You’re a Peein’
I was at the doctor’s office a few days ago getting my hand X-rayed after punching this fuck-head in the throat during the Super Bowl, and I learned an interesting statistic.
88% of women wash their hands after using the restroom.
66% of men do the same.
Urine is sterile, fellows and gentleman. You’re washing your hands too goddamn much.
Urine is as sterile as washing your hands after going to the bathroom is womanly.
Here’s another interesting statistic that I didn’t see broadcast on the 8 hour loop of CNN Health starring Dr. Sanjay Gupta and some woman with an amazing rack. By the way, to the producers of The New American Gladiators, when it comes to women hosting your shows, always pick rack over experience. There’s no need to reinvent the wheel by giving it a boxing title no one gives a fuck about.
0% of my dick is dirty.
When I go to the bathroom, I touch my pants — no need to wash anything after doing that — then I touch The Penis briefly. At no point in this pants/penis campaign is there anything gross or dirty being touched that would necessitate a hand washing. If anything, my penis is the cleanest part of my person. I might not have washed the jeans I’m wearing today, but I damn sure washed The Penis. It’s clean enough to eat off of.
That’s why men wash our hands after using the bathroom at a rate of 66% versus the womanly 88%. We’re not filthy.
Going to the bathroom for men doesn’t require maintenance on par with laying bricks. For those of you who haven’t laid a lot of brick in your life — literally, not metaphorically — doing so requires a lot of wiping and tidying of seams. When this is done with bricks it’s very manly, but when it’s done with a vagina not only is it womanly, it’s disgusting.
12% of women are fucking disgusting.
Washing your hands after going to the bathroom is like birth control. All women need to be doing it and men shouldn’t give a fuck about it. It’s not our vagina that’s the problem.
Metaphorically “laying brick” means to take a shit in multiple friend’s bathrooms in the same day. It is a truly repugnant practical joke that will gain you many Man Points.
If you’re French going into the bathroom, and you’re Spanish coming out of the bathroom, what are you when you’re in the bathroom?
Related Articles:
February 8th, 2008 at 3:27 pm - IP Man-Hash: fd03a4ec04f82
I’m back from teaching in Asia and you better believe that I wash my hands after doing a pee.
Hands get dirty quickly and you can easily pick up other people’s sicknesses that way, which is why so many people wash their hands.
February 8th, 2008 at 3:55 pm - IP Man-Hash: ddd020fb148d9
Think you fucked up on your math somewhere.
February 8th, 2008 at 4:24 pm - IP Man-Hash: f78d821cb12a8
It follows that if you have not washed your penis since it was last in a cunt then washing your hands is more than appropriate after a piss. Then again, who doesn’t wash their cock after it’s been dragged through the cesspit that is a woman’s vagina?
February 8th, 2008 at 4:31 pm - IP Man-Hash: 0a379370a5fd8
You are Canadian, possibly turning Japanese whilst in the bathroom.
February 8th, 2008 at 4:45 pm - IP Man-Hash: c12bca7393b44
i wash my hands befor i go pee. it is everything you touch throughout the day that is gross…dont want to get my clean dick sick !!
February 8th, 2008 at 4:50 pm - IP Man-Hash: 5c8336b56fb06
european
February 8th, 2008 at 10:08 pm - IP Man-Hash: 0a379370a5fd8
Sick Dicks usually come from Sick women.
Of varying nationalities, sometimes even in bathrooms.
That is why you wear a condom, gentlemen.
Plus, it is only sick after the Doctor tells you for sure, or bumps show up.
Curving to the left is your own fault.
Good thing though, if it is the clap, I have a Ball Peen Hammer right here I can fix it with. The dog vet down the street swears it works.
One smack, and you will know why rubbers are so useful.
February 8th, 2008 at 10:09 pm - IP Man-Hash: 0a379370a5fd8
Clap ON, Clap OFF, Clap Bitch, Its’…….the……Clapper!
February 9th, 2008 at 12:12 am - IP Man-Hash: 02825945d7a4c
Hahaha fucking ouch!!! That was funny.
*D3C*
February 9th, 2008 at 10:37 am - IP Man-Hash: 5c8336b56fb06
wait- how’s your hand? and how’s the dude? can’t you kill a guy that way?
February 9th, 2008 at 2:24 pm - IP Man-Hash: 191242b12610c
Hey guys, look at those femhags trying to be men.They want to pee like us…
http://www.pmate.de/gallery/04_Urinal_Aug2006/urinal_001.htm
http://www.pmate.de/gallery/04_Urinal_Aug2006/urinal_004.htm
Freud was so right about penis envy.
MABTW
February 9th, 2008 at 7:37 pm - IP Man-Hash: 9342b2aa308e5
Keep your penis clean. Wash before you pee.
February 9th, 2008 at 7:57 pm - IP Man-Hash: d9438fe1c6108
@gwallan indeed. One should also wash before and after sex, which points to the importance of oral hygiene for women.
-wolfe
February 10th, 2008 at 2:52 am - IP Man-Hash: 7288b00e588db
Any doctor can tell you just how dirty the penis actually is. In fact, the area directly under the head often harbors ungodly amounts of bacteria…with or without recent vaginal encounters.
It sounds to me like you are all a bunch of dick obsessed males. That, in and of itself, is alright, but are you sure you’re heterosexual? Making references to vagina in such a manner leads most of us to believe otherwise.
February 10th, 2008 at 3:39 am - IP Man-Hash: 720a12647a390
Aside from being bullshit, I think you need a few lessons in anatomy so people understand what bullshit you’re attempting to talk about. Any urologist will tell you that the male genitals are particularly NOT prone to bacterial infection unless the man in question has the most grotesque personal habits, or has contracted an STD.
Who in fuck cares what you think? Did anyone ask you? Yet another worthless whore that feels upset by reality. The fact you even think we’re “dick obsessed” is based purely on your own obsession with the male appendage. Judging others after yourself is not valid argument nor rational assessment, but rather projection of your own character flaws.
You also speak for yourself in plural, as though pretending to be more than you are adds weight to your meaningless and trite observations. You might weigh as much as two normal people, but that does not make you an “us” or a “we” it just makes you fat.
So, because we do not worship vagina and speak honestly about how unclean most women’s poor habits of hygiene are, we must be gay, is your conclusion then? Just get the fuck off this website…
February 10th, 2008 at 11:27 am - IP Man-Hash: ae2b789fa969a
Yada yada…
Another ignorant Bitch that knows nothing. Go stick a clean dick in your nasty mouth and stroke a few by hand.
That is all you’re good for.
February 11th, 2008 at 2:48 am - IP Man-Hash: bfc36f5f2dfd2
Honestly I wash hands BEFORE peeing to touch my dick with clean hands. One should wash his dick or get it washed :) daily so it remains always clean.
February 12th, 2008 at 12:29 pm - IP Man-Hash: 17fdc200a9723
I always find it amusing how people place so much importance on sterility of the items we use. Would any of you want to drink raw sewage that had been sterilized through boiling? Simply because something’s sterile is not reason enough for me to allow it in my mouth.
I wash my hands after using the bathroom because I don’t want any trace of urine on my hands and it’s an convienent way to remove the cold virus from my fingers. Most colds are transfered from the people touching their face with fingers containing the virus. Periodic washings throughout the day remove many of them.
Oh, and Dick, -100 manpoints for watching CNN and another -200 for admitting it.
February 12th, 2008 at 12:58 pm - IP Man-Hash: c4d026b819ad4
Steve, I would like to call attention to the one degree of separation between me watching CNN and educating men about some broad’s awesome rack. I call that a Man Point reversal.
-Dick
February 15th, 2008 at 4:00 am - IP Man-Hash: 6625da8317686
Loss of manpoints for going to the doctor.