Knight to Pawn Four. Check and Bullshit.

Wherever there is a league of sports, there is a separate and exclusive women’s league to weep in its shadow. That’s because a man playing against a woman in any sport is like Superman playing against a team of cacti wearing funny, oversized sunglasses.

It’s cute and hilarious.

Man has proven his physical prowess for millions of years — even when it was completely unnecessary to do so. Actually, in the end that turned out to be the proof. All you men know what I’m talking about there.

However, what if it wasn’t just our mighty strength that kept women hopelessly tethered to the Earth while we men soared above like gods in our awe-inspiring spectacles of sport? What if was also because women aren’t as smart as men? That is to say, because men are smarter than women.

Certainly that makes sense to us men, but unlike women, we would also like a side order of proof with our meal. Let’s think for a moment. If only women had their own league and championship for a sport that was entirely mental, like chess.

They do.

Woah, wait a minute. They do? Can someone please flag down the Obvious Express delivery truck? I think the delivery man forget a box of clues in the back addressed to women world-wide.

I thought this women’s chess championship might be some kind of publicity stunt — like last year when that one woman “played” golf in the men’s league and Nike milked their biggest cash cow to date: female empowerment. Completely masculine kudos to those brilliant men at Nike marketing by the way because that’s one ripe motherfucking cow.

I discovered, however, that it wasn’t a joke at all. Disappointingly, it also wasn’t a bunch of models playing chess in lingerie. That’s when I decided that any further research was a waste of my invaluable time.

Women’s leagues of anything are like midgets following men around dressed up exactly like them. They look the same, but come on. What are you serious here?

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122 Responses to “Knight to Pawn Four. Check and Bullshit.”

  1. Dan Says:

    Another great article Dick. Hope you’re keeping those fucking Germans in line. Anyway, I’m off to pit myself against other men in a contest as old and as male as any sport, poker. Don’t worry ladies, we’ve carved out a little section of the tournament just for you on the 26th of June:

    http://www.worldseriesofpoker.com/wsop.asp

  2. Nicole Says:

    You remind me of Bobby Riggs who insited that a good man tennis player would never be beaten by a woman.

    Until that is of cource he had a battle of the sexes game with Billie Jean King in 1973 where she beat him: 6-4 6-3 6-3.

  3. Chris Says:

    Well quite, a GOOD man tennis player. Riggs was shite.

    (ps it’s insisted not insited, and even that’s spelt with a ‘c’. Trust us, we’d know.)

  4. Nicole Says:

    The men on this website seem to assume that all men are better than all women, I doubt any men on this website could play even moderate female athletes and not be squashed.

  5. jeff Says:

    There is no rebuttal for this article Dick, kudo’s. Hey Dan what do you think will be more (or less for that matter) exciting, the womens little poker day on the 26th or next seasons wnba? Hey is the wnba even still around?

  6. Nicole Says:

    You hide behind your genders achievements because you have none of your own. Bragging about male sporting achievements will not make you a better sports player. Stop imagining yourself to be great just because people from a particular group that you are part of are. Make your own achievements.

  7. Chris Says:

    Going back to your point about moderate female athletes, I doubt any moderate female athletes could play any moderate male athletes and not be squashed. Nicole, most of the stuff I say on this site is to wind people (mainly you) up. However, in this case, it is absolutely, blindingly, buttock clenchingly obvious that male athletes at any level are far superior to females at their own level.

  8. Chris Says:

    And anyway, stop saying we have no sporting acheivements personally, when you don’t seem to have an enormous list of honours. I’d like to see you take on Ricky Hatton.

  9. Marco Marcurio Says:

    Or even Ricky Gervais or Rick Waller. At the hundered metres.

  10. Nicole Says:

    Well I am of cource not at a national level but I have won awards within my club for my tennis playing ability, which I play against shock horror males, and my ability exceeds many of them.

    I’m confident in saying this and not hiding behind my gender by bragging about others achievemnets like some people I know….

  11. The Duster Says:

    The fact alone that women have their own organized competitions in which mental strength and stamina is required shows that they knowingly accept that they are mentally inferior to males or they would try to compete in regular chess and poker tournaments. Another great article, and to all of the men, great comments everyone.

  12. jeff Says:

    Good comment Duster. Every womens league that has been made, was made for the sole reason that it is inferior to a mans. Otherwise there would be no need to seperate the two. So next time a woman says something ridiculous like we need to stop comparing genders. then tell them to stop giving us reasons to.

  13. A-lor Says:

    Hey Dick Masterson,
    Remember when you beat me in tennis, even though I am a much superior athlete compared to you

  14. Ally Says:

    women are soooooooooo much better

  15. Nicole Says:

    You haven’t heard of a little something called mixed doubles have you Duster?

  16. The Duster Says:

    Mixed doubles was created at a charity outreach event in which some men allowed women to experience a small taste of what real professionalism and competition is like. The even alone solidifies the seperation in men and women, it’s almost a tutorial in how the game should be played (by the men). Have I every heard of mixed doubles? I scoff at the thought, I am a man, and therefore know absolutely everything, it is more of a question of rather or not I decide to share the information.

  17. Nicole Says:

    Mixed doubles are played in Wimbledon and every other major event.

  18. I Hate Chicks Says:

    How dumb is it that you make a website dedicated to whining about who is playing chess?
    Get a fucking life dude.
    Chess is a whiny sport for pussies, now if we had some good old fashioned Glima and Jousting…THOSE are REAL sports. I’d rather see two knights stab at each other with lances than some idiots staring at a chess board. Hnefatafl is way better than Chess too, you can enslave people in that…

    I once heard an archeologist say “We always assume our society is more advanced, I say, thats bullshit.” He was talking about the Vikings and the war at Götland against the Danes on the History Channel, thats right, the History Channel.

    Although, it’s been said that I’m actually a man, and a barbaric one at that so I guess wanting to be smart is just in my oh so manly blood eh?
    The reason women and men have separate groups for sports…A woman would literally eat your freaking spleen out.

  19. Nicole Says:

    ‘I hate chicks’, I was just wondering whether you are on this website to insult men or women, because so far you have done an amazingly large amount of both.

  20. Dick Masterson Says:

    The Duster,

    You hit the nail right on the head with mixed doubles there. Any time a man “competes” with a woman, it’s like the day at the ballpark when a bunch of kids in little league get to stand on the field for the national anthem.

    Way to stand there kids. Now getting the fuck off the field would be great for everyone.

    -Dick

  21. Nicole Says:

    You argument is pointless.

    It’s like saying that because most of the world’s best sprinters are African, then Africans are superior to Caucasians, just because they are better at one activity.

    The fact is all people are equal, but that doesn’t mean were not different.

  22. Chicken Says:

    yeah i agree your argue is pointless and GAY

  23. Evil Pundit Says:

    No Nicole, you’re missing the point.

    It’s not about Africans being superior to Caucasians at some particular activity.

    It’s about all men being superior to all women at all activities.

    Thus, it doesn’t matter whether a man is African or Caucasian or a Solomon Islander, he’ll be superior to all women be they Caucasian or Arabic or Patagonian.

    It’s so simple, even a woman could almost understand it.

  24. Badkitty Says:

    Reading this website has lowered my IQ…almost to a man’s level…and that’s dangerously low…. -shakes head sadly-

  25. Dick Masterson Says:

    Evil, you’re absolutely right of course. It’s so simple that a woman could almost understand it.

    What we’re really witnessing here is female filibustering in action.

    Nicole won’t stop, ever. Historically that’s how woman have always gotten what they wanted. By whining and complaining non-stop until the world became so unlivable that some man tossed them a bone.

    -Dick

  26. W-Hortencia (likes the ladies) Says:

    Whereas blokes have got their way using their physical advantages (being naturally stronger physically, and not being lumbered up for 9 months then breast feeding) to oppress women. Whining is a more honest way at least.

  27. Nicole Says:

    Yes how exactly have men got their own way Dick?

    By setting up sexist websites for women to get mad at and for men to laugh at?

    Yeah because that’s different form whining……

  28. Iris Says:

    Dear Dick

    Is all this, what you think, applicable to your mother too or is that in a separate compartment?

    PS poker is NOT a sport, it is a game.

  29. Evil Pundit Says:

    Dick, you’re absolutely right about women using their endless whining and filibustering to get their way.

    Exactly as you predicted, Nicole has returned with more whining, after completely failing to comprehend our unassailable manly logic.

    Indeed, women are so predictable that their mental functions could be replaced in their entirety by a handful of transistors.

  30. Dick Masterson Says:

    You know Evil, I’ve always thought a woman’s thought patterns are like a Magic 8 Ball that doesn’t actually have a fortune telling, floating die inside.

    Every once in a while, you get some bubbles (probably by accidentally dropping it or shaking the shit out of it), but otherwise you just sit and stare at it until you start to see things in the black goop that aren’t actually there and will never be.

    -Dick

  31. W-Hortencia (likes the ladies) Says:

    I’d love to see what’s in your head then, perhaps a moth flying around?

  32. Andy Says:

    I’m sorry, did Dick say something about men needing proof? I’ve yet to come across any hard proof to many of the claims on this site. Dick, you’re not being very convincing. . .

  33. Megz Says:

    I must say, also, that if you men seem to know you’re so superior and all the rest, it’s rather strange that you need to spell it out to yourself, and to reassure yourself. Points out insecurities more than confidence to me…

  34. Megz Says:

    # Chris Says:
    June 6th, 2005 at 12:09 pm

    Well quite, a GOOD man tennis player. Riggs was shite.

    (ps it’s insisted not insited, and even that’s spelt with a ‘c’. Trust us, we’d know.)

    –Ever heard of a typo? An easy mistake to make!
    (P.S. - It’s “P.S” not “ps”)

  35. Megz Says:

    The fact that there are more male than female sporting “achievements” may well be fantastic evidence for your claim, Dick, that “men are better than women.”
    However, when you read into it a little more, and take it another step back, it actually proves the opposite point.
    I’m talking about one very simple question. In fact, this question is so short, I think even you might be able to understand it without having to call someone in to translate it into man grunts. The question is simply: why?

    Because whilst men have been running around smelling of sweat, women have been thinking, and making other great achievements.
    Or, women have been keeping men - and the human population - alive! All those things such as food, necessary to live…guess who was preparing it? Well, as great (*rolls eyes*) as men may be, they’re still unable to cook dinner whilst running around on a rugby field getting muddy!

    Besides, how does sport actually help us? What sort of achievement is it really? How has it helped humankind, in any way at all?

  36. John Says:

    If you can’t join or beat them, talk trash about them.

    Way to go, woman. Completely pointless post.

  37. ironY Says:

    Megz,

    if you have to ask the question “why?” then you will not understand the answer. That is the standard reply amongst Harley Davidson riding entusiasts when they ask the question “what is it about Harleys that you love so much?”.

    You may as well be asking why people breathe, look, touch, taste, feel… and then wounder why people roll their eyes at you. Methinks you need to excercise some of that world famous ‘womans intuition’ as well as flick the switch on that ‘thinking’ that women do soooo well and come up with an answer. Hint… its so obvious a 5 yr old boy could answer it. Another hint, if you know any five yr old boys you might want to ask one.

    To all the other serious posters… get an idea. This site is a spoof. Sure it get silly often enuff… THAT IS THE POINT. It deliberately does so as a way of turning the mirror back onto womens behaviour and particularly feminasty behaviour and rhetoric in order to illustrate INHERENT ABSURDITY. If you agree that this place is absurd you are in effect making a rather telling endictment of your own position.

    l find it wounderfully priceless that anyone can take this site so seriously as to actually deconstruct and argue the rather terse teasing of women exhibited in the articles. And the personal jibes and 3 rate pop-psych analysis and projected attribution of the motivations and psyche of men who post here. Talk about hold up a reflection of yourselves ladies.

    Think about it ladies… afterall you are responsible for all the thinking in the world. Anyway, that enuff from me… between the moths and gnats buzzing about the vacuous vortex that is the male cerebral cavity, lm getting an empty headed ache.

  38. Arielle Says:

    IronY,

    I love to see the feminist methods turned against them. This site is very nicely done. If I take the site and the posts too seriously, it is because I suffer from taking everything too literally. Really, though, it’s the truth that is often inherent in humor that I would imagine people are taking seriously.

  39. Christian J Says:

    Live in your little dreamworld girls, it’s all you have left that has not been exposed for the liars you all are.

    Continual intervention from the likes of you two just demonstrates how close to the truth we really are.

    And what response do we get from these two genii is ” it’s just not true”.

    We are telling you it’s a fact.

  40. Arielle Says:

    Are you including me in your response, Christian J? Because if so, I’m confused. I said that it was the inherent truth in this site that people were reacting to.

  41. redtygrr Says:

    Here are two links to articles that you men (and ladies) on this website might find interesting:

    http://archives.lincolndailynews.com/2003/Apr/03/News_new/business.sht ml

    http://archives.lincolndailynews.com/2003/Apr/10/News_new/business.sht ml

  42. Özgür Says:

    All we have is a few exceptions and degrading of men’s obvious superiority in the field by blaming it on the so-called female repression, and this is the bullshit that lincolndailynews expects us to buy:

    There is no evidence to suggest that men are better inventors than women. In fact, just the opposite may be true, as women have a higher percentage of SUCCESSFUL patents than men do. By success, I mean that the patent produced a profit for the inventor. Why is this?

    One possible reason, according to Joanne Hayes-Rines, who has been the editor of Inventors’ Digest magazine since 1987, is that women tend to be better at marketing their inventions and in working with others. “Women inventors succeed more at getting their products to market because they’re more practical, they define the need better, and they package it better than men. They see the big picture better,” says Hayes-Rines.

    By the way, why wouldn’t any lady face the actual challenge of the post and come up with an applausible answer as to why men and women have seperate leagues in chess where all you need is mental ability, other than it is aimed at concealing the fact that women suck at chess.

  43. Dick Masterson Says:

    Özgür that is exactly the point. You’ve hit it precisely on! Why would women need a women’s chess league. There’s only one reason.

    Men are better than women.

    We’re smarter, faster, quicker thinkers. Better.

    -Dick

  44. redtygrr Says:

    “It is really through her that I have become competent in the subject (of relativity).”
    – Albert Einstein, speaking of Emmy Noether

    Who is Emmy Noether, you ask? She’s the woman who devised the mathematical principle called Noether’s theorem, which helped form the basis of quantum physics. Einstein formulated his general theory of relativity based upon her calculations.

    Albert Einstein was impressed with the contributions made by women inventors, and I think you should be impressed, too.

  45. Dick Masterson Says:

    You know what they say, behind every great man, there is a woman of insignificance.

    -Dick

  46. redtygrr Says:

    Whatever

  47. Dick Masterson Says:

    I suppose I should be impressed by that too.

    -Dick

  48. redtygrr Says:

    Quite frankly, I don’t care if you’re impressed or not, I was just giving factual statistics.

  49. Christian J Says:

    The lying femmies have tried to push that load of crap for years.

    “behing every man is a women that really did all the work”, really.

    The truth is that “behind every men there is blood-sucking bitch determined to ensure that his life is a complete misery” would be more like it.

    Notice how they try to take credit for everything they can.
    Notice also that the dumb bitch is quoting some femmie journalist as if it actually has credibility. If it wasn’t for affirmative action it wouldn’t even be there.
    Here we have another braggin female saying that wimmyn are really something else besides the self-serving vindictive bitches that we know them to be.

    I suppose you can always say it, but does it ring true? ‘Fraid not.

  50. redtygrr Says:

    The correct quotation is “Behind every great man is a great woman.” If you’re going to quote something, at least do it right, you worthless cocksucking moron!!

  51. redtygrr Says:

    You’ve got it bassackward, fool! Men have taken credit for alot of things women have done. Affirmative action doesn’t have a thing to do with it. You’re delusional!

  52. Abaddon_fff Says:

    redtygrr said:

    The correct quotation is “Behind every great man is a great woman.” If you’re going to quote something, at least do it right, you worthless cocksucking moron!!

    Hmm, that sounds logical, and it just goes to show that when things get tough, all you have to do is swear I suppose. Can you feel the hate yet? Its starting to wear through the prefabricated “equality” rhetoric. Redtygrr, if a few jokes on the INTERNET get to you I could imagine what you would be like in a debate in real life, not something I would like by any strech of the imagination. What happened to the “thinker”? I would posit that you were overcome by some emotion, and all your thought was overwhelmed. Typical.

  53. redtygrr Says:

    I wouldn’t talk about namecalling, your little buddy christian j. called me a “dumb bitch” first. You are a bunch of cowards and hypocrites!

  54. Dick Masterson Says:

    Yes, I have no doubt Einstein would be equally impressed with your behavior, redtygrr.

    -Dick

  55. Abaddon_fff Says:

    Megz said:

    The fact that there are more male than female sporting “achievements” may well be fantastic evidence for your claim, Dick, that “men are better than women.”
    However, when you read into it a little more, and take it another step back, it actually proves the opposite point.
    I’m talking about one very simple question. In fact, this question is so short, I think even you might be able to understand it without having to call someone in to translate it into man grunts. The question is simply: why?

    -Wow, watch the stereotypes fly, I imagine in Megz world almost all men are neanderthals.

    Because whilst men have been running around smelling of sweat, women have been thinking, and making other great achievements.

    -Let me be the first to say Megzs that great PEOPLE make great acheivements, to say anything otherwise is simply a joke. Secondly, most Men were running around to feed their families, thirdly I don’t think that think and woman should be used in the same sentence unless you throw a “don’t” in there.

    Or, women have been keeping men - and the human population - alive! All those things such as food, necessary to live…guess who was preparing it? Well, as great (*rolls eyes*) as men may be, they’re still unable to cook dinner whilst running around on a rugby field getting muddy!

    -In those days we actually had women that could cook, nowadays a womans idea of good cooking is anything that comes out of a box and goes into a microwave. Also back in the day it was called “sharing resposibility” whereas the men would go out and get the food (it was called hunting) adn the women would cook it. I would suggest that HUMANS have been keeping humans alive for a long long time, do you really think that just because a woman gives birth to children, that she is in effect “keeping humanity alive”? More prefabricated bullshit, if you actually think about it, Men are the ones that have done a good share of keeping our race alive, but since you are a woman I wouldn’t expect you to consider that, since we are so far beneath your regard.

    Besides, how does sport actually help us? What sort of achievement is it really? How has it helped humankind, in any way at all?

    -Sports, like many male activities encourages several things, good health (its called exercise) , competetion, cooperation, just to name a few. Since you dont seem to understand it, I would figure that you have never played sports. In ending what utter bullshit that whole post was, don’t try to talk about things that you don’t understand, it just gives this website more creedence.

  56. Abaddon_fff Says:

    redtygrr said:

    I wouldn’t talk about namecalling, your little buddy christian j. called me a “dumb bitch” first. You are a bunch of cowards and hypocrites!

    Wow you really do assume that we are all in league with each other? I don’t even know christian, and I haven’t posted either for or against him. However I do know that I never called you anything, and in return I am a coward and hypocrite. To infer that I have “buddies” on here is streching rational thought to its limits and then some. I don’t have buddies, I have friends, or I don’t have anything.

  57. Fem Says:

    Redtygrr, here’s the headsup on Dick’s game.
    You arrive, get pissed off, leave a comment - either non-vulgar and valid, or vulgar, makes no difference. Dick’s modus operandi is to criticise you (not what you said, but you personally), once your baited, the games begin.
    Standard tit for tat, until one of his “buddies” comes on board. You then get 2, or 3 or 4 against 1. You get made to look like an idiot as they twist your words into unrecognisable stupidity, and you then leave off the site, thinking these men have really small penises (if indeed they even are men).
    Approximately 2 minutes later, Dick deletes all your posts that make him look stupid and a new woman stumbles across this site.

    Very strange indeed. Watch how fast he deletes this post.

  58. Big Al Says:

    redtygrr said:

    …do it right, you worthless cocksucking moron!!

    Fem said:

    Dick’s modus operandi is to criticise you (not what you said, but you personally)… You get made to look like an idiot as they twist your words into unrecognisable stupidity…

    Didn’t even have to twist that time, Fem. Probably explains why the stupidity is recognisable.

  59. wolfe Says:

    Fem=Female? I’ve been away, busy with real life. A belated Happy New Year, Big Al.
    -wolfe

  60. redtygrr Says:

    I sent some links to this ridiculous site to get a point across - christian j. was the one who initiated the insults by calling me a “dumb bitch”, yet no one calls him out on that. I guesss it’s okay for him to do it though, after all he is a MAN. By the way, christianj., those articles were written by a man.

  61. Abaddon_fff Says:

    redtygrr said:

    I sent some links to this ridiculous site to get a point across - christian j. was the one who initiated the insults by calling me a “dumb bitch”, yet no one calls him out on that. I guesss it’s okay for him to do it though, after all he is a MAN. By the way, christianj., those articles were written by a man.

    -Well sometimes people say things that are rude but to get pissed off when someone says something on the internet or real life does nothing for your “cause” whatever it may be. I learned this in the 3-4th grade, also it doesn’t help when people start saying things like…

    He did it first!

    No it was her fault!

    Him!

    Her!

    Him!

    Her!

    sound familiar? I thought so because it happens on playgrounds every day of the year. In short, if someone is being rude to you on here, just ignore their shortcomings, respond politely if you like, and move on. I have been doing it for quite a while and its seems to work for me.

  62. wolfe Says:

    Redtygrr,

    Welcome to the forums. Your first post in this thread seemed interesting.

    Honestly, though, if you respond to criticism with “Whatever” do you really expect a great deal of respect in return? Be serious.

    Emmy Noether was indeed an intelligent woman who was badly mistreated by society at the time (though not just for her gender), though well-supported by her family.

    The suggestion that she created relativity? I’m sorry. Her contributions in rings, groups and fields were modest, but real. They were not significantly material to relativity.

    What would you like me to say? That there were women of minor accomplishment? Certainly. But to cherrypick quotes and suggest that they were more than they were? That’s … well… I hate to say it, but that’s womanly.

    -wolfe

  63. redtygrr Says:

    I myself didn’t suggest that Emmy Noether created relativity, history suggested that she made a contribution to it, there’s a big difference. I’ve read about her and studied up on it. Unless the history books are lying (I wouldn’t see any reason why they would lie about it), in which case, they could be lying about a lot of men’s accomplishments as well.

  64. wolfe Says:

    With respect, I think her contributions to relativity as Einstein initially formulated it were very modest indeed; far more so than you make them out to be. That said, I concur that her work, while not as seminal as you make it out to be, was strikingly elegant, beautiful even, and deserves recognition.

    I certainly agree she deserves to be a significant figure in 20th century mathematics and physics.

    The catch is this: for every Emmy Noether, there are 50 to 100 men of equal or greater skill and talent. This therefore tends to prove the thesis of this website. Where are the other 49 to 99 women?

    Regards,
    -wolfe.

  65. redtygrr Says:

    Emmy Noether was a rarity in that she dared to defy the stereotypes placed on women in history (or herstory if you will). Women who wanted to be scientists, mathematicians, etc. were considered an oddity at best. Just because there were more men than women in those fields does not mean that more women couldn’t have been those things, the potential was there, it just means that most of them didn’t want to defy the stereotypes. And why do people belittle women’s accomplishments by saying that “there were more men of equal or greater skill and talent”? That is wrong. Is the woman who came up with the vaccination for small pox any less “talented” than the man who came up with penicillin by accident? Is the woman who invented Kevlar any less “talented” than the man who invented plastic? I think it depends on how you define “talent”, ability and “skills”.

  66. redtygrr Says:

    Here’s a pleasant thought for the day:

    Men who think that they can survive without women are like fish thinking that they can survive without water :-)

  67. Geeza Says:

    Wow. You stay away from this site for a few days, come back and its feminazi bullshit hour.

    Their desperation for any kind of credit has me in stitches. So now it seems men were running around aimlessly while women were doing all the thinking. So all the while men were dumb, women were intelligent and somehow the dumbos convinced the intelligent ones that they were dumb and held them back from making any achievements. But on the other hand they did make achievments, but men took the credit for it even though they were dumb compared to the intelligent women.

    Danger……danger…………screeching feminazi bull