:

    Ashley said:

    I think this is retarded. I mean if it wasnt [sic]for women you guys wouldnt [sic] be here and it is a known fact that women do better in reading and writing then men. All you men think about is sex.

    You might want to check out a little device called the apostrophe. As for the substance of your comment… Yeah. That’s why the best-selling novels for women are romance novels that are basically soft-corn porn.

    And the best-selling novels for men are techno-thrillers like Tom Clancy or Michael Crichton or legal thrillers like John Grisham.

    Relationships in a woman’s book:

    She coveted his throbbing manhood with her eyes. Long had she yearned to spread her ivory gates and feel the pleasure of his penetration, owning her, caressing her, possessing her, letting her exercise her true power and feel like a woman at long last… blah blah blah

    Relationships in a man’s book:

    He loved his wife and children and missed them terribly. But he had a job to do. The bomb’s timer continued counting down to zero. He wasn’t going to see his son graduate, or chase his daughter’s new boyfriend off with a shotgun if he didn’t save these people, and soon. Cut the blue wire or the red wire? His Constitutional Law text said ‘red’. Blue it was.

    Yeah. ‘All men think about is sex.’

    No. Men think about reproduction and survival of the species a great deal. That’s subtly different and far less selfish that whatever the heck many women think about with their ‘ivory gates’.

    -wolfe

  46. Luka Says:

    So what if men and/or women do think about sex a lot? It is not like sex is unhealthy or wrong. Women think about sex just as much as men do, if not more…but who cares which gender thinks more about it and why? Unless you allow sexual urges or fantasies to ruin/ hinder your life or the lives of people around you, thinking about sex is harmless…. and fun!

  47. sonyad Says:

    [...]sexual urges or fantasies to ruin/ hinder your life or the lives of people around you[...]

    Huh? Careful, you’ve dropped your rosary.

    - Eric Clapton - Cocaine

  48. Billy Says:

    Luka said:

    So what if men and/or women do think about sex a lot? It is not like sex is unhealthy or wrong. Women think about sex just as much as men do, if not more…but who cares which gender thinks more about it and why? Unless you allow sexual urges or fantasies to ruin/ hinder your life or the lives of people around you, thinking about sex is harmless…. and fun!

    Sure women think about sex too. Like emmm how can I make easy money off men since my lazy ass wont earn a living.

  49. caro Says:

    I’m sure that you will all try to disprove me by saying “Oh, but no, I had a male kindergarten teacher,” or “my daddy taught me spellin’ on his knee when I was a wee scrappy youngin’”, but I’m willing to guess that that’s a load of crap and that you were taught how to write, and consequently, how to spell, by female teachers in primary. My mom was the one who taught me. The statistics show a higher amount of female teachers than male, and lets at least pretend to have some scientific argument here.

    I still think your argument is weak, which probably comes from too much time spent reading actually well reasoned arguments that actually have more quantitative data than “I asked a group of 10 gals, and they blew me off, so obviously they were too embarrassed by the fact that they can’t spell, so therefore I am right! Youppie!”

    I do feel sorry for you, because it seems you’ve been surrounded by horrible women your entire life and that has chased you away from ever getting to know decent ones. Or maybe you know some “exceptions” to the rule, but the one or two annoying ones have stuck out in your mind have made you afraid of women in general. That’s sad really. Poor you.

    No, but thanks. It’s fun reading rants of people with completely off the wall arguments about nothing at all. Sometimes I listen to fundamentalist Christian talk radio just to get my heart pumping from all the stupid things they say. All the contradictions they make. Good times.

    ps. To respond to your other article “thingies” - you argued that no religion had women as dieties. God in Hebrew is a feminine noun and God actually has no gender. Most polytheitic religions have numerous female deities, and usually the most important ones are female. So, yeah, Jesus was a dude. Jesus does not equal all religions and therefore the end.

    Also you wrote that when men cheat, they admit to it, which is the only reason we hear more about men in sex scandals than women. If you noticed on the news this past month, men fucking little boys (which I would include in the definition of cheating on their wives) is only brought to light when other men are power hungry enough to expose their opponants’ moral bankruptiveness.

    If, like you argued in another post, you can’t judge all mankind by one or two evil men, than how can you say all women are stupid whores who are inherently evil and the pain in your womanhating ass? Not to bring your mother into this…

  50. Dick Masterson Says:

    caro said:

    ps. To respond to your other article “thingies” - you argued that no religion had women as dieties. God in Hebrew is a feminine noun and God actually has no gender.

    Why is thingies in quotes?

    God has a gender. He is a man.

    -Dick

  51. sonyad Says:

    First of all, it’s poor form to adjoin a “post scriptum” that’s nearly as elaborate and encompassing whilst even more vacuous and superficial than the bulk of your comment.

    It’s also poor form to addend a “post scriptum” here in the first place, considering you can’t really edit your draft, once submitted. Not much of a post scriptum, is it? More like a cheap publicity stunt.

    As for your actual points, I believe any commentary I could contribute in regard thereof would prove redundant. I could facilely argue that, had men been significantly more present in the education system from primary on through high school, not just universities and academies, things would likely

    I could edify you by relating my own actual experiences with the female pedagogical cadres. From the mostly utterly useless and strenuous curriculum and unto reprimands in the form of physical abuse, abysmal teaching skills and outright incompetence or limited competence in the field they teach in, apathetic dereliction of duty and flagrant absenteeism in the months prior the HSAT and baccalaureate, a penury of effective empathic leadership… it all screams women in charge.

    We actually had computer science classes where we taught the bovine, so that future generation hapless enough to encounter her would be at least somewhat better off.

    - Music Instructor - Super Fly (and we gonna take you high)

  52. Oldone Says:

    Caro said: “ps. To respond to your other article “thingiesâ€? - you argued that no religion had women as dieties. God in Hebrew is a feminine noun…”

    Whoever told you that was lying, or was un-educated in Hebrew. “God” in Hebrew is “El” meaning “Mighty One.” Not a feminine noun. The other term often used is Adonai, meaning “Master” and that is deffinately not a feminine noun. Sorry to inform you that you are greatly mistaken.

    - Oldone

  53. smrtpants Says:

    M.Blavatsky has bent my ear on the virtues of being born already.

  54. mean_jake Says:

    I have to disagree dick.. gods an it. if god was a man woman would have been invented without vocal cords.

  55. diamatik Says:

    mean_jake said:

    I have to disagree dick.. gods an it. if god was a man woman would have been invented without vocal cords.

    I beg to differ, mean_jake. Men are not without sin, and God had to find a way to punish us for being sinners, so …

  56. wolfe Says:

    @diamatik Good one. Maybe God is also testing our Faith.

    -wolfe

  57. son of the suns Says:

    wolfe said:

    @diamatik Good one. Maybe God is also testing our Faith.

    -wolfe

    I’ve failed then.

  58. wolfe Says:

    @SotS Ha!

    Of course, it’s also possible He is testing women’s faith via men.
    -wolfe

  59. son of the suns Says:

    What the fuck do I do that tests faith?

    Fidelity? Honesty?

  60. Golden Says:

    Another great article, thanks for this site it’s informative and funny, which is not surprising considering it’s written by a man. My point is, although women are crap at spelling and communication in general, it is not only because they do not think, but also because of their Princess Complex and their assumption that everyone should be able to read their minds that they do not feel the need to correct themselves or check their work. Great example is using a messenger like MSN, I’ve chatted to loads of bitches and the way they type is almost illegible, save for the fact that I can (being a man) successfully interpolate and estimate sentences and written structures sufficiently to understand what they are talking shit about. Although that’s really giving them too much credit. I don’t need to check this as it’s most probably correct.

  61. Billy Says:

    I believe God said that men rule. And he meant we should rule and that women needed to be ruled over. Women being like children need mens direction whehter they want it or not. The bible says that if a man and woman divorce then she should return to live with her Father if he is alive and of course another man of the family if not.
    She gets nothing from a bad marraige.

    If we returned to that idea. I gaurantee you would see divorce rates plummet. Children should never be allow to raise themselves.
    What they want isn’t always good for them.

  62. son of the suns Says:

    According to historical revisionist Christian feminists(paradox).. Everything GOD told the Israelites in the Old Testament is null because Jesus told people not to beat and stone their wives.

    Naturally, the feminist/mangina translation of Christ saying “don’t stone whores” is “We can fuck, lie, cheat, and steal as much as we want and no negative consequences should occur.”

    All part of the suicide countdown clock of the West. Us in the know can simply choose not to marry, but there’s the problem of creating new males to succeed us.

  63. wolfe Says:

    @Golden “Although that’s really giving them too much credit. I don’t need to check this as it’s most probably correct”
    Quite true. You’re a man after all. Try not to refer to women so harshly though.

    @Billy “If we returned to that idea. I gaurantee you would see divorce rates plummet.”
    Cuts both ways. Means a man can’t dump his aging wife. I’m all for that. Do keep in mind this hasn’t been one-sided; promiscuous men have benefited from naturally promiscuous women.

    @SotS I disagree with your premises. You do raise an interesting point in your ’suicide countdown clock of the West’.

    -wolfe