Take Two Of These And Call Me Never
Men are better at being sick than women. We’re better at getting sick too, which is another point. Because nine out of ten times you do not actually need a fucking jacket when some nagging woman says you do, and that’s called being efficient any way you slice it. Any man will tell you that. From eight to eighty.
Men being better than women at being sick simply means no whining, no complaining, no hideous sweat pants, no watching fuck the libido horseshit on Oxygen all day, no cravings, no massive weight gaining for three days, no mini-vacations, no crying jags, and no moratoriums on oral sex.
Men don’t pull any of that ridiculous shit.
The thing to keep in mind here is that most women are faking it when they claim to be sick. They get a sniffle and its SARS. They drop a tea kettle on their pinkie toe and it’s broken and probably has gangrene. They suck at reading and speaking (and they all do) and all of the fucking sudden they have Adult ADD or dyslexia or some horseshit that they have never mentioned to a medical professional. Yea. Nice bullshit, bullshitter.
Even if women really are sick when they say they are — unlikely — they’re not trying to get better by carrying on like a stuck pig. When they’re doing is putting on a production of Taming the Shrew and guess who the fuck is co-starring.
I know what you’re thinking men. All this is true, but how can we know it. Easy.
Women have better fucking immune systems than men. Women don’t even know what an immune system is, but it’s 100% totally true and I would bet my life on it.
I don’t have any facts to prove it though — except for this. Women cram enough chocolate and Bon-Bons and fucking Cherry Garcia ice cream down their fucking throats to get diabetes faster than you can say Low Carb Brownies. How the hell do you explain that? I’ll tell you how with my mighty man reason. A super charged resistance to diabetes and illness.
I’m rocking the boat here and I know it. A healthier immune system seems like a good thing. After all, men are smarter and stronger than women and those are important reasons why men are better than women at everything. Shouldn’t having a better immune system make women better than men at something?
No. No, no, fuck no it doesn’t.
Does giving women more handouts in the workplace or in the universities make them any better at working or thinking? No. Does buying a woman a luxury SUV because she got tired of her old car make her a better driver or not an ingrate? No it fucking doesn’t and there’s plenty of evidence for that, just go for a drive or hold a door open for a woman.
It’s like I’ve always said. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make her drink.
Related Articles:
Women will also come up with every reason in the Universe to go to a doctor. A sniffly nose, a strange pain in their stomach ( it’s called indigestion ladies… deal with it!? ) a cramp in their pinky, a muscle twitch or what have you. Men go to the doctor when they’re shot in action, schrapnel removal, shell shock or loss of a limb or eye. You’ve got to have served in the military to see the ratio of women vs. men screaming and whining for a medic.
- Sgt. Reyes
Women will also come up with every reason in the Universe to go to a doctor. A sniffly nose, a strange pain in their stomach ( it’s called indigestion ladies… deal with it!? ) a cramp in their pinky, a muscle twitch or what have you. Men go to the doctor when they’re shot in action, schrapnel removal, shell shock or loss of a limb or eye. You’ve got to have served in the military to see the ratio of men vs. women screaming and whining for a medic.
- Sgt. Reyes
As a man, and a microbiologist, women DO NOT have a better immune system. Happy to disprove that myth, Dick. The areas that fat is stored in the body is KEY why women can eat all the ice cream/chocolate/sweet shit and not develop Type 2 diabetes mellitus (i.e. around the hips, thighs and butt versus the gut-midsection that men store typically store fat).
Actually, women mature earlier: it is a general rule of nature that the more complex the organism, the later it matures. As Schopenhauer opines, women peak at 18; men, very seldom before their 30th year.
If he grew up in feminist infested North America around the time I figure he did, the nipple was probably rubber, and the milk was probably cow’s (the four legged kind as opposed to the 2 legged) because women were too busy burning bras and trying to prove they were men. Anything feminine or “womanly” was considered evil and/or oppresive.
Right there is proof that men are better than women, otherwise, why did they try so hard to be men?
The color comment was a side note. Just stating that I love how perspectives vary. And if you’d like to believe the last, then go right ahead. Who am I to stop you? I’m not trying to convince anyone of anything.
Color has nothing to do with fact. Not only is it obvious that he’s being sarcastic it was already obvious that not all women are ignorant of the immune system. Those who have to point such things out are usually trying to convince themselves while massaging their ego.
Or proof that not all women are ignorant to the workings of the immune system.
However you prefer to look at it.
Isn’t it most intriguing how there’s always more than one perspective to everything? Nothing is black or white. The world is in color.
Throwing obvious information at a comedic article is only ignorant grandstanding.
Ooo! I actually, for the most part, quite agree with this. You don’t really need a jacket! Colds are caused by viruses, not actual cold. If you ask me, getting sick from being in the cold is actually more of a placebo effect. Being warm is nice, but jackets aren’t really necessary.
On the other hand, women do know what immune systems are.
The skin: the first line of defense. Keeps what ought be inside in and what ought be outside out. Hairs and cilia and such line the nose, and mucus traps bacteria and such, preventing it from entering the body. Then there are white blood cells. Lovely globs of cellular matter, they are. They eat bacteria/viruses through phagocytosis. Antibodies and such are made when foreign life enters the body which aids in the white blood cells’ process. So on and so forth. I need not explain the whole process; it’s excessive.
Women think that drinking a diet coke reverses the affect of eating the whole chocolate cake.
-man-space invader-
“hundreds”
will never be enough.
“Women have better fucking immune systems than men. Women don’t even know what an immune system is, but it’s 100% totally true and I would bet my life on it.”
Immune systems vary from person to person.
Factors include things like:
-proper diet
-whether or not you smoke, drink, or use recreational drugs
-the amount of sleep you get
-whether or not you have any STD’s
-any sort of blood disorder that causes you to have low antibodies
-the climate you live in, where you work.
Yes, everyone’s immune system is different from the person’s beside them.
No one is “better at being sick”
THIS MAN SOUNDS LIKE AN ANGRY 18 YEAR OLD BOY WHO DIDN’T GET TO GO TO PROM BECAUSE HIS DATE REJECTED HIM
Do you realize what you just said? You said, “Girls mature older than boys.” Meaning, girls reach maturity at an older age than boys. Meaning, Boys mature earlier than girls. And yes, that IS a scientifically proven fact! Thank you for supporting Dick Masterson, and proving his points for us.
I also find it frightening that a woman would consider herself ready to have children, and unable to spell the word “course” correctly.
Not much else…
Hmm…last I checked, Dick appeared on a TV show watched by millions of people. He has a book being released soon, and has hundreds of online followers.
Dick, I respectfully (since that is how all men treat other men) disagree with the idea that women have better immune systems than men. I believe (and by believe, I mean know, since I am a man) that men, in fact, do have better immune systems than women. However, being the generous men that we all are, we allow bacteria and viruses to feed off of our bodies so long as it doesn’t get in the way of our responsibilities. Women would never be so kind to anything other than themselves or their goddamn chihuahuas that they keep in their fucking purse that makes them look like fucking idiots.
You’re doing God’s work here, Dick.
Haha, thats funny coming from a woman. Of course you would know about claiming all of the benefits wouldn’t you Nicole?
-Strength and Honor-
It’s an old topic.
.
Did she just say that her brother is a male? Totally amazing! Thanks for informing us about this spectacular phenomenon. Who would have ever thought that her brother could actually be a male?
You’d know all about that wouldn’t you Dick. What exactly is it that you do. Write comments. Claim your benifits. And not much else.
Excuse me. Ladies of the evening.
But seriously, sucking at a job doesn’t mean you don’t get paid for it.
-Dick
“All women are prostitutes”?!
What a load of bull shit. One second were bad in bed and the next we do it for a living. Your one big contradiction Dick.
How in god’s name can that possibly be proven at all? Do you know what prove means? Good Lord. Does it involved cutting a piece of the child’s hair off and counting the rings? I mean honestly Nicole. It’s proven that girls mature faster than boys? Proven. I’m at a loss for words.
By the way, you’re not a woman because you’re equipped to be a woman. By your logic you’d also be a prostitute. Then again, all women are.
-Dick
Of cource I am a women, I’m old enough to be married and have children after all. Besides it’s a proven fact that gilrs mature older than boys.
so, in your post, Ness, are you saying that arguing with a teenager is not worth my time? I’m not sure I understand where the stats are that point to my “arguement” is losing. Dick, am I losing?
What and spelling?
-Dick
jason, get a life. you are argueing with a teenager. even my brother, a MALE, can see that you are loosing the fuck out of this arguement. and please, can we get back to the actual arguements rather than just the grammer and spelling?
Nicole,
Who are this “men” that you refer to dying from a cold? Surely, in your long, experienced life you have met so many of these “men.” Do you really feel you have enough experience in life to debate grown men and win? Do you understand life at the tender age of 16 or 17? Did you ever stop to wonder why the women of our comparable ages are not replying? They either are:
1. too busy watching desperate housewives/footballers’ wives eating Doritoes by the handful, or
2. realize that they have nothing to add–we are right and they know it.
You are not a very good representative of the female side when you are not actually a woman yourself.
Oh please, when men have a cold they act as though their dying.
If men had to get pregnant, they would stay at home the whole nine months bitching about it.
“… you just dont get out enough to realise [blah blah blah]…”
I get out plenty. Quite the man of the town I might add.
“…who’s nipple did u suck and bite to get the nutrients required to liver for the first few months of your life?”
Seriously ladies, is this the only thing you have to fall back on? A warm hole to grow stuff in and two spigots that dole out a substanse only an infant could palate? Give it a rest.
I concur again (just to piss ‘em off).
I stand in awe, good sir, of your ability to spontaneously generate so much entertainment without paying for it.
While men are skilled at creating — plays, movies, circuses, freakshows — usually the actors/freaks have to be paid. Impressive job.
I sure don’t. If I did though, it would be a good investment in hilarious entertainment. I think we can all agree on that much.
-Dick
There are four posters above who can construct coherent grammatical sentences that don’t include ad-hominem insults, random cursing, lack of capitalization, or bizarre typos, etc.
There are two that seem unable to accomplish this rather basic function. No guesses as to which side of the argument they come down on.
Jason has perhaps the best response; seeing what Dan wrote, and agreeing with it, he simply writes “I concur”. No endless non-paragraph of womanly whining, just a short concise erudite statement.
Dick, do you pay people like Sera and Anus to comment on your blog? Just curious. I guess moths can be drawn to flames…
-Wolfe
“what the fuck is that dan faggot talking about”
“you are living in a pointless life based on lies, stereotypes and prejudice”
What a tangled web you weave, sera.
And was that nipple sucking question rhetorical? I’ve sucked many nipples, you’re going to have to be more specific.
-Dick
ok…. so, by now we have all established that these ppl have no lives…. but, seriously, i cant not comment…. it is narrow minded pricks like you that are ruining this world….. and if u want to start basing your image of women of a non exsistant school girl, i will do the same…. who was it that blew up the twin towers? a man, infact, most terrorist are men…. i dont know about you, but ive only heard of one female terrorist…. and what the fuck is that dan faggot talking about “whenever she’s lucky enough to put together a cogent sentance”, gee, what the hell have i been doing? i guess ive just been making rambling noises my whole life…. not all women “bitch”, you just dont get out enough to realise that you are living in a pointless life based on lies, stereotypes and prejudice…. i hope you die a horrible firey death…. oh, and another point, who’s nipple did u suck and bite to get the nutrients required to liver for the first few months of your life?
I concur
What an apropos name, Anus. Mr. Masterson is “bitching” about woman here as much as Isaac Newton was “bitching” about math in the pages of Principia Mathematica. Men do not “bitch”. We write and talk about things that are worthwhile, which is pretty much the opposite of what a women does whenever she’s lucky enough to put together a cogent sentence.
I think it’s spelled Enus.
-Dick
I think you are a complete fucking jackass who really needs to fucking grow the fuck up and get a damn life, u say that “they’re not trying to get better by carrying on like a stuck pig.” well ur not trying to do shit by just bitching about how men are better than women so stfu and go fuck urself