Women Want To Fuck Squid

Women are as adventurous with their culinary tastes as waiting in line for a ski lift — a ski lift that leads to the DMV.

Would the lady care for some calamari this evening?

Ew, gross! It’s squid!

How about some veal?

Ew, gross! I care more about baby cows than I do about the African children who mined these diamond earrings!

And everyone knows it.

Women hate to eat anything new. They hate to try anything new as well. That’s where the phrase “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks” comes from. They’re talking about women.

Ever wonder why no one has invented a new sexual position in a thousand years? It’s because women won’t try them out and won’t pass them on. I’ve invented three myself, but they’ll die with me because the women I’ve tried them with said they were “stupid” and “uncomfortable”.

I’ll tell you what’s “stupid” and “uncomfortable”; going to a Married With Children Series Finale wrap party and have your date walk up to Griff saying, “Oh my god! You’re the cop aren’t you!”

No, honey. He’s just black.

Oysters, calamari, snails, and other gross delicacies are great appetizers precisely because they’re gross. Grossness is the ultimate aphrodisiac.

Why do you think women are so in love with French men? It’s not because French men are romantic. They talk like they have marbles in their fucking mouths. Is the teacher from the Peanuts cartoons romantic? No.

French men are disgusting. And that makes them irresistible to women.

All the French get 200 Man Points for that. I don’t know what the conversion rate for Man Points is these days, but if I recall correctly, whoever belongs to the country currently at war gets the multiplier.

La guerre est masculin.

Aphrodisiac is a Greek word for something that kick-starts a woman’s dormant sexual desires to fuck a football team and lands them right in your lap. While you and I, as men, look at squid, oysters, and all creatures on Earth as food, women see everything as a sexual Rorschach. It’s how God made them.

Sea creatures, and by extension sea food, arouse women’s sexual fantasies. That’s why they won’t eat them.

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131 Responses to “Women Want To Fuck Squid”

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  1. Female Says:

    Well if you don’t think it’s such a bad idea for women not to have any dignity, why the hell are you bitching on this site about the behaviour of many women today? I know, I know, men always want to have everything both ways.

  2. diamatik Says:

    Because women want to have everything both ways. They want to be ‘professionals,’ but they also want the education standards to be lowered to allow them into university, and then they also want to strip so that they can help pay their tuition … but then they also want ot be treated seriously when they graduate. Who would treat an ex-stripper-turned-lawyer with respect in her firm?

  3. Female Says:

    In what way exactly does stripping negate someone’s ability to be any good at the process of law? At the end of the day what you men cannot handle is that women are not financially dependant on you, you are simply jealous of women’s freedom and power and the fact that women do not need you. You have lost control and my god, none of you can stand it. What you don’t realise is that control is not something you can enforce, it is something that you can only have if someone allows you to have it, so therefore, in this new world of women’s empowerment, if a woman does give you control, you should perceive it as even more worthwhile, because at the end of the day, she was in a position where she didn’t have to give it to you.

  4. diamatik Says:

    Would you knowingly hire an ex-stripper to represent you in court?

    Further, if you were working in the same firm as she, would you not assume that there would be a higher propensity of her trying to sleep her way up the corporate ladder?

    Female said:

    What you don’t realise is that control is not something you can enforce, it is something that you can only have if someone allows you to have it, so therefore, in this new world of women’s empowerment, if a woman does give you control, you should perceive it as even more worthwhile

    So, thanks to feminism, women’s empowerment is being a slutty supergroupie, a stripper, whore or prostitute to get what she wants, but still somehow expecting people to treat her with respect.

  5. Female Says:

    diamatik said:

    Would you knowingly hire an ex-stripper to represent you in court?

    If she was known to be a good lawyer, I wouldn’t care if she had tourette’s, a fetish for spiders and a glass eye.

    diamatik said:Further, if you were working in the same firm as she, would you not assume that there would be a higher propensity of her trying to sleep her way up the corporate ladder?

    That I might assume, yes, but then the quiet ones are usually the more deadly.

    Female said:

    What you don’t realise is that control is not something you can enforce, it is something that you can only have if someone allows you to have it, so therefore, in this new world of women’s empowerment, if a woman does give you control, you should perceive it as even more worthwhile

    So, thanks to feminism, women’s empowerment is being a slutty supergroupie, a stripper, whore or prostitute to get what she wants, but still somehow expecting people to treat her with respect.

    People do and should treat people with respect based on their behaviours in the moment. Sure, if my stripper lawyer took her clothes off in court and started pole-dancing around the bar table, I certainly wouldn’t respect her, but if she acted with proper protocol, then I DON’T CARE how many poles she’s swung around in her time, she’ll still get my respect based on her current behaviour. And that’s where I differ from you people, you’ve all got this fixed, static, unchanging opinions that are black or white only, indicative of authoritarian attitudes and behaviours. Well I’m sorry to inform you but it isn’t 1950 anymore sweetchecks. The world has moved on and you missed the boat.

  6. Doubt Says:

    The funny thing is, it just doesn’t work that way. Stripping damages the mind and soul.
    There’s a reason that parents kinda-wanna kick their daughters out of the house after they’ve turned 20, still have no job, and use their gender as an excuse for their being sluts (sound familiar, female?), sleep in until 10 AM, scream at their fathers, once again using their gender as an excuse, and bring strange men into the house because, like, they’re soooo in.
    And the whole moved on thing - men still built the world, honey. In a few short years, feminism will be done with, leaving the double-standard it has produced and dependent products like you behind.
    Do you know how it feels to be laughed at for a flaw in your character? To be leered at because you deserve it? And to have no one stand up for you because you’re just a bad person? That’s called being human, sugar-tits. It kind of sucks, but then again, most of us have accepted the facts.

  7. son of the suns Says:

    The world that has moved on to encourage a state of perpetual parasitism and harlotry because of your kind will be wiped out by pen or by blood, Female.

    Have no doubt.

  8. Dick Masterson Says:

    Female said:

    What you don’t realise is that control is not something you can enforce, it is something that you can only have if someone allows you to have it

    My dog does not “allow” me to have control over it. Neither does it know it’s place. It simply does the best it can and is deserving of my unending pity.

    Men are better than women.

    -Dick

  9. sonyad Says:

    Female said:

    bleah bleah bleah
    [...]
    Sure, if my stripper lawyer took her clothes off in court and started pole-dancing around the bar table, I certainly wouldn’t respect her, but if she acted with proper protocol, then I DON’T CARE how many poles she’s swung around in her time, she’ll still get my respect based on her current behaviour.
    [...]
    bleah bleah bleah

    Would you afford a former rapist the same unpresumptuous largesse?

    - Cicada - The Things You Say

  10. diamatik Says:

    @ sonyad; Thanks. I was going to make that exact analogy, but I was going to add on a bit about the sexual offenders lists and all the attendant registrations.

    Female said:

    I DON’T CARE how many poles she’s swung around in her time, she’ll still get my respect based on her current behaviour. And that’s where I differ from you people,

    Yes. The difference is that we aren’t stupid enough to let a false sense of political correctness get in the way of sensible decision making.

  11. sonyad Says:

    I have faith in Female.
    She will yet overcome and grasp the hypocrisy of her ways.

  12. Jess Says:

    girls want to fuck squid MEN WANT TO FUCK OCTOPUS

  13. diamatik Says:

    Jess said:

    girls want to fuck squid MEN WANT TO FUCK OCTOPUS

    Men want to fuck octopussy (Maud Adams).

  14. Jess Says:

    i cant see ur comment LOL

  15. glonblin Says:

    Female said:

    People do and should treat people with respect based on their behaviours in the moment. Sure, if my stripper lawyer took her clothes off in court and started pole-dancing around the bar table, I certainly wouldn’t respect her, but if she acted with proper protocol, then I DON’T CARE how many poles she’s swung around in her time, she’ll still get my respect based on her current behaviour. And that’s where I differ from you people, you’ve all got this fixed, static, unchanging opinions that are black or white only, indicative of authoritarian attitudes and behaviours. Well I’m sorry to inform you but it isn’t 1950 anymore sweetchecks. The world has moved on and you missed the boat.

    If we were to judge people at the moment, there would then be no criminals, baisically there would be no wrongs, as people would always adjust their behavior to be judged favorably “in the moment”. That’s not the real world, it doesn’ work that way. In the real world, whatever behavior we have, will always have an impact on our future. whether it’s an immediate or a lenghty future.
    We have fixed and unchanging opinions of someone’s past because the past ,whether you like it or not, is fixed and unchangeable as well.
    you’re the one with the authoritative behavior here female, you’ve attempted to convince us that people’s past doesn’t matter as long as they behave well in the present. Now if that isn’t authoritative??

  16. Jess Says:

    DIAMATIK ATE ALL THE PIES xD

  17. Billy Says:

    sonyad said:

    I have faith in Female.
    She will yet overcome and grasp the hypocrisy of her ways.

    That is blind faith. I believe she will go to her grave acting like a childish little twat with no conscience.

  18. wolfe Says:

    sonyad said:

    I have faith in Female.
    She will yet overcome and grasp the hypocrisy of her ways.

    I share this faith, however in vain it might be to do so.

    To put it in a way that you’ll appreciate Sony — and every man here will mantuit, and only one woman reading this site will grasp — the human experience is not bound by Markov chains.
    -wolfe

  19. Dr_Z Says:

    @wolfe: Indeed. Bear in mind the nuisance variable inherent in all probability theory, as well as the fact that even Markov (and Chapman & Kolmogorov) were human. ‘Tis a messy bit of business.

  20. Jess Says:

    bye fuckers! hope ya rot in hell!

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