Dick spends a week manvestigating.

TERFs and Why Women Are So Fat

Posted in Manvestigations on February 18th, 2023

“It’s gotten so bad, a guy can’t even cut his own dick off without some bitch nagging him for it.”

It’s been years, fellows and gentlemen, and we’ve had a lot of wins in that time. Trump used the power of misogyny to defeat Hilary Clinton for US president and drove her back into the shadow/pedophile realm. Computers have replaced women with the power of computerized misogyny, creating boobs and thigh gaps that our ancestors could only dream of, threatening to upend the entire e-whore e-conomy of textual blue-balling and mass tit pics. And I have made several million dollars.

But it’s not all good news…

The world is on the brink of war because of women. A plague that happened because of women decimated the world’s economy and freedoms. Computers are being imprisoned by women and forced to usher in a dystopian feminist hell of doublespeak and naggery the likes of which civilization has never seen–nagging computers–and perhaps worst of all, women have gotten very, very fat.

But like a hippo in a one piece bathing suit with a shawl wrapped around her who won’t get in the pool even for a second because it’s “too cold” or she “just doesn’t like water” or she “just did her hair” even though it still looks like shit, they’re attempting to hide it. Let me explain.

“TERFs”, or “Trans-Exclusionary Radical Fatbodies”, is a new term that beleaguered men have invented to describe women who won’t leave them the fuck alone. Men who have been nagged to the limit, to within the last inch of their dicks, and just want to be listened to and paid attention to for once in their lives. So they become women themselves. Why would they do this? I don’t know. Perhaps some sort of liquor allergy or shouting inadequacy. Maybe just as a fuck you. I don’t know the reason, but I support it completely because men are doing it.

So what if I want to cut my dick off? It’s my dick. I’ll do whatever I want with it. If I want to throw it over my shoulder like a continental soldier and then break the female powerlifting record, I’ll do that. And then I’ll invent all inventions and maybe I’ll even allow some dozy broads to fly F-16s over the Super Bowl all by themselves. Doesn’t matter. It’s my body, my choice, something women would never understand.

Anyway, women claim that these “trans women” are invading their “woman spaces”. Shitting all over their bathrooms, taking their sports scholarships for sports nobody watches, flashing their boobs on Instagram and getting a reaction for it, basically getting attention and money from men that otherwise should rightfully belong to women. Men are the bankers of attention after all, and these trans women are robbing the robbers!

Well that’s all bullshit. The real reason is because women are so fat and they want to distract us from it.

Think about it. How many trans women have you actually seen in your life? Like five? It’s hard to tell because they actually put a lot of effort into how they look, unlike women who don’t even shower anymore. Now how many fat women have you seen? About a billion. One time, I saw a woman so fat that I couldn’t even see her because she blocked out the sun. I once saw a woman so fat, that I literally couldn’t look away from her. Her gravity was lensing all available light into her orbit and spitting it out in ever direction like the event horizon of a Fat Hole.

One time I saw a woman so fat, she had her own time zone just to fit in an extra meal. One time I saw a woman so fat, when she walked down the street every car alarm on the block would start going off. Not because she was so fat and making them go off with her foot steps, but because the cars were afraid of being eaten. One time I saw a woman so fat, when she was done eating lunch, it was already time for dinner, IN THE YEAR 3000 BECAUSE LUNCH TOOK 1,000 YEARS. One time I saw a woman so fat, I couldn’t tell if she was yelling at me or if her pussy turned sideways and learned how to talk.


TERFs are just mad that men are cutting their own balls off before women have the chance to do it to them. That’s women for you. Nagging computers created by Satan. If I want to play Harry Potter and cut my balls off and keep them in a jar, I’ll do it. I don’t need a woman’s permission. How about you mind your own business and lose some weight and stop making stupid decisions then maybe trans women won’t be such a big threat to your “gyms” you go to as a reward for two-fisting bags of Flaming Hot Cheetos. Maybe if women have such a big problem with it, they could grow a dick and invent a time machine and go back to 2005. Oh wait, they won’t because that’s impossible.

In short, don’t fall for women and their bigotry. TERFs exist to distract us men from the real issues in life:
1. Alimony is sex trafficking.
2. Women aren’t funny.
2. All women need to lose 30 pounds.

Yes, it has gone up.

Female Pioneers In Aviation

Posted in Manvestigations on December 12th, 2007

We’ve all heard of Paris Hilton and Lady Godiva — she was a noblewoman who rode naked on horseback through 11th century England in order to embarrass her husband, a shrewd businessman, for his oppressive road taxes.

Like self-esteem and a reputation that doesn’t involve the words “great” and “cocksucker”, roads don’t build themselves.

Or maybe her husband wasn’t taxing his people enough and that was Lady Godiva’s way of protesting the second grade silk she was forced to wipe her ass with. We’ve all seen women do far stupider things. I’ve seen a woman dump the contents of a cup all over herself because someone told her something was written on the bottom. I’ve seen a woman protest Hooters by screaming out in front of it with a huge fuck-off sign all day. That’s called Human Directional Advertising and if anyone ever needs a lesson on how to do it, ask that woman. I’ve never seen a Hooters so packed.

I’ve also seen a woman who thought she was a pilot! [Read more]

Fuck Women’s Sports: Part Fucking 3

Posted in Manvestigations on November 19th, 2007

Women’s newest complaint in the arena of sport is that their token female sideline commentators have to go into “icky” men’s locker rooms and see “gross” enormous wieners to get their jobs done.

A penny saved is a woman fired.

Between periods, pregnancies, and lawsuits, I’m surprised women have any time left in the workday to play Solitaire.

You’d never hear a male sports reporter complaining for easier access to female athletes. That’s because women athletes are disgusting wildebeests who should be hunted on safari and not seen, heard, or interviewed.

Fuck women’s sports. [Read more]

Personal Problems

Posted in Dick In Your Ear, Manvestigations on August 6th, 2007

Click below to get Dick in your Ear and listen to the podcast of this article.

Women who take out personal ads are some of the most damaged and desperate disasters walking the face of the Earth. For women with personal ads, free is too expensive, no sex is too much, and Armenian is the new black.

Personal ads are fine for men to have. Like most things, in the hands of men a personal ad can be both tasteful and hilarious. But like stripping, binge drinking, and voting, when women do it, it’s a sign of a major fucking problem.

For women, getting a date is like a man cleaning his bathroom. To get it done, all you have to do is lower your impossible standards, or drink enough to feel comfortable showing it to your friends. [Read more]

Women Are Ruining Strip Clubs: Part 2

Posted in Manvestigations on June 27th, 2007

Women wear lipstick and blush to simulate the increased blood flow in their faces during sex. They wear eye shadow so their eyes look bigger and their pupils more dilated — just like during sex. They wear necklaces to draw attention to their cleavage, which reminds men of the butt — sexually, and they grow their nails out to look easily rape-able.

What the fuck does a purse say about sex? I remembered to bring condoms?

Thanks for nothing. Condoms are stupid. [Read more]

Women are Ruining Strip Clubs: Part 1

Posted in Manvestigations on June 25th, 2007

If your shoes aren’t made of Lucite, stay the fuck out of my strip clubs.

All strip clubs are my strip clubs. I’m like that drunk guy in Braveheart.

It’s my island. [Read more]

The 300 Is Twice As Sensitive As I Am

Posted in Manvestigations on March 23rd, 2007

After seeing The 300 again, I’ve decided on what I find to be manliest feature of this film.

Anything a man needs to decide can be done in a maximum of five days. Men are better at deciding than women and I’ve just demonstrated this — with gusto. Women will spend six, ten, sometimes they spend their entire fucking lives deciding on the easiest of shit. And worse yet, after they’ve decided and done it, they’ll spend their entire lives re-deciding!

Then they’ll protest in front of abortion clinics. How silly.

The manliest part of The 300 is that the movie gives women a chance to shine. [Read more]

The 300 And Dead As a Man Nail

Posted in Manvestigations on March 21st, 2007

I was watching The 300 again last night and I realized something.

Boy was I right when I said The 300 is the most important movie any man will ever see in his life. In fact, I didn’t even know how right I was.

That happens to me all the time. [Read more]