That’ll Still Look Hot When You’re 80.
When men get tattoos they are unique and meaningful. Men get tattoos like Waldo riding a comet across their backs, or two girls in bikinis lifting an anchor. That’s awesome. How about a Chinese character that means “bad ass”? Oh yea. Very manly. When women get tattoos it’s always the same shit: a rose on the boob that you’re not supposed to look at, or a target on the ass.
If men were as predictable and promiscuous as women when they got tattoos, every man would have a giant money sign tattooed on his bicep.
“Where’s my tattoo you ask? Let me show you. Hrrk.”
Fortunately for everyone men have a little thing called class.
Tattoos have always been a man thing. All the way back to a time when men were out hunting and gathering and women hadn’t yet learned to speak. What a paradise — the quiet, nag-less utopia of the prehistoric man. That’s when tattoos started. I imagine men invented them in order to proudly display how many wooly mammoths they’d slain in battle. That might not be true, but it’s enough to demonstrate why women have no place in the realm of the painted flesh.
Just like in finance and science, when women get involved in a man thing it’s painfully obvious that they don’t know what the fuck they’re doing. Here’s an example: Tinkerbelle on the hip. Now this is a real tattoo that I have seen on a real woman — and not a stripper mind you, an actual woman walking down the street. Trust me, it wasn’t a stripper walking down the street. Here’s my question: what in the fuck does Tinkerbelle have to do with anything? What is the statement here?
When a man gets a tattoo, he’s making a statement. In the case of Waldo, a man is saying, “Where’s Waldo? I’ll tell you where Waldo is. He’s right the fuck here riding a giant comet in your face.” And that is a perfectly fine thing to say. It’s lets the world know what the score is first step onto the pitch. Man: 1, World: 0.
Now what does some goofy pseudo-Indian design on a woman’s lower back say? I’m in touch with the spirit of nature? Maybe, but probably no. How about, look at my lower back please; I need tons of attention. Getting warmer, but still no. Give up? Here’s what it says:
I’m decoration.
Women have don’t have enough philosophy or personality on which to base a tattoo. That’s why they suck at getting them. That’s also why women love Hallmark so fucking much. Because it’s a bunch of prepackaged kitsch shit that defines every essence of their being in a two sentence limerick, a hunk of porcelain with oversized eyes, or a 2×4 reprint of Monet. Women are Hallmark. They’re way overpriced and none of them do a goddamn thing.
Related Articles:
Pages: « 6 5 [4] 3 2 1 » Show All
Was, Female.
Oh right, so the US sold Iraq weapons, then thought perhaps selling them to a maniac isn’t the smartest thing to do, so they lie and say that he built them himself and Iraq deserves to be invaded so the US can get them back? Perhaps so they can then sell them again to another dictator and repeat the process?
I thought I didn’t know much about history, but you’re clearly better than me at that.
Read up on A.Q Khan, the man responsible for selling the blueprints for how to build WMD to Iran and Pakistan. He also tried to sell them to Saddam but as Saddam is paranoid, he thought Khan was a CIA operative trying to entrap him and hence he didn’t buy any.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abdul_Qadeer_Khan
Wow cool. Looking forward to it.
I’ll be covering that next week. The short version is: women caused it.
-Dick
War in Iraq anyone?
Fuck that entire statement. It isn’t funny. It hurts me, deeply, to see millions of the poor suffer because the hegemonic powers sow the seeds of war to the Third World just to find a market for their weapons.
Further, fuck this whole blood diamond shit. Diamonds aren’t the couse of any conflict; it is the arms dealers who should be the focus of our ire, and not a shiny rock.
Funny, and probably true.
Also, something interesting I remember recalling. How if women ruled the war, there would be no more war. Complete fucking bullshit. There would be wars, but over the Prime Minister of England saying the US President ‘her ass looked huge’.
Billy is manly and rocks! He said what TRUE men know: Men sell weapons to other men to kill people, then men get tired of that shit and go beat up on the first guy they sold weapons to in the first place, then go smack the head of the second guy the first man started shit with……….
And then we take back all the weapons we sold the first guy, then take the weapons of the second guy, take all their shit we want, and then we go put somebody else as president/dictator/owner/despot, and do it all over again.
God, only a man could figure out to do that shit, and make the same money twice. It does make for an interesting war when all your shit you put over there is used against you, which makes you make BETTER shit because after all, do it right, right?
lol what twit she is.. Female come back when you know what you’re talking about. Which won’t happen until they can preform brain transplants.
Our(CIA) sold Saddam weapons of mass destruction. How could they be imagined? He knew that he had better hide them when he realized we just needed a reason to go get him.. He was played like a puppet.
Tramp Stamps are everything everyone here has said. It has become so common it is no longer unique, thanks mostly to women (Refer to: Madonna effect, Britney S. effect).
I served in the military, never got one. I thought the ones I saw were extremely cheesy, and lacked any personality, instead focusing on something like a Tazmanian Devil (who is cool), but unless he was spouting fire and VERY inventive curses, was just the same as going to Wal-Mart to buy shit that matches on purpose because everyone else thought it was cool too.
I thought we were grown ups? So when the FUCK did getting a tat or piercing that USED to prove you were unique turn into “keeping up with the Joneses”? It is because, for MOST women that follow “fads” and “trends”, high school never ended for them…………….
-Wolfe- As usual, is right.
Bush? I have this feeling that if I think about this long enough, it is why women want Hillary and men want other men who will start wars and kick people’s asses. Something about being weak………….damn, I can’t remember.
Indeed, Bush jokes are the mark of a brilliant and individual mind. Oh wait, no they’re the mark of a fucking fuckwit poser who can’t think of anything on her own to say so she copied what every half-man in the media says. Quaint.
Wow. An anti-Bush joke. You sure are witty, Female.
Tattoos and piercings have been mainstreamed by the internet. If you look at where the fads grew out of — namely a bunch of college/university types all reading rec.arts.bodypiercing back in the pre-web 90’s, and realizing that they were not alone in their peculiar fetishes.
So in that sense, those getting tattoos today are at least a decade behind the times.
Unless you’re a drunken sailor or marine on shore leave with your buddies, no tattoos.
-wolfe
I think it is the latest craze at the moment for women to get tattooes, personally I find them ugly (on men and women) and would never consider getting one, not even a little one on my ankle or shoulder. Pointless.
Maybe they didn’t but ‘I’m sure they still knew how to express their constant frustrations with a big ugly frown and a mean ugly look upon their face.
Women never really make a statement, they just spew out some mindless emotive drivel that really doesn’t matter to anyone but her at the time. 5 minutes later she don’t even remember what she said.. It just feels good to bitch.
I also like the tatts across a woman’s lower back…you know, the crazy designs or texts just above their butts like a friggin’ license plate…I call those “The Mark of the Whore”.
Thinking of and planning for after menopause (or indeed the next 9 months) is a cardinal sin to many women.
One of my favorite tatts on a woman is some guy’s name on her cleavage, and when you ask her “Where’s _______”, she replies, ” We’re no longer together.” Personally, tatts on a woman is not lady-like. I remember when tattoos were the realm of soldiers, sailors, bikers, rebels, and any others who were on the “outs” of “normal” society…but now many women, being the slaves to fads that they are, get one because it’s so “kewl (giggle!)”. What are they going to do when they hit 50? 60? 70? god forbid 80 or 90?
lol
Clarkey
Another name for the tats on a women are ‘tramp stamp’
Any women who wears one to be seen is saying “Hey I’m easy”