Pain in My Man Ass

Women only have one skill. The ability to have children. And it’s not so much a skill as much as it is a defense mechanism againt doing work. Like how an octopus shoots ink all over the place when a shark is trying to bite it or stab it with something. That’s how women use their natural defense of cranking out children whenever a job is about to bite ahold of them.

It’s also like how Yakov Smirnoff would say shit about Russia about everything, even when it didn’t apply at all. Women are exactly like Yakov Smirnoff except their broken crutch is their ovaries.

Take promiscuous sex for example. Women will explain away their debauchery with some kind of mythical “biological, reproductive clock” that apparently starts dinging up like a slot machine when they hit twenty-six and spits Spanish Fly into the air like a crop duster. Where I come from we have a term for that. Horseshit.

Women also use the act of bearing a child (even the poseurs who haven’t actually gone through with it yet) to prove that they can take more pain than men — and that women have a higher pain tolerance than we do. Where I come from we have a term for that too. Super horseshit. Here’s the horse to prove it.

Linda LeResche “Poppin Fresh” has just earned the coveted MenAreBetterThanWomen.com’s Honorary Man of the Month award for August (congratulations Reschey Resche) by releasing some foxy facts and findings that really don’t mean shit if you’re either a man or you’re a women who lets a man do all the thinking, talking, and driving for her. If you’re either one of those then the findings and the rest of life in general are obvious.

Men can take more pain that women, says LeResche. Way the fuck more.

I didn’t read the rest of the study because, what the fuck. It’s obvious. Men can take more pain then women? I figured that out the first time I was kicked in the bean machine and fell to the ground for several minutes. I had seen a woman do the same thing when she was struck in the head by a football. The two are not the same.

So have women have been faking that they can take more pain than men? No. They could never do that sort of thing because a woman would never pass up the opportunity to bray like a pauper while being treated like a princess for stubbing her fucking toe or some silly fucking thing like that. Can you imagine? A woman choosing to keep her mouth shut when she’s just had a gold mine of attention fall on her pinkie toe? No. None of us can. Even with our mighty iMANginations.

The real dickle of this pickle is that women only appear to never be in pain because they never fucking do anything. It’s like an equal rights amendment. Sure, it sounds great (not really), but as soon as women start having to live by it everything falls the fuck apart.

Women never do anything — until its time to have a kid. And when that happens they scream like holy hell and say that no man knows what real pain is.

What I say is if the pain of childbirth is on par with the rest of feminanity’s bullshit, I doubt it even hurts very much at all. Bam Bam and you’re done. What the big fucking deal. I’ll tell you for sure that it can’t be as painful as having to listen to the embarrassing, awkwardly-insulting, half-baked opinions of a woman for the rest of your life, which all men have to do.

I would like to think that Linda LeResche agrees with me. That’s why she’s Miss August.

Poppin Fresh

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316 Responses to “Pain in My Man Ass”

  1. Dan Says:

    Women can handle pain better…what a joke. The reason they claim to be able to handle pain better is because they have no frame of reference. Have they ever played the second half of a football game with a broken finger? No. Have they ever had to endure weeks in a Vietcong prison camp? Of course not. And don’t give me any of this child birth bullshit. Hey guys, want to experience childbirth? Go buy yourself a bottle of protein supplement and take about 5 times the recommended dose. I can assure you that the bowel obstruction that follows is no worse than the pains endured during child birth.

  2. Nicole the near-retarded poetry writing sixteen year old (get it) Says:

    Dick, women are designed to endure childbirth, just like men are designed to do…. o wait their not. Because their shit at bearing real pain.

    P.S. Dan, constipation is not the same as giving birth, unless your shit is more than 10 cm across and as hard as a rock, which means your an even bigger freak than I thought you were.

    P.P.S sorry Dick if my spelling isn’t perfect, just got back from a party and I’m a little bit drunk.

  3. Dick Masterson Says:

    Your parents must be proud.

    -Dick

  4. alen Says:

    Nicole,

    RTA.

    Also regarding pregnancy, as I stated before; a woman’s body has (obviously) undergone significant changes during pregnancy, including dramatic hormonal changes. More changes occur during the act of childbirth as well. These changes assist in coping with pregnancy and with the act of childbirth.

    Stating that women have a higher pain tolerance, and sighting childbirth as an example is a non-sequitor. The most that can be said is that during childbirth women have a higher pain tolerance than men from that example; since the effects on a woman’s body are largely temporary.

    Further, most women do not give birth in a natural manner; but are assisted while lying down (creating more pain for themselves) in an environment that is not relaxed (which tends to promote negative memories), and a significant number opt for having some form of pain relief.

    As far as I know there has been no test comparing pregnant women’s pain tolerance to men’s.

  5. alen Says:

    … babies are not “hard as a rock” during childbirth, Nicole…

    they’re actually pretty squishy; including their skulls.

  6. W-Hortencia (likes the ladies) Says:

    The sole purpose of women is not to produce children. There are plenty of women who cannot conceive and still contribute to society.

  7. Dick Masterson Says:

    That’s a very morbid thing to say, Horty. When has anyone suggested otherwise?

    Nowhere.

    Don’t bother answering because I already know the answer. It’s nowhere.

    -Dick

  8. W-Hortencia (likes the ladies) Says:

    “Women only have one skill. The ability to have children.”

  9. Dick Masterson Says:

    Skills and purposes are different words. That how men communicate, Horty. We use words to say things that are different than other things because they are said with different words. Different words equal different meanings.

    -Dick

  10. W-Hortencia (likes the ladies) Says:

    If there is no skill then what purpose is there? The overtone is the same.

  11. Dick Masterson Says:

    Is that some kind of feminist Zen thing? If there is no skill then what purpose is there? You tell us, Horty.

    -Dick

  12. Jimbo Says:

    “If there is no skill then what purpose is there?”
    I suppose Hortencia would support killing or otherwise neutralizing anyone without a skill. You’d look great in a nazi uniform, Hortencia.

  13. alen Says:

    “If there is no skill then what purpose is there? ”

    Technically speaking,
    - a skill is a proficiency, or a talent
    - purpose is the reason for something’s existence, or a goal to be carried out

    One does not need to be skilled to carry out a purpose; one may be fortunate, for example; or natural laws once triggered may provide the purpose to be fulfilled without any specific skill. (A battery is not considered “skilled” at providing electricity, even though that’s its purpose).

    (And no, I’m not saying that women are inanimate objects like batteries.)

    So, yes; Dick’s right… they are different words with different meanings.

  14. Nicole Says:

    So Dick, what ways do you believe skilless women can contribute to society other than childbirth? I have plenty of answers but I bet you don’t.

    P.S. I got my GCSE results today, 2 A*’s, 3 A’s and 5 B’s. Go me!!!

  15. Dick Masterson Says:

    5 B’s? Your parents must be very dissapointed.

    -Dick

  16. Jimbo Says:

    What is this, Nicole, Romper Room?

  17. Audacious Says:

    Ha Ha. I can practically build a custom truck suspension with my eyes practically closed, play four different musical instruments-well, a proud participant in martial arts, with a dedicated job of seven years, and a boyfriend loves me for who I am reguardless of my intentions of being kid-less.

    Oh wait… that’s right! That’s all skill with no purpose… Sorry guys, that’s the female coming out of me. You better spank my sadist masochist ass.

  18. Jimbo Says:

    Audacious, I’m sure you can. Now, go back in the garage or dojo and leave the site to people who can converse without bringing up their achievements, real or imagined. By the way, since you’re such a great musician, I’ve got a skinflute you might want to try out some time.

  19. wisdom Says:

    i think we all should turn dick into a girl n give him a pussy, then put him in a prision cell full of pussy hungry maniacs who will rape him until he gets pregnant then, have him give birth n in the process try to squeeze a watermelon through a hole the size of a lemon

  20. Some Random Dude Says:

    You can’t turn Dick into a girl, his very name implies his manliness!

  21. Paul Parmenter Says:

    To get back to Dick’s point, it is interesting that the only example women ever quote to try to prove their superior tolerance to pain is childbirth.

    And yet in every portrayal of childbirth I have ever encountered, the woman concerned turns into a screaming, sweating, gasping, fainting incarnation of unremitting agony; and all this while being surrounded by a small army of doctors, nurses, midwives, anaesthetists and assorted handholders, who pump her full of painkillers, oxygen and whatever else it takes to eradicate the pain and make the whole procedure as easy for her as possible.

    Even then, increasing numbers of women bottle out completely and go for a caesarian under general anaesthetic.

    Higher pain threshold? Don’t insult my intelligence.

  22. Robert Says:

    Good Lord,

    A woman has on average, 2 children in her entire lifetime and then spends the rest of the lifetime bitching about it. Fuck me, you could shatter my left femur twice in a lifetime and I would bitch less…

  23. jason Says:

    I concur. Fellas, this is all we need to say–we don’t need the paragraphs and paragraphs of mindless drivel to convey our points when I concur will do. Try it, it makes women so baffled.

  24. Dick Masterson Says:

    Robert, for all we know you’ve already actually shattered your femur twice. I wouldn’t put it past a man to withhold that kind of information. It treads the line of the whine.

    -Dick

  25. sera Says:

    awwww, poor dick…. you had better give up that old copy of your cinderella movie and go and meet some real women. for now, all i can say is Xxnena all the way. ps, nicole, you should run for president, if i was gay, i would ask you out, the fact that as a sixteen year old you are far more advanced and intelligent than all the middle aged men here just floats my boat, dont takke anything they say about you seriously, they have a collective IQ that is below room tempreture

  26. Nicole Says:

    Ahhh thanks sera, unfortunately I can never be president as I am English, but I am doing government and politics so maybe one day I’ll be Prime Minister LOL!

    You can run rings around any of these guys x

    Also Dick, who are you to critisize something you have never experienced, you shouldn’t believe everything you see on TV.

  27. Dan Says:

    Nicole, Sera can not “run rings around” us, literally or otherwise. And don’t latch onto someone so quickly just because they are as delusional as you about your abilities as a woman. It makes you look needy.

  28. Dick Masterson Says:

    “LOL!”

    I could’ve said it better myself, Nicole — but what’s the point. That’ll do, pig. That’ll do.

    -Dick

  29. sera Says:

    dick, you weren’t held as a child, were you?

  30. sera Says:

    just an example here, a friend of mine got her nipple pierced and didnt find it painful, however, a male recently got their nipple peirced and spend hours lying on the ground in pain. my mother has had five children. she said it hurt a lot, but refused to scream because “she didnt want to be lilke the other stupid women”. she has never complained about the pain as such. alas, this proves that not ALL women complain about giving birth their whole lives. sinse no male has ever given birth, they cannot argue with the fact of if it hurts or not, and how much. does a lobotomy hurt dick? you are clearly qualified to answer that :). i have formally removed all offers of friendship to dick ;). sorry dick, you missed that boat.

  31. jason Says:

    Sera, your mother’s quote is priceless in it’s logic and rationale. Kudos to your mom for having at least one man-moment.

    Also, those little smiley faces are so cute!

  32. sera Says:

    proving that not all women are the same, once again….. proving dick WRONG. thanks for noticing that jason :)

  33. Jason Says:

    no problem. Thanks for noticing my post. ;)

  34. Nicole Says:

    Steriotypes of men and women were created centuries ago, it is any wonder that they no longer fit to the modern world.

  35. alen Says:

    Conversely; why is it that some stereotypes have endured the ages?

  36. Nicole Says:

    What steriotypes would they be?

  37. alen Says:

    You tell me, it was your arguement…

  38. Nicole Says:

    No, you just said some steriotypes have endured the ages, I dissagree.

    If you think they do then you should have a rough idea of what these are. Otherwise you really don’t have an argument.

  39. alen Says:

    Please look up the word “converse”.

    In order for something to be “created centuries ago” and still be around today it must have “endured the ages”…

    *sigh*

  40. Dick Masterson Says:

    Dogs are loyal is a stereotype that has endured the ages. So is that muffins are delicious. Nicole you might find over the span of your life several muffins that are not, but it is still an accepted stereotype.

    -Dick

  41. Nicole Says:

    Muffins wern’t around centuarys ago genius.

    Oh dear alen, relying on Dick to come up with your arguments now, and they wern’t even good.

  42. Dick Masterson Says:

    Muffins were invented in the 10th century, dumb shit.

    -Dick

  43. alen Says:

    converse … look it up…

    Food for thought.

  44. Nicole Says:

    Actually Dick although the bread they origionated from was invented in the 11th centruy, they were not called muffins until the 18th. Stupid Turd.

  45. Nicole Says:

    Also what does converse have to do with stereotypes?

    Unless of cource you mean the shoes not communicating, in which case you could be making refence to the overly sterotyped emo kids, but that doesnt seem likely now does it?

    You obiously just have no idea what your talking about.

  46. Dick Masterson Says:

    Nicole, you’re correct for once. Muffins were called Muffings by the early Welsh — in the 10th century.

    -Dick

  47. Nicole Says:

    Ta Da

    I think thats all we’ll ever need to know about muffins.

  48. Dick Masterson Says:

    That’s also all we’ll ever need to know about women being poor losers and shooting their mouths off when they don’t know shit about history.

    -Dick

  49. Nicole Says:

    Oh Dick you’re correct for once. I’m sure that your detailed knowledge of the history of the muffin will serve you well in the real world.

    I’m begginging to think that my theory that you are a 14 year old computer geek with way to much time on his hands is true. Surely even the most stupid of adults would have something of more substance to say, and something better to do with his time.

  50. Dick Masterson Says:

    Muffin knowledge probably won’t serve you well actually. Unless you’re a baker.

    Do you see what’s happening here men? I’m insulted for knowing something and expressing it in a proper context. That’s very typically a woman thing to do. She cannot match man’s mental prowess so she resorts to clumsy insults when facing it. It’s sad and pathetic.

    -Dick

  51. Jason Says:

    Who is “she,” Dick? I don’t recall anyone posting before you. Certainly you don’t mean a girl, who would be strictly forbidden from posting here.
    Plus, the women who would post here are spoiled little teenaged girls–hardly women. Women, who usually are the objects of scorn by the superior sex, laugh with their own Katie Couric-adoring scorn at the sanctimonious babbling of these younger female counterparts.

  52. Jack Says:

    So let me get this straight jason, you post comments to people until they outsmart you then pretend they dont exist. Real mature….

    Seriously your giving men a bad name.

    Edit by Dick

    This is actually Nicole. Posted from the same IP. Poor form.

  53. Female Says:

    Women can’t handle pain? One word: Waxing
    Suck it up you babies

  54. Dick Masterson Says:

    Suck it up for what? Perhaps you shouldn’t use phrases that you don’t understand, Female.

    -Dick

  55. alen Says:

    … waning …

  56. sera Says:

    i have a mesenteric cyst in my tummy the size of a football, and it is growing more and more everyday, with nothing to stop its growth. it is pushing my internal organs to one side and it hurts like fuck, please dont say that women cant handle pain. this is the equivilant to being pregnant in some ways, and it is not comfortable. there is a huge solid lump in my stomach that just gets in the way. it drains my energy and some days i can barely walk. i cant do anything much physical incase it pops and it hurts to touch. please, stop saying women cant handle pain.

  57. alen Says:

    “stop saying women cant handle pain”

    Who said that?

  58. Geeza Says:

    Sera, if what you say is true (because there are alot of women who make up shit to gain sympathy or prove a point) then I am sorry for your condition and I am sure most men would feel the same way.

    You see, men are generally like that. We have the ability to empathise and the purpose to do something if all possible.

  59. Dick Masterson Says:

    You know what, sera. Fuck you and fuck your cyst. That’s emotional manupilation on your part to prove an irrelevant point and I’ll not sit idly by as you exploit man’s compassion.

    For public consumption, emotional manipulation doesn’t work on women. Guess why.

    -Dick

  60. a girl Says:

    I dont see the point to this site…although the muffin conversation was amusing. Dick you should run for office, your talents are being wasted on this site. lol.

  61. Dick Masterson Says:

    You know that’s interesting, a girl, a few people have already suggested that. What better way to purge the system than right from the top.

    -Dick

  62. a mind of my own Says:

    If women are only here for the sole purpose of giving birth to children, then men are only here for women to choose from to better the species of the human race. Or you can look at it as though we NEED each other to survive. What does it matter who can stand more pain than the other? I’m sure that there are some men that can stand more pain than some women, as it goes the other way too, that there are some women who can stand more pain than some men. Why bicker like children and why make websites to put down the opposite gender? What do you feel you are accomplishing here by doing so Dick?

    This little tim-bit is for Nicole, it doesn’t matter about your grades that shows nothing of intelligence. For all any one knows, you could have only gotten those grades by regurgitating information and not thinking for yourself. You are obviously not mature enough to understand that you are not going to get anywhere in a debate when you bring up your grades, because after school, there is no such things as grades any more. You either strive or you fail.

    So to conclude my opinions, why should we fight about such stupid topics like who is better, male or female. We may not be equal, but without each other, we wouldn’t be here. Why does it matter so much who is better anyways? We all have our own opinions, and we all have qualities about us that are unique.

  63. wolfe Says:

    The purpose of this website? It is as a mighty rock in the giant stream of elitist orthodox feminist opinion governing much of what passes for present western culture, and Dick Masterson is athwart it, crying “Stop!”.

    Or do you simply prefer that which dully agrees with the Received Wisdom of the Age, yet denies the all the scientific evidence we can plainly perceive with our own eyes and ears?

    This site is not about putting women down. True, if women were permitted to be here, I could see someone reaching that conclusion, however erroneously. Rather, it is about men discussing the ways in which men are better than women. You do not need to speak negatively of one thing in order to speak positively of another, though less intelligent perhaps find this difficult to grasp.

  64. Dick Masterson Says:

    a mind of my own said:

    If women are only here for the sole purpose of giving birth to children, then men are only here for women to choose from to better the species of the human race. Or you can look at it as though we NEED each other to survive.

    Typical woman response. Of course men need women to perpetuate the species. It’s part of the mechanics of life. Just like an engine needs fuel.

    As a man, however, I know that there is more to life than need. As a woman that is something you will never encounter.

    -Dick

  65. a mind of my own Says:

    Dick ~ Is there more to life then need? To survive we have basic needs, such as food, drink, shelter and of course, procreation. What we want is what we build upon to make life more comfortable. So if you could please enlighten me to as what you would think a woman would never encounter, but you strangely enough could, I would greatly appreciate it. I find that trying new ways of going about anything, be it developing a state of empathy or what ever else you may wish, gives you an advantage. When you are being open minded and seeing, hearing and feeling outside of yourself, you then can be truly intelligent, and maybe…. maybe, be able to have a good and non bias opinion on your topic of men being better than women.

  66. Femalemark2 Says:

    here here

  67. christianj Says:

    a mind of my own Says:

    “Why bicker like children and why make websites to put down the opposite gender? What do you feel you are accomplishing here by doing so Dick?

    We may not be equal, but without each other, we wouldn’t be here. Why does it matter so much who is better anyways? We all have our own opinions, and we all have qualities about us that are unique.”

    “When you are being open minded and seeing, hearing and feeling outside of yourself, you then can be truly intelligent, and maybe…. maybe, be able to have a good and non bias opinion on your topic of men being better than women.”

    It’s gotta be a women…

    Amazes me that now women start saying ” it doesn’t matter” anymore. The sexist anti-male droning from these women for the last 40 odd years have reaped a reward for women and this site is just one of them.

    Women now demand respect or else, they now FEEL that because they have every advantage and screwed males into third class citizens that NOW we have to stop and be kind, generous and forgive those screaming bitches, we have been exposed to for so long.

    Screaming and screeching like the animales they are.

    Now we have the silent majority of women whom have ridden the wave of government largesse at my expense, ripped the funds and government support to the last penny they can get their hands on, made laws to deny Fathers their rights to their own children, law that employers have to employ women over males, males thrown into prison and women set free for the same crime, boys abused, ignored in an education that is so biased against males it stinks from where I am sitting, suicide rate for males that exceed most deaths from diseases etc…etc….etc……

    But here we have another female saying……..

    I DOES NOT MATTER, FORGET ABOUT IT.

    LET BE FRIENDS.

    Is there another planet on the same time zone as this one ?

    Where these women drop in now and again and make these type of comments and return ?

    Where have these women been for the last 40 years ?

  68. Femalemark2 Says:

    If you want to change people’s minds you might try lowering your voice a tad, besides, just think of the effect all that aggravation has on your heart.

    Honey catches more flies than vinegar.

  69. Female Says:

    Femalemark2 said:

    If you want to change people’s minds you might try lowering your voice a tad, besides, just think of the effect all that aggravation has on your heart.

    Honey catches more flies than vinegar.

    Welcome amindofmineown & Femalemark2, so nice to be in good company for once. The standards on these boards are definately improving. Don’t you agree, dick & wolfe? No need to answer, I know you do.

  70. Big Al Says:

    Just when we thought it was safe…

    Oh well, at least we got three days of peace and civility.

  71. Christian J Says:

    Change peoples mind about what ?

    This site does what the name states.

    We just have to tolerate members from the other species as they obviously have no where else to go.

    Bit like an unwanted dog that refuses to leave and will withstand continual prodding and poking, determined to hang about for sheer nuisance value alone.

    “Men dislike women who don’t understand them, and women dislike men who do.”

  72. Dick Masterson Says:

    Where is that quote from, Christian J?

    -Dick

  73. Someone who sees.... Says:

    Ok… this is a truly stupid thing to be doing… women have ever equal right as us they are the ones who help and aid us in most of our on going troubles … look at the white house there has not been a women in the white house that is do to us putting women down and not being supportive… if we would just let this shit go and not be competing with them then the world would be in harmony… but no you get fuckin ‘dick’ heads who start shit like this and then the battle still goes on with my conclusion you are all retarted and don’t even grasp the clue of equal rights.

  74. Dick Masterson Says:

    Does men not being supportive explain your horrendous syntax?

    -Dick