Pain in My Man Ass
Women only have one skill. The ability to have children. And it’s not so much a skill as much as it is a defense mechanism againt doing work. Like how an octopus shoots ink all over the place when a shark is trying to bite it or stab it with something. That’s how women use their natural defense of cranking out children whenever a job is about to bite ahold of them.
It’s also like how Yakov Smirnoff would say shit about Russia about everything, even when it didn’t apply at all. Women are exactly like Yakov Smirnoff except their broken crutch is their ovaries.
Take promiscuous sex for example. Women will explain away their debauchery with some kind of mythical “biological, reproductive clock” that apparently starts dinging up like a slot machine when they hit twenty-six and spits Spanish Fly into the air like a crop duster. Where I come from we have a term for that. Horseshit.
Women also use the act of bearing a child (even the poseurs who haven’t actually gone through with it yet) to prove that they can take more pain than men — and that women have a higher pain tolerance than we do. Where I come from we have a term for that too. Super horseshit. Here’s the horse to prove it.
Linda LeResche “Poppin Fresh” has just earned the coveted MenAreBetterThanWomen.com’s Honorary Man of the Month award for August (congratulations Reschey Resche) by releasing some foxy facts and findings that really don’t mean shit if you’re either a man or you’re a women who lets a man do all the thinking, talking, and driving for her. If you’re either one of those then the findings and the rest of life in general are obvious.
Men can take more pain that women, says LeResche. Way the fuck more.
I didn’t read the rest of the study because, what the fuck. It’s obvious. Men can take more pain then women? I figured that out the first time I was kicked in the bean machine and fell to the ground for several minutes. I had seen a woman do the same thing when she was struck in the head by a football. The two are not the same.
So have women have been faking that they can take more pain than men? No. They could never do that sort of thing because a woman would never pass up the opportunity to bray like a pauper while being treated like a princess for stubbing her fucking toe or some silly fucking thing like that. Can you imagine? A woman choosing to keep her mouth shut when she’s just had a gold mine of attention fall on her pinkie toe? No. None of us can. Even with our mighty iMANginations.
The real dickle of this pickle is that women only appear to never be in pain because they never fucking do anything. It’s like an equal rights amendment. Sure, it sounds great (not really), but as soon as women start having to live by it everything falls the fuck apart.
Women never do anything — until its time to have a kid. And when that happens they scream like holy hell and say that no man knows what real pain is.
What I say is if the pain of childbirth is on par with the rest of feminanity’s bullshit, I doubt it even hurts very much at all. Bam Bam and you’re done. What the big fucking deal. I’ll tell you for sure that it can’t be as painful as having to listen to the embarrassing, awkwardly-insulting, half-baked opinions of a woman for the rest of your life, which all men have to do.
I would like to think that Linda LeResche agrees with me. That’s why she’s Miss August.
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August 26th, 2005 at 12:15 am - IP Man-Hash: 705a5a6f1d323
Ha Ha. I can practically build a custom truck suspension with my eyes practically closed, play four different musical instruments-well, a proud participant in martial arts, with a dedicated job of seven years, and a boyfriend loves me for who I am reguardless of my intentions of being kid-less.
Oh wait… that’s right! That’s all skill with no purpose… Sorry guys, that’s the female coming out of me. You better spank my sadist masochist ass.
August 26th, 2005 at 4:45 am - IP Man-Hash: b0e7aae980b2e
Audacious, I’m sure you can. Now, go back in the garage or dojo and leave the site to people who can converse without bringing up their achievements, real or imagined. By the way, since you’re such a great musician, I’ve got a skinflute you might want to try out some time.
August 28th, 2005 at 10:53 am - IP Man-Hash: eac2930dfebb1
i think we all should turn dick into a girl n give him a pussy, then put him in a prision cell full of pussy hungry maniacs who will rape him until he gets pregnant then, have him give birth n in the process try to squeeze a watermelon through a hole the size of a lemon
August 28th, 2005 at 10:19 pm - IP Man-Hash: 180a7aaa5bee1
You can’t turn Dick into a girl, his very name implies his manliness!
August 29th, 2005 at 4:17 pm - IP Man-Hash: 7cafc309a7d82
To get back to Dick’s point, it is interesting that the only example women ever quote to try to prove their superior tolerance to pain is childbirth.
And yet in every portrayal of childbirth I have ever encountered, the woman concerned turns into a screaming, sweating, gasping, fainting incarnation of unremitting agony; and all this while being surrounded by a small army of doctors, nurses, midwives, anaesthetists and assorted handholders, who pump her full of painkillers, oxygen and whatever else it takes to eradicate the pain and make the whole procedure as easy for her as possible.
Even then, increasing numbers of women bottle out completely and go for a caesarian under general anaesthetic.
Higher pain threshold? Don’t insult my intelligence.
August 29th, 2005 at 8:08 pm - IP Man-Hash: 3b4e37b8bea1f
Good Lord,
A woman has on average, 2 children in her entire lifetime and then spends the rest of the lifetime bitching about it. Fuck me, you could shatter my left femur twice in a lifetime and I would bitch less…
September 22nd, 2005 at 8:34 pm - IP Man-Hash: f397625caf295
I concur. Fellas, this is all we need to say–we don’t need the paragraphs and paragraphs of mindless drivel to convey our points when I concur will do. Try it, it makes women so baffled.
September 22nd, 2005 at 8:46 pm - IP Man-Hash: ac62c77584632
Robert, for all we know you’ve already actually shattered your femur twice. I wouldn’t put it past a man to withhold that kind of information. It treads the line of the whine.
-Dick
September 23rd, 2005 at 4:24 am - IP Man-Hash: fa26700189dcc
awwww, poor dick…. you had better give up that old copy of your cinderella movie and go and meet some real women. for now, all i can say is Xxnena all the way. ps, nicole, you should run for president, if i was gay, i would ask you out, the fact that as a sixteen year old you are far more advanced and intelligent than all the middle aged men here just floats my boat, dont takke anything they say about you seriously, they have a collective IQ that is below room tempreture
September 24th, 2005 at 3:55 am - IP Man-Hash: 56806c0431943
Ahhh thanks sera, unfortunately I can never be president as I am English, but I am doing government and politics so maybe one day I’ll be Prime Minister LOL!
You can run rings around any of these guys x
Also Dick, who are you to critisize something you have never experienced, you shouldn’t believe everything you see on TV.
September 24th, 2005 at 4:21 am - IP Man-Hash: 3f6f1bc89c9c0
Nicole, Sera can not “run rings around” us, literally or otherwise. And don’t latch onto someone so quickly just because they are as delusional as you about your abilities as a woman. It makes you look needy.
September 24th, 2005 at 9:56 am - IP Man-Hash: ac62c77584632
“LOL!”
I could’ve said it better myself, Nicole — but what’s the point. That’ll do, pig. That’ll do.
-Dick
September 24th, 2005 at 11:43 pm - IP Man-Hash: ede4b54b5a72e
dick, you weren’t held as a child, were you?
September 25th, 2005 at 1:50 am - IP Man-Hash: ede4b54b5a72e
just an example here, a friend of mine got her nipple pierced and didnt find it painful, however, a male recently got their nipple peirced and spend hours lying on the ground in pain. my mother has had five children. she said it hurt a lot, but refused to scream because “she didnt want to be lilke the other stupid women”. she has never complained about the pain as such. alas, this proves that not ALL women complain about giving birth their whole lives. sinse no male has ever given birth, they cannot argue with the fact of if it hurts or not, and how much. does a lobotomy hurt dick? you are clearly qualified to answer that :). i have formally removed all offers of friendship to dick ;). sorry dick, you missed that boat.
September 25th, 2005 at 5:17 am - IP Man-Hash: bbdbd8f85eb8a
Sera, your mother’s quote is priceless in it’s logic and rationale. Kudos to your mom for having at least one man-moment.
Also, those little smiley faces are so cute!
September 25th, 2005 at 7:41 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9ba3bf4ea5245
proving that not all women are the same, once again….. proving dick WRONG. thanks for noticing that jason :)
September 26th, 2005 at 8:22 am - IP Man-Hash: 681f2e2cfc31a
no problem. Thanks for noticing my post. ;)
September 26th, 2005 at 9:24 am - IP Man-Hash: 56806c0431943
Steriotypes of men and women were created centuries ago, it is any wonder that they no longer fit to the modern world.
September 26th, 2005 at 11:38 am - IP Man-Hash: 6a9283bd40454
Conversely; why is it that some stereotypes have endured the ages?
September 26th, 2005 at 12:00 pm - IP Man-Hash: 56806c0431943
What steriotypes would they be?