They Can Never Take Our Pimpdom
You know what I think is hilarious: that the only successful woman pimp ever — Heidi Fleiss — was so inept that she went to prison and nearly sullied the reputation of one of the greatest thespians of the 20th century. One Charlie “The Green Machine” Sheen.
By the way, when I say “successful”, I mean successful in the way that a woman can be successful, by sleeping her way to the top and dodging the karma tornado of ineptitude for as long as possible.
Ultimately, success for a woman is having the new high score for Most Years Without Fucking Up. I think the record is like two. Princess Di probably holds it too. I don’t really know. I don’t give a shit.
Women do not make good pimps. In fact, they don’t make pimps at all.
Pimping requires business sense, charisma, and compassion; which are all fucking stuff that no woman has. Usually not being qualified doesn’t stop them from doing anything though. Single mothers raise children every day. However, there’s no affirmative action for pimping.
Let’s look at the facts.
Pimps cannot take maternity leave.
Pimps cannot afford to dress way inappropriately for work.
Pimps cannot start crying while business is going on around them.
At the end of the day, pimping is the oldest profession in the world. It’s been around ever since the first woman saw the first man building a shelter, making dinner, and inventing vegetables and thought to herself, “I can’t do any of that shit. Guess I better learn how to fuck.”
And she never did.
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Oh I’m sorry. Did I finally stumble onto a single topic where your sexuality isn’t “relevant”? Or did I just beat you to the donkey punch?
It’s 100% relevant because you don’t know shit about the sexuality of men and women. You have no frame of reference. You have no philosophy. Lesbians commenting on matters of sex are like Star Wars geeks wondering into an Opera and saying the cardboard scenery is shit. Get back to your power tools and your emotional problems, Horty.
-Dick
I’m sure it’s funny in your mind, but then again simple things for simple people. What does my sexuality have to do with this topic?
Horty,
Respect For Women also goes by another name: Horny Kryptonite.
Since you’re a woman, I’m sure you don’t get that joke at all. And not because you don’t know who Superman is, but because you’re a woman and women don’t get funny jokes. I can assure you that it was not crafted for your enjoyment.
Besides, aren’t you a “lesbian”?
-Dick
How else is Dick going to get any? It’s not as if he would treat a women with respect so she’d either have zero self esteem or being paid.
Pimping makes the world a better place how exactly?
Splitting up marriges?
Increasing STI’s?
Making sex less speical?
Once again, Dick, you’ve hit the nail on the head. Pimping is an honorable profession that dates back to the days when women needed the kind of guidance and compassion that would enable them to perform the duties for which they were put on this earth. Who better to guide and advise them than men? After all, men had already invented farming, hunting and gathering, animal husbandry, cave building and decorating, and many other useful practices. They had perfected the making of stone weapons and fur clothing. All the while, women sat by the fire and watched. Early man felt that women, too, needed an area in which they could feel fulfilled. And so, he helped to establish prostitution, the job that women do best. By doing so, he gave women the chance to perform a much needed service for men returning from the hunt or from fighting wars or building cities. Now, women could make money for buying makeup, romance novels, and other necessities. Women should forever be thankful to those early pimps of the neolithic who gave them their first “leg up”.
Haha. You’ve topped yourself again Dick…brilliant.