Women Put the Guh in Google
All men know that women are terrible at the communication. We see it every day in the form of women dressing like blatant prostitutes when they claim to be the exact opposite — not prostitutes.
That’s bad communicating.
We also see it when we see women screaming like frantic savages in the workplace or in the home after they screw something up. While they’re tearing their hair out and trying to stretch their nostrils as wide as their eyes and their eyes as wide as their mouths and their mouths as wide as a toilet, what they’re actually trying to say is this:
“I’m sorry. You’re actually totally right. How could I have possibly fucked up this badly again?”
The answer is simple elementary, my dear. You’re a woman.
Like usual, I have proof for all of these things. And here it is.
A study conducted by MSN Search (a popular web searching engine of some kind) shows that men on average devote only three minutes for each of the 42 searches on the internet that they do per week. Women, on the other hand, spend five whole fucking minutes on each of their 30 searches. There’s a link to this study at the bottom of this article, but I obviously wouldn’t make something like this up, and even if I did, it’s still obviously true.
Men can sit down, evaluate their thoughts, and express them in such a concise way that even a fucking computer can understand what they’re looking for. That’s how fantastic and mantastic men are at communicating what they’re thinking. They’re so good at it they can do way more searching than women too. And that means more learning — be it about the political climate, ways to become active in the community or things of a nature pornographiqué.
Women, on the other hand, type all kinds of retarded shit into Google. And they take their sweet time doing it! If a woman is looking for places to buy a discount handbag (which she wouldn’t because the nature of womanly things are exactly the opposite) she might type in the phrase.
“Near where I buy my Starbucks”
And that’s after thinking about it for five fucking minutes. Trust me. I’ve seen the stats. They’re not pretty.
I’ve tried communicating with women for many years. For best results I advise a good set of Colorforms and a puppet of Oprah Winfrey. Your results may vary.
Read about women confusing the shit out of search engines.
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If you show me the research that says that women perform better on coursework (I’m assuming you’re speaking of college-level?), I’ll show you the research that breaks down specific majors by gender. For example, can you guess what percentage of engineering/aerospace/mathematics/chemistry majors are female? If you get my drift, you don’t need to bother answering that. Now compare that to political science, liberal studies, psychology, social sciences, theatre, and nursing (predominantly female majors). FINALLY, compare that to the number of total degrees given out each year. I guaran-goddamn-tee you that the latter outweighs the former.
In a recent informal poll around the bar, it was proven that 11 out of every 10 men asked concur with the following statement.
“Women will ignore any fact or opinion that does not agree with their own inaccurate view”
One man agreed twice due to being concerned about the issue. In other news, all men who comment here at Dick’s agree. Hortencia is a funny name for a horse.
It is an established fact that has been told to me many times by my teachers (both male and female) that female students do much better in coursework.
http://econpapers.repec.org/article/tafaccted/v_3A12_3Ay_3A2003_3Ai_3A 2_3Ap_3A177-196.htm
Oh Dick, a logical person would have figured out by now that we are not going anywhere, you seem to be having long conversations with the forbidden women until you have nothing remotely relevent to say so you bring up the old issue of your not allowed on here na na na na na - very mature.
Oh and Dick, a little lesson:
Fact: Women spend longer on google
Opinion: Men can sit down, evaluate their thoughts, and express them in such a concise way that even a fucking computer can understand what they’re looking for
Horty, women do not do better in coursework. That is a complete lie. I’d tell you to look it up on Google, but since this article is about how women can’t use Google for shit, instead I’ll just tell you to fuck off my site. No women allowed!
Excellent point Geeza.
-Dick
The reason why guys refer to search engines rather than their girlfriends is that search engines tend to give a wide range of remotely relevant answers whereas women rarely have any information other than their own bitched up opinions.
In this world there are lies, damn lies and statistics. Anything can mean anything else if you contort the results enough. Why can it not be the case that women are more thorough? The fact that female students do better in coursework (which relies on much greater background research) than their male counterparts would suggest, to my logical female mind, that women are much more thorough in research, and gaining accurate information specific to their needs.
No it could not be that, Horty.
Alison, you’ve clearly demonstrated how a woman can read whatever she wants from absolutely anything. Women are more accurate than men like a blindfolded chimpanzee playing pin the tail on the donkey is more accurate than a pin the tail on the donkey machine. That’s absurd.
-Dick
ha ha. You idiot, your link to the ’statistics’ is actually a sensibly written article about men’s inability to communicate with any human being! Men do need to get out more, and have conversations with their girlfriends instead of sulking about a pathetically small issue. The amount of time spent on search engines differs between genders, but this is more likely to be because women are more thorough, accurate and patient than men. Maybe men need to spend less time having relationships with their computers, and concentrate more on their relationships with people who they need to communicate with.
Could it not be that women are more thorough when researching websites, rather than just clicking on the first porn site that comes up?