Valentine’s Bullshit 2008

Valentine’s Day is the natural extension of a sickness that has befouled the female race since the beginning of time. That sickness is called gimmie-ism: an insatiable hunger for free shit no matter what the context. If a woman sees it, she wants it and she doesn’t care how she gets it.

That’s why men wear neckties. They’re a subtle, visual reminder of The Penis.

Women are like zombies with romantic knick-knacks and other sentimental trash. Zombie pigs. No matter what the reason for it is, if it reeks of love and it’s in front of her, a woman will consume it with a maximum of grunting and moaning. Enter Valentine’s Day; a day that appeals to anyone who appreciates a gift given out of obligation and resent.

No woman would be as happy with the same gifts given on February 15th. Whatever percentage of happiness is lost is the exact percentage of “cunt” that woman is.

Fuck the “spirit of giving”. A woman would appreciate a gift pried out of your cold, dead hands. A woman would appreciate a gift pried out of the cold, dead hands of the child who mined it and mounted it on a ring. A woman would feel special at a wedding even if she was pregnant.

Every time you see a woman at a bar without a drink, know that she’s got a rampant case of gimmie-ism. She’ll die of thirst if someone doesn’t pay the requisite 10.50 plus tip for a chance to brush against one of her tits.

Enjoy these man Valentine’s Day cards and remember that Valentine’s Day is on Wednesday February 14th.