Classic Dick

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The Podcast

Men Are Better Than Women
  • TERFs and Why Women Are So Fat
  • Tips for Gay Men on How to Avoid Gay Marriage
  • 10 Ways Women Ruin the Gym
  • Dick Masterson’s 2009 Man Challenge
  • Woman Astronaut Kills Everyone
  • Chauvinists Make More Money
  • There is Such a Thing as Bad Head
  • Women Caused the Subprime Meltdown
  • Helping a Fattie
  • Bachelor Parties vs. Bachelorette Bitchfests
  • The MABTW Tattoo
  • McCain and the VPILF
  • Dick Responds: The Mid-Wife Crisis
  • Sexual Harassment: Deal With It
  • Female Medics Are Deadly
  • Olympic Fuckery
  • Fat Women: Stay Home!
  • Top Ten Reasons Marriage is Stupid
  • Dick’s Voicemail #17
  • Dick’s Voicemail #16
  • Dick’s Voicemail #15
  • Dick’s Voicemail #14
  • Dick’s Voicemail #13
  • Dick’s Voicemail #12
  • Whore Sells House
  • Dick’s Voicemail #11
  • Dick’s Voicemail #10
  • MABTW Stickers vs. Amelia Earhart
  • Women Take Candy From Strangers
  • Dick in Marcus’ Corner
  • Fuck You, Eco-Cunts.
  • What About Teachers, Nurses, and Bank Tellers?
  • Happy Mammorial Day!
  • How A Woman Solves A Problem
  • Marriage Is A Business
  • Watch Out Pedestrians! It’s Danica Patrick!
  • Feminism Is A Business
  • TMZ Agrees With Me. Why Don’t You?
  • Size Matters
  • Dick’s Voicemail #9
  • Dick’s Voicemail #8
  • Happy Birthday. I Got You A ‘Settle the Fuck Down’.
  • Dick’s Voicemail #7
  • Dick’s Voicemail #6
  • Dick’s Voicemail #5
  • Dick’s Voicemail #4
  • Dick’s Voice Mail #3
  • Dick’s Voice Mail #2
  • Why Women Hate Sex With Me
  • Greatness Comes in Inches
  • The Blackberry: Releasing a Woman’s Inner Bitch
  • Dick’s Voice Mail #1
  • Better Together: The Dick and Maddox Man-Pack
  • Dick and Jack Lalanne: Together At Last
  • Men Love Commitment
  • Girl Bands Are Shit
  • Child-Man in the Promised Land: Response
  • A Case Study in Horizontal Success
  • Spitzer to American Women: Lighten the Fuck Up
  • It’s Just Coffee. Settle the Fuck Down.
  • Fat Women: Stop Emailing Me
  • The Etymology of Chivalry
  • Much Ado About Passing Out After Screwing
  • Dating: Why?
  • Dating: Who?
  • Dating: Where?
  • You’re a Peein’
  • Breaking the Law!
  • The Man Billboard — For Real
  • Screaming At Your Wife Is Good For You
  • Why Do Women Have Goofy Names for Their Vagina?
  • Valentine’s Bullshit 2008
  • Motive Means Nothing; or The Church of Feelings
  • Internet Dating is Sick and Wrong
  • Boys Turn to Tech, Girls Turn to Poundcake
  • American Gladiators
  • Anyone But Hillary 2008 Campaign Posters
  • Dick Masterson’s 2008 Man Challenge
  • Lynne Spears’ Parenting Book, Chapters 1-5
  • Women Could Be Great…
  • Dick Interviewed by WebmasterRadio.fm
  • Dick vs. Psychologist #2
  • Female Pioneers In Aviation
  • A Woman’s Version of Self-Reliance
  • Want to Know What a Million Looks Like? Ask a Man.
  • Cheating Army Wives Deserve the Death Penalty
  • Sterilizing for Mother Earth
  • Turkey Gobblers!
  • Fuck Women’s Sports: Part Fucking 3
  • Women Hate America.
  • Fat Girls Are Obsessed With Marriage
  • All Women Are Whores
  • Pregnancy Does Not Imply Equality
  • The Dick Guide: An Incompetent Truth
  • Whore-o-ween: Now For Kids!
  • Will a Prostitute Brush Your Teeth?
  • Ask Dick: What is a Donkey Punch?
  • The 2010 Man Capsule
  • Not On Fire? Thank A Man.
  • Ask Dick: My Girlfriend is Needy
  • The Evolution of Stupid
  • Old Men Are Saviors, Cougars Are Gross
  • WAS…LOL
  • Female Oppression: More Monkey Shit
  • Kevin Federline: Man Hero
  • Science Says: Women Are Miserable
  • Dick’s Book Club: The Taming of the Shrew
  • Just Because You Suck At Math, Doesn’t Mean You’re Good At Not-Math
  • The World is Round, Bitch
  • The Middle East Has Enough Problems As It Is
  • The Mind Of A Woman
  • Ask Dick: How Many Roads Must a Man Walk Down?
  • Violent Acres
  • Why Men Aren’t “Romantic”
  • Female Tourette’s Syndrome: Part 2
  • Female Tourettes Syndrome
  • Miss Teen USA is Functionally Retarded
  • Hocus Pocus: Women Are Dumb
  • Ask Dick: Who Can I Fuck?
  • Rape!
  • What’s On Oxygen At 11:30PM?
  • Children Are Not Pinatas
  • Voluntary Incompetence
  • Personal Problems
  • Antidepressants Are Depressing Me
  • The Disney Princesses Are Whores
  • Women Want To Fuck Squid
  • Simon Says: Men Are Better Than Women
  • Men Are Better Than Women…In Bed
  • 10 Reasons Why Watches Are So Manly
  • Women Don’t Want a Black Man in the White House
  • What Do You Call a Woman With Nowhere To Live?
  • Excuse Me, Waiter. I’ve Got A Woman in my Technology.
  • Luck Be A Lady Tomorrow, When I Don’t Need You
  • Life In A Cage
  • Dick’s Man Link Bonanza Contest!
  • Women Are Ruining Strip Clubs: Part 2
  • Women are Ruining Strip Clubs: Part 1
  • Dick’s Die Hard 4 Review
  • The Manliest Joke Ever Told
  • Manservation
  • Broken Glass, Broken Ass
  • Feelings Kill
  • Terrorism!
  • Ask Dick: Who’s The Manlier Role Model?
  • Win $50 During Female Literacy Month
  • Men Are Better In Bulk
  • American MANdol (Idol)
  • Men Won The 70’s
  • Cutting
  • Multi-Task? Don’t Make Me Multi-Laugh — Or Multi-Shit.
  • Mother’s Day: Big Whoop
  • The World’s Manliest Martini
  • Women Ruining Television
  • Vaginas Might Be Causing Global Warming
  • Columbo Is Better Than Murder She Wrote
  • How Is a “Lesbian” Like A Walrus?
  • MADD Can Go And Fuck Themselves
  • Alec Baldwin: Father of the Year
  • Women Still Suck At Computers
  • Fuck Women’s Sports: Part Fucking Two
  • Dick Goes To The Colbert Report
  • Women Invented Taxes: Part 2
  • Women Invented Taxes: Part 1
  • Women’s Blogs = Logs
  • Women Are The Special Olympics
  • Ask Dick: How Manly Was The Apollo 11 Mission?
  • Ask Dick: Has Feminism Affected Anything?
  • Ask Dick: Why is Prostitution Illegal?
  • The 300 Is Twice As Sensitive As I Am
  • The 300 And Dead As a Man Nail
  • The 300 And When Women Evolved Mouths
  • Ask Dick: Why Do Women Hate Porn?
  • Coach Was Filmed Before A Man Studio Audience
  • Ask Dick: Why Are Teenage Girls So Fucking Stupid?
  • Cocksucking Doesn’t Belong on a Resume
  • Women: Not As Dumb As They Act
  • Women Caused the War in Iraq
  • Double and a Half Jeopardy
  • Women Admit Defeat
  • Tennis Says Women Are Whores
  • Date Rape is a Myth
  • Women With Male Friends Are Delusional
  • Women Ruined Valentine’s Day
  • Let’s Talk Extended Warranty
  • One Small Step For A Woman. One Giant Leap Backwards for Womankind.
  • Myth: Men Never Break Up With Women
  • Sit? How High?
  • I’m Keeping My What With You?
  • What Do the Superbowl, Boxing, and Wrestling Have in Common?
  • Why Women Can’t Drive: Part 4?
  • Leave a Message After the Beep…Not a Fucking Monologue
  • Ask Dick: What’s The Deal With Transexuals?
  • Ask Dick: Should Women Be In the Marines?
  • Women: Homewreckers From Birth
  • Olympic Grilling in 2008
  • The Greatest Mother in America
  • Women Drink Wine Stupidly
  • All Women Are Worse Than Rapists
  • Women’s Vaginas Are Puke City
  • News Flash! Men Have Testicles!
  • Why Can’t Women Hook Up a VCR?
  • Shitting Is Awesome
  • No Fat Chicks
  • Florence Nightingale Was A Neurotic Pain in the Ass
  • Why Women Hate Sex: Part 3
  • Be Afraid of the Dentist. Be Very Afraid
  • Women Have Lead For Brains
  • Lesbians Are Faking It
  • Childbirth is Not a Big Deal
  • I Just Repealed the 19th Amendment
  • Who’s Afraid of the Manliest Man
  • Nicolas Cage – Lord of Men
  • Manly Man Men: Stephen Colbert
  • Steve Wynn – Man Hero
  • Miracle Cure for ED
  • Women Suck At Boardgames
  • Dick’s Top Ten Reasons Going Bald is Manly
  • Young Women Drivers are Still Women
  • All Women Hate Guns
  • Parking. Fuck Off.
  • Katie’s Revenge? Or Man Revenge
  • There’s Nothing to Wrong Except Wrong Itself
  • Rubber Ducky, Fuck You’re Slow
  • Use It Or Lose It — No Women In College
  • Yoga Is For Sluts
  • Dick’s Week of Honorary Men: Part 1
  • Women Feel Sorry For Lamps and Old Chairs and Shit
  • A Woman CTO? How About CT-No?
  • Women Hate Babies
  • Germain Greer is a Cunt (And a Whore) Part II
  • Germaine Greer is a Cunt
  • How Do I Deal With a Vegetarian?
  • Top Ten Reasons Men Are Better Than Women
  • All Women Are Whores Part III
  • The Missing Hen House Entrance
  • Men Are Man-Prettier Than Women
  • NOW Is Useless (And Fucking Old)
  • Fuck Marriage
  • Women Are eStupid
  • Women Know One Color. And It Looks Shitty On Them.
  • It’s a Bird, It’s a Plane, It’s…Invisible to Women!
  • Women Ruined Mel Gibson
  • Women Nurses Are Gross
  • Mommy Rage?
  • A Woman’s Shelf Life Is Not 30
  • Women Hate Boobs
  • Oprah Knows Shit About Shit
  • Expect the Unexpected…ly Stupid
  • Michelle Wie Is a Big Quitter Cry-Baby
  • When Women Should Shut the Fuck Up
  • Women Think Evolution And Eugenics Are the Same
  • Either Shut Up or Don’t — But Please Do
  • Women Stop Learning in 8th Grade
  • Britney Spears: Not Just Jailbat Anymore (Apparently)
  • Why Do Women Make Shitty Musicians?
  • Presto, Chango! Women Are Shitty Magicians
  • Women Are Killing Mankind
  • Measuring Up…Women Still Don’t
  • Women Are All White Power
  • Why Women Hate Sex: Part 2
  • But It Happened to Me! Who Fucking Cares?
  • Women’s Stories Have No Fucking Point
  • Women Are a Passport to Trouble
  • Are Those Catepillars on Your Face or Crayon?
  • Female Mosquitoes and Female Women are the Same
  • Never Ever Ever Ever Hire a Female Attorney
  • Manginas Are My Hero
  • If History is a Stage, Women are the Gum Under your Seat.
  • Heather Mills McCartney is a One-Legged Bitch
  • The Longest (And Most Annoying) Yard
  • The Heart of Darkness Should Have Been Called Golden Girls
  • Women are the Spleen of Civilization
  • More Fun With Prison — and Tyra Banks
  • The Institution of Marriage — Prison Style
  • An Evening With Dick: Part 1
  • Women Comment Here Because They Want to Fuck Me.
  • Truth in Manvertising
  • The Wife Contract. Absolute Perfection
  • The Sisterhood of Dumbness
  • MySpace is Full of Sluts and Whores
  • Maniversary Origins
  • But What’s the Alternative? Shipping Women Around in Crates?
  • More on Spelling — and Also Chlamydia.
  • Ignorance Is Not Cute
  • Women are a Drag, Man. Drag Man?
  • Rock the Vote, Don’t Tip the Vote Over
  • The Dating Blacklist and Other Stupid Ideas
  • Manstory 101
  • Caught Red Dildo’ed
  • Why Does My Mother Wear Army Boots?
  • Drunk Man Driving
  • Happy April Bitch’s Day!
  • Fuck Women’s Sports: Part Fucking I
  • Anorexia? Manorexia
  • Women Feel Sorry For Rapists
  • Women are Tight Asses
  • Can You Teach Useless?
  • Dick O’Masterson
  • 30 Feet of Awesome — The MABTW Billboard
  • 30 Feet of Stupid
  • Three Times the Lady, Once Times the Whore
  • Want to Help Women? Punch One in the Face
  • Justice is Blind — and Sleeping
  • The Umbrella of Dumbness
  • Women Suck Twice As Hard At Multitasking
  • Call Me Busy
  • All Women Are Whores Part II
  • Television, Syphilis, and Cats!
  • Winning Gold Fucking Medals
  • The Subconscious Man Brain
  • Cross Dressing in Hollywood
  • Who’s Walking Who?
  • Take My Car…Please! No Wait Don’t
  • If Only Money Could be Made Out of Chocolate
  • Pharma-do or Pharma-don’t?
  • Mommy Dearest
  • The Internal Ridiculous Service
  • Now You’re Talking Double Team
  • Big Fat Potatoes
  • A Scorching Case of Bullshit
  • The Pregnant Brain
  • Crossing the Fucking Street
  • Battery. It’s Not Just for Men, but it Should Be.
  • Card Carrying Slut?
  • Fighting the Good Fight
  • Measure Up…Which Women Don’t.
  • Kate O’Beirne to Feminism: Fuck You!
  • Obvious Penis Envy
  • Memoirs of a Prostitute. She’s a Fucking Prostitute.
  • The Signs of Dumbness
  • How To Shut a Woman Up
  • A Very Special MABTW
  • There’s No Such Thing As a Free Lunch
  • The Saving Grace
  • Killing Me Softly
  • Men Have Bouncier Brains
  • The Ubermensch
  • The L Word
  • The Cow Says…
  • Pilot Error
  • The Proof is in the Penguins
  • MIT’s New Fall Courses: Prostitution 101
  • Drive on Thru to the Other Side
  • Women are Obsessed with Men Being Obsessed with Sex
  • Say Green. Greeeen!
  • Every Woman is a Cheating Whore
  • Cleanliness is Onto Manliness
  • It’s All Downhill From Here
  • The Never Ending Story Part 3
  • The Crappiest Vault in the World
  • Pay, Pump, and Go.
  • Donde Esta El Common Fucking Courtesy?
  • There Are No Good Ways to Skin a Cat
  • I Got a Rock.
  • Men. The Safe Sex Sex.
  • Thespianism and the “Female Orgasm”
  • Mr. Knight’s Shining Armour Provided By Botany 500
  • That’ll Still Look Hot When You’re 80.
  • I Want To Be A Crack Whore When I Grow Up!
  • Still. Don’t Leave The Lights On.
  • Does This Girlfriend Come with a Gift Receipt?
  • Fool Me Once, Shame on Me
  • One Small Step for Man, One Enormous Step Backwards for Women
  • Man’s Real Best Friend
  • This Steak Is Overly Chartreuse
  • The Big O
  • 867-530…4?
  • Doctor? I Hardly Knew Her!
  • Women Would Vote for Hitler
  • You’re Not Pregnant? I Don’t Believe You
  • Keep The Camping To Purse Sales
  • One Cheeseburger, Please. Hold The Jibber Jabber.
  • Where’s Waldo’s Y Chromosome
  • Take Two Of These And Call Me Never
  • I’ll Take How To Fuck My Life Up For 1000, Alex.
  • The Second Step is Admitting It
  • Pets Are Not Children
  • The Verdict Is In…Or Is It?
  • Bobby Riggs: The Last Boy Scout
  • The Indianapolis 333 And A Third
  • If A Woman’s In The Ring, She Better Be Holding A Number
  • Are Women Smarter Than Horses?
  • There’s a Party in My Pants
  • Drunk Like a Fox
  • Pain in My Man Ass
  • Animal Farm
  • The Boob Tube
  • Marie Curie Deserves a Nobel Prize in Full of Shit
  • They Can Never Take Our Pimpdom
  • My Man Bag
  • Women Put the Guh in Google
  • Sports Are a Woman’s Best Friends. She Hates Them.
  • Vicarious Prostitute
  • Women Have Cooties
  • The Car Says…Vroom
  • Great. I Always Wanted A Mickey Mouse Tie
  • The Rule of Thumb
  • 3…2…1…We Have Bullshit!
  • Civil Servants, Civil Safety Hazzards
  • Curse Words Make Sugar-Plum Fairies Cry
  • The F Word
  • Women Are Really Good At Being Sarcastic
  • Weddings are Golden Toilets…Flush
  • Public Sperking…I Mean Speaking
  • There Goes the Judge
  • Women: Nurturers or Totally Irresponsible Sadists?
  • Women Are As Cold As An Ice Cold Beer
  • Cinderblock is to Comfortable as Women are to Clever
  • Give a Moose a Muffin, Women are Inconsiderate
  • Women Are So Anti-Gay It’s Not Even Funny
  • Men Are Eco-friendlier
  • Father’s Day: Trick or Treat?
  • The Booby Trap’s Cousin
  • Women are Wild for Wombs!
  • Equal Pay for Equal Backstabbing
  • Women Traded Cooking and Cleaning for Blowjobs
  • Knight to Pawn Four. Check and Bullshit.
  • Nature’s Filibuster
  • Dress For Failure Doesn’t Rhyme
  • G.I. Joke
  • Women + Math = Disaster
  • One in Three Women is Illiterate
  • Steel Magnolias Can Eat Shit.
  • There Should be a Women’s Olympics for Bitching.
  • Let’s Call a Spade a Spatula. Just to be Silly.
  • Cooking Up Trouble
  • Women suck at computers
  • Oil on the Brain
  • I cannot tell a lie…because I’m a man.
  • Driving me nuts.
  • Why women hate sex.
  • Women can’t spell
  • Space…the Male Frontier
  • A woman president? More like, no fucking way.
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    • Top Ten Reasons Men Are Better Than Women
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    • The F Word
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